1
00:00:00,386 --> 00:00:02,785
Hi, it's been 20 minutes.
Have you decided?
2
00:00:03,086 --> 00:00:04,885
Uh, we still need more time,
can you come back?
3
00:00:05,186 --> 00:00:07,285
Sure. And I'm back.
4
00:00:08,386 --> 00:00:11,185
Come on guys you're not buying a house.
Everything sucks.
5
00:00:11,586 --> 00:00:13,985
Pick the thing that sucks the least,
and put it in you mouth.
6
00:00:14,386 --> 00:00:16,285
Max, everyone keeps telling me
they can't decide,
7
00:00:16,586 --> 00:00:18,585
it's like a support group
for bi-sexuals.
8
00:00:20,186 --> 00:00:21,885
Something very magical
about to happen...
9
00:00:23,386 --> 00:00:25,037
Please let it be
the rapture.
10
00:00:25,039 --> 00:00:26,605
I need a day off.
11
00:00:26,607 --> 00:00:30,259
In two minutes,
something very hip is happening.
12
00:00:30,261 --> 00:00:31,427
If you have a camera,
13
00:00:31,429 --> 00:00:34,013
make sure the flash
is on.
14
00:00:34,015 --> 00:00:36,715
Why is he speaking
like that?
15
00:00:36,717 --> 00:00:38,884
Wait a minute.
16
00:00:38,886 --> 00:00:40,436
No one's ordering.
17
00:00:40,438 --> 00:00:42,772
People keep checking the time
on their phones.
18
00:00:42,774 --> 00:00:47,176
Everyone's wearing
matching new balance sneakers.
19
00:00:47,178 --> 00:00:48,661
Flash mob!
20
00:00:49,781 --> 00:00:52,414
♪ Party rockers
in the house tonight ♪
21
00:00:52,416 --> 00:00:54,350
♪ whoo!
Everybody just... ♪
22
00:00:54,352 --> 00:00:56,152
Oh, hell, no!
23
00:00:56,154 --> 00:00:57,903
Caroline, Earl,
code red!
24
00:00:57,905 --> 00:01:00,222
♪ Make you lose your mind ♪
25
00:01:00,224 --> 00:01:03,192
♪ everybody just
have a good time ♪
26
00:01:03,194 --> 00:01:04,693
♪ let's go ♪
27
00:01:04,695 --> 00:01:07,163
♪ party rockers in the... ♪
28
00:01:08,582 --> 00:01:10,132
I couldn't stop disco,
but I'll be damned
29
00:01:10,134 --> 00:01:13,269
if any more of that crap
gets by me.
30
00:01:15,388 --> 00:01:17,473
Why is flash mob over?
31
00:01:17,475 --> 00:01:20,109
Flash mobs were over
a year ago.
32
00:01:20,111 --> 00:01:22,111
Nobody told Han!
33
00:01:22,113 --> 00:01:23,646
I want so bad to be hip.
34
00:01:23,648 --> 00:01:26,715
Start by
never saying that again.
35
00:01:26,717 --> 00:01:29,151
♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪
36
00:01:30,655 --> 00:01:35,991
♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
ooh ooh ♪
37
00:01:37,016 --> 00:01:40,016
Sync and corrections by GeirDM
for www.addic7ed.com
38
00:01:59,661 --> 00:02:02,046
Hello?
39
00:02:02,048 --> 00:02:03,214
Max, phone!
40
00:02:03,216 --> 00:02:05,466
No!
41
00:02:05,468 --> 00:02:06,968
What are you doing?
42
00:02:06,970 --> 00:02:08,502
Never answer the wall phone!
43
00:02:08,504 --> 00:02:09,470
What? Why?
44
00:02:09,472 --> 00:02:10,972
Only two people
call the wall...
45
00:02:10,974 --> 00:02:12,173
collection agencies
46
00:02:12,175 --> 00:02:13,891
and the landlord, looking
for the original tenant
47
00:02:13,893 --> 00:02:14,809
whose name is on the lease!
48
00:02:14,811 --> 00:02:16,427
- Hang up. Quick!
- Too late.
49
00:02:16,429 --> 00:02:18,145
I've got to man up
and face it.
50
00:02:20,566 --> 00:02:23,967
Hello?
51
00:02:23,969 --> 00:02:26,153
This is what collection agency?
52
00:02:26,155 --> 00:02:29,023
No, my granddaughter Max
is not here.
53
00:02:29,025 --> 00:02:30,641
She died.
54
00:02:30,643 --> 00:02:33,077
On her deathbed,
she said it was the stress
55
00:02:33,079 --> 00:02:36,614
of being constantly harassed
by creditors.
56
00:02:36,616 --> 00:02:38,099
That's juvenile.
57
00:02:38,101 --> 00:02:40,601
Give me the phone.
58
00:02:40,603 --> 00:02:42,586
Hi.
So sorry about that.
59
00:02:42,588 --> 00:02:44,121
What's the issue exactly?
60
00:02:44,123 --> 00:02:46,374
Well, I'm sure
she has every intention...
61
00:02:46,376 --> 00:02:47,675
mm-hmm.
62
00:02:47,677 --> 00:02:48,826
Mm-hmm.
63
00:02:48,828 --> 00:02:50,428
Mm-hmm.
64
00:02:50,430 --> 00:02:51,679
Oh.
65
00:02:51,681 --> 00:02:55,633
Well, you're a doody head.
66
00:02:55,635 --> 00:02:57,134
Never answer the wall.
67
00:02:57,136 --> 00:02:59,253
But what are you
gonna do about it?
68
00:02:59,255 --> 00:03:02,139
You can't just keep lying
to collection agencies.
69
00:03:02,141 --> 00:03:04,392
You have to pay your bills.
I have a system.
70
00:03:04,394 --> 00:03:06,009
I pay everyone
five dollars a week...
71
00:03:06,011 --> 00:03:07,728
just enough to keep them
from freaking out.
72
00:03:07,730 --> 00:03:10,180
It's the methadone-clinic
banking system.
73
00:03:10,182 --> 00:03:12,900
That is a complete waste
of money.
74
00:03:12,902 --> 00:03:15,286
Five dollars won't even cover
the interest you're accruing.
75
00:03:15,288 --> 00:03:17,038
What's the interest rate
on your credit card?
76
00:03:17,040 --> 00:03:18,489
Don't know,
but my interest rate
77
00:03:18,491 --> 00:03:20,741
in the conversation is zero.
78
00:03:20,743 --> 00:03:22,993
Max, how could you
not know that?
79
00:03:22,995 --> 00:03:24,211
That's one of the first things
80
00:03:24,213 --> 00:03:25,696
my father taught me
about finance.
81
00:03:25,698 --> 00:03:28,466
Where...
at Embezzle U.?
82
00:03:32,871 --> 00:03:34,972
Max, I interned
at Merrill Lynch.
83
00:03:34,974 --> 00:03:37,808
Let me help you with this.
It's the least I can do.
84
00:03:37,810 --> 00:03:39,927
I had nowhere to go.
You took me in.
85
00:03:39,929 --> 00:03:42,480
Let me repay my debt to you
by helping with your debt
86
00:03:42,482 --> 00:03:45,266
to everyone in the world,
apparently.
87
00:03:45,268 --> 00:03:46,434
If you keep talking,
88
00:03:46,436 --> 00:03:48,769
I'm going to
Merrill Lynch myself.
89
00:03:48,771 --> 00:03:50,521
I'm one of those people
90
00:03:50,523 --> 00:03:53,441
who gets off on untangling
big, complicated messes.
91
00:03:53,443 --> 00:03:55,192
And since you won't let me
do your hair,
92
00:03:55,194 --> 00:03:58,028
let me do your bills.
93
00:03:58,030 --> 00:04:02,199
You want to do my bills?
94
00:04:06,955 --> 00:04:10,825
Here's my portfolio.
95
00:04:12,911 --> 00:04:15,346
And, uh, if you find
chocolate sprinkles in there,
96
00:04:15,348 --> 00:04:16,714
they're not chocolate...
97
00:04:16,716 --> 00:04:18,833
Or sprinkles.
98
00:04:24,088 --> 00:04:25,272
Okay.
99
00:04:25,274 --> 00:04:27,591
I've divided your bills
into three categories...
100
00:04:27,593 --> 00:04:30,194
"impossible,"
"next to impossible,"
101
00:04:30,196 --> 00:04:33,781
and "how the hell
did that happen?"
102
00:04:33,783 --> 00:04:36,317
And I've divided my roommate
into three categories...
103
00:04:36,319 --> 00:04:38,202
"annoying,"
"super annoying,"
104
00:04:38,204 --> 00:04:41,489
and "how the hell
did that happen?"
105
00:04:42,575 --> 00:04:44,291
I'm closing kitchen
in ten minutes.
106
00:04:44,293 --> 00:04:46,127
I cannot stay later.
107
00:04:46,129 --> 00:04:48,445
I have date with new woman
in my life.
108
00:04:48,447 --> 00:04:50,247
She's very special to me.
109
00:04:50,249 --> 00:04:52,133
I think she may be the one.
110
00:04:52,135 --> 00:04:56,137
You are both welcome
to come watch us have sex.
111
00:04:56,139 --> 00:04:57,638
Just putting it out there.
112
00:04:57,640 --> 00:04:59,590
Just put it back in there.
113
00:05:02,126 --> 00:05:04,261
I'm so excited, I don't even
know where to start.
114
00:05:04,263 --> 00:05:05,930
Drumroll, please.
115
00:05:05,932 --> 00:05:08,315
No?
Okay.
116
00:05:08,317 --> 00:05:09,934
Oh, interesting.
117
00:05:09,936 --> 00:05:11,652
Here we have a bill
from the pet castle,
118
00:05:11,654 --> 00:05:14,822
yet you don't have a pet, and
you've never been to a castle...
119
00:05:14,824 --> 00:05:17,441
Oh, except white castle.
120
00:05:17,443 --> 00:05:18,993
You used a credit card
at white castle?
121
00:05:18,995 --> 00:05:22,145
Yep.
That was good weed.
122
00:05:22,147 --> 00:05:24,081
And the pet thing was
'cause I found a stray
123
00:05:24,083 --> 00:05:25,166
and had to have her
cleaned up
124
00:05:25,168 --> 00:05:26,617
before I could get anyone
to take her.
125
00:05:26,619 --> 00:05:28,619
That would also explain
the charge for neutering.
126
00:05:28,621 --> 00:05:30,421
Nah, actually,
that was for me.
127
00:05:30,423 --> 00:05:32,673
Can't have any more
of these coming out.
128
00:05:32,675 --> 00:05:34,324
Do you really think
129
00:05:34,326 --> 00:05:36,493
it's fiscally smart
to be taking in strays?
130
00:05:36,495 --> 00:05:39,663
Good point.
Move out tonight.
131
00:05:39,665 --> 00:05:41,832
What is this...
a student loan?
132
00:05:41,834 --> 00:05:45,519
Oh, my God.
Max, you went to college?
133
00:05:45,521 --> 00:05:47,555
That wasn't a judgment.
It was just shocking...
134
00:05:47,557 --> 00:05:52,443
kind of like seeing
a baby smoke on the Internet.
135
00:05:53,678 --> 00:05:55,846
I love that kid.
136
00:05:57,148 --> 00:06:00,367
Max, a student loan is
the worst bill you can ignore.
137
00:06:00,369 --> 00:06:02,069
It can never be expunged.
138
00:06:02,071 --> 00:06:04,371
We're breaking out "expunged"
on a weeknight?
139
00:06:04,373 --> 00:06:06,707
You can't run away
from this bill.
140
00:06:06,709 --> 00:06:08,409
I can run away
from anything.
141
00:06:08,411 --> 00:06:11,745
I'm on my fifth identity.
142
00:06:11,747 --> 00:06:13,714
It's just like that
but underwater!
143
00:06:13,716 --> 00:06:14,698
Guys!
144
00:06:14,700 --> 00:06:16,917
Sorry,
we're just closing, guys.
145
00:06:16,919 --> 00:06:19,720
I'll take them, Max.
We need the...
146
00:06:22,224 --> 00:06:25,175
uh, sit anywhere.
147
00:06:27,429 --> 00:06:30,064
What was that roadrunner move
you just pulled?
148
00:06:30,066 --> 00:06:32,066
There's still a smoke outline
of your body
149
00:06:32,068 --> 00:06:34,384
Hanging in the air
out there.
150
00:06:34,386 --> 00:06:36,737
Did Wile E. Coyote
just come in the diner?
151
00:06:36,739 --> 00:06:39,456
- No, but my ex-boyfriend did.
152
00:06:39,458 --> 00:06:42,610
Meep, meep.
153
00:06:45,209 --> 00:06:46,525
Why is William
in Brooklyn?
154
00:06:46,527 --> 00:06:48,244
Why is William
in this diner?
155
00:06:48,246 --> 00:06:50,997
Why is every inbred rich guy
named William?
156
00:06:50,999 --> 00:06:54,584
I don't want to see him.
157
00:06:56,553 --> 00:06:57,887
Max, close the door.
158
00:06:57,889 --> 00:06:59,505
I don't want him
to come in here.
159
00:06:59,507 --> 00:07:02,842
Yeah, 'cause that happens
all the time.
160
00:07:02,844 --> 00:07:04,394
Customers come
in the front door
161
00:07:04,396 --> 00:07:05,895
and make a beeline
through the kitchen
162
00:07:05,897 --> 00:07:10,883
to see if there's a waitress
hiding in the walk-in freezer.
163
00:07:10,885 --> 00:07:12,068
Okay, what is the deal?
164
00:07:12,070 --> 00:07:13,319
Tell me fast.
165
00:07:13,321 --> 00:07:16,389
I'm nipping
like crazy in here.
166
00:07:16,391 --> 00:07:20,559
Ooh, you're smuggling some
gumdrops there, too, ice queen.
167
00:07:20,561 --> 00:07:22,946
His name is William Van Horn,
and he's...
168
00:07:24,615 --> 00:07:26,633
I am leaving for sex.
169
00:07:26,635 --> 00:07:30,203
Last chance for threesome,
foursome, possibly fivesome,
170
00:07:30,205 --> 00:07:33,990
if her sister's train
gets in on time.
171
00:07:33,992 --> 00:07:35,174
Oleg, please.
172
00:07:35,176 --> 00:07:36,926
I don't have time
to be harassed right now.
173
00:07:36,928 --> 00:07:38,027
Oh, okay.
174
00:07:38,029 --> 00:07:41,130
I'll see you
and the gumdrops tomorrow.
175
00:07:42,933 --> 00:07:44,183
Story. Go.
176
00:07:44,185 --> 00:07:45,969
We met
at our parents' companies'
177
00:07:45,971 --> 00:07:47,103
parent company picnic.
178
00:07:47,105 --> 00:07:48,688
His family is
the Boston Van Horns...
179
00:07:48,690 --> 00:07:49,772
story.
Stop.
180
00:07:49,774 --> 00:07:50,974
Cut to the end.
Do we hate him?
181
00:07:50,976 --> 00:07:53,259
He dumped me
when I lost all my money...
182
00:07:53,261 --> 00:07:55,395
never called me,
not an email, nothing.
183
00:07:55,397 --> 00:07:56,896
Oh, we hate him.
184
00:07:56,898 --> 00:07:59,148
Wait. Which one's your ex...
the Asian one, the black one?
185
00:07:59,150 --> 00:08:01,701
I'm kidding.
No, seriously.
186
00:08:03,654 --> 00:08:07,373
The white one or the really,
really white one?
187
00:08:08,826 --> 00:08:11,661
Really, really white.
188
00:08:11,663 --> 00:08:14,547
Service, service, service,
189
00:08:14,549 --> 00:08:17,166
service, service, serv...
190
00:08:17,168 --> 00:08:18,918
you heard your bro.
Service him.
191
00:08:18,920 --> 00:08:21,471
Oh, crushed!
192
00:08:21,473 --> 00:08:23,006
Hey, you better be careful,
193
00:08:23,008 --> 00:08:24,757
'cause I can give you a run
for your money.
194
00:08:24,759 --> 00:08:26,059
I don't have any money.
195
00:08:26,061 --> 00:08:27,977
Well, with a body like that,
you don't need any.
196
00:08:27,979 --> 00:08:30,346
- Oh! Ba-bam!
197
00:08:30,348 --> 00:08:32,231
Did you actually think
that was a good line,
198
00:08:32,233 --> 00:08:33,232
or is that what you do
199
00:08:33,234 --> 00:08:35,101
so the check gets paid
by Richie Rich?
200
00:08:35,103 --> 00:08:36,819
Hold on.
Who said I was rich?
201
00:08:36,821 --> 00:08:38,571
- Let me see your Hands.
- What...
202
00:08:38,573 --> 00:08:40,857
looking to see if I have
poor-people calluses?
203
00:08:40,859 --> 00:08:44,377
No, I wanted to see
how big your penis is.
204
00:08:45,996 --> 00:08:48,414
With Hands that size,
you better be rich.
205
00:08:48,416 --> 00:08:51,534
Oh! Shazam!
206
00:08:51,536 --> 00:08:54,170
Not cool, bro.
207
00:08:54,172 --> 00:08:56,372
- What's your name?
- Michelle Obama.
208
00:08:56,374 --> 00:08:58,508
We're closed.
209
00:08:58,510 --> 00:09:01,160
I'm William.
Give me your number.
210
00:09:01,162 --> 00:09:03,179
Why? So you can put it
in your phone
211
00:09:03,181 --> 00:09:05,264
and never call or text
or email?
212
00:09:05,266 --> 00:09:06,766
Seriously.
213
00:09:06,768 --> 00:09:08,968
You wouldn't know what to do
with a good girl if you had one.
214
00:09:08,970 --> 00:09:11,637
But you're not a good girl.
That's why I want your number.
215
00:09:11,639 --> 00:09:13,389
So how about it?
216
00:09:13,391 --> 00:09:15,007
We're closed.
217
00:09:15,009 --> 00:09:16,726
- Your sign says
"open till 2:00."
218
00:09:26,153 --> 00:09:28,571
My, my.
219
00:09:28,573 --> 00:09:31,624
How time does fly.
220
00:09:34,528 --> 00:09:37,830
2:00, gentlemen...
nighty night.
221
00:09:40,217 --> 00:09:42,618
What did I ever do to you?
222
00:09:46,590 --> 00:09:48,057
You didn't mention me,
did you?
223
00:09:48,059 --> 00:09:49,525
Ugh, no.
I just gave him...
224
00:09:49,527 --> 00:09:51,260
just get to the end.
Do you hate him?
225
00:09:51,262 --> 00:09:52,678
I hate him.
226
00:09:52,680 --> 00:09:54,013
That was
the weirdest thing,
227
00:09:54,015 --> 00:09:56,165
seeing him come in here.
228
00:09:56,167 --> 00:09:59,986
No, the weirdest thing
is coming in here right now.
229
00:10:02,072 --> 00:10:03,856
Why no?
230
00:10:03,858 --> 00:10:07,243
Girl at urban outfitter said
it was hip.
231
00:10:07,245 --> 00:10:08,778
You look like a lesbian
232
00:10:08,780 --> 00:10:11,781
I made out with once
on a dare.
233
00:10:14,401 --> 00:10:17,753
Han, you're adorable
exactly as you are.
234
00:10:17,755 --> 00:10:20,706
Why are you trying
to be hip?
235
00:10:20,708 --> 00:10:22,625
To meet girls.
236
00:10:22,627 --> 00:10:26,345
Oh!
237
00:10:29,600 --> 00:10:30,900
It's not that bad in here.
238
00:10:30,902 --> 00:10:32,535
I thought my first trip
to a laundromat
239
00:10:32,537 --> 00:10:34,554
would be
a lot more depressing.
240
00:10:48,101 --> 00:10:49,952
Six years
we spent together,
241
00:10:49,954 --> 00:10:52,705
and now he won't even look
at me.
242
00:10:55,442 --> 00:10:57,076
Oh, not the bag.
243
00:10:57,078 --> 00:11:00,163
I just looked at his bag...
now yours?
244
00:11:00,165 --> 00:11:01,881
Max, it's driving me crazy.
245
00:11:01,883 --> 00:11:03,916
What did you major in
in college?
246
00:11:03,918 --> 00:11:05,585
I majored
in changing topics.
247
00:11:05,587 --> 00:11:07,303
So what did you ever see
in your ex,
248
00:11:07,305 --> 00:11:09,589
the lost Winklevoss twin?
249
00:11:09,591 --> 00:11:11,624
We're not talking
about William.
250
00:11:11,626 --> 00:11:13,292
We're talking
about your bills.
251
00:11:13,294 --> 00:11:14,844
Well, I'm talking
about your bill!
252
00:11:14,846 --> 00:11:17,446
Oh, face!
Max...
253
00:11:17,448 --> 00:11:19,098
We're trying to start
a cupcake business.
254
00:11:19,100 --> 00:11:21,267
And I can't believe
I'm about to say this
255
00:11:21,269 --> 00:11:23,653
but with my father's
financial baggage,
256
00:11:23,655 --> 00:11:25,354
you're our best chance
for credit.
257
00:11:25,356 --> 00:11:27,806
Listen, everybody's broke
in their 20s.
258
00:11:27,808 --> 00:11:29,609
And everybody hides
from stuff.
259
00:11:29,611 --> 00:11:30,860
You run into freezers.
260
00:11:30,862 --> 00:11:33,362
I practice ignorance
and blackout drinking.
261
00:11:38,502 --> 00:11:40,152
What's happening right now?
262
00:11:40,154 --> 00:11:43,122
Hola, dudarinos.
263
00:11:43,124 --> 00:11:45,291
The laundromat's
closing early.
264
00:11:45,293 --> 00:11:49,045
We've rented it out
for our '80s pop-up disco party.
265
00:11:49,047 --> 00:11:51,997
Bobby.
266
00:11:51,999 --> 00:11:54,800
- Shouldn't it be called
an "'80s pop-up lame hipster
267
00:11:54,802 --> 00:11:57,687
will do anything
to be ironic and lame" party?
268
00:11:57,689 --> 00:11:58,804
"Lame"?
269
00:11:58,806 --> 00:12:00,673
Don't think so.
270
00:12:00,675 --> 00:12:02,108
What?
271
00:12:02,110 --> 00:12:03,859
Vicki from small wonder
is coming?
272
00:12:03,861 --> 00:12:05,010
Oh!
273
00:12:05,012 --> 00:12:07,146
Embarrassed to be you
right now.
274
00:12:07,148 --> 00:12:11,117
Unless you chicks have
75 disco-lovin' bucks,
275
00:12:11,119 --> 00:12:12,818
be gone in ten minutes,
276
00:12:12,820 --> 00:12:15,037
or my man here
will throw you out.
277
00:12:15,039 --> 00:12:17,240
Don't let his tube top
fool you.
278
00:12:17,242 --> 00:12:20,293
Bobby is mad wiry.
279
00:12:20,295 --> 00:12:21,827
I'm wiry.
280
00:12:26,750 --> 00:12:27,866
Small wonder?
281
00:12:27,868 --> 00:12:29,719
Is that the show on TLC
282
00:12:29,721 --> 00:12:31,754
about the little-people
magicians?
283
00:12:31,756 --> 00:12:33,205
No.
284
00:12:33,207 --> 00:12:35,975
It's an '80s sitcom
about this little girl robot
285
00:12:35,977 --> 00:12:37,710
who lives
with a loving family.
286
00:12:37,712 --> 00:12:39,312
A girl robot?
287
00:12:39,314 --> 00:12:40,930
That's totally unbelievable.
288
00:12:40,932 --> 00:12:43,349
No,
that's totally awesome!
289
00:12:43,351 --> 00:12:46,736
The unbelievable part
is the loving family.
290
00:12:46,738 --> 00:12:48,070
I love Vicki.
291
00:12:48,072 --> 00:12:50,106
She had no
emotions and was empty inside.
292
00:12:50,108 --> 00:12:52,108
My role model! We're staying.
293
00:12:52,110 --> 00:12:54,727
$75?
To do what...
294
00:12:54,729 --> 00:12:56,562
stand here
and dance next to...
295
00:12:56,564 --> 00:12:59,282
Guy-girl and girl-guy
over there?
296
00:13:04,087 --> 00:13:05,338
Come on, Chestnut,
297
00:13:05,340 --> 00:13:07,906
go poo-poo
near the hipsters.
298
00:13:07,908 --> 00:13:08,958
Hey, how cool would it be
if we could get
299
00:13:08,960 --> 00:13:11,093
Chess to go poo
on a hipster?
300
00:13:11,095 --> 00:13:12,845
How can
all of those people
301
00:13:12,847 --> 00:13:16,632
have $75 just to dance
at a laundromat?
302
00:13:16,634 --> 00:13:18,267
I've been doing my roots
with white-out.
303
00:13:18,269 --> 00:13:21,187
Hipsters in Williamsburg
will pay for anything
304
00:13:21,189 --> 00:13:23,472
if it makes them feel like
they're in on something new
305
00:13:23,474 --> 00:13:24,890
no one else knows about.
306
00:13:24,892 --> 00:13:26,359
All you need's a gimmick.
307
00:13:26,361 --> 00:13:27,476
Dudes!
308
00:13:27,478 --> 00:13:29,011
Can we ride your horse?
309
00:13:29,013 --> 00:13:30,613
Sure.
100 bucks.
310
00:13:30,615 --> 00:13:32,565
Okay.
I got to go to the ATM.
311
00:13:32,567 --> 00:13:35,618
Wait. Stay right there.
We'll be right back.
312
00:13:35,620 --> 00:13:36,986
Oh, my God.
313
00:13:36,988 --> 00:13:39,605
Max, we are literally looking
our gift horse in the mouth.
314
00:13:39,607 --> 00:13:42,241
We have something that's better
than an '80s disco party.
315
00:13:42,243 --> 00:13:43,125
We have a horse.
316
00:13:43,127 --> 00:13:44,877
If we throw
a big enough party,
317
00:13:44,879 --> 00:13:46,545
charge hipsters
for horse rides,
318
00:13:46,547 --> 00:13:48,297
we could pay off
your student loan!
319
00:13:48,299 --> 00:13:50,299
You'd whore out Chestnut
like that?
320
00:13:50,301 --> 00:13:52,251
Don't you have to get him
hooked on heroin first?
321
00:13:52,253 --> 00:13:53,919
Max, I've got this.
322
00:13:53,921 --> 00:13:55,638
I'm a brilliant event planner.
323
00:13:55,640 --> 00:13:58,007
My sweet 16
was off the chain...
324
00:13:58,009 --> 00:14:00,059
penthouse party,
pink and black theme.
325
00:14:00,061 --> 00:14:02,895
Alanis Morissette sang songs
from jagged little pill.
326
00:14:02,897 --> 00:14:04,347
On my 16th birthday,
327
00:14:04,349 --> 00:14:06,465
my mom took too many
jagged little pills,
328
00:14:06,467 --> 00:14:08,100
and I had to drive her
to the emergency room
329
00:14:08,102 --> 00:14:09,685
to get her stomach pumped.
330
00:14:09,687 --> 00:14:13,439
Was your childhood based
on the novel Push by Sapphire?
331
00:14:13,441 --> 00:14:15,908
I wish!
332
00:14:17,861 --> 00:14:20,446
The theme is
'90s horse party.
333
00:14:20,448 --> 00:14:22,114
It's exactly the kind
of hip event
334
00:14:22,116 --> 00:14:23,332
you're dying to be a part of.
335
00:14:23,334 --> 00:14:24,784
It would happen
after closing,
336
00:14:24,786 --> 00:14:26,085
so it won't affect business.
337
00:14:26,087 --> 00:14:27,620
And all the horse rides
will take place out back.
338
00:14:27,622 --> 00:14:29,839
So no damage will come
to the diner.
339
00:14:29,841 --> 00:14:32,491
But why would I say yes
to giving up my diner
340
00:14:32,493 --> 00:14:34,093
for no cash return?
341
00:14:34,095 --> 00:14:35,961
You might get laid.
342
00:14:40,917 --> 00:14:42,351
Great!
343
00:14:42,353 --> 00:14:44,687
The '90s horse party
is happening on Thursday.
344
00:14:44,689 --> 00:14:46,472
Fantastic.
Any other questions?
345
00:14:46,474 --> 00:14:47,473
Yes.
346
00:14:47,475 --> 00:14:49,475
What exactly is possibility
347
00:14:49,477 --> 00:14:52,344
of percentage of me...
348
00:14:52,346 --> 00:14:53,863
Getting laid?
349
00:14:56,400 --> 00:14:57,616
All I can say is,
350
00:14:57,618 --> 00:14:59,869
with the cute
'90s-themed-clothing incentive
351
00:14:59,871 --> 00:15:01,353
and the trivia contest,
352
00:15:01,355 --> 00:15:04,290
lots of cute hipster girls
will be here looking to...
353
00:15:04,292 --> 00:15:06,125
Get laid!
354
00:15:07,494 --> 00:15:09,161
I will go now
and start to research
355
00:15:09,163 --> 00:15:12,197
American trivia facts
about the 1990s.
356
00:15:14,301 --> 00:15:16,201
You realize we're gonna have
to give him something...
357
00:15:16,203 --> 00:15:17,720
like flash a little boob,
something.
358
00:15:17,722 --> 00:15:20,256
I feel like Han's
more of an ass man.
359
00:15:20,258 --> 00:15:23,208
Good point... 'cause his head
is right there.
360
00:15:29,147 --> 00:15:31,015
♪ Creep ♪
361
00:15:31,017 --> 00:15:34,018
♪ oh, I, oh, I, oh, I, oh, I,
yeah ♪
362
00:15:34,020 --> 00:15:36,437
♪ creep,
oh, I, oh, I, oh, I, oh, I ♪
363
00:15:36,439 --> 00:15:37,655
Oleg, what's up?
364
00:15:37,657 --> 00:15:39,407
Not enjoying
the '90s horse party?
365
00:15:39,409 --> 00:15:43,193
I thought you said
"'90s whores party."
366
00:15:44,696 --> 00:15:48,966
Now I'm wearing girdle
and deodorant for no reason.
367
00:15:50,886 --> 00:15:52,253
Quite a turnout, Max.
368
00:15:52,255 --> 00:15:55,056
Reminds me of the after-hours
clubs I used to go to,
369
00:15:55,058 --> 00:15:57,341
you know, if all
the cool cats shooting dope
370
00:15:57,343 --> 00:16:00,878
were replaced by sad,
white fools sipping light beer.
371
00:16:03,298 --> 00:16:04,548
Look!
372
00:16:04,550 --> 00:16:07,935
I did research and make myself
a 1990s trivia t-shirt.
373
00:16:07,937 --> 00:16:10,271
"Talk to the Han."
374
00:16:10,273 --> 00:16:11,439
Get it?
375
00:16:11,441 --> 00:16:13,658
"Talk to the Han!"
376
00:16:16,111 --> 00:16:17,578
That actually is cool.
377
00:16:17,580 --> 00:16:20,781
I am hoping
it will help me...
378
00:16:20,783 --> 00:16:22,199
Get laid?
379
00:16:24,536 --> 00:16:27,154
Care to purchase
a tamagotchi
380
00:16:27,156 --> 00:16:29,740
or a 90210-reo cupcake?
381
00:16:29,742 --> 00:16:33,544
We came here wanting
to hate on you chicks hard.
382
00:16:33,546 --> 00:16:38,265
But that horse you got
out back is mad cool.
383
00:16:38,267 --> 00:16:39,967
You bested us,
party beast.
384
00:16:39,969 --> 00:16:43,688
And to that,
I doff my cap.
385
00:16:44,723 --> 00:16:47,257
- How much are the cupcakes?
- $10 each.
386
00:16:47,259 --> 00:16:51,395
Ooh, I doff my cap again,
milady.
387
00:16:51,397 --> 00:16:53,430
Max, look at all this.
388
00:16:53,432 --> 00:16:54,699
We're a success!
389
00:16:54,701 --> 00:16:56,283
I'll tell you
what's not a success...
390
00:16:56,285 --> 00:16:58,035
the plan to get Han
some action.
391
00:16:58,037 --> 00:16:59,737
Look at him over there.
392
00:17:05,877 --> 00:17:08,412
- That's so sad.
- I know.
393
00:17:08,414 --> 00:17:11,248
Go over there
and give him a "Han" job.
394
00:17:13,502 --> 00:17:17,555
William!
395
00:17:17,557 --> 00:17:20,558
Meep, meep.
396
00:17:25,564 --> 00:17:30,234
You realize this is a freezer,
not a panic room, right?
397
00:17:30,236 --> 00:17:31,468
Just go out there
398
00:17:31,470 --> 00:17:33,804
and tear his smug, white ass
a new one.
399
00:17:33,806 --> 00:17:35,156
I can't face him, Max.
400
00:17:35,158 --> 00:17:37,808
Why? He's the one
who didn't call you.
401
00:17:37,810 --> 00:17:40,477
I can't face him
because I'm a waitress.
402
00:17:40,479 --> 00:17:41,445
Last time he saw me,
403
00:17:41,447 --> 00:17:43,330
I was a billionaire
in a townhouse.
404
00:17:43,332 --> 00:17:46,117
Now I'm a waitress
in a walk-in freezer.
405
00:17:46,119 --> 00:17:48,953
So, when you were laying
around on your trust fund,
406
00:17:48,955 --> 00:17:49,954
doing nothing every day,
407
00:17:49,956 --> 00:17:51,706
having other people
scrub your toilet,
408
00:17:51,708 --> 00:17:53,157
you could hold your head
up high?
409
00:17:53,159 --> 00:17:54,491
But now
that you support yourself
410
00:17:54,493 --> 00:17:56,761
by earning your own money,
that's somehow shameful?
411
00:17:56,763 --> 00:17:58,095
Who cares what he thinks?
412
00:17:58,097 --> 00:18:02,767
He is the guy who just paid $100
to party with a horse.
413
00:18:04,169 --> 00:18:05,936
He's the loser, not you.
414
00:18:05,938 --> 00:18:07,888
Really? 'Cause he's
out there having fun,
415
00:18:07,890 --> 00:18:08,889
and I'm in here,
416
00:18:08,891 --> 00:18:12,276
hugging a tub
of expired blue cheese.
417
00:18:12,278 --> 00:18:14,511
Look...
418
00:18:14,513 --> 00:18:16,731
You see that wad
of cash in your Hand?
419
00:18:16,733 --> 00:18:18,733
You earned that.
420
00:18:18,735 --> 00:18:20,651
Slap that wad in your palm
a few times!
421
00:18:20,653 --> 00:18:22,119
Feel its power.
422
00:18:24,289 --> 00:18:25,623
That's all you got?
423
00:18:25,625 --> 00:18:27,742
Come on,
really squeeze that wad!
424
00:18:27,744 --> 00:18:29,193
Feels good
in your Hands, right?
425
00:18:29,195 --> 00:18:31,361
- Feels pretty good.
- Yeah.
426
00:18:31,363 --> 00:18:34,632
Now slap it and say,
"this is my wad!"
427
00:18:34,634 --> 00:18:37,168
This is my wad.
428
00:18:37,170 --> 00:18:39,920
This is my wad!
429
00:18:39,922 --> 00:18:42,372
This is my wad!
430
00:18:42,374 --> 00:18:43,674
Go out there.
431
00:18:43,676 --> 00:18:46,327
I'm going out there!
432
00:18:46,329 --> 00:18:48,345
As soon as the ladies
calm down.
433
00:18:48,347 --> 00:18:49,647
Are you kidding?
434
00:18:49,649 --> 00:18:52,733
Show him what he's missing.
Let 'em pop, playa!
435
00:18:56,188 --> 00:18:58,105
Where are you,
you rich poseur?
436
00:18:58,107 --> 00:18:59,607
Oh! Uh...
437
00:18:59,609 --> 00:19:00,941
Listen up!
438
00:19:00,943 --> 00:19:04,411
That was meant exclusively
for one specific rich poseur.
439
00:19:04,413 --> 00:19:06,730
All you other rich poseurs,
440
00:19:06,732 --> 00:19:08,249
just continue
with the '90s!
441
00:19:08,251 --> 00:19:10,334
Whoop, whoop!
442
00:19:10,336 --> 00:19:12,586
Where is he?
Do you see him?
443
00:19:12,588 --> 00:19:14,789
Uh, no.
He was right over there.
444
00:19:14,791 --> 00:19:16,207
He's gone.
445
00:19:16,209 --> 00:19:18,125
I don't get to shove this
in his face.
446
00:19:18,127 --> 00:19:19,894
It would've been nice
to put my wad
447
00:19:19,896 --> 00:19:23,380
in his face
for a change.
448
00:19:27,886 --> 00:19:31,806
Oh, speaking of wads,
look over there.
449
00:19:31,808 --> 00:19:35,759
Aw.
450
00:19:35,761 --> 00:19:38,445
He's such a little pimp.
451
00:19:38,447 --> 00:19:40,531
Are you okay?
452
00:19:40,533 --> 00:19:42,533
Yeah.
Actually, I am.
453
00:19:42,535 --> 00:19:43,984
I guess I didn't need
to go over there
454
00:19:43,986 --> 00:19:45,435
and make some big,
dramatic speech,
455
00:19:45,437 --> 00:19:47,238
telling him
that even though I'm a waitress,
456
00:19:47,240 --> 00:19:48,438
I'm better than him.
457
00:19:48,440 --> 00:19:51,292
I know that now.
Thank you.
458
00:19:51,294 --> 00:19:53,994
And when I see him
one day in the future,
459
00:19:53,996 --> 00:19:57,114
I'll be happy
to tell him that.
460
00:19:57,116 --> 00:19:58,582
He just came
out of the men's room.
461
00:19:58,584 --> 00:19:59,750
Let's get out of here!
462
00:19:59,752 --> 00:20:01,001
What? I thought
you wanted to talk to him!
463
00:20:01,003 --> 00:20:02,970
I said, "the future."
This is the '90s.
464
00:20:02,972 --> 00:20:06,173
Let's get out of here.
Run!
465
00:20:09,010 --> 00:20:11,562
Feels good running away
from your bill, huh?
466
00:20:11,564 --> 00:20:12,813
So great.
467
00:20:12,815 --> 00:20:14,481
See, that's what
I've been saying.
468
00:20:14,483 --> 00:20:16,267
Well, at least
you don't have to run
469
00:20:16,269 --> 00:20:17,685
from your student loan bill.
470
00:20:17,687 --> 00:20:20,487
We can pay that off and still
have $50 for the cupcake fund.
471
00:20:20,489 --> 00:20:22,106
I hate that college won.
472
00:20:22,108 --> 00:20:24,024
Didn't you get anything
out of it?
473
00:20:24,026 --> 00:20:26,076
You mean, besides mono
and an art teacher
474
00:20:26,078 --> 00:20:27,411
whose idea
of finger-painting
475
00:20:27,413 --> 00:20:30,915
was a little more "finger"
than "painting"?
476
00:20:30,917 --> 00:20:31,949
Art teacher?
477
00:20:31,951 --> 00:20:34,318
Max, was that your major... art?
478
00:20:34,320 --> 00:20:37,371
Keep your eyes on the road.
You're driving.
479
00:20:37,373 --> 00:20:38,706
I just thought
for, like, a second,
480
00:20:38,708 --> 00:20:41,842
I could maybe illustrate
children's books.
481
00:20:41,844 --> 00:20:44,494
Max, that's so sweet.
482
00:20:44,496 --> 00:20:47,214
You're not like Vicki at all.
483
00:20:47,216 --> 00:20:49,550
Max, look.
Han!
484
00:20:49,552 --> 00:20:51,518
Aw, our little
somethin'-somethin'
485
00:20:51,520 --> 00:20:53,604
got him a little
somethin'-somethin'!
486
00:20:53,606 --> 00:20:56,307
I doff my cap, milady!
487
00:20:59,932 --> 00:21:01,732
Sync and corrections by GeirDM
for www.addic7ed.com