1
00:00:00,410 --> 00:00:02,846
Evening, ladies.
Gals' night out?

2
00:00:02,847 --> 00:00:05,336
Chasing guys, eating pie,
having fun.

3
00:00:05,456 --> 00:00:10,457
This table is sticky!
Run a damp rag across it!

4
00:00:10,577 --> 00:00:12,122
Would it kill you
to clean a little?

5
00:00:12,123 --> 00:00:13,690
What kinda place is this?

6
00:00:13,691 --> 00:00:16,036
The kind that serves soup cold.

7
00:00:16,156 --> 00:00:18,157
And what's with
your crazy earrings?

8
00:00:18,158 --> 00:00:20,059
What are you, some kinda gypsy?

9
00:00:20,060 --> 00:00:22,361
Whoa!
Hold up, ladies.

10
00:00:22,362 --> 00:00:24,464
You don't get a bitch pass
just 'cause you're old.

11
00:00:26,900 --> 00:00:29,801
Yes, that's right.
I said it.

12
00:00:29,802 --> 00:00:32,070
You come in here with
your gangster granny attitude,

13
00:00:32,071 --> 00:00:33,805
think you can get away

14
00:00:33,806 --> 00:00:35,974
with dumping all over
the lowly gypsy waitress.

15
00:00:35,975 --> 00:00:39,210
No way. At this diner, we don't
discriminate due to age.

16
00:00:39,211 --> 00:00:40,712
If you're gonna act
like an ass,

17
00:00:40,713 --> 00:00:43,214
I'm gonna treat you
like an ass...

18
00:00:43,215 --> 00:00:48,586
No matter how close that ass
is riding to the floor.

19
00:00:48,587 --> 00:00:53,056
Now, I'll wipe off the table
we'll take it from the top.

20
00:00:53,057 --> 00:00:56,527
Hi, I'm Max.
Who wants tapioca?

21
00:00:57,963 --> 00:00:59,729
That's more like it.

22
00:00:59,730 --> 00:01:01,712
Save the disappointment
for the grandkids.

23
00:01:02,965 --> 00:01:12,862
Synced by YesCool
www.addic7ed.com

24
00:01:14,008 --> 00:01:16,025
Earl, I need another book
of checks.

25
00:01:16,145 --> 00:01:18,380
The last one fell between
the refrigerator and the oven.

26
00:01:18,381 --> 00:01:20,115
I'd reach for it,
but that falls between

27
00:01:20,116 --> 00:01:22,176
"I don't do that"
and "Oh, hell no."

28
00:01:23,442 --> 00:01:27,056
Look overthere, Max.
Men and women in suits.

29
00:01:27,234 --> 00:01:29,418
This neighborhood is
definitely on the rise.

30
00:01:29,420 --> 00:01:31,053
I remember a time when a black man

31
00:01:31,055 --> 00:01:32,721
couldn't get a cab around here.

32
00:01:32,723 --> 00:01:35,774
And that time was Wednesday.

33
00:01:35,776 --> 00:01:38,877
Max, I was just talking to
the smart couples in booth two.

34
00:01:38,879 --> 00:01:41,080
I know they're smart because
they're the first people in here

35
00:01:41,082 --> 00:01:42,614
who ever ordered the croque monsieur

36
00:01:42,616 --> 00:01:46,101
as croque monsieur and
not "crock monster."

37
00:01:48,388 --> 00:01:50,105
They wanna meet the woman
who made the cupcakes.

38
00:01:50,107 --> 00:01:51,606
I told them you'd be right over.

39
00:01:51,608 --> 00:01:54,043
- Go! They're so nice.
- No, they're not nice.

40
00:01:54,045 --> 00:01:56,161
They're trendy, blood-sucking locusts

41
00:01:56,163 --> 00:01:58,414
who come into this neighborhood
to pillage and destroy

42
00:01:58,416 --> 00:01:59,548
everything I care about.

43
00:01:59,550 --> 00:02:01,783
I felt the same way
when the Hilton sisters

44
00:02:01,785 --> 00:02:04,219
crashed my 21st birthday.

45
00:02:04,221 --> 00:02:07,556
What?

46
00:02:07,558 --> 00:02:09,425
You made these cupcakes?

47
00:02:09,427 --> 00:02:12,761
Yeah, what's the problem?
Spit it out, I've got a life.

48
00:02:12,763 --> 00:02:15,764
We just wanted to tell you
that your flavor palate is...

49
00:02:15,766 --> 00:02:17,299
amazing.

50
00:02:17,301 --> 00:02:19,568
I don't know who you are
or where you came from--

51
00:02:19,570 --> 00:02:21,603
Neither do I.

52
00:02:21,605 --> 00:02:24,356
But these are fabulous.

53
00:02:24,358 --> 00:02:27,242
Well, welcome to the neighborhood.

54
00:02:27,244 --> 00:02:28,744
I knew I liked you guys.

55
00:02:31,164 --> 00:02:33,615
So what did the trendy locusts want?

56
00:02:33,617 --> 00:02:36,318
You are so judgmental, you know that?

57
00:02:36,320 --> 00:02:39,788
They wanted to tell me the
cupcakes are "fabulous."

58
00:02:39,790 --> 00:02:40,956
Thank you.

59
00:02:40,958 --> 00:02:42,458
Maybe now you'll finally start to get it

60
00:02:42,460 --> 00:02:44,710
if someone besides me
tells you how good they are.

61
00:02:44,712 --> 00:02:48,097
I believe the word was "fabulous."

62
00:02:48,099 --> 00:02:49,932
Pick up, Max.

63
00:02:49,934 --> 00:02:52,501
Oleg, from now on, you
may call me Countess Max

64
00:02:52,503 --> 00:02:54,303
of the Fabulous Cupcakes.

65
00:02:54,305 --> 00:02:55,771
And you may call me Sir Oleg

66
00:02:55,773 --> 00:02:59,858
of the Amazing Party in My Pants.

67
00:03:03,596 --> 00:03:05,814
Caroline, the happy,
shiny people in suits

68
00:03:05,816 --> 00:03:07,483
asked me to give you this note.

69
00:03:07,485 --> 00:03:09,485
Oh, what a great idea!

70
00:03:09,487 --> 00:03:11,353
They suggested we sell Max's cupcakes

71
00:03:11,355 --> 00:03:13,572
at the cool new coffee
place in their building.

72
00:03:13,574 --> 00:03:17,242
But you already sell
cupcakes here in my diner.

73
00:03:17,244 --> 00:03:19,694
Han, we're building a cupcake
business that will one day

74
00:03:19,696 --> 00:03:20,996
get us out of here.

75
00:03:20,998 --> 00:03:22,714
That's what we're trying
to do with our lives.

76
00:03:22,716 --> 00:03:27,202
But I thought we
had something special.

77
00:03:27,204 --> 00:03:29,704
Yes, but we're not exclusive.

78
00:03:29,706 --> 00:03:33,675
The diner's cute, but
I want more than this.

79
00:03:33,677 --> 00:03:35,694
Oof.

80
00:03:35,696 --> 00:03:38,430
First girlfriend all over again.

81
00:03:39,514 --> 00:03:39,514
+

82
00:03:42,962 --> 00:03:44,162
Hey, Johnny.

83
00:03:44,164 --> 00:03:45,330
Max has the tables against the wall.

84
00:03:45,332 --> 00:03:46,932
Oh, we're good in your section.

85
00:03:46,934 --> 00:03:51,453
Caroline, I want you
to meet my buddy Carlos.

86
00:03:51,455 --> 00:03:53,788
Hi.

87
00:03:53,790 --> 00:03:56,308
Well, I'm working the counter.

88
00:03:56,310 --> 00:03:57,876
What's happenin'? Come on, dude.

89
00:03:57,878 --> 00:03:59,561
You have a literature degree from NYU.

90
00:03:59,563 --> 00:04:01,396
I didn't mean to say
that, but when I get nervous,

91
00:04:01,398 --> 00:04:03,131
my Rico Suave comes out.

92
00:04:03,133 --> 00:04:05,633
It won't happen again.

93
00:04:05,635 --> 00:04:07,102
And here's two menus.

94
00:04:07,104 --> 00:04:10,739
What's happenin'?

95
00:04:10,741 --> 00:04:13,692
Dude, I'm nervous.

96
00:04:13,694 --> 00:04:15,477
Hey, guys, I'm in
that section over there.

97
00:04:15,479 --> 00:04:17,279
Oh, we're good in Caroline's area.

98
00:04:17,281 --> 00:04:20,248
Well, if you like hot
coffee in your pants area,

99
00:04:20,250 --> 00:04:22,250
you're in the right place.

100
00:04:22,252 --> 00:04:24,836
Actually, I like that.

101
00:04:24,838 --> 00:04:27,822
Coming right at you.

102
00:04:30,176 --> 00:04:31,493
Johnny's in your section.

103
00:04:31,495 --> 00:04:32,627
Yeah, why?

104
00:04:32,629 --> 00:04:34,212
He comes in here every night to see you.

105
00:04:34,214 --> 00:04:36,098
He's your friends
or...crush or whatever he is.

106
00:04:36,100 --> 00:04:38,833
Shh! He's not a crush. He's a...

107
00:04:38,835 --> 00:04:40,135
I don't know what he
is, but whatever he is,

108
00:04:40,137 --> 00:04:43,505
he's in your section.

109
00:04:46,008 --> 00:04:47,893
- Max!
- Ooh! What are you doing?

110
00:04:47,895 --> 00:04:49,111
You're not supposed to be in here.

111
00:04:49,113 --> 00:04:52,814
I know, I'm a bad boy.

112
00:04:52,816 --> 00:04:54,866
Look, the reason I'm not
sitting in your section

113
00:04:54,868 --> 00:04:57,786
is because my buddy Carlos is
crushing pretty hard on Caroline

114
00:04:57,788 --> 00:04:59,621
and he asked me to do
what I can to hook them up.

115
00:04:59,623 --> 00:05:01,990
Oh. So now you're a bartender,

116
00:05:01,992 --> 00:05:03,858
a street artist, and a pimp.

117
00:05:03,860 --> 00:05:06,545
Ain't nuttin' wrong with me
pimpin' some boy on the side.

118
00:05:06,547 --> 00:05:08,997
Keeps me in spray paint and whatnot.

119
00:05:08,999 --> 00:05:10,549
So?

120
00:05:10,551 --> 00:05:14,202
From pimp to pimp...

121
00:05:14,204 --> 00:05:15,720
Help me out with your girl.

122
00:05:15,722 --> 00:05:19,891
My girl don't come cheap.

123
00:05:20,943 --> 00:05:25,230
Is it hot in here?

124
00:05:26,032 --> 00:05:28,266
Yes, and we're in a freezer.

125
00:05:28,268 --> 00:05:31,052
Yes. My freezer.

126
00:05:31,054 --> 00:05:33,888
I was, uh, just talking to Max.

127
00:05:33,890 --> 00:05:37,025
Um, I'll see you out there.

128
00:05:40,947 --> 00:05:45,116
So is this what you like in the men?

129
00:05:45,118 --> 00:05:48,170
No. He's just a
customer that went rogue.

130
00:05:48,172 --> 00:05:51,239
He is weak and girlish.

131
00:05:51,241 --> 00:05:53,792
A woman like you needs a real man.

132
00:05:53,794 --> 00:05:55,010
You know what they say.

133
00:05:55,012 --> 00:05:59,014
Once you go Ukraine, you
will scream with sex pain.

134
00:06:03,302 --> 00:06:05,971
That probably lost
some of its sensual appeal

135
00:06:05,973 --> 00:06:09,524
in the translation, but
thanks for the offer, Oleg.

136
00:06:11,777 --> 00:06:15,363
Cute, but I'm not interested.
Besides, he's not my type.

137
00:06:15,365 --> 00:06:16,815
Just say it.

138
00:06:16,817 --> 00:06:19,234
You're not interested in him
because he's Puerto Rican.

139
00:06:19,236 --> 00:06:20,569
Where did you get this idea

140
00:06:20,571 --> 00:06:22,070
that I would only date white guys?

141
00:06:22,072 --> 00:06:25,207
For your information, I've
dated all kinds of men.

142
00:06:25,209 --> 00:06:28,193
I once had a Spaniard in Monte Carlo.

143
00:06:28,195 --> 00:06:30,879
Isn't the title of an Abba song?

144
00:06:30,881 --> 00:06:33,965
Are you sure about this? He's cute.

145
00:06:33,967 --> 00:06:37,952
And trust me, you could use a
little salsa in your white rice.

146
00:06:37,954 --> 00:06:40,088
Max, I just lost every dollar I had.

147
00:06:40,090 --> 00:06:42,474
The last thing on my
mind right now is guys--

148
00:06:42,476 --> 00:06:44,643
<i>any type of guy.</i>

149
00:06:44,645 --> 00:06:46,511
Except this guy.

150
00:06:46,513 --> 00:06:48,313
Hi, Chestnut.

151
00:06:48,315 --> 00:06:51,016
I'm much more concerned
with our business

152
00:06:51,018 --> 00:06:52,817
and getting my head back above water.

153
00:06:52,819 --> 00:06:54,653
Men will come sooner or later.

154
00:06:54,655 --> 00:06:59,574
Well, according to my
research most men come sooner.

155
00:06:59,576 --> 00:07:00,825
Oh, I thought we should stop by

156
00:07:00,827 --> 00:07:02,611
that new coffee place tomorrow
and introduce ourselves

157
00:07:02,613 --> 00:07:04,112
and your cupcakes.

158
00:07:04,114 --> 00:07:06,581
I'm not gonna walk in there.
I feel like I'm selling out.

159
00:07:06,583 --> 00:07:09,751
Okay, let's reframe
the phrase selling out

160
00:07:09,753 --> 00:07:11,453
and make it sold out,

161
00:07:11,455 --> 00:07:13,622
as in "Max, we sold out of the cupcakes"

162
00:07:13,624 --> 00:07:15,257
and are now successful."

163
00:07:15,259 --> 00:07:16,625
What's that you say?

164
00:07:16,627 --> 00:07:19,511
I can now afford to buy
the wax dental floss again?

165
00:07:19,513 --> 00:07:21,513
Fine.

166
00:07:21,515 --> 00:07:23,498
But I'm only doing it so
you'll eventually get your mind

167
00:07:23,500 --> 00:07:24,966
off the business and get laid.

168
00:07:24,968 --> 00:07:27,102
Why do you think I
need to get laid so badly?

169
00:07:27,104 --> 00:07:29,638
If I'd just gone through
all the tension and trauma

170
00:07:29,640 --> 00:07:31,273
that just happened to you,

171
00:07:31,275 --> 00:07:33,224
I'd be climbing telephone
polls to take the edge off.

172
00:07:33,226 --> 00:07:36,695
Trust me, sex is the last
thing on my mind right now.

173
00:07:36,697 --> 00:07:39,114
Oh, and speaking of reframing things,

174
00:07:39,116 --> 00:07:40,699
I have a surprise.

175
00:07:40,701 --> 00:07:42,200
I redecorated my room.

176
00:07:42,202 --> 00:07:44,653
I scoped out some cheap
fabric in bedding places

177
00:07:44,655 --> 00:07:46,571
down on Houston Street.

178
00:07:46,573 --> 00:07:50,458
What do you think?

179
00:07:50,460 --> 00:07:53,995
I think you've made a vagina.

180
00:07:56,332 --> 00:07:57,582
What?

181
00:07:57,584 --> 00:08:01,136
Sister, you may think
that sex is the last thing

182
00:08:01,138 --> 00:08:05,006
on your mind, but you turned
your bed into a vagina.

183
00:08:06,092 --> 00:08:07,759
Do you think my vagina has curtains?

184
00:08:07,761 --> 00:08:11,680
I don't know how long it's been.

185
00:08:11,682 --> 00:08:13,515
I'm tired. I'm going to bed.

186
00:08:13,517 --> 00:08:14,716
Okay, but I still
have to make the cupcakes

187
00:08:14,718 --> 00:08:16,184
to bring by that place tomorrow.

188
00:08:16,186 --> 00:08:17,552
I don't wanna keep you awake

189
00:08:17,554 --> 00:08:18,903
so why don't you sleep in my bed tonight

190
00:08:18,905 --> 00:08:20,605
and I'll pass out on your vagina?

191
00:08:20,607 --> 00:08:24,242
Okay, but you better buy
me breakfast in the morning.

192
00:08:29,565 --> 00:08:33,184
I love this place. Looks
like Paris in the '20s.

193
00:08:33,186 --> 00:08:36,454
More like poseurs in their 20s.

194
00:08:36,456 --> 00:08:38,423
Man, they've really
cleaned this place up.

195
00:08:38,425 --> 00:08:40,125
You've been here before?

196
00:08:40,127 --> 00:08:41,459
Yeah, it used to be a liquor store

197
00:08:41,461 --> 00:08:42,627
owned by this old Irish guy

198
00:08:42,629 --> 00:08:45,213
who had freckles on his penis.

199
00:08:45,215 --> 00:08:47,081
Sometimes he'd corner you and flash it,

200
00:08:47,083 --> 00:08:49,751
but then he'd always comp
you a free lotto ticket.

201
00:08:49,753 --> 00:08:51,052
Okay, well, let's try and keep

202
00:08:51,054 --> 00:08:52,587
that sort of charming nostalgia

203
00:08:52,589 --> 00:08:54,305
out of our sales pitch.

204
00:08:54,307 --> 00:08:56,274
Oh, that's the owner.

205
00:08:56,276 --> 00:08:57,776
I scoped it out before you got here.

206
00:08:57,778 --> 00:08:59,861
And remember, I'll do the talking.

207
00:08:59,863 --> 00:09:01,029
Why don't I get to talk?

208
00:09:01,031 --> 00:09:03,732
Freckled penis.

209
00:09:03,734 --> 00:09:05,066
And besides, I have more experience.

210
00:09:05,068 --> 00:09:07,118
All those who pitched business
models to Warren Buffett

211
00:09:07,120 --> 00:09:09,103
as a member of the Phillips
Exeter Entrepreneurs Club

212
00:09:09,105 --> 00:09:11,939
raise their hands. Holla!

213
00:09:11,941 --> 00:09:14,275
Well, if you care enough
to raise your arms about it,

214
00:09:14,277 --> 00:09:17,295
fine. You talk. I won't say anything.

215
00:09:17,297 --> 00:09:20,248
Hi, what can I get for you?

216
00:09:20,250 --> 00:09:23,451
Hi, I'm Caroline and this
is my business partner Max.

217
00:09:23,453 --> 00:09:25,253
- And you are?
- Semhar.

218
00:09:25,255 --> 00:09:27,806
- Oh, jeez.
- Such a pretty name.

219
00:09:27,808 --> 00:09:30,592
It means "light of
the tiger" in Sanskrit.

220
00:09:30,594 --> 00:09:32,177
Oh, jeez.

221
00:09:32,179 --> 00:09:33,795
It's my yoga name.

222
00:09:33,797 --> 00:09:35,980
Help me, God.

223
00:09:35,982 --> 00:09:37,732
Well, Semhar, we just opened

224
00:09:37,734 --> 00:09:39,651
a local neighborhood cupcake company.

225
00:09:39,653 --> 00:09:40,769
Our card.

226
00:09:40,771 --> 00:09:42,570
We're introducing our exciting product

227
00:09:42,572 --> 00:09:43,822
to local boulangeries.

228
00:09:43,824 --> 00:09:46,474
Please try a sample. Max.

229
00:09:46,476 --> 00:09:48,743
Would you like
coconut-coffee, chocolate-curry,

230
00:09:48,745 --> 00:09:50,829
or blueberry-lemon zest?

231
00:09:50,831 --> 00:09:53,114
My absolute fave is the coconut-coffee.

232
00:09:53,116 --> 00:09:54,365
Let's start with that, shall we?

233
00:09:54,367 --> 00:09:58,336
Thank you, but no thank you.

234
00:09:58,338 --> 00:10:00,789
Well, can I ask you why?

235
00:10:00,791 --> 00:10:03,458
They're not pretty enough.

236
00:10:03,460 --> 00:10:04,926
Excuse me?

237
00:10:04,928 --> 00:10:07,962
They're not pretty enough.

238
00:10:07,964 --> 00:10:10,131
Perhaps if you tried one,

239
00:10:10,133 --> 00:10:12,434
you'd see how amazing
our flavor palate is.

240
00:10:12,436 --> 00:10:14,602
Hold off, Flava Flav.

241
00:10:14,604 --> 00:10:16,221
What do you mean,
they're not pretty enough?

242
00:10:16,223 --> 00:10:19,190
They have a charming homemade look,

243
00:10:19,192 --> 00:10:20,558
but my customer would prefer

244
00:10:20,560 --> 00:10:23,027
a more upscale, prettier product.

245
00:10:23,029 --> 00:10:25,697
Just FYI, some upscale residents

246
00:10:25,699 --> 00:10:27,398
in this very upscale building

247
00:10:27,400 --> 00:10:29,200
where your upscale
store actually is located

248
00:10:29,202 --> 00:10:31,185
recently told us they were fabulous.

249
00:10:31,187 --> 00:10:33,037
I understand.

250
00:10:33,039 --> 00:10:35,290
But they're not pretty enough.

251
00:10:35,292 --> 00:10:37,992
Listen, battlefield earth.

252
00:10:42,414 --> 00:10:45,250
This is Williamsburg, Brooklyn,

253
00:10:45,252 --> 00:10:47,201
and no amount of exposed brick and paint

254
00:10:47,203 --> 00:10:50,138
can change the fact that,
right where you're standing,

255
00:10:50,140 --> 00:10:52,373
I've seen Tommy O'Hanlon's wing-wang

256
00:10:52,375 --> 00:10:54,309
more times than I care to remember.

257
00:10:54,311 --> 00:10:57,645
And I must say, it was way less
offensive than your attitude.

258
00:10:57,647 --> 00:10:59,814
And you can shove that up your upscale.

259
00:10:59,816 --> 00:11:02,684
Let's go.

260
00:11:02,686 --> 00:11:04,602
- Namaste.
- Namaste.

261
00:11:07,594 --> 00:11:07,594
+

262
00:11:11,607 --> 00:11:13,124
What's with the empty hands, Max?

263
00:11:13,126 --> 00:11:14,525
No cupcakes tonight?

264
00:11:14,527 --> 00:11:17,061
No, they're bugging me. I
decided to take the night off.

265
00:11:17,063 --> 00:11:19,180
Be careful with decisions like that.

266
00:11:19,182 --> 00:11:22,283
In 1987, I took a night off
from earth, wind, and fire

267
00:11:22,285 --> 00:11:26,371
and the next day, they
earth, wind, and fired my ass.

268
00:11:29,325 --> 00:11:31,409
Hi. Sorry I'm late.

269
00:11:31,411 --> 00:11:33,828
Mid-afternoon nap in your vagina?

270
00:11:33,830 --> 00:11:35,696
I wish! No.

271
00:11:35,698 --> 00:11:37,882
I went to a cheap bakery
supply store in Greenpoint

272
00:11:37,884 --> 00:11:39,300
and got us some supplies.

273
00:11:39,302 --> 00:11:40,551
Here.

274
00:11:40,553 --> 00:11:42,303
It's the basic cake decorating kit.

275
00:11:42,305 --> 00:11:44,005
And best of all I found us a fun,

276
00:11:44,007 --> 00:11:46,140
reasonable two-session
cupcake decorating class

277
00:11:46,142 --> 00:11:47,308
at a bakery.

278
00:11:47,310 --> 00:11:49,143
We can learn how to make pretty roses.

279
00:11:49,145 --> 00:11:50,345
No way.

280
00:11:50,347 --> 00:11:51,846
The cupcakes don't need to be pretty.

281
00:11:51,848 --> 00:11:54,548
They compensate by having
a great sense of humor.

282
00:11:54,550 --> 00:11:57,685
Pretty cupcakes is just
another option for our business.

283
00:11:57,687 --> 00:11:58,903
People want pretty, we do pretty.

284
00:11:58,905 --> 00:12:01,272
Or people want
homemade, we do--

285
00:12:01,274 --> 00:12:04,659
- Wait, where is our homemade?
- I didn't make any tonight.

286
00:12:04,661 --> 00:12:06,661
You didn't make any?

287
00:12:06,663 --> 00:12:08,946
What, you get one piece
of constructive criticism

288
00:12:08,948 --> 00:12:11,282
and you stop making them?

289
00:12:11,284 --> 00:12:13,051
Max, it's business.

290
00:12:13,053 --> 00:12:15,203
And maybe Semhar has a point
about making them pretty.

291
00:12:15,205 --> 00:12:17,288
First of all, what does
she know about pretty?

292
00:12:17,290 --> 00:12:20,574
The woman has dreadlocks.

293
00:12:20,576 --> 00:12:22,410
Her head looks like the stuff

294
00:12:22,412 --> 00:12:23,928
you empty out of a vacuum cleaner bag.

295
00:12:23,930 --> 00:12:25,096
Not pretty.

296
00:12:25,098 --> 00:12:27,432
Forget her.

297
00:12:27,434 --> 00:12:28,766
What's happening with you?

298
00:12:28,768 --> 00:12:30,418
What's your problem with pretty?

299
00:12:30,420 --> 00:12:35,223
<i>Don't wave your
divas live hand at me.</i>

300
00:12:35,225 --> 00:12:37,141
I just think society's way too concerned

301
00:12:37,143 --> 00:12:38,976
with other people's
idea of what's pretty.

302
00:12:38,978 --> 00:12:41,595
You don't think you can do it.

303
00:12:41,597 --> 00:12:43,097
That's what this is about.

304
00:12:43,099 --> 00:12:44,315
This isn't about society.

305
00:12:44,317 --> 00:12:45,733
You're afraid you can't do pretty.

306
00:12:45,735 --> 00:12:47,485
Look, I don't do pretty

307
00:12:47,487 --> 00:12:49,871
the way you don't do Puerto Ricans.

308
00:12:49,873 --> 00:12:51,656
What are you talking about?

309
00:12:51,658 --> 00:12:53,491
I'll do Puerto Ricans.

310
00:12:53,493 --> 00:12:54,942
All right.

311
00:12:54,944 --> 00:12:57,578
Then go do one and leave me alone.

312
00:12:57,580 --> 00:13:00,631
Max, it's a skill. That's all.

313
00:13:00,633 --> 00:13:02,667
It's not shameful to not
know how to do something.

314
00:13:02,669 --> 00:13:05,253
Didn't you have piano
lessons growing up?

315
00:13:05,255 --> 00:13:07,372
Seriously?

316
00:13:07,374 --> 00:13:09,223
Ice skating?

317
00:13:09,225 --> 00:13:11,476
Closest I've come to blades on ice

318
00:13:11,478 --> 00:13:12,927
was when a pregnant
girl pulled a knife on me

319
00:13:12,929 --> 00:13:14,679
at a hockey game.

320
00:13:14,681 --> 00:13:16,731
Look, you and I have a business,

321
00:13:16,733 --> 00:13:18,599
and this is a skill we need.

322
00:13:18,601 --> 00:13:20,435
We're going to that class

323
00:13:20,437 --> 00:13:22,019
and we are gonna master
how to make pretty roses.

324
00:13:22,021 --> 00:13:23,637
And I know how much you
hate anything trendy,

325
00:13:23,639 --> 00:13:26,991
so I found us a family-owned
Italian bakery in Brooklyn.

326
00:13:26,993 --> 00:13:28,693
Italian's good.

327
00:13:28,695 --> 00:13:30,078
Maybe they'll know how to dump the body

328
00:13:30,080 --> 00:13:31,362
after I kill you.

329
00:13:35,667 --> 00:13:39,454
First of all, welcome
to Spice and Sugar.

330
00:13:39,456 --> 00:13:42,340
We did a little twist on the
traditional sugar and spice

331
00:13:42,342 --> 00:13:44,625
putting spice first because...

332
00:13:44,627 --> 00:13:47,345
We're Italian.

333
00:13:47,347 --> 00:13:49,046
And we always got the spice up front

334
00:13:49,048 --> 00:13:50,498
and a little in the rear.

335
00:13:50,500 --> 00:13:52,550
Holla!

336
00:13:52,552 --> 00:13:55,770
Now are you embarrassed
you ever said holla?

337
00:13:55,772 --> 00:13:58,839
My name is Stephanie, and
this is my cousin Serena,

338
00:13:58,841 --> 00:14:01,309
and this bakery has been
in our family for years

339
00:14:01,311 --> 00:14:03,644
and then we took it over and made it...

340
00:14:03,646 --> 00:14:07,031
Hot.

341
00:14:07,033 --> 00:14:08,733
All right, let's go around
and introduce ourselves

342
00:14:08,735 --> 00:14:10,451
and tell us why you came tonight.

343
00:14:10,453 --> 00:14:12,036
Let's start with the cute guys.

344
00:14:12,038 --> 00:14:14,522
Always!

345
00:14:14,524 --> 00:14:16,023
I'm Steve, I thought this would be

346
00:14:16,025 --> 00:14:17,825
a fun idea for my bachelor party.

347
00:14:17,827 --> 00:14:20,828
I'm getting married to
Michael...right there.

348
00:14:20,830 --> 00:14:22,580
So cute. God bless!

349
00:14:22,582 --> 00:14:23,697
And I'm Michael.

350
00:14:23,699 --> 00:14:27,802
- I'm Michael as well.
- Michael.

351
00:14:27,804 --> 00:14:31,305
Oh...So many Michaels.

352
00:14:31,307 --> 00:14:34,208
- And you are?
- Michael.

353
00:14:34,210 --> 00:14:35,343
No, I'm Max.

354
00:14:35,345 --> 00:14:38,262
Oh, she's funny. So cute, God bless!

355
00:14:38,264 --> 00:14:40,565
And I'm Caroline. I'm Max's partner.

356
00:14:40,567 --> 00:14:43,651
- Oh, so many gays tonight.
- I know.

357
00:14:43,653 --> 00:14:46,020
No, I'm her business partner.

358
00:14:46,022 --> 00:14:48,606
We actually have our own cupcake
business over in Williamsburg,

359
00:14:48,608 --> 00:14:50,908
and I must say, we're doing very well.

360
00:14:50,910 --> 00:14:53,277
Max is the baker and
I'm the business head

361
00:14:53,279 --> 00:14:55,196
and we're here tonight to
increase our skill level

362
00:14:55,198 --> 00:14:57,231
and take our business
up to a level that's...

363
00:14:57,233 --> 00:15:00,034
<i>Hot as well.</i>

364
00:15:00,036 --> 00:15:01,402
If you're gonna talk that much,

365
00:15:01,404 --> 00:15:04,905
no one will have time to learn anything.

366
00:15:04,907 --> 00:15:06,424
I know, right?

367
00:15:06,426 --> 00:15:07,908
So, uh, where's your shop?

368
00:15:07,910 --> 00:15:10,744
Well, right now, we're just
working out of our apartment.

369
00:15:10,746 --> 00:15:12,763
- So no shop.
- Oh, that's sweet.

370
00:15:12,765 --> 00:15:15,600
- Cute.
- Yeah, good luck, God bless.

371
00:15:15,602 --> 00:15:18,019
Can you say jealous?

372
00:15:18,021 --> 00:15:19,437
All right, let's start simple

373
00:15:19,439 --> 00:15:20,638
with a pretty little icing flower.

374
00:15:20,640 --> 00:15:22,756
Everybody pick up your piping bags,

375
00:15:22,758 --> 00:15:24,392
and with a
straight-edge tip--

376
00:15:24,394 --> 00:15:27,612
But you guys can use your gay-edge tip.

377
00:15:27,614 --> 00:15:30,731
All right, everybody watch Stephanie.

378
00:15:30,733 --> 00:15:31,983
You're gonna take the nail head

379
00:15:31,985 --> 00:15:33,150
and you're gonna make a little "U"

380
00:15:33,152 --> 00:15:34,202
so that you get little petals.

381
00:15:34,204 --> 00:15:35,486
And we'll do this five times.

382
00:15:35,488 --> 00:15:37,738
And then, you have a pretty
little five-petal flower.

383
00:15:37,740 --> 00:15:41,292
- Simple.
- So cute. How fun!

384
00:15:41,294 --> 00:15:43,961
No, no. You gotta
start by making a "U".

385
00:15:43,963 --> 00:15:45,329
I did. That's a "U".

386
00:15:45,331 --> 00:15:50,218
- Serena, is that a "U"?
- Not a "U".

387
00:15:50,220 --> 00:15:52,403
Fine, I'll start over.

388
00:15:52,405 --> 00:15:53,971
That was a "U".

389
00:15:53,973 --> 00:15:55,840
And what, just because I
don't have a quote-unquote shop

390
00:15:55,842 --> 00:15:57,225
I don't know a "U"?

391
00:15:57,227 --> 00:15:58,392
What's with the attitude?

392
00:15:58,394 --> 00:15:59,793
All right, let's leave.

393
00:15:59,795 --> 00:16:01,846
Next time the gays giggle,
we'll just slide out.

394
00:16:01,848 --> 00:16:04,315
No, we're here to learn.

395
00:16:04,317 --> 00:16:05,799
That looks good.

396
00:16:05,801 --> 00:16:07,852
I suck. I'm starting over.

397
00:16:07,854 --> 00:16:09,987
Max, why'd you do that? It was good.

398
00:16:09,989 --> 00:16:11,239
Not good enough.

399
00:16:11,241 --> 00:16:12,823
You two not done yet?

400
00:16:12,825 --> 00:16:14,992
You have to master the little flower,

401
00:16:14,994 --> 00:16:17,328
or when we move on to
roses you'll be screwed.

402
00:16:17,330 --> 00:16:19,480
- Right, cuz?
- Oh, totally screwed.

403
00:16:19,482 --> 00:16:22,617
Screwed and not in the good way.

404
00:16:22,619 --> 00:16:24,535
Do you think we can convince them

405
00:16:24,537 --> 00:16:28,489
that slapping each other's
face is the new high five?

406
00:16:29,841 --> 00:16:33,044
Steve, oh, my God.
That rose is gorgeous.

407
00:16:33,046 --> 00:16:34,512
Good for you.

408
00:16:34,514 --> 00:16:37,498
All right, one more minute
and we'll display our roses.

409
00:16:37,500 --> 00:16:40,968
Psst. Steve. Little help.

410
00:16:40,970 --> 00:16:45,139
I choke at timed tests. I
got like a 40 on my SATs.

411
00:16:45,141 --> 00:16:47,808
Damn it, Steve!

412
00:16:47,810 --> 00:16:49,060
Look at this place.

413
00:16:49,062 --> 00:16:50,311
There's no way these girls

414
00:16:50,313 --> 00:16:52,480
could have this much cupcake
success in this economy.

415
00:16:52,482 --> 00:16:54,649
I mean, the overhead
on this building alone--

416
00:16:54,651 --> 00:16:55,866
What are you saying?

417
00:16:55,868 --> 00:16:57,184
Not saying mob money,

418
00:16:57,186 --> 00:16:58,852
just saying maybe we'd have a shop too

419
00:16:58,854 --> 00:17:00,538
- if we had mob money.
- Shh.

420
00:17:00,540 --> 00:17:01,822
Keep it down.

421
00:17:01,824 --> 00:17:03,457
You wanna wake up tomorrow
with Chestnut's head

422
00:17:03,459 --> 00:17:06,077
in your vagina bed?

423
00:17:06,079 --> 00:17:09,647
Okay, time's up.
Let's see what you got.

424
00:17:09,649 --> 00:17:11,882
What is that? There's
like nothing there.

425
00:17:11,884 --> 00:17:13,000
That's not a rose.

426
00:17:13,002 --> 00:17:15,636
- It's minimalist.
- Whatev.

427
00:17:15,638 --> 00:17:17,922
No, not "whatev". It's brilliant.

428
00:17:17,924 --> 00:17:20,374
And I would know because,
when I was in Tokyo,

429
00:17:20,376 --> 00:17:22,510
I had a private Japanese
flower arranging class

430
00:17:22,512 --> 00:17:24,845
with the head of the Ikebana institute.

431
00:17:24,847 --> 00:17:26,347
And he said I had a gift.

432
00:17:26,349 --> 00:17:33,053
In his words,
"Caroline..."

433
00:17:34,656 --> 00:17:37,158
Whatev. Okay, what
about your friend there?

434
00:17:37,160 --> 00:17:39,026
I kinda ran out of time.

435
00:17:39,028 --> 00:17:40,745
You had 20 minutes.

436
00:17:40,747 --> 00:17:42,229
I thought she said you were the baker.

437
00:17:42,231 --> 00:17:45,232
No, you need to be able to whip
these out in like 20 seconds

438
00:17:45,234 --> 00:17:46,951
if you wanna be successful
in your little bakery.

439
00:17:46,953 --> 00:17:51,405
"Um, I'd like a cupcake."
"That'll be 12 hours."

440
00:17:51,407 --> 00:17:53,207
- Right?
- Right.

441
00:17:53,209 --> 00:17:54,759
And they have to be prettier than that.

442
00:17:54,761 --> 00:17:56,594
Well, maybe you'll
do better tomorrow.

443
00:17:56,596 --> 00:17:59,764
Remember. Your homework assignment

444
00:17:59,766 --> 00:18:03,384
is to bring in a cupcake
with a pretty rose on it.

445
00:18:03,386 --> 00:18:04,935
Right.

446
00:18:04,937 --> 00:18:06,253
Like we're gonna come back here

447
00:18:06,255 --> 00:18:10,107
and spend time with
these Robert de Nir-hos.

448
00:18:13,528 --> 00:18:16,197
Ugh! That one stinks too. Damn it!

449
00:18:18,067 --> 00:18:20,718
Max, forget it.

450
00:18:20,720 --> 00:18:22,703
It's 3:00 A.M.
Go to bed.

451
00:18:22,705 --> 00:18:24,488
Don't. Don't say anything to me.

452
00:18:24,490 --> 00:18:26,374
I am so mad at you right now.

453
00:18:26,376 --> 00:18:28,509
- What did I do?
- Everything.

454
00:18:28,511 --> 00:18:30,077
I used to love making cupcakes.

455
00:18:30,079 --> 00:18:31,945
It was the one thing
I could zone out and do

456
00:18:31,947 --> 00:18:33,130
without thinking.

457
00:18:33,132 --> 00:18:34,498
And now all I'm doing is thinking.

458
00:18:34,500 --> 00:18:36,500
Thinking that I stink
at making cupcakes.

459
00:18:36,502 --> 00:18:37,951
Well, stop it.

460
00:18:37,953 --> 00:18:42,139
Who cares what they think?
They're bitchy baking bullies.

461
00:18:42,141 --> 00:18:43,808
We don't have to go back there.

462
00:18:43,810 --> 00:18:45,292
Oh, and then what?

463
00:18:45,294 --> 00:18:46,927
I'm gonna think my
cupcakes weren't good enough

464
00:18:46,929 --> 00:18:48,179
for the rest of my life?

465
00:18:48,181 --> 00:18:50,648
You said we need the skill,
then we need the skill.

466
00:18:50,650 --> 00:18:53,100
I'm a lot of things,
but I'm not a quitter.

467
00:18:53,102 --> 00:18:56,136
I'm gonna make a stupid,
pretty cupcake if it kills me.

468
00:18:56,138 --> 00:18:58,355
Or you.

469
00:18:58,357 --> 00:19:00,107
And you are going back there with me.

470
00:19:00,109 --> 00:19:01,609
And we're gonna shove our pretty cupcake

471
00:19:01,611 --> 00:19:04,912
right up Snooki and her cousin's asses.

472
00:19:04,914 --> 00:19:07,748
Now, shut up, don't talk to me,

473
00:19:07,750 --> 00:19:11,702
and go back in your vagina.

474
00:19:11,704 --> 00:19:14,705
Sorry you had to see that, Chestnut.

475
00:19:16,746 --> 00:19:16,746
+

476
00:19:20,499 --> 00:19:22,467
Oh, not very pretty.

477
00:19:22,469 --> 00:19:24,569
But at least you tried, Michael.

478
00:19:24,571 --> 00:19:25,853
Just one question.

479
00:19:25,855 --> 00:19:28,089
Are you sure that you're gay?

480
00:19:32,161 --> 00:19:34,395
Oh, okay, Caroline.
Let's see your pretty rose.

481
00:19:34,397 --> 00:19:35,696
I didn't do one.

482
00:19:35,698 --> 00:19:36,998
Society is way too concerned
with other people's idea

483
00:19:37,000 --> 00:19:38,282
of what's pretty.

484
00:19:38,284 --> 00:19:40,368
Whatevs.

485
00:19:40,370 --> 00:19:41,953
Okay, what about your baker there?

486
00:19:41,955 --> 00:19:43,254
She bail too?

487
00:19:43,256 --> 00:19:45,739
No, here it is.

488
00:19:47,626 --> 00:19:50,094
- Mm-hmm. 
- Max, that's so pretty.

489
00:19:50,096 --> 00:19:52,096
I'm so proud of you.

490
00:19:52,098 --> 00:19:53,848
Good work, God bless. Good for you.

491
00:19:53,850 --> 00:19:55,183
How long did it take you?

492
00:19:55,185 --> 00:19:57,351
About three hours and 40 minutes.

493
00:19:57,353 --> 00:19:58,769
But I did it!

494
00:19:58,771 --> 00:20:00,521
I just wanted to prove to you and myself

495
00:20:00,523 --> 00:20:02,056
I can make something pretty.

496
00:20:02,058 --> 00:20:03,774
And now
that I have--

497
00:20:03,776 --> 00:20:04,775
Mm!

498
00:20:12,201 --> 00:20:15,536
That cupcake wasn't
me. I don't do pretty.

499
00:20:15,538 --> 00:20:18,122
But I did make each of you
a cupcake that I think says

500
00:20:18,124 --> 00:20:21,108
what I feel about this
whole cupcake class.

501
00:20:21,110 --> 00:20:25,079
This one says "Bite me".

502
00:20:25,081 --> 00:20:27,965
This one says "Screw U".

503
00:20:27,967 --> 00:20:30,668
You see that "U"? That's a "U".

504
00:20:30,670 --> 00:20:33,087
Holla!

505
00:20:38,343 --> 00:20:39,627
Well, good luck with that.

506
00:20:39,629 --> 00:20:43,898
People don't want
cupcakes that insult them.

507
00:20:43,900 --> 00:20:46,234
Oh, my God, Max. That's our thing.

508
00:20:46,236 --> 00:20:47,435
I was wrong. You were right.

509
00:20:47,437 --> 00:20:48,769
We don't need to make pretty cupcakes.

510
00:20:48,771 --> 00:20:50,021
Everybody does pretty.

511
00:20:50,023 --> 00:20:51,572
We have to do what you do best.

512
00:20:51,574 --> 00:20:54,575
Insult people.

513
00:20:54,577 --> 00:20:56,160
Yeah, who's gonna buy that?

514
00:20:56,162 --> 00:20:58,446
We will. For our shower.

515
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And really let us bitches have it!

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