1 00:01:02,760 --> 00:01:05,496 Hello. 2 00:01:05,496 --> 00:01:07,865 What? 3 00:01:07,865 --> 00:01:11,402 No, I don't work today. 4 00:01:11,402 --> 00:01:15,395 I'm playing hockey at 2:00. 5 00:01:16,240 --> 00:01:19,376 Why don't you call Randal? 6 00:01:19,376 --> 00:01:23,369 'Cause I'm fuckin' tired! 7 00:01:23,647 --> 00:01:26,917 I just closed last night. 8 00:01:26,917 --> 00:01:28,919 Jesus. 9 00:01:28,919 --> 00:01:32,912 What time do you think you're gonna come in, 12:00? 10 00:01:34,391 --> 00:01:37,328 Be there by 12:00? Where? 11 00:01:37,328 --> 00:01:40,831 Swear you'll be there by 12:00 and I'll do it. 12 00:01:40,831 --> 00:01:44,824 12:00, or I walk. 13 00:02:20,771 --> 00:02:24,775 ♪ It's a meaningless end To the story 14 00:02:24,775 --> 00:02:28,768 ♪ Got no time For the forgotten glory 15 00:02:29,013 --> 00:02:33,006 ♪ And now just When I know what I'm after 16 00:02:33,050 --> 00:02:37,043 ♪ It just brings me to laughter 17 00:02:37,087 --> 00:02:41,025 ♪ Just save up all your nickels and dimes 18 00:02:41,025 --> 00:02:45,018 ♪ Let's see what you find and you know 19 00:02:45,896 --> 00:02:49,889 ♪ I guess I'm livin' day to day 20 00:02:50,334 --> 00:02:54,327 ♪ Just in case you feel Led astray, hell, yeah 21 00:02:54,905 --> 00:02:58,898 ♪ I guess I'm livin' day to day Hear what I say, yeah 22 00:03:01,612 --> 00:03:05,605 ♪ Just save up All your nickels and dimes 23 00:03:05,849 --> 00:03:09,842 ♪ Let's see what you find and you know 24 00:03:18,329 --> 00:03:21,765 ♪ I'd just die for a piece Of that pie but 25 00:03:21,765 --> 00:03:25,758 ♪ I'll be glad to just feast On that pie crust 26 00:03:26,403 --> 00:03:30,107 ♪ And now just When I know what I'm after 27 00:03:30,107 --> 00:03:33,777 - ♪ It just brings me to laughter - Shit! 28 00:03:33,777 --> 00:03:37,770 ♪ Just save up All your nickels and dimes 29 00:03:38,382 --> 00:03:42,375 ♪ Let's see what you find And you know 30 00:03:43,454 --> 00:03:47,458 ♪ I guess I'm livin' day to day 31 00:03:47,458 --> 00:03:51,451 ♪ Just so glad to be led astray Hell, yeah 32 00:03:52,029 --> 00:03:54,798 ♪ I guess I'm livin' day to day 33 00:03:54,798 --> 00:03:57,167 ♪ Hear what I say 34 00:03:57,167 --> 00:04:01,160 ♪ Well 35 00:04:31,135 --> 00:04:35,128 ♪ It's a meaningless end To the story 36 00:04:35,606 --> 00:04:39,610 ♪ Got no time For the forgotten glory 37 00:04:39,610 --> 00:04:43,480 ♪ And now just When I know what I'm after 38 00:04:43,480 --> 00:04:47,473 ♪ It just brings me to laughter 39 00:04:47,951 --> 00:04:51,944 ♪ Just save up All your nickels and dimes 40 00:04:52,089 --> 00:04:56,082 ♪ Let's see what you find And you know 41 00:04:56,760 --> 00:05:00,764 ♪ I guess I'm livin' day to day 42 00:05:00,764 --> 00:05:04,757 ♪ Just hopin' to be led astray Hell, yeah 43 00:05:05,536 --> 00:05:08,038 ♪ I guess I'm livin' day to day 44 00:05:08,038 --> 00:05:11,775 ♪ Hear what I say Oh, yeah 45 00:05:11,775 --> 00:05:14,912 - ♪ Ooh- hoo ♪ - Thanks. Have a good one. 46 00:05:14,912 --> 00:05:17,247 - Do you mind if I drink this here? - Go ahead. 47 00:05:17,247 --> 00:05:20,784 - You open? - Yeah. 48 00:05:20,784 --> 00:05:23,520 - Pack of cigarettes. - Are you sure? 49 00:05:23,520 --> 00:05:25,789 - Am I sure? - Are you sure? 50 00:05:25,789 --> 00:05:28,926 - About what? - Do you really wanna buy those? 51 00:05:28,926 --> 00:05:31,662 - Are you serious? - How long you been smoking? 52 00:05:31,662 --> 00:05:34,531 - What is this, a poll? - How long you been a smoker? 53 00:05:34,531 --> 00:05:37,167 I don't know. Since I was about 13. 54 00:05:37,167 --> 00:05:40,471 Thirteen. Let's see, you're about 19, 20? 55 00:05:40,471 --> 00:05:43,841 - Am I right? - What in the hell is that? 56 00:05:43,841 --> 00:05:47,834 That's your lung. By this time, your lung looks like this. 57 00:05:48,479 --> 00:05:51,748 - You've gotta be shitting me. - You think I'm shitting you? 58 00:05:51,748 --> 00:05:54,184 - Here. - What's this? 59 00:05:54,184 --> 00:05:55,819 A trach ring. 60 00:05:55,819 --> 00:05:59,056 They install it in your throat when cancer takes your voice box. 61 00:05:59,056 --> 00:06:02,626 - This one came out of a 60-year-old man. - Oh, God! 62 00:06:02,626 --> 00:06:05,195 He smoked until the day he died. 63 00:06:05,195 --> 00:06:07,731 He used to put the cigarette in and smoke that way. 64 00:06:07,731 --> 00:06:10,100 - Excuse me, but... - This is where you're heading. 65 00:06:10,100 --> 00:06:12,903 Cruddy lung, smoking through a hole in your throat. 66 00:06:12,903 --> 00:06:15,772 - Do you want that? - If it's already too late, I guess... 67 00:06:15,772 --> 00:06:19,765 No, it's never too late. Put the cigarettes back, and try some gum instead. 68 00:06:20,744 --> 00:06:23,780 - Here. Chewlies gum. Try this. - It's not the same. 69 00:06:23,780 --> 00:06:27,217 It's cheaper than cigarettes, and it certainly beats this. 70 00:06:27,217 --> 00:06:30,988 - Oh, Jesus! - It's a picture of a cancer-ridden lung. 71 00:06:30,988 --> 00:06:33,056 Keep it. 72 00:06:33,056 --> 00:06:36,026 - I'll just take the gum. - Fifty five. 73 00:06:36,026 --> 00:06:40,019 You made a very wise choice. Keep up the good work. 74 00:06:41,732 --> 00:06:45,602 If you're gonna drink that coffee, I think you oughta take it outside. 75 00:06:45,602 --> 00:06:49,595 - I think I'll drink it in here. Thanks. - If you're gonna drink it here, 76 00:06:49,740 --> 00:06:52,175 I'd appreciate it if you don't bother the customers. 77 00:06:52,175 --> 00:06:56,168 Okay. I'm sorry about that. 78 00:06:56,914 --> 00:07:00,907 - Pack of cigarettes. What's that? - This? 79 00:07:01,184 --> 00:07:05,177 How long you been smoking? 80 00:07:06,957 --> 00:07:10,627 ♪ Kill the drummer 81 00:07:10,627 --> 00:07:14,620 ♪ Kill the bass player Kill both bass players 82 00:07:15,766 --> 00:07:19,336 ♪ This song is the reason Why I'm now going deaf ♪ 83 00:07:19,336 --> 00:07:23,329 Let's kick some ass! Yeah! 84 00:07:30,647 --> 00:07:33,584 I feel good today, Silent Bob. We're gonna make some money. 85 00:07:33,584 --> 00:07:36,587 Know what we're gonna do? Go to that party and get some pussy. 86 00:07:36,587 --> 00:07:40,580 I'm gonna fuck this bitch. I'll fuck anything that moves! 87 00:07:42,893 --> 00:07:45,596 What the fuck you lookin' at? I'll kick your fuckin' ass! 88 00:07:45,596 --> 00:07:48,899 Shit, yeah. Don't that motherfucker owe me ten bucks? 89 00:07:48,899 --> 00:07:52,892 Tonight we're going to rip off this fucker's head, take out his fuckin' soul. 90 00:07:53,303 --> 00:07:57,307 Remind me if he tries to buy something. I'm gonna shit in the motherfucker's bag. 91 00:07:57,307 --> 00:08:01,300 What's up, baby? What's up, sluts? 92 00:08:01,778 --> 00:08:04,948 Yeah. So, Bob, you're a rude motherfucker, you know that? 93 00:08:04,948 --> 00:08:08,318 You're cute as hell. I could go down on you, suck you, 94 00:08:08,318 --> 00:08:11,622 line up three other guys, make like a circus seal. 95 00:08:11,622 --> 00:08:14,791 Hey, you fucking faggot? I hate guys. 96 00:08:14,791 --> 00:08:17,127 I love women! 97 00:08:17,127 --> 00:08:19,930 What you want, Grizzly Adams? 98 00:08:19,930 --> 00:08:23,923 You're spending what, 20, maybe 30 dollars a week on your cigarettes? 99 00:08:24,101 --> 00:08:26,203 - Forty. - Fifty three. 100 00:08:26,203 --> 00:08:29,339 Fifty three dollars a week on cigarettes! Come on! 101 00:08:29,339 --> 00:08:32,075 Would you give somebody that much each week to kill you? 102 00:08:32,075 --> 00:08:36,068 That's what you're doing now by paying for this so called privilege to smoke! 103 00:08:36,279 --> 00:08:38,382 We're gonna croak sometime. 104 00:08:38,382 --> 00:08:42,375 It's that mentality that allows the cancer producing industry to thrive. 105 00:08:43,020 --> 00:08:47,013 Of course we're all gonna die someday! Do we have to pay for it? 106 00:08:47,157 --> 00:08:50,160 Do we have to throw hard earned dollars on the counter... 107 00:08:50,160 --> 00:08:53,163 and say, "Please, Mr. Merchant of Death, sir, please, 108 00:08:53,163 --> 00:08:56,299 "sell me something that will stink up my breath and clothes, 109 00:08:56,299 --> 00:08:59,403 - and fry my lungs!" - Now, wait a second. 110 00:08:59,403 --> 00:09:03,407 Here comes the speech about how he's just doing his job by following orders. 111 00:09:03,407 --> 00:09:07,310 Let me tell you about another group of hate mongers who followed orders. 112 00:09:07,310 --> 00:09:09,913 - Who's that? - They were called Nazis! 113 00:09:09,913 --> 00:09:11,815 - That's right. - Friggin' Nazi. 114 00:09:11,815 --> 00:09:14,317 They practically wiped an entire nation off the Earth, 115 00:09:14,317 --> 00:09:16,319 like your cigarettes are doing now! 116 00:09:16,319 --> 00:09:19,790 - I think you'd oughta leave. - You want me to leave. Why? 117 00:09:19,790 --> 00:09:23,783 'Cause somebody's telling it like it is, giving these fine people a wake up call? 118 00:09:25,128 --> 00:09:27,698 No, you're loitering and causing a disturbance. 119 00:09:27,698 --> 00:09:30,333 I'm a disturbance? You're the disturbance, pal. 120 00:09:30,333 --> 00:09:34,326 Here, now I am a customer. I'm gonna buy some Chewlies gum. 121 00:09:34,871 --> 00:09:38,442 I'm a customer engaged in a discussion with the other customers. 122 00:09:38,442 --> 00:09:41,311 - That's right. - Smoke my big fat cock! 123 00:09:41,311 --> 00:09:45,182 He's scared now 'cause he sees the threat we present. 124 00:09:45,182 --> 00:09:47,984 He smells the change is coming! 125 00:09:47,984 --> 00:09:51,788 You are the source in this area, and we're gonna shut you down for good! 126 00:09:51,788 --> 00:09:53,790 For good, cancer merchant! 127 00:09:53,790 --> 00:09:57,783 Cancer merchant! Cancer merchant! 128 00:10:01,331 --> 00:10:03,500 Who's leading this mob? 129 00:10:03,500 --> 00:10:06,837 That guy. 130 00:10:06,837 --> 00:10:10,830 Freeze! 131 00:10:15,345 --> 00:10:19,338 Let's see some credentials. Slowly! 132 00:10:22,052 --> 00:10:24,921 - You're a Chewlies gum representative? - Chewlies? 133 00:10:24,921 --> 00:10:28,914 You're stirring up anti-smoking sentiment to, what, sell more gum? 134 00:10:29,493 --> 00:10:32,796 Get out of here! 135 00:10:32,796 --> 00:10:36,800 And you people, don't you have jobs to go to? Get out of here. Go commute. 136 00:10:36,800 --> 00:10:40,804 You oughta be ashamed of yourselves. A bunch of easily led automatons. 137 00:10:40,804 --> 00:10:44,797 Try thinking for yourselves before you pelt an innocent man with cigarettes! 138 00:10:49,813 --> 00:10:53,806 Uh, pack of cigarettes? 139 00:11:01,158 --> 00:11:03,393 Don't you think you're taking this too hard? 140 00:11:03,393 --> 00:11:07,386 I have enough indignities in my life and people start throwing cigarettes at me. 141 00:11:08,365 --> 00:11:11,368 - At least they weren't lit. - I hate this fucking place. 142 00:11:11,368 --> 00:11:13,970 Then quit. You should be going to school anyway. 143 00:11:13,970 --> 00:11:16,239 Veronica, the last thing I need is a lecture. 144 00:11:16,239 --> 00:11:19,242 All I'm saying is, if you're that unhappy, you should leave. 145 00:11:19,242 --> 00:11:22,245 - I'm not even supposed to be here today! - I know. 146 00:11:22,245 --> 00:11:25,382 I stopped by your house. Your mom told me you left, at 6:00. 147 00:11:25,382 --> 00:11:28,251 The guy got sick. He couldn't come in. 148 00:11:28,251 --> 00:11:31,121 - Don't you have a hockey game at 2:00? - Yes. 149 00:11:31,121 --> 00:11:34,391 I'm gonna play like shit because I didn't have a good night's sleep. 150 00:11:34,391 --> 00:11:37,127 - Why'd you agree to come in? - I'm only here until 12:00. 151 00:11:37,127 --> 00:11:39,362 After that, I'm gone. The boss comes in. 152 00:11:39,362 --> 00:11:43,366 - Why don't you open the shutters? - Someone jammed gum in the locks. 153 00:11:43,366 --> 00:11:47,359 - You're kidding. - Bunch of savages in this town. 154 00:11:51,875 --> 00:11:55,378 - Thanks. - How much did you leave up there? 155 00:11:55,378 --> 00:11:58,415 Three dollars in mixed change and a couple of singles. 156 00:11:58,415 --> 00:12:01,384 This time in the morning, people just get a paper or coffee. 157 00:12:01,384 --> 00:12:04,087 - You're trusting. - Why do you say that? 158 00:12:04,087 --> 00:12:08,080 How do you know they're taking the right change or paying for what they take? 159 00:12:08,158 --> 00:12:10,961 Theoretically, people see money, no one around, 160 00:12:10,961 --> 00:12:12,963 they think they're being watched. 161 00:12:12,963 --> 00:12:15,098 Honesty through paranoia. 162 00:12:15,098 --> 00:12:17,234 Why do you smell like shoe polish? 163 00:12:17,234 --> 00:12:19,669 I needed shoe polish to make that sign out there. 164 00:12:19,669 --> 00:12:22,973 Smell won't come off. 165 00:12:22,973 --> 00:12:25,375 You think anybody can see us down here? 166 00:12:25,375 --> 00:12:27,410 Why, you wanna have sex or something? 167 00:12:27,410 --> 00:12:29,546 - Can we? - Really? 168 00:12:29,546 --> 00:12:32,682 - I was kidding. - Like you can't get enough of me. 169 00:12:32,682 --> 00:12:36,219 - Typically male point of view. - How do you figure? 170 00:12:36,219 --> 00:12:39,489 Show some bedroom proficiency, you think you're gods. 171 00:12:39,489 --> 00:12:41,925 - What about what we do for you? - Women? 172 00:12:41,925 --> 00:12:45,161 Women as lovers are basically the same. They just have to be there. 173 00:12:45,161 --> 00:12:46,263 Be there? 174 00:12:46,263 --> 00:12:49,099 Making a male climax isn't at all challenging. 175 00:12:49,099 --> 00:12:53,103 Insert somewhere close, preferably moist, thrust, repeat. 176 00:12:53,103 --> 00:12:55,105 How flattering. 177 00:12:55,105 --> 00:12:58,108 Now, making a woman come, therein lies a challenge. 178 00:12:58,108 --> 00:12:59,676 You think so? 179 00:12:59,676 --> 00:13:02,913 A woman makes a guy come, it's standard. 180 00:13:02,913 --> 00:13:05,448 A guy makes a woman come, it's talent. 181 00:13:05,448 --> 00:13:08,251 - And I actually date you? - Something wrong? 182 00:13:08,251 --> 00:13:12,244 I'm insulted. Believe me, Don Juan, it takes more than that to get a guy off. 183 00:13:12,656 --> 00:13:15,525 Just being there, as you put it, is not enough. 184 00:13:15,525 --> 00:13:17,060 I've touched a nerve. 185 00:13:17,060 --> 00:13:20,096 I'm astonished to hear you trivialize my role in our sex life. 186 00:13:20,096 --> 00:13:22,666 It wasn't directed at you. It's a broad generalization. 187 00:13:22,666 --> 00:13:25,268 You're making a generalization about broads. 188 00:13:25,268 --> 00:13:27,370 Those are my opinions based on the few women 189 00:13:27,370 --> 00:13:29,673 who were goodly enough to sleep with me. 190 00:13:29,673 --> 00:13:31,975 - How many? - How many what? 191 00:13:31,975 --> 00:13:34,611 How many different girls have you slept with? 192 00:13:34,611 --> 00:13:37,480 - Didn't we have this discussion before? - We might have. 193 00:13:37,480 --> 00:13:40,617 - I don't remember. How many? - Including you? 194 00:13:40,617 --> 00:13:43,353 It better be up to and including me. 195 00:13:43,353 --> 00:13:46,990 - Twelve. - You slept with 12 different girls? 196 00:13:46,990 --> 00:13:49,025 Including you? Yes. 197 00:13:49,025 --> 00:13:51,161 - Ow! What'd you do that for? - You're a pig! 198 00:13:51,161 --> 00:13:52,228 Why'd you hit me? 199 00:13:52,228 --> 00:13:54,230 Do you know how many men I've had sex with? 200 00:13:54,230 --> 00:13:56,700 - Do I get to hit you after you tell me? - Three. 201 00:13:56,700 --> 00:13:59,169 - Three? - Three, including you. 202 00:13:59,169 --> 00:14:00,971 You only slept with three people? 203 00:14:00,971 --> 00:14:02,973 - I'm not the pig you are. - Who? 204 00:14:02,973 --> 00:14:05,742 - You! - No, who are the three, besides me. 205 00:14:05,742 --> 00:14:09,112 - John Franson and Rob Stanslyk. - Wow. 206 00:14:09,112 --> 00:14:12,048 That's why you should feel like a pig. You men make me sick. 207 00:14:12,048 --> 00:14:15,685 - You'll sleep with anything that says yes. - Animal, mineral or vegetable. 208 00:14:15,685 --> 00:14:17,387 Vegetable, meaning paraplegic. 209 00:14:17,387 --> 00:14:19,656 They put up the least amount of struggle. 210 00:14:19,656 --> 00:14:22,392 After dropping a bombshell like that, you owe me big. 211 00:14:22,392 --> 00:14:23,994 Name it. 212 00:14:23,994 --> 00:14:25,996 I want you to come with me on Monday. 213 00:14:25,996 --> 00:14:27,364 - Where? - To school. 214 00:14:27,364 --> 00:14:30,633 There's a seminar about getting back into a scholastic program 215 00:14:30,633 --> 00:14:32,635 after a lapse in enrollment. 216 00:14:32,635 --> 00:14:34,637 Can't we have a discussion without that? 217 00:14:34,637 --> 00:14:36,339 It's important to me, Dante. 218 00:14:36,339 --> 00:14:39,109 You have so much potential going to waste in this pit. 219 00:14:39,109 --> 00:14:42,779 - I wish you'd go back to school. - Stop. You're making my head hurt. 220 00:14:42,779 --> 00:14:46,772 - Shit! Why're you getting up? - I have class in 45 minutes. 221 00:14:48,084 --> 00:14:50,086 Willam? 222 00:14:50,086 --> 00:14:52,589 Hey, Ronni. How you been, man? 223 00:14:52,589 --> 00:14:55,492 What, do you work here now? 224 00:14:55,492 --> 00:14:58,828 No, I was visiting my man. 225 00:14:58,828 --> 00:15:02,532 Dante, this is Willam Black. This is Dante Hicks, my boyfriend. 226 00:15:02,532 --> 00:15:06,525 - How you doing? Just the soda? - No, and a pack of cigarettes. 227 00:15:07,137 --> 00:15:11,130 So where you been, man? Still going to Seton Hall? 228 00:15:11,274 --> 00:15:15,267 No, I transferred into Monmouth this year. I was tired of missing him. 229 00:15:15,612 --> 00:15:18,848 That's beautiful, man. 230 00:15:18,848 --> 00:15:21,284 So, you still talk to Silvan? 231 00:15:21,284 --> 00:15:24,454 I just talked to her on Monday. We still hang out on weekends. 232 00:15:24,454 --> 00:15:26,456 Oh, that's great. 233 00:15:26,456 --> 00:15:30,360 Well, you two lovebirds take it easy, okay? 234 00:15:30,360 --> 00:15:33,396 Bye. Take it easy. 235 00:15:33,396 --> 00:15:37,200 - That was Snowball. - Why do you call him that? 236 00:15:37,200 --> 00:15:40,870 Silvan made it up. It's a blow job thing. 237 00:15:40,870 --> 00:15:42,872 What do you mean? 238 00:15:42,872 --> 00:15:46,543 After the blow job, he likes to have it spit back into his mouth while kissing. 239 00:15:46,543 --> 00:15:48,545 It's called snowballing. 240 00:15:48,545 --> 00:15:51,414 - He requests this? - He gets off on it. 241 00:15:51,414 --> 00:15:54,684 - Silvan can be talked into anything. - Why do you say that? 242 00:15:54,684 --> 00:15:57,287 Like you said, she snowballed him. 243 00:15:57,287 --> 00:16:01,280 - Silvan? No, I snowballed him. - Yeah, right. 244 00:16:01,424 --> 00:16:03,560 I'm serious. 245 00:16:03,560 --> 00:16:07,297 - You sucked that guy's dick? - Yeah. How do you think I knew... 246 00:16:07,297 --> 00:16:11,167 You said you had sex with three guys. You never mentioned him. 247 00:16:11,167 --> 00:16:13,870 - Because I never had sex with him. - You sucked his dick! 248 00:16:13,870 --> 00:16:16,873 We went out a few times. We never had sex, but we fooled around. 249 00:16:16,873 --> 00:16:20,176 Oh, my God. Why did you tell me you only had sex with three guys? 250 00:16:20,176 --> 00:16:22,579 Because I did only have sex with three guys. 251 00:16:22,579 --> 00:16:26,182 - Doesn't mean I didn't go with people. - I feel so nauseous. 252 00:16:26,182 --> 00:16:28,184 I'm sorry. I thought you understood. 253 00:16:28,184 --> 00:16:29,686 I did understand! 254 00:16:29,686 --> 00:16:32,689 That you had sex with three guys and that's all you said! 255 00:16:32,689 --> 00:16:34,691 - Please calm down. - How many? 256 00:16:34,691 --> 00:16:37,127 - How many dicks have you sucked? - Let it go! 257 00:16:37,127 --> 00:16:38,628 Shut up and I'll tell you. Jesus! 258 00:16:38,628 --> 00:16:41,498 I didn't freak out when you told me how many girls you fucked! 259 00:16:41,498 --> 00:16:45,491 This is different. This is important. How many? 260 00:16:55,411 --> 00:16:58,915 Well? 261 00:16:58,915 --> 00:17:02,908 - Something like 36. - What? Something like 36? 262 00:17:03,586 --> 00:17:06,422 - Lower your voice. - What is that? "Something like 36"? 263 00:17:06,422 --> 00:17:09,559 Does that include me? 264 00:17:09,559 --> 00:17:12,295 - Uh... 37. - I'm 37? 265 00:17:12,295 --> 00:17:15,565 - I'm going to class. - Oh, my God. 266 00:17:15,565 --> 00:17:19,558 - 37! My girlfriend sucked 37 dicks! - In a row? 267 00:17:19,802 --> 00:17:23,306 - Where you going? - Listen, jerk. Until today, you never knew 268 00:17:23,306 --> 00:17:26,176 how many guys I slept with because you never bothered to ask. 269 00:17:26,176 --> 00:17:29,879 You act all nonchalant about fucking 12 girls. I never had sex with 12 guys! 270 00:17:29,879 --> 00:17:32,515 - You sucked enough dick! - I went down on a few guys. 271 00:17:32,515 --> 00:17:35,552 - A few? - One was you. The last one, I might add. 272 00:17:35,552 --> 00:17:39,545 Which, if you're too stupid to comprehend, means I've been faithful since we met. 273 00:17:39,689 --> 00:17:43,560 All the others I went with before I met you. If you want to have a complex, go ahead. 274 00:17:43,560 --> 00:17:46,963 Don't look at me like the town whore, you were plenty busy before you met me. 275 00:17:46,963 --> 00:17:50,833 Why couldn't you sleep with them like any other decent person? 276 00:17:50,833 --> 00:17:52,835 Because going down isn't a big deal. 277 00:17:52,835 --> 00:17:55,838 I liked a guy, we'd make out, and I'd go down on him. 278 00:17:55,838 --> 00:17:58,708 - But I only had sex with the guys I loved. - I feel sick. 279 00:17:58,708 --> 00:18:00,610 I love you! Don't feel sick. 280 00:18:00,610 --> 00:18:03,213 Every time I kiss you, I'm gonna taste 36 other guys. 281 00:18:03,213 --> 00:18:05,949 I'm going to school. Maybe later you'll be more rational. 282 00:18:05,949 --> 00:18:09,942 - I'm 37! I just can't... - Goodbye, Dante! 283 00:18:11,287 --> 00:18:15,291 Hey, try not to suck any dick on the way through the parking lot! 284 00:18:15,291 --> 00:18:19,284 Hey! Hey, you! Get back here. 285 00:18:22,865 --> 00:18:26,858 I thought that place was supposed to be open at 11:00. It's 11:20. 286 00:18:27,737 --> 00:18:31,274 I've already called his house twice. He'll be here soon. 287 00:18:31,274 --> 00:18:34,811 Hey, it's not like it's a demanding job over there. 288 00:18:34,811 --> 00:18:37,547 I'd like to get paid to sit on my ass and watch TV. 289 00:18:37,547 --> 00:18:40,550 I walked in the other day, that son of a bitch was sleeping. 290 00:18:40,550 --> 00:18:43,419 - I'm sure he wasn't sleeping. - Are you calling me a liar? 291 00:18:43,419 --> 00:18:47,357 - Are you calling me a liar? - No! He was probably resting his eyes. 292 00:18:47,357 --> 00:18:49,692 What the hell is that, "resting his eyes"? 293 00:18:49,692 --> 00:18:53,630 - Like he's some air traffic controller? - Actually, that's his night job. 294 00:18:53,630 --> 00:18:57,066 Wise ass too, huh? Go ahead. Keep cracking wise. 295 00:18:57,066 --> 00:19:00,570 That's why you jockey a register in some fuckin' convenience store 296 00:19:00,570 --> 00:19:02,839 instead of working at a steady job. 297 00:19:02,839 --> 00:19:06,709 I've got no time to bullshit around, waiting for that son of a bitch. 298 00:19:06,709 --> 00:19:08,811 Make sure he gets that. 299 00:19:08,811 --> 00:19:12,804 The number's 812. My name's Wynarski. I wanted a movie tonight. 300 00:19:13,483 --> 00:19:15,985 If you tell me the movie title, he'll hold it for you. 301 00:19:15,985 --> 00:19:19,978 Don't hurt yourself, buddy. I'll go to Big Choice Video instead. 302 00:19:25,328 --> 00:19:29,321 You forgot your keys. 303 00:19:39,108 --> 00:19:42,545 - Guy ain't here yet. - You're kidding! It's almost 11:30. 304 00:19:42,545 --> 00:19:46,538 - I've been here since 11:00. - I hate it when I can't rent videos! 305 00:19:47,550 --> 00:19:50,820 I would've went to Big Choice, but the tape I want is on that wall. 306 00:19:50,820 --> 00:19:52,922 - Really? Which one? - Dental School. 307 00:19:52,922 --> 00:19:55,558 You came for that too? That's the movie I came for. 308 00:19:55,558 --> 00:19:57,560 - I have first dibs. - Says who? 309 00:19:57,560 --> 00:20:00,830 Says me. I've been here half an hour. I'd call that first dibs. 310 00:20:00,830 --> 00:20:04,567 - Ain't gonna happen. I'm getting it. - Like hell you are. 311 00:20:04,567 --> 00:20:07,136 I'll bet you 20 bucks you don't get to rent that tape. 312 00:20:07,136 --> 00:20:09,138 - Twenty bucks? - Twenty bucks. 313 00:20:09,138 --> 00:20:13,131 All right, asshole. You're on. 314 00:20:29,025 --> 00:20:30,727 You're late. 315 00:20:30,727 --> 00:20:34,030 - What are you doing here? - The boss called. Arthur fell ill. 316 00:20:34,030 --> 00:20:37,066 - Why are the shutters closed? - Someone jammed gum in the locks. 317 00:20:37,066 --> 00:20:39,736 - Bunch of savages in this town. - That's what I said. 318 00:20:39,736 --> 00:20:43,005 If I'd known you were here, I'd have come even later. 319 00:20:43,005 --> 00:20:46,998 - What smells like shoe polish? - Go open the store. 320 00:20:50,012 --> 00:20:54,005 - Hey, you see a set of keys around here? - No time for love, Dr. Jones. 321 00:20:55,818 --> 00:20:59,811 Fucking kids. 322 00:21:19,642 --> 00:21:22,445 Some guy just came in refusing to pay late fees. 323 00:21:22,445 --> 00:21:26,048 Said the store was closed for two hours yesterday. I tore up his membership. 324 00:21:26,048 --> 00:21:27,650 Shocking abuse of authority. 325 00:21:27,650 --> 00:21:30,620 I'm a firm believer in the philosophy of a ruling class, 326 00:21:30,620 --> 00:21:32,054 especially since I rule. 327 00:21:32,054 --> 00:21:35,892 - Want something to drink? - No, thanks. 328 00:21:35,892 --> 00:21:38,161 Who was on your phone this morning, like, 2:30? 329 00:21:38,161 --> 00:21:40,530 - I was trying to call for half an hour. - Why? 330 00:21:40,530 --> 00:21:44,523 I wanted to use your car. Snack cake. 331 00:21:45,101 --> 00:21:46,169 You don't wanna know. 332 00:21:46,169 --> 00:21:48,171 - You call Caitlin again? - She called me. 333 00:21:48,171 --> 00:21:51,607 - You tell Veronica? - One fight a day is all I can stomach. 334 00:21:51,607 --> 00:21:54,544 - What do you fight about? - We don't fight about anything. 335 00:21:54,544 --> 00:21:57,713 She wants me to leave here, go back to school, get some direction. 336 00:21:57,713 --> 00:22:00,249 I bet the most frequent topic of argument is Caitlin. 337 00:22:00,249 --> 00:22:02,718 - You win. - I'm going to offer you some advice. 338 00:22:02,718 --> 00:22:06,622 Let the past be the past. Forget Caitlin. You been with Veronica how long? 339 00:22:06,622 --> 00:22:08,891 - Seven months. - Chick's nuts about you. 340 00:22:08,891 --> 00:22:10,993 - How long you date Caitlin? - Five years. 341 00:22:10,993 --> 00:22:13,629 Chick made you nuts. She cheated on you how many times? 342 00:22:13,629 --> 00:22:15,631 - Eight and a half. - Eight and a half? 343 00:22:15,631 --> 00:22:18,968 Party at John Kay's, senior year. I pass out in his bedroom. 344 00:22:18,968 --> 00:22:21,771 - Caitlin jumps all over me. - So that's cheating? 345 00:22:21,771 --> 00:22:25,208 - In the middle of it she called me Brad. - She called you Brad? 346 00:22:25,208 --> 00:22:28,077 That's not cheating. People say crazy shit during sex. 347 00:22:28,077 --> 00:22:31,214 - One time, I called this girl "mom." - I hit the light, she freaks. 348 00:22:31,214 --> 00:22:33,783 - She thought I was Brad Michaelson. - What? 349 00:22:33,783 --> 00:22:37,019 She was supposed to meet Brad in a dark room. Picked the wrong one. 350 00:22:37,019 --> 00:22:39,155 - She didn't know I was at the party. - God. 351 00:22:39,155 --> 00:22:41,757 - Great story, huh? - That girl was vile to you. 352 00:22:41,757 --> 00:22:45,027 Interesting postscript. Know who wound up in there with Brad? 353 00:22:45,027 --> 00:22:46,696 - Your mother? - Alan Harris. 354 00:22:46,696 --> 00:22:50,099 - Chess team Alan Harris? - The two moved to Idaho together. 355 00:22:50,099 --> 00:22:51,167 They raise sheep. 356 00:22:51,167 --> 00:22:53,903 - Frightening. - Different strokes to move the world. 357 00:22:53,903 --> 00:22:57,707 I don't see how you could romanticize your relationship with Caitlin. 358 00:22:57,707 --> 00:23:00,576 She broke your heart and drove men to deviant lifestyles. 359 00:23:00,576 --> 00:23:02,612 - There was a lot of good. - Oh, yeah? 360 00:23:02,612 --> 00:23:04,914 Aside from the cheating, we were a great couple. 361 00:23:04,914 --> 00:23:08,618 That's what high school was about. Algebra, bad lunch and infidelity. 362 00:23:08,618 --> 00:23:11,187 - Think things will be different this time? - They are. 363 00:23:11,187 --> 00:23:14,624 When she calls me now, she's different. Frightened, vulnerable. 364 00:23:14,624 --> 00:23:18,094 She's finishing college and about to enter the real world. 365 00:23:18,094 --> 00:23:20,830 - Shit, I gotta place an order. - Talkin' to myself. 366 00:23:20,830 --> 00:23:24,634 - I'm listening. She's leaving college? - And she's looking for support. 367 00:23:24,634 --> 00:23:26,936 This is leading our relationship to a new level. 368 00:23:26,936 --> 00:23:28,070 What about Veronica? 369 00:23:28,070 --> 00:23:31,073 The arguments Veronica and I have are a manifestation 370 00:23:31,073 --> 00:23:33,209 of a subconscious desire to break up, 371 00:23:33,209 --> 00:23:35,778 to pursue a meaningful relationship with Caitlin. 372 00:23:35,778 --> 00:23:38,614 - Caitlin's on the same wavelength? - It's safe to say yes. 373 00:23:38,614 --> 00:23:41,751 - I think all four of you better talk it over. - All four? 374 00:23:41,751 --> 00:23:45,744 You, Veronica, Caitlin and Caitlin's fiancé. 375 00:23:55,164 --> 00:23:59,035 - Do you sell video tapes? - Yeah. What are you looking for? 376 00:23:59,035 --> 00:24:02,171 - Happy Scrappy Hero Pup. - Uh, one second. 377 00:24:02,171 --> 00:24:05,775 I'm on with the distribution house. Let me make sure they got it. 378 00:24:05,775 --> 00:24:08,611 - What's it called again? - Happy Scrappy Hero Pup. 379 00:24:08,611 --> 00:24:10,646 - Happy Scrappy... - She loves it. 380 00:24:10,646 --> 00:24:12,782 Obviously. 381 00:24:12,782 --> 00:24:16,775 This is RST Video calling. Customer number 4352. 382 00:24:16,919 --> 00:24:19,188 I'd like to place an order. 383 00:24:19,188 --> 00:24:21,624 I need one each of the following tapes: 384 00:24:21,624 --> 00:24:23,793 Whispers In The Wind, To Each His Own, 385 00:24:23,793 --> 00:24:26,996 Put It Where It Doesn't Belong, My Pipes Need Cleaning, 386 00:24:26,996 --> 00:24:30,299 All Tit Fucking Volume Eight, I Need Your Cock, 387 00:24:30,299 --> 00:24:33,869 Ass Worshipping Rim Jobbers, My Cunt And Eight Shafts, 388 00:24:33,869 --> 00:24:37,862 Cum Clean, Cum Gargling Naked Sluts, Cum Buns III, 389 00:24:38,174 --> 00:24:41,110 Cumming In Socks, Cum On Ilene, 390 00:24:41,110 --> 00:24:43,279 Huge Black Cocks with Pearly White Cum, 391 00:24:43,279 --> 00:24:46,148 Girls Who Crave Cock, Girls Who Crave Cunt, 392 00:24:46,148 --> 00:24:49,986 Men Alone II: The KY Connection, Pink Pussy Lips, 393 00:24:49,986 --> 00:24:53,122 oh, yeah, and All Holes Filled with Hard Cock. 394 00:24:53,122 --> 00:24:57,115 Yup. Oh, wait a minute. What was that called again? 395 00:24:57,193 --> 00:24:58,861 ♪ I'm a needle, you know 396 00:24:58,861 --> 00:25:02,854 ♪ Never want to be a haystack 397 00:25:03,399 --> 00:25:06,836 ♪ Don't ever want to break Your heart in two 398 00:25:06,836 --> 00:25:10,406 ♪ Know the crowd Is gonna sell their soul 399 00:25:10,406 --> 00:25:13,709 ♪ Take it anywhere I know Well, I promise you 400 00:25:13,709 --> 00:25:17,702 ♪ It's making me sick ♪ 401 00:25:17,847 --> 00:25:20,816 Yes, I'd like to check on a misprint in today's edition. 402 00:25:20,816 --> 00:25:23,019 Today's edition. 403 00:25:23,019 --> 00:25:26,856 It says, "Bree to wed Asian design major." 404 00:25:26,856 --> 00:25:28,858 No, everything's spelled fine. 405 00:25:28,858 --> 00:25:32,094 I was just wondering if the article was a misprint. 406 00:25:32,094 --> 00:25:34,897 I don't know, a typographical error or something. 407 00:25:34,897 --> 00:25:38,890 Maybe it should say, "Caitlin Bray" or "Caitlin Bre" with one "e." 408 00:25:39,769 --> 00:25:43,762 I'm a curious party. A curious party. 409 00:25:44,674 --> 00:25:46,409 I'm an ex- boyfriend, and... 410 00:25:46,409 --> 00:25:49,979 I talk to her all the time and she never mentioned this engagement. 411 00:25:49,979 --> 00:25:53,972 That's why I'm thinking maybe it's a misprint. 412 00:25:54,684 --> 00:25:58,677 Are you sure? Maybe there's a vindictive printer working for you. 413 00:25:59,722 --> 00:26:03,715 Meaning like, someone who asked her out once and got shot down, 414 00:26:03,859 --> 00:26:07,852 and this is his revenge by putting this bogus article in the paper. 415 00:26:08,364 --> 00:26:12,357 Hello. Hello? 416 00:26:19,975 --> 00:26:23,879 I don't care if she's my cousin, I'm gonna knock those boots again tonight. 417 00:26:23,879 --> 00:26:27,383 - Look. The fuckin' human vacuum. - Scumbag, what are you doing? 418 00:26:27,383 --> 00:26:30,419 - Hanging with Silent Bob and his cousin. - He's your cousin? 419 00:26:30,419 --> 00:26:32,722 - He's from Russia too. - No way. 420 00:26:32,722 --> 00:26:36,525 - What part of Russia? - Do I look like his fuckin' biographer? 421 00:26:36,525 --> 00:26:40,518 - Olaf, what part of Russia are you from? - Moscow. 422 00:26:40,963 --> 00:26:44,967 - He only speaks Russian? - He speaks some English, but not good. 423 00:26:44,967 --> 00:26:48,104 - Is he staying here? - He's moving to the big city this week. 424 00:26:48,104 --> 00:26:50,372 - He wants to be a metal singer. - No way. 425 00:26:50,372 --> 00:26:53,109 I swear. Olaf, metal. 426 00:26:53,109 --> 00:26:56,979 That's his fucking metal face. Olaf, girl nice? 427 00:26:56,979 --> 00:26:59,749 That's fucked up, man. 428 00:26:59,749 --> 00:27:03,119 - What did he say? - I don't know, but this guy's a character. 429 00:27:03,119 --> 00:27:06,255 - He really wants to play metal? - He's got his own band in Moscow. 430 00:27:06,255 --> 00:27:09,992 - Called "Fuck Your Yankee Blue Jeans". - That doesn't sound metal. 431 00:27:09,992 --> 00:27:13,262 You gotta hear him sing. Olaf, "Berserker." 432 00:27:13,262 --> 00:27:17,133 - Come on, man, "Berserker"! - Does he sing in English or Russian? 433 00:27:17,133 --> 00:27:21,126 In English. Come on, "Berserker." Girls think sexy. 434 00:27:21,570 --> 00:27:25,341 - Aah. Aah. - Watch, he's gonna sing it. It's too funny. 435 00:27:25,341 --> 00:27:29,334 ♪ My love for you Is like a truck, berserker 436 00:27:30,079 --> 00:27:34,072 ♪ Would you like Some making fuck, berserker ♪ 437 00:27:34,283 --> 00:27:37,486 - That's fuckin' funny, man. - Did he say, "making fuck"? 438 00:27:58,107 --> 00:28:02,100 ♪ My love for you Is ticking clock, berserker 439 00:28:02,578 --> 00:28:06,571 ♪ Would you like To suck my cock, berserker ♪ 440 00:28:07,583 --> 00:28:11,576 That's beautiful, man. 441 00:28:14,290 --> 00:28:17,259 Hold on to the counter and I'll pull. 442 00:28:17,259 --> 00:28:20,429 Usually I just turn the can upside down. 443 00:28:20,429 --> 00:28:22,998 Maybe we oughta soap your hand up. 444 00:28:22,998 --> 00:28:26,268 They ought to put a warning on these, like with cigarettes. 445 00:28:26,268 --> 00:28:30,261 I think it's coming! 446 00:28:31,140 --> 00:28:34,577 Thanks. I thought I was going to have to go to the hospital. 447 00:28:34,577 --> 00:28:37,379 I'll throw this out as a precautionary measure. 448 00:28:37,379 --> 00:28:39,648 Stings a little. 449 00:28:39,648 --> 00:28:43,641 A word of advice. Sometimes you got to let those hard-to-reach chips go. 450 00:28:44,019 --> 00:28:47,656 Thanks. 451 00:28:47,656 --> 00:28:50,960 That article's accurate. Caitlin really is getting married. 452 00:28:50,960 --> 00:28:54,263 - Know what I just watched? - Me pulling a can off some moron's fist? 453 00:28:54,263 --> 00:28:55,631 Return Of The Jedi. 454 00:28:55,631 --> 00:28:59,068 Didn't you hear me? Caitlin is really getting married. 455 00:28:59,068 --> 00:29:02,938 What did you like better? Jedi or The Empire Strikes Back? 456 00:29:02,938 --> 00:29:05,975 - Empire. - Blasphemy. 457 00:29:05,975 --> 00:29:07,977 Empire had the better ending. 458 00:29:07,977 --> 00:29:11,413 Luke gets his hand cut off, finds out Vader's his father. 459 00:29:11,413 --> 00:29:14,984 Han gets frozen, taken away by Boba Fett. It ends on such a down note. 460 00:29:14,984 --> 00:29:18,420 I mean, that's what life is a series of down endings. 461 00:29:18,420 --> 00:29:20,956 All Jedi had was a bunch of muppets. 462 00:29:20,956 --> 00:29:24,426 There was something else going on in Jedi. I never noticed it 'til today. 463 00:29:24,426 --> 00:29:26,462 They build another Death Star, right? 464 00:29:26,462 --> 00:29:29,999 The first one was fully operational before the rebels destroyed it. 465 00:29:29,999 --> 00:29:32,134 Luke blew it up. Give credit. 466 00:29:32,134 --> 00:29:34,470 The second one was being built when they blew it up. 467 00:29:34,470 --> 00:29:36,238 Compliments of Lando Calrissian. 468 00:29:36,238 --> 00:29:38,974 Something never sat right with me that second time. 469 00:29:38,974 --> 00:29:41,644 I couldn't put my finger on it. Something wasn't right. 470 00:29:41,644 --> 00:29:43,045 And you figured it out. 471 00:29:43,045 --> 00:29:45,614 The first Death Star was manned by the lmperial Army. 472 00:29:45,614 --> 00:29:49,318 The only people on board were Storm Troopers, dignitaries, lmperialists. 473 00:29:49,318 --> 00:29:50,386 Basically. 474 00:29:50,386 --> 00:29:53,188 So when they blew it up, no problem. Evil's punished. 475 00:29:53,188 --> 00:29:56,992 - And the second time around? - It wasn't even done being built yet. 476 00:29:56,992 --> 00:29:59,261 - It was still under construction. - So? 477 00:29:59,261 --> 00:30:01,630 A job of that magnitude would require 478 00:30:01,630 --> 00:30:04,700 a lot more manpower than the lmperial Army had to offer. 479 00:30:04,700 --> 00:30:07,536 I'll bet they brought independent contractors in. 480 00:30:07,536 --> 00:30:10,406 - Plumbers, roofers... - Not just lmperialists. 481 00:30:10,406 --> 00:30:13,509 - Is that what you're getting at? - To get it built quickly, 482 00:30:13,509 --> 00:30:15,611 they'd hire anybody that could do the job. 483 00:30:15,611 --> 00:30:18,480 Think the average Storm Trooper can install a toilet main? 484 00:30:18,480 --> 00:30:22,473 - All they know is killing. - So they bring in independent contractors. 485 00:30:23,152 --> 00:30:27,145 - Why are you so upset. - All those contractors brought in are killed. 486 00:30:28,157 --> 00:30:30,993 Casualties of a war they had nothing to do with. 487 00:30:30,993 --> 00:30:34,986 Look, you're a roofer. Some juicy government contract comes your way. 488 00:30:35,230 --> 00:30:38,167 You got a wife and kids, the two-story in suburbia. 489 00:30:38,167 --> 00:30:41,303 This is a government contract which means all sorts of benefits. 490 00:30:41,303 --> 00:30:45,296 Along come these militants who blast everything within a three-mile radius. 491 00:30:45,507 --> 00:30:48,177 You didn't ask for that. You had no personal politics. 492 00:30:48,177 --> 00:30:51,313 - You're trying to scrape out a living. - I don't mean to interrupt, 493 00:30:51,313 --> 00:30:54,316 - what are you talking about? - The ending of Return Of The Jedi. 494 00:30:54,316 --> 00:30:55,651 He's trying to convince me 495 00:30:55,651 --> 00:30:59,121 that any independent contractors working on the Death Star 496 00:30:59,121 --> 00:31:01,690 were innocent victims when it was destroyed. 497 00:31:01,690 --> 00:31:04,460 I'm a contractor myself. I'm a roofer. 498 00:31:04,460 --> 00:31:06,462 "Done And Ready Home lmprovements." 499 00:31:06,462 --> 00:31:09,732 Speaking as a roofer, I can tell you a roofer's personal politics 500 00:31:09,732 --> 00:31:13,035 - comes into play when choosing jobs. - Like when? 501 00:31:13,035 --> 00:31:16,472 Three weeks ago, I was offered a job up in the hills. Beautiful house. 502 00:31:16,472 --> 00:31:19,475 Tons of property. A simple re-shingling job. 503 00:31:19,475 --> 00:31:23,212 They told me if I could finish it in one day, I would double my price. 504 00:31:23,212 --> 00:31:26,048 - Then I realized whose house it was. - Whose was it? 505 00:31:26,048 --> 00:31:30,052 - Dominic Bambino's. - Babyface Bambino? The gangster? 506 00:31:30,052 --> 00:31:34,056 The same! The money was right, but the risk was too high. 507 00:31:34,056 --> 00:31:38,049 I knew who he was, and based on that, I turned the job over to a friend. 508 00:31:38,160 --> 00:31:40,696 - Based on personal politics. - Right! 509 00:31:40,696 --> 00:31:44,689 The next week, the Foresci family put a hit on Babyface's house. 510 00:31:45,167 --> 00:31:48,537 My friend was shot and killed. Didn't even finish re-shingling. 511 00:31:48,537 --> 00:31:49,705 No way. 512 00:31:49,705 --> 00:31:53,698 I'm alive because I knew the risk involved in that particular client. 513 00:31:53,809 --> 00:31:55,811 My friend wasn't so lucky. 514 00:31:55,811 --> 00:31:59,804 Any contractor working on that Death Star knew the risk involved. 515 00:32:00,082 --> 00:32:02,651 If they got killed, it's their own fault. 516 00:32:02,651 --> 00:32:06,644 A roofer listens to this, not his wallet. 517 00:32:16,065 --> 00:32:20,058 They say so much, but they never tell you if it's any good. 518 00:32:23,338 --> 00:32:26,608 Are either one of these any good? 519 00:32:26,608 --> 00:32:28,610 - Sir? - What? 520 00:32:28,610 --> 00:32:32,481 - Are either one of these any good? - I don't watch movies. 521 00:32:32,481 --> 00:32:35,851 Well, have you heard anything about either one of them? 522 00:32:35,851 --> 00:32:39,288 I find it's best to stay out of other people's affairs. 523 00:32:39,288 --> 00:32:43,292 You mean you haven't heard anybody say anything about either one of these? 524 00:32:43,292 --> 00:32:45,294 Nope. 525 00:32:49,364 --> 00:32:52,734 - Well, what about these two? - They suck. 526 00:32:52,734 --> 00:32:56,305 These are the same two movies. 527 00:32:56,305 --> 00:32:59,741 - You weren't paying any attention. - No, I wasn't. 528 00:32:59,741 --> 00:33:02,211 I don't think your manager would appreciate... 529 00:33:02,211 --> 00:33:05,447 - I don't appreciate your ruse, ma'am. - I beg your pardon? 530 00:33:05,447 --> 00:33:09,184 Your ruse. Your cunning attempt to trick me. 531 00:33:09,184 --> 00:33:13,177 I was only pointing out that you weren't paying any attention. 532 00:33:13,455 --> 00:33:15,457 And I hope it feels good. 533 00:33:15,457 --> 00:33:18,727 - You hope what feels good? - I hope it feels so good to be right. 534 00:33:18,727 --> 00:33:21,230 Nothing's more exhilarating than pointing out 535 00:33:21,230 --> 00:33:23,198 the shortcomings of others, is there? 536 00:33:23,198 --> 00:33:26,468 Well, this is the last time I rent here! 537 00:33:26,468 --> 00:33:30,461 - You will be missed. - Screw you! 538 00:33:31,840 --> 00:33:35,833 - You're not allowed to rent here anymore! - Yeah! 539 00:33:36,445 --> 00:33:40,438 Screw me? 540 00:33:51,293 --> 00:33:53,896 You'll never believe what this unruly customer said. 541 00:33:53,896 --> 00:33:55,531 - Wait. - She in here? 542 00:33:55,531 --> 00:33:57,666 This guy's going through all the eggs. 543 00:33:57,666 --> 00:33:59,968 This has been going on for 20 minutes now. 544 00:33:59,968 --> 00:34:02,938 - What's he looking for? - Said he has to find the perfect dozen. 545 00:34:02,938 --> 00:34:05,874 - Perfect dozen? - Each egg has to be perfect. 546 00:34:05,874 --> 00:34:08,310 - The quest isn't going well? - Obviously not. 547 00:34:08,310 --> 00:34:11,680 - Look at the cartons that didn't make it. - Why doesn't he mix and match? 548 00:34:11,680 --> 00:34:14,316 - I told him that, and he yelled at me. - What'd he say? 549 00:34:14,316 --> 00:34:17,619 He said it's important to have standards. No one has pride anymore. 550 00:34:17,619 --> 00:34:19,855 It's not like you laid the eggs yourself. 551 00:34:19,855 --> 00:34:22,891 I give him five more minutes. After that, I'm calling the cops. 552 00:34:22,891 --> 00:34:26,884 I don't need this. I'm not even supposed to be here today. 553 00:34:27,329 --> 00:34:31,322 Two packs of cigarettes. 554 00:34:31,900 --> 00:34:35,571 - I'm as puzzled as you. - I've actually seen it before. 555 00:34:35,571 --> 00:34:38,440 - You know him? - No, but I know the behavior. 556 00:34:38,440 --> 00:34:40,609 He's looking for the perfect carton of eggs? 557 00:34:40,609 --> 00:34:41,843 How'd you know? 558 00:34:41,843 --> 00:34:45,714 - I'll bet you he's a guidance counselor. - Why do you say that? 559 00:34:45,714 --> 00:34:49,707 I saw it happen in Food City, last year. Different guy, though. 560 00:34:49,818 --> 00:34:52,721 Stock boy said he looked through cartons for half an hour, 561 00:34:52,721 --> 00:34:54,856 doing all sorts of endurance tests and stuff. 562 00:34:54,856 --> 00:34:58,360 I asked him why nobody ever called the manager, and he said it happens... 563 00:34:58,360 --> 00:35:00,329 two, three times a week, sometimes more. 564 00:35:00,329 --> 00:35:02,598 - Get out of here. - No, I kid you not. 565 00:35:02,598 --> 00:35:06,001 They call it shell shock. Seems to only happen with guidance counselors. 566 00:35:06,001 --> 00:35:08,837 They used to make a big deal of it. They just let it go now. 567 00:35:08,837 --> 00:35:12,007 They always pay for whatever they break. They never bother anybody. 568 00:35:12,007 --> 00:35:13,709 Why guidance counselors? 569 00:35:13,709 --> 00:35:17,012 If your job was as meaningless as theirs, wouldn't you go crazy too? 570 00:35:17,012 --> 00:35:20,649 - My guidance counselor was worthless. - See? 571 00:35:20,649 --> 00:35:23,252 It's important to have a job that makes a difference. 572 00:35:23,252 --> 00:35:27,245 That's why I manually masturbate caged animals for artificial insemination. 573 00:35:30,892 --> 00:35:33,895 ♪ Go your own way 574 00:35:33,895 --> 00:35:37,888 ♪ You can call it Another lonely day ♪ 575 00:36:02,858 --> 00:36:06,728 Did you ever notice that all the prices end in "9"? 576 00:36:06,728 --> 00:36:08,730 Damn, that's eerie. 577 00:36:08,730 --> 00:36:11,633 Know how much the average jiz-mopper makes per hour? 578 00:36:11,633 --> 00:36:12,734 What's a jiz-mopper? 579 00:36:12,734 --> 00:36:16,038 The guy that cleans up the nudie booths after each guy jerks off. 580 00:36:16,038 --> 00:36:18,340 - "Nudie booth"? - Yeah, nudie booth. 581 00:36:18,340 --> 00:36:20,876 - You ever been in a nudie booth? - Guess not. 582 00:36:20,876 --> 00:36:22,110 Oh, man, it's great. 583 00:36:22,110 --> 00:36:25,480 You go into a booth, and there's glass between you and these chicks. 584 00:36:25,480 --> 00:36:28,750 - They put on a show for you for ten bucks. - What kind of a show? 585 00:36:28,750 --> 00:36:31,887 Think of the weirdest, craziest shit you'd like to see chicks do. 586 00:36:31,887 --> 00:36:35,691 These chicks do it all. They insert things into any opening on their body. 587 00:36:35,691 --> 00:36:38,126 - Any opening. - Can we not talk about this now? 588 00:36:38,126 --> 00:36:41,430 The jiz-mopper's job is to clean it up after each guy shoots a load. 589 00:36:41,430 --> 00:36:43,532 Everybody does it right on the window. 590 00:36:43,532 --> 00:36:46,802 I don't know if you know this, cum leaves streaks if you don't clean it. 591 00:36:46,802 --> 00:36:49,871 - I will never come to this place again. - Excuse me? 592 00:36:49,871 --> 00:36:53,842 Using filthy language in front of the customers. You both should be fired. 593 00:36:53,842 --> 00:36:57,512 Oh, I'm sorry. I guess we kinda got carried away. 594 00:36:57,512 --> 00:37:00,582 I don't know if sorry can make up for it. 595 00:37:00,582 --> 00:37:03,485 You've highly offended me. 596 00:37:03,485 --> 00:37:06,588 Well, if you think that's offensive, check this out. 597 00:37:06,588 --> 00:37:08,557 Oh! 598 00:37:08,557 --> 00:37:11,393 - You can see her kidneys. - Why do you do things like that? 599 00:37:11,393 --> 00:37:14,162 - You know he's going tell the boss. - Who cares? 600 00:37:14,162 --> 00:37:17,165 He's an asshole. Everybody that comes in is way too uptight. 601 00:37:17,165 --> 00:37:20,168 This job would be great if it wasn't for the fucking customers. 602 00:37:20,168 --> 00:37:23,605 - I'm gonna hear from the boss tomorrow. - Would you loosen up? 603 00:37:23,605 --> 00:37:26,742 You'd feel better if you'd rip into the occasional customer. 604 00:37:26,742 --> 00:37:29,745 Why? I don't bother them and they don't bother me. 605 00:37:29,745 --> 00:37:33,738 Liar! Tell me there aren't customers that annoy the piss out of you on a daily basis. 606 00:37:34,583 --> 00:37:37,119 - There aren't! - How can you lie like that? 607 00:37:37,119 --> 00:37:41,112 Why don't you vent? Vent your frustrations. Who pisses you off? 608 00:37:42,858 --> 00:37:46,428 Well, I guess it isn't customers in particular. 609 00:37:46,428 --> 00:37:49,131 Maybe just a group of customers. 610 00:37:49,131 --> 00:37:53,124 - Well, let's hear it. - Well, the Milk Maids. 611 00:37:53,602 --> 00:37:55,604 The Milk Maids? 612 00:37:55,604 --> 00:37:59,574 The women that go through every gallon of milk, looking for that later date, 613 00:37:59,574 --> 00:38:02,744 as if somewhere beyond all the gallons is a container of milk... 614 00:38:02,744 --> 00:38:05,547 that won't go bad for like a decade. 615 00:38:05,547 --> 00:38:09,540 You know who I can do without? The people in the video store. 616 00:38:09,751 --> 00:38:11,920 - Which ones? - All of 'em. 617 00:38:11,920 --> 00:38:15,724 What would you get for a six-year-old boy who chronically wets his bed? 618 00:38:15,724 --> 00:38:18,593 So, do you have any new movies in? 619 00:38:18,593 --> 00:38:22,586 Do you have that one with that guy who was in that movie that was out last year? 620 00:38:23,231 --> 00:38:25,233 They never rent quality flicks. 621 00:38:25,233 --> 00:38:28,603 They always pick the most intellectually devoid movie on the racks. 622 00:38:28,603 --> 00:38:31,106 Oooh! Navy SEALS! 623 00:38:31,106 --> 00:38:34,776 In order to join they have to have an I.Q. Less than their shoe size. 624 00:38:34,776 --> 00:38:38,769 You think you get stupid questions? You should hear the barrage that I get. 625 00:38:38,847 --> 00:38:41,450 There's no ice? I've got to drink this coffee hot? 626 00:38:41,450 --> 00:38:45,443 So, how much is this thing anyway? 627 00:38:46,988 --> 00:38:49,791 Do you sell hubcaps for a '72 Pinto hatchback? 628 00:38:49,791 --> 00:38:51,793 Ooh! Mini-Trucker magazine. 629 00:38:51,793 --> 00:38:54,863 - See? You vented. Don't you feel better? - No. 630 00:38:54,863 --> 00:38:57,999 - Why not? - My ex-girlfriend is getting married. 631 00:38:57,999 --> 00:39:01,570 You got a one-track mind. It's always Caitlin, Caitlin, Caitlin. 632 00:39:01,570 --> 00:39:05,273 Veronica! 633 00:39:05,273 --> 00:39:08,743 - What happened to home by 12:00? - Boss hasn't shown up yet. 634 00:39:08,743 --> 00:39:11,146 - How come you're not in class? - Got canceled. 635 00:39:11,146 --> 00:39:14,749 - So I brought you some lunch. - What is it? 636 00:39:14,749 --> 00:39:17,886 Peanut butter and jelly with the crusts cut off. What do you think? 637 00:39:17,886 --> 00:39:20,755 - It's lasagna. - Really? 638 00:39:20,755 --> 00:39:23,158 Oh, you're the queen. 639 00:39:23,158 --> 00:39:26,161 I'm glad you calmed down a bit. Hi, Randal. 640 00:39:26,161 --> 00:39:29,164 - Thirty-seven? - Shut up! 641 00:39:29,164 --> 00:39:32,767 Yes, I've calmed down. I'm not happy, but I'll be able to deal. 642 00:39:34,636 --> 00:39:38,629 Why don't you go back to the video store? 643 00:39:41,276 --> 00:39:44,980 - You had to tell him? - I had to. He put it into perspective. 644 00:39:44,980 --> 00:39:47,983 - What did he say? - He said at least he wasn't 36. 645 00:39:47,983 --> 00:39:49,985 And that made you feel better? 646 00:39:49,985 --> 00:39:53,588 And he said most of them were college guys I never even seen or met before. 647 00:39:53,588 --> 00:39:56,725 - The ostrich syndrome: If you don't see it... - It isn't there. Yes. 648 00:39:56,725 --> 00:39:59,995 - Thank you for being rational. - Thank you for the lasagna. 649 00:39:59,995 --> 00:40:01,963 - Couldn't get the shutters open? - No. 650 00:40:01,963 --> 00:40:05,300 I called the locksmith. The earliest he can be here is tomorrow morning. 651 00:40:05,300 --> 00:40:08,003 Bummer. Well, I gotta head back for the 1:30 class. 652 00:40:08,003 --> 00:40:11,996 - What time you get finished? - 8:00. I have a sorority meeting 'til 9:00. 653 00:40:12,107 --> 00:40:14,876 I'll see you when you close. Can we go out for coffee? 654 00:40:14,876 --> 00:40:16,878 - Sure. - Good. 655 00:40:16,878 --> 00:40:19,147 See you when you close. Enjoy the lasagna. 656 00:40:36,364 --> 00:40:38,366 Vermont? 657 00:40:38,366 --> 00:40:41,736 No, that can't be. I just talked to him this morning. 658 00:40:41,736 --> 00:40:44,372 He left at what time? 659 00:40:44,372 --> 00:40:48,365 He really went to Vermont? When the hell was someone going to tell me? 660 00:40:48,843 --> 00:40:51,680 He promised me he'd be here by noon! 661 00:40:51,680 --> 00:40:55,673 Jesus, when does he get back? Tuesday? You've gotta be fucking kidding me! 662 00:40:55,984 --> 00:40:58,386 I've got a game at 2:00, the shutters are jammed. 663 00:40:58,386 --> 00:41:02,257 And he's in Vermont? I'm not even supposed to be here today! 664 00:41:05,860 --> 00:41:08,196 So I'm stuck here until closing? 665 00:41:08,196 --> 00:41:12,189 Oh, this is just great. I can't fucking believe this. 666 00:41:14,269 --> 00:41:18,262 No. No, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell at you. 667 00:41:19,307 --> 00:41:21,876 Yeah, I know. 668 00:41:21,876 --> 00:41:25,614 No, I'll be all right. 669 00:41:25,614 --> 00:41:28,316 Well, that's all I can do, right? Yeah. 670 00:41:28,316 --> 00:41:31,319 - All right, thanks. Bye. - Vermont? 671 00:41:31,319 --> 00:41:34,389 - Can you fucking believe this? - He didn't mention that to you? 672 00:41:34,389 --> 00:41:37,258 Not a word! Not a fucking word, that slippery shit. 673 00:41:37,258 --> 00:41:39,694 - So, what? You're stuck here all day? - Fuck! 674 00:41:39,694 --> 00:41:41,696 - Why'd you apologize? - What? 675 00:41:41,696 --> 00:41:44,399 I heard you. Why? You had every reason to be mad. 676 00:41:44,399 --> 00:41:47,702 - I know! - That seems to be the leitmotif in your life. 677 00:41:47,702 --> 00:41:49,871 - Ever backing down. - I don't back down! 678 00:41:49,871 --> 00:41:52,407 You always back down. You assume blame that's not yours. 679 00:41:52,407 --> 00:41:55,276 You come in on your day off. You buckle like a belt. 680 00:41:55,276 --> 00:41:58,279 - Know what pisses me off? - That I'm right about your buckling? 681 00:41:58,279 --> 00:42:01,016 - I'm going to miss the game! - Because you buckled. 682 00:42:01,016 --> 00:42:04,285 - Shut up with that shit. It ain't helping! - Don't yell at me, pal. 683 00:42:04,285 --> 00:42:06,721 - I'm sorry. - See? There you go again. 684 00:42:06,721 --> 00:42:10,692 - I can't believe I'm going to miss the game. - At least we're stuck here together. 685 00:42:10,692 --> 00:42:13,028 You got a customer. 686 00:42:13,028 --> 00:42:17,021 What? What do you want? 687 00:42:19,434 --> 00:42:22,737 I can't fucking believe this. 688 00:42:22,737 --> 00:42:25,907 Yeah, hello, Sanford. Dante. 689 00:42:25,907 --> 00:42:29,911 I can't play today. I'm stuck at work. 690 00:42:29,911 --> 00:42:33,882 Yeah, I know I'm not scheduled today... Forget it. 691 00:42:33,882 --> 00:42:37,875 Point is, I can't play today. Neither can Randal. He's working too. 692 00:42:39,988 --> 00:42:43,892 Wait a second. Do we have to play at the park? 693 00:42:43,892 --> 00:42:47,885 Hold on. You feeling limber? 694 00:42:57,038 --> 00:43:00,008 - Pull my laces tighter, man. - I've got to tell you, 695 00:43:00,008 --> 00:43:02,410 this is one of the ballsiest moves I've been privy to. 696 00:43:02,410 --> 00:43:05,413 I never thought you capable of such a disregard of store policy. 697 00:43:05,413 --> 00:43:08,416 - I told him I had a game. It's his own fault. - No arguments here. 698 00:43:08,416 --> 00:43:11,753 - Insubordination rules. - I just want to play hockey. 699 00:43:11,753 --> 00:43:13,088 I'm gonna grab a Gatorade. 700 00:43:13,088 --> 00:43:15,156 If you grab one, then everybody will. 701 00:43:15,156 --> 00:43:17,425 - So? - Who's gonna pay for these Gatorades? 702 00:43:17,425 --> 00:43:20,428 - What do you care, motherfucker? - I have a responsibility. 703 00:43:20,428 --> 00:43:23,431 - Everybody can't grab free drinks. - What responsibility? 704 00:43:23,431 --> 00:43:26,434 - You're closing the store to play hockey. - He's got a point. 705 00:43:26,434 --> 00:43:29,170 Will you let me maintain some semblance of control? 706 00:43:29,170 --> 00:43:31,773 If you're gonna be insubordinate, go the full nine, 707 00:43:31,773 --> 00:43:33,775 not pussy out when it comes to free shit. 708 00:43:33,775 --> 00:43:35,877 As if we're going to have a run on Gatorade. 709 00:43:35,877 --> 00:43:38,413 - Fuckin' A. - All right! Jesus, you fuckers are pushy! 710 00:43:38,413 --> 00:43:40,749 I hear Caitlin's marrying an Asian drum major. 711 00:43:40,749 --> 00:43:42,817 - Design major. - Can we not talk about this? 712 00:43:42,817 --> 00:43:46,810 Fine, but you're living in denial and suppressing rage, motherfucker. 713 00:43:46,988 --> 00:43:49,858 - You gonna lock the store? - You gonna lock the video store? 714 00:43:49,858 --> 00:43:52,861 Look who you're asking here. How're we gonna block the street? 715 00:43:52,861 --> 00:43:56,854 - We're not playing in the street. - Then where are we gonna play? 716 00:44:02,771 --> 00:44:06,764 Hit 'em, hit 'em, hit 'em! 717 00:44:30,398 --> 00:44:34,391 I got it! I got it! It's mine, it's mine! 718 00:44:42,544 --> 00:44:45,580 Yeah! 719 00:44:53,121 --> 00:44:57,125 Hit 'em! 720 00:44:57,125 --> 00:44:59,327 All right, here we go. I got it. 721 00:44:59,327 --> 00:45:01,563 - When is this period over? - Eight minutes. 722 00:45:01,563 --> 00:45:04,432 What, are you shitting me? I wanna get cigarettes. 723 00:45:04,432 --> 00:45:08,002 - Just wait a few minutes. - I'm gonna break my neck on this ladder. 724 00:45:08,002 --> 00:45:11,239 Lose the skates, Dorothy Hamill, and open the fucking store! 725 00:45:11,239 --> 00:45:12,640 - Where are you? - He's busy! 726 00:45:12,640 --> 00:45:13,875 - In a second! 727 00:45:13,875 --> 00:45:17,579 Fuck "in a second"! Oh, look at you. You can't even pass. 728 00:45:17,579 --> 00:45:20,079 - I can pass! - How about covering the point? You suck! 729 00:45:20,424 --> 00:45:23,861 - Who are you to make assessments? - I'll assess all I want, pal! 730 00:45:23,861 --> 00:45:27,698 - Dante, you in or out? - Don't pass to this guy. He sucks. 731 00:45:27,698 --> 00:45:30,601 - You're any better? - I can whip your ass any day. 732 00:45:30,601 --> 00:45:33,604 - Easy to say over there. - Give me a stick, pretty boy! 733 00:45:33,604 --> 00:45:36,807 I'll knock your fucking teeth out and pass all over your ass! 734 00:45:36,807 --> 00:45:38,742 - You open? - Yeah, you open? 735 00:45:38,742 --> 00:45:42,046 - No! - No! 736 00:45:42,046 --> 00:45:44,782 There's a stick. You're shooting up against this goal. 737 00:45:44,782 --> 00:45:48,775 Hey, Redding! Come on. Get this fucker! 738 00:45:59,763 --> 00:46:01,332 Oh, man! Hey! 739 00:46:01,332 --> 00:46:04,368 Come on. Let's go, let's go! Come on, come on. Get him! 740 00:46:04,368 --> 00:46:08,361 Come on. Get him, get him! 741 00:46:20,150 --> 00:46:23,420 - Give me another ball. - There are no more. 742 00:46:23,420 --> 00:46:26,156 What are you talking about? How many balls you bring? 743 00:46:26,156 --> 00:46:30,149 I brought the orange one and... the orange one. 744 00:46:30,260 --> 00:46:32,229 Hey, any balls down there? 745 00:46:32,229 --> 00:46:36,233 About the biggest pair you ever seen, dingleberry. 746 00:46:36,233 --> 00:46:39,637 - You only brought one? - I thought Redding brought all the balls. 747 00:46:39,637 --> 00:46:42,406 - Dante had the balls. - Nobody has another ball? 748 00:46:42,406 --> 00:46:44,008 Shit! 749 00:46:44,008 --> 00:46:48,001 We got what, 12 minutes of a game and it's over? Fuck! 750 00:46:48,846 --> 00:46:52,839 Fuck, fuck, fuck! I'm not even supposed to be here today. 751 00:46:54,418 --> 00:46:58,411 I still get free Gatorade, right? 752 00:47:08,132 --> 00:47:11,268 - Be careful. - I'm trying. 753 00:47:11,268 --> 00:47:15,272 You know, the insides of those has got stuff that can give you cancer. 754 00:47:15,272 --> 00:47:17,875 - So I'm told. - Yeah. 755 00:47:17,875 --> 00:47:21,745 I had a friend that chewed glass for a living. In the circus. 756 00:47:21,745 --> 00:47:25,149 And he got cancer from chewing fluorescent bulb glass? 757 00:47:25,149 --> 00:47:29,142 - Got hit by a bus. - Oh. Can I help you? 758 00:47:31,021 --> 00:47:35,014 Well, uh, that depends. You got maybe a toilet in here? 759 00:47:35,826 --> 00:47:38,962 - Yeah, but it's for employees only. - I understand. 760 00:47:38,962 --> 00:47:42,399 But I, uh, thought maybe you'd let me use it anyway. 761 00:47:42,399 --> 00:47:46,392 I'm not so young anymore and I'm, how do you say, a little incontinent. 762 00:47:46,837 --> 00:47:50,830 - Sure. In the back, through the cooler. - Thank you, sonny boy. 763 00:48:00,984 --> 00:48:04,955 Say, uh, what kind of toilet paper you got back there? 764 00:48:04,955 --> 00:48:08,125 - The white kind. - I didn't ask about the color. 765 00:48:08,125 --> 00:48:11,862 I mean, is it rough or is it cottony? 766 00:48:11,862 --> 00:48:14,798 - Actually, it's kinda rough. - Oh, boy! 767 00:48:14,798 --> 00:48:18,135 It's gonna knock the hell out of my hemorrhoids. 768 00:48:18,135 --> 00:48:21,438 I thought maybe you could let me have a roll of the soft stuff. 769 00:48:21,438 --> 00:48:24,141 I see you sell the soft stuff back there. 770 00:48:24,141 --> 00:48:27,010 - Yeah, but... - Come on, boitshik! What's the difference? 771 00:48:27,010 --> 00:48:30,347 You said yourself you have the rough stuff in the back. 772 00:48:30,347 --> 00:48:33,150 - Yeah, sure. Go ahead. - Thank you, sonny boy. 773 00:48:33,150 --> 00:48:37,143 You're a lifesaver. 774 00:48:43,827 --> 00:48:46,396 Say, young fella, I hate to bother you again, 775 00:48:46,396 --> 00:48:50,134 but, uh, maybe I could have something in the back there to read? 776 00:48:50,134 --> 00:48:52,136 A paper or something? 777 00:48:52,136 --> 00:48:54,404 Sometimes it takes me a while, 778 00:48:54,404 --> 00:48:57,307 and I like to have something to read while it's going on. 779 00:48:57,307 --> 00:48:59,309 Yeah, sure, go ahead. 780 00:48:59,309 --> 00:49:02,546 One of the magazines you got in the back behind the counter. 781 00:49:02,546 --> 00:49:05,983 - The porno mags? - Yeah! 782 00:49:05,983 --> 00:49:08,418 I like the cartoons. They make me laugh. 783 00:49:08,418 --> 00:49:11,989 They draw some of the biggest titties you ever saw. 784 00:49:11,989 --> 00:49:14,992 Not this one. Maybe the one you got underneath this one. 785 00:49:14,992 --> 00:49:17,427 - They got bigger titties in there. - Here. 786 00:49:17,427 --> 00:49:20,297 - Now leave me alone. - Oh, thank you, sonny boy. 787 00:49:20,297 --> 00:49:24,290 I appreciate it. 788 00:49:25,969 --> 00:49:27,471 Hell of a game. 789 00:49:27,471 --> 00:49:31,464 One ball? I close the store, they come all the way here, for one ball? 790 00:49:31,575 --> 00:49:33,977 Hockey is hockey. At least we got to play. 791 00:49:33,977 --> 00:49:36,980 Twelve minutes is not a game. It's hardly even a warmup. 792 00:49:36,980 --> 00:49:40,973 - Bitch, bitch. Want something to drink? - Yeah, a Gatorade. 793 00:49:41,518 --> 00:49:45,511 - Hey, what happened to all the Gatorade? - Exactly. They drank it all. 794 00:49:46,557 --> 00:49:50,327 - Know what Sanford told me? - I can't believe she's marrying. 795 00:49:50,327 --> 00:49:52,029 - Julie Dwyer died. - Yeah, right. 796 00:49:52,029 --> 00:49:54,164 - No, I'm serious. - Oh, my God! 797 00:49:54,164 --> 00:49:57,334 Sanford's brother dates her cousin. He found out this morning. 798 00:49:57,334 --> 00:49:59,903 - How? When? - Embolism in her brain. Yesterday. 799 00:49:59,903 --> 00:50:02,906 She was swimming in the pool in the YMCA when it happened. 800 00:50:02,906 --> 00:50:06,844 - She died mid-backstroke. - I haven't seen her in, like, two years. 801 00:50:06,844 --> 00:50:10,013 Correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't she one of the illustrious 12? 802 00:50:10,013 --> 00:50:13,617 - Yeah, number six. - You've had sex with a dead person. 803 00:50:13,617 --> 00:50:16,453 - I'm gonna go to her wake. - No, you're not. It's today. 804 00:50:16,453 --> 00:50:19,523 - What? - The next show's at 4:00. 805 00:50:19,523 --> 00:50:22,993 - What about tomorrow? - She's buried in the morning. 806 00:50:22,993 --> 00:50:25,395 - You gotta watch the store. I gotta go. - Wait. 807 00:50:25,395 --> 00:50:27,664 Has it occurred to you I might be bereaved? 808 00:50:27,664 --> 00:50:28,999 You hardly knew her. 809 00:50:28,999 --> 00:50:31,368 True. Do you know how many people will be there? 810 00:50:31,368 --> 00:50:34,404 - All her old classmates. - This is beneath even you. 811 00:50:34,404 --> 00:50:37,541 I'm not gonna miss what's probably the social event of the season. 812 00:50:37,541 --> 00:50:41,011 - You hate people! - But I love gatherings. Isn't it ironic? 813 00:50:41,011 --> 00:50:43,881 Stop being an asshole. Someone's gotta watch the store. 814 00:50:43,881 --> 00:50:46,016 - If you go, I go. - She meant nothing to you! 815 00:50:46,016 --> 00:50:48,552 She meant nothing to you neither 'til I told you she died. 816 00:50:48,552 --> 00:50:50,554 - I'm not taking you. - I'm going with you. 817 00:50:50,554 --> 00:50:54,291 - I can't close the store. - You just closed the store to play hockey. 818 00:50:54,291 --> 00:50:58,284 Which means I can't close it for another hour just so we can both go to a wake. 819 00:50:58,929 --> 00:51:00,330 You were saying? 820 00:51:00,330 --> 00:51:04,323 Thanks for putting me in such a tough spot. You're a good friend. 821 00:51:06,036 --> 00:51:09,306 - She was pretty young, huh? - Twenty- two. Just like us. 822 00:51:09,306 --> 00:51:13,176 - Embolism in a pool. - What an embarrassing way to die. 823 00:51:13,176 --> 00:51:15,646 That's nothing compared to how my cousin Walter died. 824 00:51:15,646 --> 00:51:16,713 How did he die? 825 00:51:16,713 --> 00:51:20,050 - He broke his neck. - That's embarrassing? 826 00:51:20,050 --> 00:51:22,719 He broke his neck trying to suck his own dick. 827 00:51:22,719 --> 00:51:25,055 - Shut the hell up. - I swear. 828 00:51:25,055 --> 00:51:27,057 - Stop it. - Bible truth. 829 00:51:27,057 --> 00:51:31,050 - Oh, my God! - Haven't you ever tried to suck your dick? 830 00:51:31,328 --> 00:51:34,264 - No. - Yeah, right. You're so repressed. 831 00:51:34,264 --> 00:51:38,001 - Because I never tried to suck my dick? - No, because you won't admit to it. 832 00:51:38,001 --> 00:51:41,271 As if a guy's a fucking pervert 'cause he tries to go down on himself. 833 00:51:41,271 --> 00:51:44,141 You're as curious as the rest of us, pal. You've tried it. 834 00:51:44,141 --> 00:51:47,144 - Who found him? - My cousin? Mom found him. 835 00:51:47,144 --> 00:51:51,014 It was a mess. He was on his bed, his legs doubled over himself. 836 00:51:51,014 --> 00:51:53,016 Mom freaked out. 837 00:51:53,016 --> 00:51:55,585 ♪ You know that you are A shooting star ♪ 838 00:51:55,585 --> 00:51:59,289 - Made it, huh? Dick in his mouth? - Yeah. 839 00:51:59,289 --> 00:52:02,159 Balls resting on his lips. 840 00:52:02,159 --> 00:52:06,152 - Wow. He really made it. - Yeah, but at what a price. 841 00:52:08,298 --> 00:52:11,301 - I can never reach. - Reach what? 842 00:52:11,301 --> 00:52:13,737 - You know. - What, your dick? 843 00:52:13,737 --> 00:52:17,730 Yeah. Like you said, I guess everybody gets curious and tries it sometime. 844 00:52:18,041 --> 00:52:22,034 I never tried it. 845 00:52:22,179 --> 00:52:26,149 Fucking pervert. 846 00:52:26,149 --> 00:52:30,142 ♪ Suddenly everyone loved To hear him play his songs 847 00:52:30,587 --> 00:52:34,580 ♪ Watch the world go by Surprising it goes so fast 848 00:52:35,993 --> 00:52:39,986 ♪ Johnny looked around him and said Hey, I've made the big time at last ♪ 849 00:52:43,000 --> 00:52:46,436 - I knew this was a bad idea. - Listen to you. 850 00:52:46,436 --> 00:52:50,440 I can't help it. At least on the roof, I could see if anybody wanted to go in. 851 00:52:50,440 --> 00:52:52,576 Nobody's there. It's 4:00 on a Saturday. 852 00:52:52,576 --> 00:52:56,569 How many people ever come to the store at 4:00 on a Saturday? 853 00:52:57,247 --> 00:53:01,240 Let me in! 854 01:01:24,084 --> 01:01:26,453 I can't fucking believe you. 855 01:01:26,453 --> 01:01:28,455 I'm telling you, it wasn't my fault. 856 01:01:28,455 --> 01:01:32,292 - You knocked the casket over! - I was leanin' on it. It was an accident. 857 01:01:32,292 --> 01:01:34,594 Like someone knocks a casket over on purpose! 858 01:01:34,594 --> 01:01:38,031 - So the casket fell over. Big deal. - Her fucking body fell out! 859 01:01:38,031 --> 01:01:41,335 I put her back in it. It's not like it matters if she breaks something. 860 01:01:41,335 --> 01:01:44,738 - Just go open the video store. - Open the video store! 861 01:01:44,738 --> 01:01:48,731 Shut the fuck up, junkie. 862 01:01:49,376 --> 01:01:53,246 - Would you just go open the video store? - Yeah, you cock-smokin' clerk. 863 01:01:53,246 --> 01:01:56,283 How many times have I told you not to deal in front of the store? 864 01:01:56,283 --> 01:01:58,218 I'm not. What're you talking about? 865 01:01:58,218 --> 01:02:02,211 - Have you got anything, man? - What you want? 866 01:02:03,223 --> 01:02:06,226 - Let me borrow your car. - I don't want to talk to you. 867 01:02:06,226 --> 01:02:09,629 - Fine. Just let me borrow your car. - Why should I loan you my car? 868 01:02:09,629 --> 01:02:12,065 - I want to rent a movie. - You want to rent a movie. 869 01:02:12,065 --> 01:02:13,200 I want to rent a movie. 870 01:02:13,200 --> 01:02:14,634 What's that for? 871 01:02:14,634 --> 01:02:18,405 - You work in a video store! - I work in a shitty video store. 872 01:02:18,405 --> 01:02:22,398 I want to go to a good video store so I can get a good movie. 873 01:02:23,710 --> 01:02:26,046 And a pack of cigarettes. 874 01:02:26,046 --> 01:02:29,082 - Cute cat. What's its name? - Annoying customer. 875 01:02:29,082 --> 01:02:33,075 Fucking dickhead. 876 01:02:33,453 --> 01:02:36,456 Can you imagine being halfway decent to the customers? 877 01:02:36,456 --> 01:02:39,059 - Let me borrow your car. - May I be blunt with you? 878 01:02:39,059 --> 01:02:40,093 If you must. 879 01:02:40,093 --> 01:02:44,064 We are employees of Quick Stop Convenience and RST Video, respectively. 880 01:02:44,064 --> 01:02:47,401 We have obligations that, although they may seem cruel and unusual, 881 01:02:47,401 --> 01:02:50,337 - mean manning the store until closing. - I see. 882 01:02:50,337 --> 01:02:54,074 So playing hockey and attending wakes are standard operating procedures? 883 01:02:54,074 --> 01:02:58,067 Those are obligations that couldn't have been met at any other date. 884 01:02:58,478 --> 01:03:02,471 Renting videos, that's gratuitous, and illogical, since you work at a video store. 885 01:03:03,350 --> 01:03:05,352 - Are you open? - Yes. 886 01:03:05,352 --> 01:03:07,154 I don't care for your rationale. 887 01:03:07,154 --> 01:03:10,090 It's gonna have to do, being it's my car up for request. 888 01:03:10,090 --> 01:03:12,359 - Can I help you? - A pack of cigarettes. 889 01:03:12,359 --> 01:03:16,096 - What's your point? - You're a clerk, paid to do a job. 890 01:03:16,096 --> 01:03:19,599 You can't just do anything you want while you're working. 891 01:03:19,599 --> 01:03:23,592 "Space alien revealed as head of Time-Warner. 892 01:03:23,670 --> 01:03:26,773 Report stock increase." 893 01:03:26,773 --> 01:03:29,576 They print any kind of shit in this paper. 894 01:03:29,576 --> 01:03:31,578 They certainly do. Three dollars. 895 01:03:31,578 --> 01:03:34,247 - Your argument is title dictates behavior. - What? 896 01:03:34,247 --> 01:03:37,584 You won't let me use your car because I have a title and job description. 897 01:03:37,584 --> 01:03:39,886 - I'm supposed to follow it, right? - Exactly. 898 01:03:39,886 --> 01:03:43,423 I saw one one time that said, 899 01:03:43,423 --> 01:03:46,193 "The next week, the world is ending." 900 01:03:46,193 --> 01:03:48,595 In the next week's paper, they said, 901 01:03:48,595 --> 01:03:51,465 "We were miraculously saved at the zero hour 902 01:03:51,465 --> 01:03:54,901 by a koala-fish mutant bird." 903 01:03:54,901 --> 01:03:56,269 Crazy shit. 904 01:03:56,269 --> 01:04:00,262 I'm no more responsible for my decisions here than a death squad soldier in Bosnia? 905 01:04:01,108 --> 01:04:04,211 You're not being asked to slay children or anything. 906 01:04:04,211 --> 01:04:08,204 - Yeah, not yet. - And I remember one time... 907 01:04:08,782 --> 01:04:11,785 I'm gonna break your fucking head, you fucking jerk! 908 01:04:11,785 --> 01:04:14,488 - I'm sorry. He meant to hit me. - Well, he missed. 909 01:04:14,488 --> 01:04:17,491 Here, let me refund your money and we'll call it even. 910 01:04:17,491 --> 01:04:19,593 I'll never come in here again. 911 01:04:19,593 --> 01:04:23,586 And if I see you again, I'm gonna break your fucking head open! 912 01:04:27,467 --> 01:04:29,736 - What the fuck did you do that for? - Two reasons. 913 01:04:29,736 --> 01:04:33,673 One, I hate it when people can't shut up about the stupid tabloid headlines. 914 01:04:33,673 --> 01:04:37,310 And two, to prove a point. Title does not dictate behavior. 915 01:04:37,310 --> 01:04:40,747 - What? - If title dictated my behavior as a clerk 916 01:04:40,747 --> 01:04:43,750 I wouldn't be allowed to spit water at that guy, but I did. 917 01:04:43,750 --> 01:04:46,453 My point is that people dictate their own behavior. 918 01:04:46,453 --> 01:04:49,890 Even though I work in a video store, I choose to rent movies at Big Choice. 919 01:04:49,890 --> 01:04:51,324 Agreed? 920 01:04:51,324 --> 01:04:53,393 You are a danger to the dead and the living. 921 01:04:53,393 --> 01:04:55,795 I like to think I'm a master of my own destiny. 922 01:04:55,795 --> 01:04:59,788 - Please get the hell outta here. - You know I'm your hero. 923 01:05:04,638 --> 01:05:06,973 Sounds like somebody needs to hit the gym. 924 01:05:06,973 --> 01:05:08,208 Excuse me? 925 01:05:08,208 --> 01:05:10,310 You strained when you picked up that milk. 926 01:05:10,310 --> 01:05:13,346 - It only weighs seven pounds. - I didn't strain. I sighed. 927 01:05:13,346 --> 01:05:15,649 I don't think so. That was a grunt. 928 01:05:15,649 --> 01:05:19,319 A deep inhalation of oxygen to aid in the stretching of muscles. 929 01:05:19,319 --> 01:05:23,312 I'm a trainer. I know what that sound signifies. You're out of shape. 930 01:05:23,490 --> 01:05:26,760 - What? There's no fat on my body. - No fat! 931 01:05:26,760 --> 01:05:29,329 No tone either. You don't get enough exercise. 932 01:05:29,329 --> 01:05:31,398 - You open? - Yes. 933 01:05:31,398 --> 01:05:34,201 - Just the paper. - Thirty-five. 934 01:05:34,201 --> 01:05:37,837 Hey, uh, let me ask you a question. Think this guy's out of shape? 935 01:05:37,837 --> 01:05:39,839 Can't really tell from here. 936 01:05:39,839 --> 01:05:42,742 - He is. - I am not! 937 01:05:42,742 --> 01:05:44,744 How much can you bench? 938 01:05:44,744 --> 01:05:47,781 - I don't know. - I'd say about 60, 70, tops. 939 01:05:47,781 --> 01:05:49,783 I know I can bench more than that. 940 01:05:49,783 --> 01:05:52,652 - Three-fifty, four. - No way! 941 01:05:52,652 --> 01:05:54,654 Feel that. 942 01:05:54,654 --> 01:05:57,591 Hey, that's tight. Solid. 943 01:05:57,591 --> 01:05:59,826 Now feel this. Roll up your sleeve, chief. 944 01:05:59,826 --> 01:06:02,495 - Oh, for God's sakes! - See, you're ashamed. 945 01:06:02,495 --> 01:06:03,863 You know you're out of shape. 946 01:06:03,863 --> 01:06:05,999 Here. Take my card. 947 01:06:05,999 --> 01:06:08,535 I can get you on an aerobics, free weights program. 948 01:06:08,535 --> 01:06:11,571 - Are you open? - Yes. I'm not out of shape. 949 01:06:11,571 --> 01:06:13,573 Excuse me. Have you been here all day? 950 01:06:13,573 --> 01:06:16,743 - Yeah, since 6:00 this morning. - He's got those love handles. 951 01:06:16,743 --> 01:06:18,745 I don't have love handles! 952 01:06:18,745 --> 01:06:20,981 - Were you working here about 4:00? - Yes. 953 01:06:20,981 --> 01:06:24,017 - It's from being around this food every day. - Oh, I know. 954 01:06:24,017 --> 01:06:27,687 If I had to work here all day, I'd be bloated and out of shape too. 955 01:06:27,687 --> 01:06:30,523 - I'm not out of shape. - Can I have your name, please? 956 01:06:30,523 --> 01:06:32,892 Dante Hicks. Why? What's this all about? 957 01:06:32,892 --> 01:06:36,885 You're Dante Hicks? Oh, my God. I didn't even recognize you. 958 01:06:37,063 --> 01:06:39,699 - Because he's out of shape! - Do I know you? 959 01:06:39,699 --> 01:06:42,402 Do you remember Alyssa Jones? She used to hang out... 960 01:06:42,402 --> 01:06:44,304 - With Caitlin Bree! - I'm her sister. 961 01:06:44,304 --> 01:06:46,306 You're Alyssa's sister Heather? 962 01:06:46,306 --> 01:06:48,475 - Yeah. - You, uh, say Caitlin Bree? 963 01:06:48,475 --> 01:06:50,577 - Yeah. - Pretty girl? 964 01:06:50,577 --> 01:06:53,079 A little taller than her? Gorgeous body? 965 01:06:53,079 --> 01:06:55,315 - Yeah. - And you're Dante Hicks. 966 01:06:55,315 --> 01:06:57,384 You went to the same school, played hockey. 967 01:06:57,384 --> 01:07:00,020 - How did you know that? - You still goin' out with her? 968 01:07:00,020 --> 01:07:02,389 - No, she's getting married. - To you? 969 01:07:02,389 --> 01:07:04,391 No. To an Asian design major. 970 01:07:04,391 --> 01:07:06,393 Aw, shit! 971 01:07:06,393 --> 01:07:09,696 Don't take this the wrong way, but, uh, I used to fuck her. 972 01:07:09,696 --> 01:07:12,332 - What? - Yeah, about two, three years ago. 973 01:07:12,332 --> 01:07:15,035 While you two were dating. I drove a black Trans Am. 974 01:07:15,035 --> 01:07:17,304 - You're Rick Derris? - Yeah. 975 01:07:17,304 --> 01:07:19,306 - You know him? - Yeah. 976 01:07:19,306 --> 01:07:21,808 - Caitlin talked about him all the time. - Really? 977 01:07:21,808 --> 01:07:25,801 Wait a second. You used to fuck Caitlin Bree while I was dating her? 978 01:07:25,945 --> 01:07:28,815 Don't let it bother you. That was a long time ago. 979 01:07:28,815 --> 01:07:31,117 I'm surprised you didn't know about it. 980 01:07:31,117 --> 01:07:33,887 Everybody in school knew about it. Even in my class. 981 01:07:33,887 --> 01:07:35,889 Jesus Christ! What next? 982 01:07:35,889 --> 01:07:37,891 - Here you go. - What's this? 983 01:07:37,891 --> 01:07:39,759 - A fine for ♪500. - What? 984 01:07:39,759 --> 01:07:41,795 Five hundred bucks? For what? 985 01:07:41,795 --> 01:07:45,788 For violation of New Jersey Statute, Section 2A, Number 170l51. 986 01:07:46,533 --> 01:07:49,069 Any person who sells or makes available tobacco, 987 01:07:49,069 --> 01:07:52,772 or tobacco-related products, to persons under the age of 18, 988 01:07:52,772 --> 01:07:54,074 is regarded as disorderly. 989 01:07:54,074 --> 01:07:58,067 - What are you talkin' about? - An angry mother called the state 990 01:07:58,578 --> 01:08:00,613 and claimed that a Quick Stop employee 991 01:08:00,613 --> 01:08:03,750 sold her four-year-old daughter a pack of cigarettes today. 992 01:08:03,750 --> 01:08:06,720 The Division of Taxation called the Board of Health 993 01:08:06,720 --> 01:08:08,722 and sent me down to issue a fine. 994 01:08:08,722 --> 01:08:12,392 You claimed you were working here all day. Hence, the fine is yours. 995 01:08:12,392 --> 01:08:14,861 The fine is doubled due to the young age of the child. 996 01:08:14,861 --> 01:08:17,030 But I didn't sell any cigarettes to any kids! 997 01:08:17,030 --> 01:08:20,066 You sold cigarettes to a four-year-old? What a scumbag! 998 01:08:20,066 --> 01:08:22,402 That's sick, Dante. 999 01:08:22,402 --> 01:08:24,637 I didn't sell cigarettes to any kids! I swear! 1000 01:08:24,637 --> 01:08:26,373 The due date is on the bottom. 1001 01:08:26,373 --> 01:08:29,576 This summons cannot be contested in any court of law. 1002 01:08:29,576 --> 01:08:33,480 Failure to remit will result in a charge of criminal negligence, 1003 01:08:33,480 --> 01:08:35,682 and a warrant will be issued for your arrest. 1004 01:08:35,682 --> 01:08:37,083 Have a nice day. 1005 01:08:37,083 --> 01:08:41,076 But I didn't sell cigarettes to any kids. Hey, wait a minute! 1006 01:08:41,654 --> 01:08:45,647 Forget it. I don't wanna deal with a guy that sells cigarettes to four-year-olds. 1007 01:08:46,192 --> 01:08:48,661 Can I, uh, give you a lift somewhere? 1008 01:08:48,661 --> 01:08:51,631 Sure. How 'bout the beach? 1009 01:08:51,631 --> 01:08:55,624 I like the way you think. 1010 01:08:58,471 --> 01:09:00,473 Jesus! What next? 1011 01:09:00,473 --> 01:09:03,943 - Dante? - What? Caitlin! 1012 01:09:26,533 --> 01:09:28,568 - When did you get home? - Just now. 1013 01:09:28,568 --> 01:09:32,561 I can't believe it. I haven't seen you in so long. 1014 01:09:33,540 --> 01:09:37,533 Dante, you have a customer. 1015 01:09:39,112 --> 01:09:41,614 I just saw Alyssa's little sister outside. 1016 01:09:41,614 --> 01:09:44,651 - She was with Rick Derris. - Let's not talk about her. 1017 01:09:44,651 --> 01:09:47,153 - How'd you get home? - Train. It took eight hours. 1018 01:09:47,153 --> 01:09:49,789 - I can't believe you're here. - Excuse me. Do you... 1019 01:09:49,789 --> 01:09:52,025 Back behind the oil. How long you staying? 1020 01:09:52,025 --> 01:09:55,094 Until Monday. Then I have to take the train back. 1021 01:09:55,094 --> 01:09:57,230 Pack of cigarettes. Congratulations. 1022 01:09:57,230 --> 01:09:59,232 I saw the announcement in today's paper. 1023 01:09:59,232 --> 01:10:01,167 She's marrying an Asian design major. 1024 01:10:01,167 --> 01:10:05,160 So I'm told. 1025 01:10:32,131 --> 01:10:34,501 You're just gonna close the store? 1026 01:10:34,501 --> 01:10:37,036 I wanna talk to you, and I don't wanna be disturbed. 1027 01:10:37,036 --> 01:10:39,138 Something I read in the tabloids. 1028 01:10:39,138 --> 01:10:41,174 - You saw it. - Very dramatic, I thought. 1029 01:10:41,174 --> 01:10:43,510 - It's not what you think. - Oh, it's not. 1030 01:10:43,510 --> 01:10:46,312 What? You're pregnant with the Asian design major's child? 1031 01:10:46,312 --> 01:10:48,515 - What's goin' on here? - I am not pregnant. 1032 01:10:48,515 --> 01:10:51,084 Were you gonna tell me, or send me an invitation? 1033 01:10:51,084 --> 01:10:54,087 I was gonna tell you, but we were getting along so well. 1034 01:10:54,087 --> 01:10:55,822 You could've broken it gently. 1035 01:10:55,822 --> 01:10:59,325 You could've told me you had a boyfriend. I told you I had a girlfriend. 1036 01:10:59,325 --> 01:11:03,318 I'm sorry, but when we started talking, it was like I forgot I had a boyfriend. 1037 01:11:03,596 --> 01:11:05,999 - And then he proposed last month. - You said yes. 1038 01:11:05,999 --> 01:11:08,001 Well, kind of. Sort of. 1039 01:11:08,001 --> 01:11:10,870 Is that what they teach you in school? "Kind of," "sort of"? 1040 01:11:10,870 --> 01:11:13,706 Everybody knows! Do you know how humiliating that is? 1041 01:11:13,706 --> 01:11:16,709 I would've told you, and you would've stopped calling me. 1042 01:11:16,709 --> 01:11:18,745 - How do you know that? - I know you. 1043 01:11:18,745 --> 01:11:21,548 You prefer drastic measures to rational ones. 1044 01:11:21,548 --> 01:11:23,850 - So you're really getting married? - No. 1045 01:11:23,850 --> 01:11:26,185 You're not really getting married? 1046 01:11:26,185 --> 01:11:30,178 The story goes like this: He proposed, I told him I had to think about it, 1047 01:11:30,690 --> 01:11:32,792 and he insisted that I wear the ring. 1048 01:11:32,792 --> 01:11:35,228 Then my mother told the paper we were engaged. 1049 01:11:35,228 --> 01:11:37,830 - I don't like her. - Then my mother called 1050 01:11:37,830 --> 01:11:40,266 to let me know the announcement was in the paper. 1051 01:11:40,266 --> 01:11:43,603 I hopped a train to come here, because I knew you'd be a wreck. 1052 01:11:43,603 --> 01:11:46,205 - Thanks for the vote of confidence. - Was I right? 1053 01:11:46,205 --> 01:11:48,207 "Wreck" is a harsh term. 1054 01:11:48,207 --> 01:11:50,710 "Disturbed" is more like it. "Mildly disturbed". 1055 01:11:50,710 --> 01:11:53,980 I love a macho facade. It is such a turn-on. 1056 01:11:53,980 --> 01:11:57,917 - What smells like shoe polish? - So you came here to comfort me? 1057 01:11:57,917 --> 01:12:01,154 The last thing I needed was for you to think I was hiding something. 1058 01:12:01,154 --> 01:12:03,389 - But you were! - No, I wasn't! Not really. 1059 01:12:03,389 --> 01:12:05,325 I told you I'd been seeing other people. 1060 01:12:05,325 --> 01:12:08,027 But not seriously. You're ready to walk down the aisle. 1061 01:12:08,027 --> 01:12:10,730 That constitutes something more than seeing somebody. 1062 01:12:10,730 --> 01:12:13,833 - What's going on? - I'm giving him his ring back. 1063 01:12:13,833 --> 01:12:16,235 - What? - I don't want to marry him. 1064 01:12:16,235 --> 01:12:19,272 I don't want to get married now. I'm on the verge of graduation. 1065 01:12:19,272 --> 01:12:22,875 I want to go to grad school after this, and then I want to start a career. 1066 01:12:22,875 --> 01:12:24,043 I don't want to be a wife 1067 01:12:24,043 --> 01:12:27,013 and then worry about when I'm gonna fit in the other stuff. 1068 01:12:27,013 --> 01:12:29,248 I have come way too far and studied too damn hard 1069 01:12:29,248 --> 01:12:32,952 to let my education go to waste as a housewife. 1070 01:12:32,952 --> 01:12:34,954 And I know that's what I'd become. 1071 01:12:34,954 --> 01:12:38,725 Sang's just signed with a major firm, and he's gonna pull in a huge salary, 1072 01:12:38,725 --> 01:12:40,960 which would give me no reason to work. 1073 01:12:40,960 --> 01:12:42,962 - He's very traditional. - Wait a minute. 1074 01:12:42,962 --> 01:12:46,332 - His name is "Sang"? Past tense? - Stop it. He's a nice guy. 1075 01:12:46,332 --> 01:12:49,068 Well, if he's so nice, why aren't you marrying him? 1076 01:12:49,068 --> 01:12:52,238 - I just told you. - There's more to this, isn't there? 1077 01:12:52,238 --> 01:12:55,108 Oh! Why, Mr. Hicks, whatever do you mean? 1078 01:12:55,108 --> 01:12:58,344 - I don't have something to do with it. - You have nothing to do with it. 1079 01:12:58,344 --> 01:13:00,680 - You lie! - Look how full of yourself you are! 1080 01:13:00,680 --> 01:13:02,715 I believe in giving credit where it's due. 1081 01:13:02,715 --> 01:13:05,118 I believe I'm the impetus behind your refusal to wed. 1082 01:13:05,118 --> 01:13:09,111 If I'm so nuts about you, then why am I having sex with an Asian design major? 1083 01:13:09,222 --> 01:13:11,424 Oh, Jesus. You're so caustic. 1084 01:13:11,424 --> 01:13:14,193 I had to knock you down from that cloud you were on. 1085 01:13:14,193 --> 01:13:16,763 When I say I don't want to get married, I mean that. 1086 01:13:16,763 --> 01:13:19,832 I don't want to marry anybody. Not for years. 1087 01:13:19,832 --> 01:13:22,068 Who's asking? I don't want to marry you. 1088 01:13:22,068 --> 01:13:24,737 Well, good. Keep in that frame of mind. 1089 01:13:24,737 --> 01:13:28,207 - Well, let's date. - Oh, I think Sang and... Veronica, 1090 01:13:28,207 --> 01:13:30,143 they'd love that. 1091 01:13:30,143 --> 01:13:32,245 We can introduce them. They may hit it off. 1092 01:13:32,245 --> 01:13:34,414 You're serious? You wanna date again? 1093 01:13:34,414 --> 01:13:36,416 I wanna be your boyfriend, yes. 1094 01:13:36,416 --> 01:13:39,085 It's just the shock of seeing me after three years. 1095 01:13:39,085 --> 01:13:42,088 - Believe me, you'll get over it. - Give me a bit more credit. 1096 01:13:42,088 --> 01:13:44,090 I think it's time we got back together. 1097 01:13:44,090 --> 01:13:47,160 I'm more mature, you're more mature. You're finishing college. 1098 01:13:47,160 --> 01:13:50,029 - I'm already in the job market. - You work in a market. 1099 01:13:50,029 --> 01:13:52,265 Tell me you wouldn't wanna go out with me again 1100 01:13:52,265 --> 01:13:55,501 - after all the talking we've done. - The key word here is "talk." 1101 01:13:55,501 --> 01:13:58,438 I think the idea, or the conception of us dating, 1102 01:13:58,438 --> 01:14:01,374 is a lot more idyllic than what actually happens when we date. 1103 01:14:01,374 --> 01:14:04,377 What are we supposed to do? Pretend over the phone we're dating? 1104 01:14:04,377 --> 01:14:06,946 I don't know. Maybe we should just see what happens. 1105 01:14:06,946 --> 01:14:09,282 - Let me take you out tonight. - On a date? 1106 01:14:09,282 --> 01:14:11,951 Yeah, a real date. Dinner and a movie. 1107 01:14:11,951 --> 01:14:14,287 Oh, the "Dante Hicks Dinner and Movie" date. 1108 01:14:14,287 --> 01:14:18,280 - I think I've been on that one before. - Do you have a better suggestion? 1109 01:14:18,524 --> 01:14:20,526 Well, how about the "Caitlin Bree 1110 01:14:20,526 --> 01:14:24,430 Walk On The Boardwalk, Then Get Naked Somewhere" kind of private date? 1111 01:14:24,430 --> 01:14:27,033 - I hear that's kind of a popular date. - Jerk! 1112 01:14:27,033 --> 01:14:30,436 Here I am, throwing myself at you, succumbing to your wily charms, 1113 01:14:30,436 --> 01:14:32,972 and you're calling me a slut in so many words. 1114 01:14:32,972 --> 01:14:35,274 - What about Sing? - Sang! 1115 01:14:35,274 --> 01:14:38,010 - He's not invited. - He's your fiancé. 1116 01:14:38,010 --> 01:14:41,180 I'm offering you my body, and you're offering me semantics. 1117 01:14:41,180 --> 01:14:44,951 He's just a boyfriend, and in case you haven't gotten the drift 1118 01:14:44,951 --> 01:14:47,787 of why I came all the way here from Ohio... 1119 01:14:47,787 --> 01:14:50,289 Duh! I'm about to become single again. 1120 01:14:50,289 --> 01:14:53,459 And, yes, allow me to placate your ego. 1121 01:14:53,459 --> 01:14:56,496 You are the inspiration for this bold and momentous decision 1122 01:14:56,496 --> 01:14:59,832 that will probably get me ostracized from both school and home. 1123 01:14:59,832 --> 01:15:02,235 You ask me who I choose. 1124 01:15:02,235 --> 01:15:04,804 I choose you. 1125 01:15:04,804 --> 01:15:07,306 - So, what are you saying? - You are such an asshole. 1126 01:15:07,306 --> 01:15:11,110 - I'm just kidding! - I can already see this is not gonna work. 1127 01:15:11,110 --> 01:15:14,180 - I'll ask Randal to close up. - Where is he, anyway? 1128 01:15:14,180 --> 01:15:16,382 I thought he'd be at your side like a lapdog. 1129 01:15:16,382 --> 01:15:18,584 He went to go rent a movie. He isn't back yet. 1130 01:15:18,584 --> 01:15:20,887 I'll close up and leave him a note. 1131 01:15:20,887 --> 01:15:24,457 You are too responsible. But no, I have to go home first. 1132 01:15:24,457 --> 01:15:26,926 They don't even know I've left school yet. 1133 01:15:26,926 --> 01:15:29,395 I should break the disengagement news to my mother, 1134 01:15:29,395 --> 01:15:32,565 which is gonna cause quite a row considering she loves Sang. 1135 01:15:32,565 --> 01:15:36,269 - Who doesn't? - Well, me, I guess. 1136 01:15:36,269 --> 01:15:39,272 So I shall take my leave of you, 1137 01:15:39,272 --> 01:15:41,307 but I will return in a little while, 1138 01:15:41,307 --> 01:15:44,310 at which time I would love to go for dinner and a movie with you. 1139 01:15:44,310 --> 01:15:46,479 What happened to the walk and the nakedness? 1140 01:15:46,479 --> 01:15:49,081 I'm easy, but I'm not that easy. 1141 01:15:49,081 --> 01:15:53,074 See you later, handsome. 1142 01:15:56,489 --> 01:15:58,057 Yes! 1143 01:16:16,175 --> 01:16:20,012 - Get to work. - Hey, what'd you rent? 1144 01:16:20,012 --> 01:16:22,014 Best of Both Worlds? 1145 01:16:22,014 --> 01:16:24,517 Hermaphroditic porn. Starlets with both organs. 1146 01:16:24,517 --> 01:16:27,587 You should see the box. Beautiful chicks with dicks. 1147 01:16:27,587 --> 01:16:30,323 - And you rented this? - I like to expand my horizons. 1148 01:16:30,323 --> 01:16:33,226 - I got fined for selling cigarettes to a minor. - No way. 1149 01:16:33,226 --> 01:16:35,361 - Five hundred dollars. - Bullshit. 1150 01:16:35,361 --> 01:16:39,332 No, I'm not. 1151 01:16:39,332 --> 01:16:41,934 Holy shit! I didn't think they enforced this. 1152 01:16:41,934 --> 01:16:44,370 - Living proof. - You never sold cigarettes to kids. 1153 01:16:44,370 --> 01:16:46,572 - I didn't. You did. - Really? 1154 01:16:46,572 --> 01:16:48,908 Yep. A little girl, maybe four years old. 1155 01:16:48,908 --> 01:16:52,044 - Holy shit! That girl? - As opposed to hundreds of other children 1156 01:16:52,044 --> 01:16:54,180 you've sold cigarettes while working here. 1157 01:16:54,180 --> 01:16:56,282 - How come you got the fine? - 'Cause I'm here. 1158 01:16:56,282 --> 01:16:58,284 - You're lyin'. - No, I'm not. 1159 01:16:58,284 --> 01:17:00,653 - Why aren't you screaming at me? - I'm happy. 1160 01:17:00,653 --> 01:17:02,688 - I'm happy. - You're happy to get a fine? 1161 01:17:02,688 --> 01:17:05,958 - No, Caitlin came to see me. - Now I know you're lyin'. 1162 01:17:05,958 --> 01:17:08,127 - I'm not. She just left. - What'd she say? 1163 01:17:08,127 --> 01:17:10,429 She's not marrying that guy. She telling her mom. 1164 01:17:10,429 --> 01:17:12,431 - You're kiddin'. - I'm not. 1165 01:17:12,431 --> 01:17:14,700 Well, you've had quite an evening. 1166 01:17:14,700 --> 01:17:17,303 She went home, getting ready and we're going out. 1167 01:17:17,303 --> 01:17:19,672 Is there anything I can do for you? 1168 01:17:19,672 --> 01:17:23,209 - Watch the store. - What about "Title dictates behavior"? 1169 01:17:23,209 --> 01:17:26,345 This is my way of spitting water at life. 1170 01:17:26,345 --> 01:17:28,948 You want me to bring the VCR over so we can watch this? 1171 01:17:28,948 --> 01:17:31,350 No, I might be leaving early to go out with Caitlin. 1172 01:17:31,350 --> 01:17:33,452 You're gonna lock up the store tonight. 1173 01:17:33,452 --> 01:17:35,721 You're missin' out. Chicks with dicks. 1174 01:18:03,582 --> 01:18:07,575 Uh, no. Oh. 1175 01:18:08,020 --> 01:18:10,256 Well, Randal Graves, 1176 01:18:10,256 --> 01:18:12,325 scourge of the video renter. 1177 01:18:12,325 --> 01:18:16,318 Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Asian Design Major herself, Caitlin Bree. 1178 01:18:16,562 --> 01:18:20,299 You saw that article? God, isn't it awful? My mother sent that in. 1179 01:18:20,299 --> 01:18:24,236 - I take it she likes the guy. - You'd think she's marrying him. 1180 01:18:24,236 --> 01:18:27,239 - What are you watching? - Children's programming. 1181 01:18:27,239 --> 01:18:29,675 What'd your mom say when you told her? 1182 01:18:29,675 --> 01:18:32,511 She said not to come home until after graduation. 1183 01:18:32,511 --> 01:18:34,647 Wow. You got thrown out for Dante? 1184 01:18:34,647 --> 01:18:37,383 What can I say? He does weird things to me. 1185 01:18:37,383 --> 01:18:39,385 - Can I watch? - You can hold me down. 1186 01:18:39,385 --> 01:18:42,188 - Can I join in? - You might be let down. 1187 01:18:42,188 --> 01:18:44,991 - I'm not a hermaphrodite. - Hey, few are. 1188 01:18:44,991 --> 01:18:48,728 What makes you think you can maintain a relationship with him this time? 1189 01:18:48,728 --> 01:18:50,429 A woman's intuition. 1190 01:18:50,429 --> 01:18:53,766 Something inside of me says it's time to give him a serious try. 1191 01:18:53,766 --> 01:18:57,236 Wow. Hey, you know, you and I have something in common. 1192 01:18:57,236 --> 01:18:59,638 - We both eat Chinese. - Dick. 1193 01:18:59,638 --> 01:19:02,108 - Exactly. - So where is he? 1194 01:19:02,108 --> 01:19:04,176 He went home to change for the big date. 1195 01:19:04,176 --> 01:19:07,380 - God, isn't he great? - No. This is great. 1196 01:19:07,380 --> 01:19:10,149 Oh, lord. Can I use your bathroom? 1197 01:19:10,149 --> 01:19:12,718 - There's no lights. - Why aren't there any? 1198 01:19:12,718 --> 01:19:16,022 There are, but for some reason they stop working at 5:14. 1199 01:19:16,022 --> 01:19:18,324 - You're kidding. - Nobody can figure it out. 1200 01:19:18,324 --> 01:19:20,593 The boss doesn't want to pay the electrician 1201 01:19:20,593 --> 01:19:22,795 because he owes money to the video store. 1202 01:19:22,795 --> 01:19:26,198 - Such a sordid state of affairs. - And I'm caught in the middle, 1203 01:19:26,198 --> 01:19:30,202 torn between my loyalty for the boss and my desire to piss with lights on. 1204 01:19:30,202 --> 01:19:32,471 Well, I'll try to manage. 1205 01:19:32,471 --> 01:19:36,464 Oh, hey, Caitlin? Break his heart again this time, and I'll kill you. 1206 01:19:36,642 --> 01:19:38,377 Nothing personal. 1207 01:19:38,377 --> 01:19:41,647 You are very protective of him, Randal. You always have been. 1208 01:19:41,647 --> 01:19:44,450 Territoriality. He was mine first. 1209 01:19:44,450 --> 01:19:47,820 Oh, that was so cute. 1210 01:19:59,165 --> 01:20:00,800 Who eats cock? 1211 01:20:00,800 --> 01:20:03,102 Bunch of savages in this town. 1212 01:20:03,102 --> 01:20:05,104 Caitlin's in the back. Check on her. 1213 01:20:05,104 --> 01:20:08,107 - She's been back there a long time. - There are no lights. 1214 01:20:08,107 --> 01:20:10,743 I told her that. She said she didn't need any. 1215 01:20:10,743 --> 01:20:13,746 Why don't you go join her? Make a little bathroom bam-bam. 1216 01:20:13,746 --> 01:20:16,248 I love your sexy talk. It's so kindergarten. 1217 01:20:16,248 --> 01:20:18,517 - Poo-poo, wee-wee. - Fuck you. 1218 01:20:23,222 --> 01:20:25,224 I said stop. 1219 01:20:25,224 --> 01:20:29,217 - Oh, God. - It's all about pain, you bastard! 1220 01:20:32,198 --> 01:20:34,233 How did you get here so fast? 1221 01:20:34,233 --> 01:20:36,502 I left like an hour ago. 1222 01:20:36,502 --> 01:20:40,172 Do you always talk this weird after you violate a woman? 1223 01:20:40,172 --> 01:20:42,741 Maybe the Asian design major slipped her some opium. 1224 01:20:42,741 --> 01:20:46,734 - Could be. - It has never been like that before. 1225 01:20:46,912 --> 01:20:48,814 Like what? 1226 01:20:48,814 --> 01:20:52,384 When you just lay perfectly still and let me do everything. 1227 01:20:52,384 --> 01:20:56,122 - Am I missing something here? - OK. 1228 01:20:56,122 --> 01:20:58,757 I went back and Dante was already waiting for me. 1229 01:20:58,757 --> 01:21:01,694 - He was? - It was so cool. 1230 01:21:01,694 --> 01:21:05,687 He didn't say a word. He didn't have to. 1231 01:21:06,165 --> 01:21:07,833 He was just ready. 1232 01:21:07,833 --> 01:21:11,170 You know. And, like, we didn't kiss or talk or anything. 1233 01:21:11,170 --> 01:21:13,606 He just sat there and let me do all the work. 1234 01:21:13,606 --> 01:21:16,175 You dog. I didn't even see you go back there. 1235 01:21:16,175 --> 01:21:19,478 The fact that there weren't any lights on made it so... 1236 01:21:19,478 --> 01:21:21,480 God, that was so great! 1237 01:21:21,480 --> 01:21:25,473 My legs are still shaking. 1238 01:21:25,518 --> 01:21:27,853 It wasn't me. 1239 01:21:27,853 --> 01:21:30,456 Yeah, right. Who was it, then? Randal? 1240 01:21:30,456 --> 01:21:32,725 - Was it you? - I was up here the whole time. 1241 01:21:32,725 --> 01:21:35,895 - You two better quit it. - I'm serious. 1242 01:21:35,895 --> 01:21:38,564 Oh, so we didn't just have sex in the bathroom? 1243 01:21:38,564 --> 01:21:42,557 No. 1244 01:21:43,669 --> 01:21:45,671 Stop it. This isn't funny. 1245 01:21:45,671 --> 01:21:48,674 I'm not fooling around. I just came in from outside. 1246 01:21:48,674 --> 01:21:51,343 - This isn't fucking funny. - I'm not kidding. 1247 01:21:51,343 --> 01:21:53,445 - Who went back there? - Nobody. I swear. 1248 01:21:53,445 --> 01:21:55,915 - I feel nauseous. - Sure there was someone there? 1249 01:21:55,915 --> 01:21:58,484 Well, I didn't just fuck myself! Jesus Christ! 1250 01:21:58,484 --> 01:22:00,886 - I'm gonna be sick. - You just fucked a stranger? 1251 01:22:00,886 --> 01:22:02,888 - Shut up. - I can't believe this. 1252 01:22:02,888 --> 01:22:04,890 - Call the police. - No, don't! 1253 01:22:04,890 --> 01:22:06,892 A stranger just raped Caitlin. 1254 01:22:06,892 --> 01:22:09,528 - She did all the work. - Will you shut the fuck up? 1255 01:22:09,528 --> 01:22:12,765 Who the fuck's in our bathroom? 1256 01:22:12,765 --> 01:22:14,900 Who is he? 1257 01:22:14,900 --> 01:22:18,270 I don't know. He came in and asked to use the bathroom. 1258 01:22:18,270 --> 01:22:20,306 - What time was this? - I don't know. 1259 01:22:20,306 --> 01:22:22,341 What time did hockey end? 1260 01:22:22,341 --> 01:22:24,343 Um, like 3:00, 3:30. 1261 01:22:24,343 --> 01:22:27,213 - What time we get back from the funeral? - 4:00, I think. 1262 01:22:27,213 --> 01:22:29,582 - Wait. Who was working here? - Just me. 1263 01:22:29,582 --> 01:22:32,585 You said you went to play hockey and then went to a funeral. 1264 01:22:32,585 --> 01:22:35,020 - Yeah, we did. - Who was operating the store? 1265 01:22:35,020 --> 01:22:38,023 - Nobody. It was closed. - With this guy locked in here? 1266 01:22:38,023 --> 01:22:41,627 Everything happened quickly, I guess I forgot he was back there. 1267 01:22:41,627 --> 01:22:45,620 - Can we take it now? - Go ahead. 1268 01:22:49,568 --> 01:22:51,804 Was he alive when Caitlin... 1269 01:22:51,804 --> 01:22:54,506 No. I place the time of death about 3:20. 1270 01:22:54,506 --> 01:22:57,543 Then how could she... you know. 1271 01:22:57,543 --> 01:23:00,846 The body can maintain erection after expiration for hours. 1272 01:23:00,846 --> 01:23:02,982 Did he have the adult magazine when he came in? 1273 01:23:02,982 --> 01:23:06,975 No, I gave it to him. He asked me for it. 1274 01:23:07,453 --> 01:23:11,457 I can't say for certain, but my guess is he was masturbating, 1275 01:23:11,457 --> 01:23:14,460 his heart seized and he died. That's when the girl found him. 1276 01:23:14,460 --> 01:23:17,029 Something smells like shoe polish. 1277 01:23:17,029 --> 01:23:20,466 This has got to be the weirdest thing you've ever been called in on. 1278 01:23:20,466 --> 01:23:24,459 I had to tag a kid that broke his neck trying to put his mouth on his penis. 1279 01:23:25,304 --> 01:23:27,306 What about Caitlin? 1280 01:23:27,306 --> 01:23:30,576 Shock trauma. She's gonna need years of therapy. 1281 01:23:30,576 --> 01:23:33,846 My question is, how did she come to have sex with a dead man? 1282 01:23:33,846 --> 01:23:36,582 She thought it was me. 1283 01:23:36,582 --> 01:23:40,575 What kind of convenience store do you run here? 1284 01:24:06,578 --> 01:24:08,013 Salsa shark. 1285 01:24:08,013 --> 01:24:11,917 We're gonna need a bigger boat. 1286 01:24:11,917 --> 01:24:15,521 Man goes into cage, cage goes into salsa. 1287 01:24:15,521 --> 01:24:19,514 Shark's in the salsa. Our shark. 1288 01:24:19,692 --> 01:24:22,961 What's with you, man? You haven't said anything for 20 minutes. 1289 01:24:22,961 --> 01:24:24,863 What the hell's your problem? 1290 01:24:24,863 --> 01:24:26,832 - This life. - This life? 1291 01:24:26,832 --> 01:24:29,368 Why do I have this life? 1292 01:24:29,368 --> 01:24:31,370 Have some chips. You'll feel better. 1293 01:24:31,370 --> 01:24:34,973 I'm stuck in this pit, working for less than slave wages, 1294 01:24:34,973 --> 01:24:36,608 working on my day off. 1295 01:24:36,608 --> 01:24:39,144 The goddamn steel shutters are closed. 1296 01:24:39,144 --> 01:24:43,137 I deal with every fuck on the planet. I smell like shoe polish. 1297 01:24:43,649 --> 01:24:46,618 My ex-girlfriend is catatonic after fucking a dead guy, 1298 01:24:46,618 --> 01:24:49,955 and my present girlfriend has sucked 36 dicks. 1299 01:24:49,955 --> 01:24:51,023 Thirty seven. 1300 01:24:51,023 --> 01:24:54,960 My life's in the shitter, and if you don't mind, I'd like to stew a bit. 1301 01:24:54,960 --> 01:24:58,797 - You open? - Yeah. 1302 01:24:58,797 --> 01:25:01,834 That's all bullshit. Know what the real problem is? 1303 01:25:01,834 --> 01:25:03,402 I was born? 1304 01:25:03,402 --> 01:25:06,472 - You should shit or get off the pot. - Shit or get off the pot. 1305 01:25:06,472 --> 01:25:08,941 - Yeah. - What are you talking about? 1306 01:25:08,941 --> 01:25:12,678 This thing you have, this inability to improve your station in life. 1307 01:25:12,678 --> 01:25:14,446 - Fuck you. - It's true, man. 1308 01:25:14,446 --> 01:25:16,982 You blame life for dealing you a cruddy hand, 1309 01:25:16,982 --> 01:25:19,918 never once accepting responsibility for your situation. 1310 01:25:19,918 --> 01:25:23,422 - What responsibility? - If you hate this job and the people... 1311 01:25:23,422 --> 01:25:26,792 and the fact that you have to come in on your day off, why not quit? 1312 01:25:26,792 --> 01:25:29,495 - Like it's that easy. - It is. You just up and quit. 1313 01:25:29,495 --> 01:25:31,897 There's other jobs. They pay better money. 1314 01:25:31,897 --> 01:25:35,200 You're qualified for at least one. So what's stopping you? 1315 01:25:35,200 --> 01:25:37,503 - Leave me alone. - You're comfortable? 1316 01:25:37,503 --> 01:25:40,439 This is a life of convenience and any attempt to change it 1317 01:25:40,439 --> 01:25:43,842 would shatter the pathetic microcosm you've fashioned for yourself. 1318 01:25:43,842 --> 01:25:45,477 Like your life's any better. 1319 01:25:45,477 --> 01:25:49,470 I'm satisfied with my situation for now. You have been bitching all day. 1320 01:25:50,682 --> 01:25:52,951 Thank you. Go back to the video store. 1321 01:25:52,951 --> 01:25:55,020 - Same with Veronica. - Leave her out. 1322 01:25:55,020 --> 01:25:58,824 You date Veronica because it's convenient and she's low maintenance. 1323 01:25:58,824 --> 01:26:00,793 But all you do is talk about Caitlin. 1324 01:26:00,793 --> 01:26:03,462 You carry a torch for a girl you dated in high school. 1325 01:26:03,462 --> 01:26:05,764 High school, for God's sakes. You're 22. 1326 01:26:05,764 --> 01:26:09,435 - Leave me alone. - If you want Caitlin, be with Caitlin. 1327 01:26:09,435 --> 01:26:11,904 If you want Veronica, then be with Veronica. 1328 01:26:11,904 --> 01:26:14,139 But don't pine for one and fuck the other. 1329 01:26:14,139 --> 01:26:16,575 Man, if you weren't such a fucking coward... 1330 01:26:16,575 --> 01:26:18,243 If I wasn't such a fucking coward. 1331 01:26:18,243 --> 01:26:21,647 It must be great to have this ability to simplify things. 1332 01:26:21,647 --> 01:26:23,649 - Am I right or what? - You're wrong. 1333 01:26:23,649 --> 01:26:27,052 Things happened today that ruined my chances with Caitlin. 1334 01:26:27,052 --> 01:26:30,522 Oh, what, the dead guy? She'll get over fucking a dead guy. 1335 01:26:30,522 --> 01:26:34,259 Shit, my mom's been fucking a dead guy for 30 years. I call him Dad. 1336 01:26:34,259 --> 01:26:36,762 Caitlin and I can't be together. It's impossible. 1337 01:26:36,762 --> 01:26:40,499 Melodrama coming from you seems as natural as an oral bowel movement. 1338 01:26:40,499 --> 01:26:43,802 What do you want me to say? "Yes, some things you say are true"? 1339 01:26:43,802 --> 01:26:45,904 Things are not going to change. 1340 01:26:45,904 --> 01:26:48,574 - Make 'em change. - I can't, all right? 1341 01:26:48,574 --> 01:26:50,175 Jesus, will you leave me alone? 1342 01:26:50,175 --> 01:26:53,278 I can't make changes in my life like that. If I could, I would. 1343 01:26:53,278 --> 01:26:56,515 But I don't have the ability to risk the comfortable situations 1344 01:26:56,515 --> 01:26:58,283 on the big money and fabulous prizes. 1345 01:26:58,283 --> 01:27:01,920 - Who are you kidding? You can so. - Jesus H. Christ! I can't. 1346 01:27:01,920 --> 01:27:05,913 So you're gonna be miserable 'cause you don't have the guts to face change? 1347 01:27:06,825 --> 01:27:10,562 My mother told me once that when I was three years old, 1348 01:27:10,562 --> 01:27:12,030 my potty lid was closed, 1349 01:27:12,030 --> 01:27:15,100 and instead of me lifting it, I shit my pants. 1350 01:27:15,100 --> 01:27:16,969 Lovely story. 1351 01:27:16,969 --> 01:27:19,271 The point is, I'm not the type of person 1352 01:27:19,271 --> 01:27:23,264 who'll disrupt things just so I can shit comfortably. 1353 01:27:36,288 --> 01:27:40,125 ♪ Noise, noise, noise, Smokin' weed 1354 01:27:40,125 --> 01:27:43,896 ♪ Doin' coke, drinkin' beers ♪ Pack o' "rass," my good man. 1355 01:27:43,896 --> 01:27:46,965 Time to kick back, drink some beers and smoke some weed! 1356 01:27:46,965 --> 01:27:50,102 - Done poisoning the youth? - Hell, yes, whatever that means. 1357 01:27:50,102 --> 01:27:53,038 Now it's time to head over to Atlantic, drink some beers, 1358 01:27:53,038 --> 01:27:55,040 get ripped and, hopefully, get laid. 1359 01:27:55,040 --> 01:27:58,710 - ♪1.79. - Pay the good man. 1360 01:27:58,710 --> 01:28:01,213 - Yeah, you close soon? - In half an hour. 1361 01:28:01,213 --> 01:28:02,981 We get off the same time every day. 1362 01:28:02,981 --> 01:28:05,817 - We should hang out. You get high? - I should start. 1363 01:28:05,817 --> 01:28:09,154 Wanna come to this party? There's gonna be some pussy. 1364 01:28:09,154 --> 01:28:13,147 - With you? I don't think so. - "I don't hang out with drug dealers." 1365 01:28:13,592 --> 01:28:16,361 - Nothing personal. - What happened with that old guy? 1366 01:28:16,361 --> 01:28:19,865 - He died in the bathroom. - I heard he was jerkin' off. 1367 01:28:19,865 --> 01:28:22,034 I don't know. I wasn't watching. 1368 01:28:22,034 --> 01:28:25,637 He saw that Caitlin chick. I know I felt like beatin' it when I saw her. 1369 01:28:25,637 --> 01:28:27,739 Come here, bitch. You like this? Huh? 1370 01:28:27,739 --> 01:28:29,675 - This what you want? - Knock it off. 1371 01:28:29,675 --> 01:28:32,911 - That used to be my girlfriend. - Oh, you used to go out with her? 1372 01:28:32,911 --> 01:28:35,213 I thought we might be starting again. 1373 01:28:35,213 --> 01:28:38,917 - Don't you already have a girlfriend? - Yeah, Veronica. 1374 01:28:38,917 --> 01:28:42,154 - You're gonna dump her for Caitlin? - Maybe. 1375 01:28:42,154 --> 01:28:43,322 I don't know, dude. 1376 01:28:43,322 --> 01:28:46,858 Caitlin's nice, but I see Veronica doing shit for you all the time. 1377 01:28:46,858 --> 01:28:49,761 I saw her rubbing your back, brings your food. 1378 01:28:49,761 --> 01:28:51,863 Didn't I see her change your tire once? 1379 01:28:51,863 --> 01:28:55,801 I jacked up the car. All she did was unloosen the nuts and put the tire on. 1380 01:28:55,801 --> 01:28:59,338 - All I know is she does a lot for you. - She's my girlfriend. 1381 01:28:59,338 --> 01:29:03,331 I had some girlfriends too, but all they wanted from me was weed and shit. 1382 01:29:03,809 --> 01:29:06,178 My grandmother would say, "What's better? 1383 01:29:06,178 --> 01:29:09,181 A good plate with nothing on it?" No, wait. I fucked up. 1384 01:29:09,181 --> 01:29:11,316 "What's a good plate with nothing on it?" 1385 01:29:11,316 --> 01:29:14,319 - Meaning? - I don't know. She was senile. 1386 01:29:14,319 --> 01:29:18,312 She used to fuckin' piss herself all the time, and shit herself. 1387 01:29:18,657 --> 01:29:22,650 Come on, Silent Bob. Let's get out of this fuckin' gyp joint 1388 01:29:22,694 --> 01:29:26,687 with this fuckin' faggot Dante. You cock smoker. 1389 01:29:27,232 --> 01:29:30,268 There's a million fine-lookin' women in the world, dude, 1390 01:29:30,268 --> 01:29:34,261 but they don't all bring you lasagna at work. Most just cheat on you. 1391 01:29:34,906 --> 01:29:36,775 Come on, limp dick! 1392 01:29:36,775 --> 01:29:40,712 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1393 01:29:40,712 --> 01:29:42,781 He's right. 1394 01:29:42,781 --> 01:29:45,651 I love her. 1395 01:29:45,651 --> 01:29:49,287 That's it. He doesn't love you anymore. He loves Caitlin. 1396 01:29:49,287 --> 01:29:51,456 And he told you all of this? 1397 01:29:51,456 --> 01:29:55,449 Pretty much. All except the latent homosexuality part. That's my theory. 1398 01:29:55,927 --> 01:29:58,296 I don't know what to say. 1399 01:29:58,296 --> 01:30:02,234 Don't hold it against him. He just never got Caitlin out of his system. 1400 01:30:02,234 --> 01:30:05,971 It's not your fault. It's Dante. 1401 01:30:05,971 --> 01:30:08,340 Look. I don't know thing one about chicks. 1402 01:30:08,340 --> 01:30:11,376 So if you gotta cry or something, I can get out of here. 1403 01:30:11,376 --> 01:30:13,945 - I'm not sad. - You're not? 1404 01:30:13,945 --> 01:30:15,747 What did you do that for? 1405 01:30:15,747 --> 01:30:18,950 If you didn't wanna go out with me, why didn't you say so? 1406 01:30:18,950 --> 01:30:21,386 Instead you pussyfoot around and see that slut! 1407 01:30:21,386 --> 01:30:23,822 - What? - You've been talking to her for weeks! 1408 01:30:23,822 --> 01:30:24,990 Only a few times. 1409 01:30:24,990 --> 01:30:28,226 Then you freak out because I've gone down on a couple of guys. 1410 01:30:28,226 --> 01:30:29,294 Oh, a couple? 1411 01:30:29,294 --> 01:30:33,287 I'm not trying to patch up with my ex, sneaking around behind your back! 1412 01:30:33,799 --> 01:30:35,801 If you think 37 dicks are a lot, just wait. 1413 01:30:35,801 --> 01:30:39,204 I'm going to put the hookers in Times Square to shame! 1414 01:30:39,204 --> 01:30:41,073 - Will you let me explain? - What? 1415 01:30:41,073 --> 01:30:45,066 How you've been waiting until the time was right to dump me for her? 1416 01:30:45,143 --> 01:30:47,312 - It isn't like that! - Damn right! 1417 01:30:47,312 --> 01:30:50,816 I won't let it be like that. You want your slut? Fine. 1418 01:30:50,816 --> 01:30:53,318 - I don't want Caitlin. - You don't know what you want! 1419 01:30:53,318 --> 01:30:56,788 But I'm not going to hold your hand anymore until you figure it out! 1420 01:30:56,788 --> 01:30:58,323 I've tried with you, Dante. 1421 01:30:58,323 --> 01:31:02,027 I've encouraged you to get out of this fucking dump and go back to school, 1422 01:31:02,027 --> 01:31:03,995 to take charge and find direction. 1423 01:31:03,995 --> 01:31:07,499 I transferred so maybe you'd be more inclined to go back if I was with you. 1424 01:31:07,499 --> 01:31:11,103 Everyone said it was a stupid move, but I didn't care because I loved you 1425 01:31:11,103 --> 01:31:13,505 and wanted to see you pull yourself out of this funk 1426 01:31:13,505 --> 01:31:16,875 that you've been in since that whore dumped you so many years ago. 1427 01:31:16,875 --> 01:31:19,311 You wanna go back to her so she can fuck you over more! 1428 01:31:19,311 --> 01:31:21,546 - I don't wanna go back... - Of course. Not now. 1429 01:31:21,546 --> 01:31:24,750 You're caught, and now you're trying to snake out. 1430 01:31:24,750 --> 01:31:28,743 I want you to follow through so you can find out what an idiot you are. 1431 01:31:29,054 --> 01:31:31,923 And when she dumps you again, and I promise you, she will, 1432 01:31:31,923 --> 01:31:34,559 when she dumps you again I want to laugh in your face 1433 01:31:34,559 --> 01:31:37,896 so you realize what you gave up our relationship for. 1434 01:31:37,896 --> 01:31:40,832 I'm glad Randal had the balls to tell me since you couldn't. 1435 01:31:40,832 --> 01:31:44,302 Having him tell me was the weakest move ever. You're spineless. 1436 01:31:44,302 --> 01:31:48,306 - Veronica, I love you. - Fuck you! 1437 01:32:03,088 --> 01:32:07,092 Dante? 1438 01:32:07,092 --> 01:32:11,085 ♪ Our problems seem a world away 1439 01:32:12,030 --> 01:32:14,065 ♪ Close your eyes 1440 01:32:14,065 --> 01:32:17,035 ♪ And they'll all go away 1441 01:32:17,035 --> 01:32:21,028 ♪ Close the night and listen 1442 01:32:21,807 --> 01:32:25,800 ♪ Close your eyes to me 1443 01:32:25,977 --> 01:32:28,380 ♪ And sell the lie 1444 01:32:28,380 --> 01:32:31,149 ♪ My face 1445 01:32:31,149 --> 01:32:33,852 ♪ Shall live 1446 01:32:33,852 --> 01:32:36,521 ♪ You'll all be replaced ♪ 1447 01:32:36,521 --> 01:32:39,024 How's your eye? 1448 01:32:39,024 --> 01:32:43,017 The swelling's not that bad, but the F.D.S. Stings. 1449 01:32:43,595 --> 01:32:47,588 - How's your neck? - It's kind of hard to swallow. 1450 01:32:48,366 --> 01:32:50,368 You didn't have to choke me, you know. 1451 01:32:50,368 --> 01:32:53,905 Why did you tell Veronica I was gonna dump her to go with Caitlin? 1452 01:32:53,905 --> 01:32:56,942 - I thought I was doing you a favor. - Oh, Jesus. 1453 01:32:56,942 --> 01:32:59,477 You're always saying how you can't initiate change. 1454 01:32:59,477 --> 01:33:03,215 - I thought I'd give you a hand. - Thanks. 1455 01:33:03,215 --> 01:33:05,217 You still didn't have to choke me. 1456 01:33:05,217 --> 01:33:08,220 Oh, please. I'm surprised I didn't kill you. 1457 01:33:08,220 --> 01:33:10,155 - Why do you say that? - Why do I say that? 1458 01:33:10,155 --> 01:33:12,023 Forget it. 1459 01:33:12,023 --> 01:33:14,125 No, really. What did I do that was so wrong? 1460 01:33:14,125 --> 01:33:15,527 What don't you do? 1461 01:33:15,527 --> 01:33:18,897 Sometimes I think you come to work to make my life miserable. 1462 01:33:18,897 --> 01:33:21,266 - How do you figure? - What time did you get to work? 1463 01:33:21,266 --> 01:33:23,668 Like 10:00, or ten after. 1464 01:33:23,668 --> 01:33:26,938 You were half an hour late. And then all you do is come in here. 1465 01:33:26,938 --> 01:33:30,675 - Yeah, to talk to you. - Which means the video store is closed. 1466 01:33:30,675 --> 01:33:34,479 - It's not like I'm miles away. - Unless you're out renting videos. 1467 01:33:34,479 --> 01:33:37,415 Hermaphrodites. I rented it so we could watch it together. 1468 01:33:37,415 --> 01:33:39,050 You get me slapped with a fine. 1469 01:33:39,050 --> 01:33:42,153 You argue with the customers, and I have to patch everything up. 1470 01:33:42,153 --> 01:33:45,056 You get us thrown out of a funeral by violating the corpse. 1471 01:33:45,056 --> 01:33:48,393 To top it off, you ruin my relationship. What's your encore? 1472 01:33:48,393 --> 01:33:52,386 Do you, like, anally rape my mother while pouring sugar in my gas tank? 1473 01:33:54,566 --> 01:33:58,036 You know what the real tragedy about all of this is? 1474 01:33:58,036 --> 01:34:00,205 I'm not even supposed to be here today! 1475 01:34:00,205 --> 01:34:03,575 Oh, fuck you! Fuck you, pal! 1476 01:34:03,575 --> 01:34:05,911 Jesus, there you go, trying to pass the buck. 1477 01:34:05,911 --> 01:34:07,913 I'm the source of all your misery. 1478 01:34:07,913 --> 01:34:11,516 Who closed the store to play hockey? Who closed the store to go to a wake? 1479 01:34:11,516 --> 01:34:14,052 Who tried to win back his ex-girlfriend 1480 01:34:14,052 --> 01:34:17,088 without even discussing how he felt with his present one? 1481 01:34:17,088 --> 01:34:19,291 You wanna blame somebody? Blame yourself. 1482 01:34:19,291 --> 01:34:21,426 "I'm not even supposed to be here today." 1483 01:34:21,426 --> 01:34:23,261 You sound like an asshole! 1484 01:34:23,261 --> 01:34:25,363 Jesus, nobody twisted your arm to be here. 1485 01:34:25,363 --> 01:34:27,465 You're here of your own volition. 1486 01:34:27,465 --> 01:34:30,468 You like to think the weight of the world rests on your shoulder, 1487 01:34:30,468 --> 01:34:33,004 like this would fall apart if Dante wasn't here. 1488 01:34:33,004 --> 01:34:36,641 Jesus, you overcompensate for having what's basically a monkey's job. 1489 01:34:36,641 --> 01:34:40,634 You push fuckin' buttons. Anybody could waltz in here and do our jobs. 1490 01:34:41,413 --> 01:34:44,683 You're so obsessed with making it seem so much more epic, 1491 01:34:44,683 --> 01:34:47,252 so much more important than it really is. 1492 01:34:47,252 --> 01:34:51,245 Christ, you work in a convenience store, Dante, and badly, I might add. 1493 01:34:51,957 --> 01:34:55,260 I work in a shitty video store, badly as well. 1494 01:34:55,260 --> 01:34:59,264 That guy Jay's got it right. He has no delusions about what he does. 1495 01:34:59,264 --> 01:35:02,133 We like to make ourselves seem more important 1496 01:35:02,133 --> 01:35:05,270 than the people that come in to buy a paper or cigarettes. 1497 01:35:05,270 --> 01:35:07,973 We look down on them as if we're so advanced. 1498 01:35:07,973 --> 01:35:11,966 Well, if we're so fuckin' advanced, what are we doin' workin' here? 1499 01:35:30,295 --> 01:35:33,732 Hey, the floor looks pretty clean. I put the cat next door. 1500 01:35:33,732 --> 01:35:37,725 - Need a ride home? - No, I got one. Just pulled up. 1501 01:35:37,769 --> 01:35:41,306 - You workin' tomorrow? - Same time. What about you? 1502 01:35:41,306 --> 01:35:44,743 I'm callin' out. Goin' to the hospital and visit Caitlin. 1503 01:35:44,743 --> 01:35:47,312 And then I'm gonna try to talk to Veronica. 1504 01:35:47,312 --> 01:35:51,305 You wanna grab a bite to eat when you're done with that and I get off work? 1505 01:35:51,516 --> 01:35:54,519 - I'll give you a call, let you know. - All right. 1506 01:35:54,519 --> 01:35:56,554 Hey, good luck with Veronica. 1507 01:35:56,554 --> 01:35:58,723 I can talk to her, try to straighten... 1508 01:35:58,723 --> 01:36:01,493 No, thanks. I think I can handle it. 1509 01:36:01,493 --> 01:36:04,329 We have a lot of shit to talk about. 1510 01:36:04,329 --> 01:36:07,399 - Hell of a day. - To say the least. 1511 01:36:07,399 --> 01:36:10,402 Want me to do anything before I get out of here, man? 1512 01:36:10,402 --> 01:36:12,137 Why don't you wrangle for me? 1513 01:36:12,137 --> 01:36:14,773 - No. - Come on. Just wrangle out the door. 1514 01:36:14,773 --> 01:36:17,575 - No. No, no, no. - Come on. 1515 01:36:17,575 --> 01:36:19,577 ♪ Here comes Randal 1516 01:36:19,577 --> 01:36:22,113 ♪ He's a Berserker 1517 01:36:29,421 --> 01:36:33,414 You're closed. 1518 01:36:39,064 --> 01:36:43,057 ♪ I may never get what I want 1519 01:36:44,169 --> 01:36:48,162 ♪ But I'm happy just to die tryin' 1520 01:36:48,473 --> 01:36:52,466 ♪ And I hope I ain't done nobody wrong 1521 01:36:53,578 --> 01:36:57,571 ♪ But I miss you smilin' 1522 01:36:58,516 --> 01:37:02,509 ♪ And I'm lookin' for a cure 'Cause I'm bored to tears 1523 01:37:04,322 --> 01:37:06,324 ♪ And I'm stuck in here 1524 01:37:06,324 --> 01:37:10,317 ♪ Stuck out here, stuck in here 1525 01:37:10,695 --> 01:37:13,865 ♪ We lived through another day 1526 01:37:13,865 --> 01:37:17,268 ♪ It's a good excuse to celebrate 1527 01:37:17,268 --> 01:37:19,871 ♪ Take a number, knock on wood 1528 01:37:19,871 --> 01:37:23,441 ♪ We'll find a reason to feel good 1529 01:37:23,441 --> 01:37:25,643 ♪ I know you know I want to know 1530 01:37:25,643 --> 01:37:28,113 ♪ How I feel 1531 01:37:28,113 --> 01:37:31,149 ♪ I can't even tell 1532 01:37:31,149 --> 01:37:34,219 ♪ I can't even tell 1533 01:37:34,219 --> 01:37:38,212 ♪ I can't even tell 1534 01:37:38,857 --> 01:37:42,850 ♪ No one knows nothin' about me 1535 01:37:43,361 --> 01:37:47,354 ♪ I'm guessin' I'll just keep on guessin' 1536 01:37:48,166 --> 01:37:52,159 ♪ No one sees what I see 1537 01:37:52,904 --> 01:37:56,808 ♪ This is my blessin' 1538 01:37:56,808 --> 01:38:00,801 ♪ And I'm lookin' for a way To get outta here 1539 01:38:02,647 --> 01:38:04,649 ♪ Get me outta here 1540 01:38:04,649 --> 01:38:08,642 ♪ Outta here, outta here 1541 01:38:09,287 --> 01:38:12,223 ♪ We lived through another day 1542 01:38:12,223 --> 01:38:15,627 ♪ It's a good excuse to celebrate 1543 01:38:15,627 --> 01:38:18,429 ♪ Take a number, knock on wood 1544 01:38:18,429 --> 01:38:21,766 ♪ Find a reason to feel good 1545 01:38:21,766 --> 01:38:23,935 ♪ I know you know Just want to know 1546 01:38:23,935 --> 01:38:26,404 ♪ How I feel 1547 01:38:26,404 --> 01:38:29,340 ♪ I can't even tell 1548 01:38:29,340 --> 01:38:32,443 ♪ I can't even tell 1549 01:38:32,443 --> 01:38:36,436 ♪ I can't even tell 1550 01:38:59,938 --> 01:39:02,273 ♪ I'm outta here 1551 01:39:02,273 --> 01:39:06,266 ♪ Outta here Outta here 1552 01:39:06,978 --> 01:39:09,447 ♪ I know you know I want to know 1553 01:39:09,447 --> 01:39:11,749 ♪ How I feel 1554 01:39:11,749 --> 01:39:14,586 ♪ I can't tell 1555 01:39:14,586 --> 01:39:16,988 ♪ I know you know I'll tell ya 1556 01:39:16,988 --> 01:39:19,257 ♪ If it's real 1557 01:39:19,257 --> 01:39:21,926 ♪ It's not our last affair 1558 01:39:21,926 --> 01:39:24,762 - ♪ I can't even tell ♪ - ♪ Smokin' weed, smokin' weed 1559 01:39:24,762 --> 01:39:28,755 ♪ Noise, noise, noise Smokin' weed, smokin' weed ♪