1 00:01:09,960 --> 00:01:14,636 St Juniper once said, "By his loins shall ye know him, 2 00:01:14,720 --> 00:01:18,599 "and by the length of his rod shall he be measured." 3 00:01:18,680 --> 00:01:22,593 The length of my rod is a mystery to all but the Queen 4 00:01:22,680 --> 00:01:25,911 and a thousand Turkish whores! 5 00:01:26,840 --> 00:01:31,789 But the fruits of my loins are here for all to see. 6 00:01:31,880 --> 00:01:34,314 I have two sons - 7 00:01:34,400 --> 00:01:37,278 Harry and another one. 8 00:01:38,760 --> 00:01:41,718 Step forward, Harry, Prince of Wales. 9 00:01:50,920 --> 00:01:55,118 Harry, I hereby name thee Captain of the Guard, 10 00:01:55,200 --> 00:01:58,909 Grand Warden of the Eastern and Northern Marches, 11 00:01:59,000 --> 00:02:01,753 Chief Lunatic of Gloucester, 12 00:02:01,840 --> 00:02:04,877 Viceroy of Wales, Sheriff of Nottingham, 13 00:02:04,960 --> 00:02:06,598 Marquis of the Midlands, 14 00:02:06,680 --> 00:02:11,754 Lord Po-maker in Ordinary, and Harbinger of the Doomed Rat! 15 00:02:15,640 --> 00:02:17,392 Step forward, the other one! 16 00:02:27,720 --> 00:02:30,075 Thy titles have been but few - 17 00:02:30,160 --> 00:02:34,119 Duke of Edinburgh and Warden of the Royal Privy. 18 00:02:34,200 --> 00:02:35,349 It is so, My Lord. 19 00:02:35,440 --> 00:02:38,989 We thank thee, Egbert, for thy work in Edinburgh. 20 00:02:39,080 --> 00:02:41,958 We relieve thee of thy heavy task, 21 00:02:42,040 --> 00:02:46,830 and give the dukedom to our cousin, Hastings. Many happy returns, Tom. 22 00:02:46,920 --> 00:02:50,390 I have discharged the duties of Juniper! 23 00:02:50,480 --> 00:02:55,429 Chiswick, fresh horses! We ride at once to rebellious Stoke, 24 00:02:55,520 --> 00:02:59,991 where it is my sworn intent to approach the city walls, 25 00:03:00,080 --> 00:03:02,548 bare my broad buttocks, 26 00:03:02,640 --> 00:03:07,270 and shout, "Behold, I honour thee most highly!" 27 00:03:07,360 --> 00:03:10,318 (Fanfare and cheering) 28 00:03:19,800 --> 00:03:22,109 It could've been worse, My Lord. 29 00:03:22,200 --> 00:03:25,237 I thought you might lose the privy! 30 00:03:26,200 --> 00:03:27,952 No! 31 00:03:28,040 --> 00:03:30,918 It... will... not... do! 32 00:03:31,000 --> 00:03:33,195 Er, no, My Lord, you're right. 33 00:03:33,280 --> 00:03:36,511 I must clear away the chaff from my life, 34 00:03:36,600 --> 00:03:40,149 then let shine forth the true wheat of greatness! 35 00:03:40,240 --> 00:03:42,993 - Do it at once, My Lord! - Very well. 36 00:03:43,080 --> 00:03:46,038 Percy, you are dismissed from my services. 37 00:03:46,120 --> 00:03:48,315 Me? Why? 38 00:03:48,400 --> 00:03:49,992 Because, Percy, 39 00:03:50,080 --> 00:03:53,675 far from being a fit consort for a prince of the realm, 40 00:03:53,760 --> 00:03:57,878 you would bore the leggings off a village idiot! 41 00:03:57,960 --> 00:04:02,238 You ride a horse rather less well than another horse would. 42 00:04:03,280 --> 00:04:08,718 Your brain would make a grain of sand look large and ungainly. 43 00:04:08,800 --> 00:04:12,509 And the part of you that can't be mentioned, 44 00:04:12,600 --> 00:04:15,910 I am reliably informed, wouldn't be worth mentioning, 45 00:04:16,000 --> 00:04:17,558 even if it could be! 46 00:04:17,640 --> 00:04:21,076 If you put on a floppy hat and a furry codpiece, 47 00:04:21,160 --> 00:04:25,199 you might pass as a fool, but since you wouldn't know a joke 48 00:04:25,280 --> 00:04:27,794 if it got up and gave you a haircut, 49 00:04:27,880 --> 00:04:31,031 I doubt it! So you are dismissed! 50 00:04:32,840 --> 00:04:34,831 - Oh, I see. - And as for you, Baldrick... 51 00:04:34,920 --> 00:04:37,388 - My Lord? - You're out, too. 52 00:04:38,000 --> 00:04:39,831 Fair enough. 53 00:04:44,240 --> 00:04:47,755 Will you go back to shovelling dung in the gutter? 54 00:04:47,840 --> 00:04:50,798 - Shouldn't think so. - No? 55 00:04:50,880 --> 00:04:53,348 No, it took me years to get that job. 56 00:04:53,440 --> 00:04:56,432 I'll muck out the lepers or something. 57 00:04:56,520 --> 00:04:57,396 Really? 58 00:04:57,480 --> 00:05:01,917 It'll be years before I get back to shovelling dung. 59 00:05:09,920 --> 00:05:14,596 - Get out of my way! - Going on a journey, My Lord? 60 00:05:14,680 --> 00:05:17,353 No, I'm going to stand here all day. 61 00:05:17,440 --> 00:05:20,079 So you'll need a horse-tender? 62 00:05:20,160 --> 00:05:23,709 If I did, I wouldn't take you! Look at you! 63 00:05:23,800 --> 00:05:26,394 What is your profession? 64 00:05:30,560 --> 00:05:33,028 One, two, three! One, two, three! 65 00:05:35,280 --> 00:05:40,559 My God! A retired morris dancer! That's all I need! 66 00:05:40,640 --> 00:05:44,189 If you can keep up, you can come. Hah! 67 00:06:02,280 --> 00:06:04,396 Here he comes now. 68 00:06:06,400 --> 00:06:08,868 Oh, my God! 69 00:06:08,960 --> 00:06:11,428 (Irish accent) So, Sir Wilfred Death, 70 00:06:11,520 --> 00:06:14,353 your tyranny is now at an end. 71 00:06:14,440 --> 00:06:19,150 Prepare to be strung by your codlings and bound on that tree. 72 00:06:19,240 --> 00:06:21,117 Never! 73 00:06:24,520 --> 00:06:27,193 (Screams) 74 00:06:27,280 --> 00:06:30,238 (Groaning) 75 00:06:38,000 --> 00:06:40,389 Sir Wilfred Death. 76 00:06:40,480 --> 00:06:41,913 Edmund. 77 00:06:48,320 --> 00:06:52,791 I'm looking for some men to take over the kingdom. 78 00:06:52,880 --> 00:06:55,872 How many have you got so far? 79 00:07:03,960 --> 00:07:07,509 So, we are agreed - 80 00:07:07,600 --> 00:07:10,068 he who wins takes the horse. 81 00:07:13,240 --> 00:07:16,710 There is our mark. You shoot first. 82 00:07:21,760 --> 00:07:24,228 Yeah. That's good. 83 00:07:25,280 --> 00:07:27,748 So good, in fact, 84 00:07:27,840 --> 00:07:30,308 I'm going to have to... 85 00:07:32,760 --> 00:07:35,035 ...cheat. 86 00:07:36,440 --> 00:07:40,035 Three-fingered Pete! 87 00:07:44,160 --> 00:07:46,993 Good evening... 88 00:07:47,080 --> 00:07:50,595 and surrender. Your money or your life. 89 00:07:52,040 --> 00:07:56,272 Here. Take it. It's all the money I have. 90 00:07:56,360 --> 00:07:58,316 Thank you. 91 00:07:58,400 --> 00:08:01,312 Now, let me pass. 92 00:08:02,080 --> 00:08:05,470 Damn! I'm always doing this. 93 00:08:06,120 --> 00:08:08,918 Did I say, "Your money or your life"? 94 00:08:09,000 --> 00:08:12,834 - You did. - Sorry. Slip of the tongue. 95 00:08:12,920 --> 00:08:15,115 Your money and your life. 96 00:08:17,240 --> 00:08:19,515 Sorry. 97 00:08:22,440 --> 00:08:24,908 Thanks, Ned. See you Thursday. 98 00:08:28,360 --> 00:08:31,432 - Guy! - Wilfred! 99 00:08:31,520 --> 00:08:35,479 Now, what we need is a real bastard! 100 00:08:36,520 --> 00:08:39,273 Sean, the Irish bastard! 101 00:08:45,400 --> 00:08:47,675 (Cork pops) 102 00:08:49,520 --> 00:08:52,751 Pity the blind, sir. 103 00:08:52,840 --> 00:08:55,798 Pity the blind, kind sir. 104 00:09:08,240 --> 00:09:12,199 'Ere! Business is very quiet this morning! 105 00:09:12,280 --> 00:09:14,748 Aye, everyone's gone to lunch. 106 00:09:17,760 --> 00:09:20,228 Sean! (Pop!) 107 00:09:28,960 --> 00:09:32,919 Friar, I fear greatly for her chastity. 108 00:09:33,000 --> 00:09:35,958 Alas, such is the way of the world. 109 00:09:36,040 --> 00:09:39,032 The sweetest rose too often is... 110 00:09:39,120 --> 00:09:41,588 plucked too soon. 111 00:09:41,680 --> 00:09:44,638 Yes. I wondered... 112 00:09:44,720 --> 00:09:47,871 if you would take her while I'm gone. 113 00:09:49,360 --> 00:09:51,828 Yes. The answer is yes. 114 00:09:51,920 --> 00:09:53,911 I shall. 115 00:10:00,400 --> 00:10:03,870 Friar Bellows! (Pop!) 116 00:10:03,960 --> 00:10:06,428 Doing the Lord's work? 117 00:10:06,520 --> 00:10:09,432 I'm administering extreme unction! 118 00:10:11,880 --> 00:10:15,555 So, who shall be our seventh, Wilfred? 119 00:10:15,640 --> 00:10:19,110 Need I say? Jack! 120 00:10:21,400 --> 00:10:25,951 Not Mad Bully-boy Jack, grave-robbing assassin of Aldwych? 121 00:10:26,040 --> 00:10:29,555 - No. - Then Crazed Animal Jack, 122 00:10:29,640 --> 00:10:33,110 the cattle-rustling cannibal from Sutton Coldfield? 123 00:10:33,200 --> 00:10:34,872 No. 124 00:10:34,960 --> 00:10:37,599 Then yer man Saint Jack O'Hooligan, 125 00:10:37,680 --> 00:10:41,673 the man-hatin' goat-murderer of Dingle Bay? 126 00:10:41,760 --> 00:10:44,991 - No. - Surely not Canon Jack Smulley, 127 00:10:45,080 --> 00:10:49,790 senior Archdeacon, entrail-eating heretic of Bath and Wells? 128 00:10:49,880 --> 00:10:51,836 No. 129 00:10:51,920 --> 00:10:55,959 I'm talking of Unspeakably Violent Jack, 130 00:10:56,040 --> 00:11:01,194 the bull-buggering beast-killer of no fixed abode. 131 00:11:06,720 --> 00:11:10,599 Are you sure he's the kind of chap we're looking for? 132 00:11:10,680 --> 00:11:12,477 Yes! 133 00:11:12,560 --> 00:11:14,835 And here he comes. 134 00:11:22,520 --> 00:11:24,795 What do you think you're doing? 135 00:11:24,880 --> 00:11:27,838 - Are you with us, Jack? - Aye! 136 00:11:49,800 --> 00:11:52,268 ...so I kissed her on her left foot! 137 00:11:52,760 --> 00:11:55,593 (Drunken laughter and cheering) 138 00:11:56,640 --> 00:12:00,599 Tell me, Jack, what is your second name? 139 00:12:00,680 --> 00:12:02,113 Large. Jack Large! 140 00:12:02,200 --> 00:12:06,671 Then in our band, you shall be known as Large Jack! 141 00:12:07,840 --> 00:12:09,876 Why? 142 00:12:09,960 --> 00:12:13,509 Well... because you are so little. 143 00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:15,670 Why not Little Jack, then? 144 00:12:15,760 --> 00:12:19,719 Well, because Large Jack is more amusing. 145 00:12:19,800 --> 00:12:24,032 - Is it? - Very well, then - Little Jack. 146 00:12:25,640 --> 00:12:28,154 Do you wish to mock my size? 147 00:12:28,240 --> 00:12:31,198 N-N-No! Of course not. Um, innkeeper! 148 00:12:31,280 --> 00:12:33,555 - Some more beer! - Hurray! 149 00:12:33,640 --> 00:12:35,471 Six large beers... 150 00:12:35,560 --> 00:12:38,154 and, er... and another large beer! 151 00:12:38,240 --> 00:12:39,514 Hurray! 152 00:12:39,600 --> 00:12:44,116 - Let us then go onto the plan. - Ah, the plan! 153 00:12:44,200 --> 00:12:46,668 First, a motto for our enterprise. 154 00:12:46,760 --> 00:12:50,309 - Blessed are the meek... - (All) Eh?! 155 00:12:50,400 --> 00:12:52,675 ...for they shall be slaughtered! 156 00:12:52,760 --> 00:12:55,479 - Hurray! - Wait, wait! The plan! 157 00:12:55,560 --> 00:12:58,597 - The plan! - I thought it was the plan. 158 00:12:58,680 --> 00:13:02,593 Let's get those meek bastards now! (Cheers) 159 00:13:02,680 --> 00:13:04,671 Quiet! 160 00:13:04,760 --> 00:13:08,639 Who wants quiet? I want chaos! 161 00:13:10,360 --> 00:13:12,828 And slaughter! 162 00:13:14,080 --> 00:13:16,548 And flowers... 163 00:13:16,640 --> 00:13:21,668 - (All) What? ...mercilessly crushed underfoot! 164 00:13:21,760 --> 00:13:23,478 - Silence! - Silence! 165 00:13:23,560 --> 00:13:25,232 Silence! 166 00:13:25,320 --> 00:13:28,232 Peace! The word of the Lord! 167 00:13:28,320 --> 00:13:31,118 For Christ's sake, let's hear the plan! 168 00:13:31,200 --> 00:13:33,634 Very well. The plan is simple. 169 00:13:33,720 --> 00:13:36,837 - Not cunning? - Get on with the plan! 170 00:13:36,920 --> 00:13:40,879 Well, it's cunning in its simplicity. 171 00:13:40,960 --> 00:13:43,474 Tonight I ride for home. 172 00:13:43,560 --> 00:13:46,677 I say strike now while the iron is hot! 173 00:13:46,760 --> 00:13:48,512 But the iron isn't hot! 174 00:13:48,600 --> 00:13:50,556 - Isn't it? - No, it's just... 175 00:13:50,640 --> 00:13:55,555 er, warming up. But when it is hot, then we will strike. 176 00:13:55,640 --> 00:13:58,632 Do we have to wait till summer? 177 00:13:58,720 --> 00:14:02,554 - No, when the iron is hot. - What iron? 178 00:14:02,640 --> 00:14:06,952 - Right. I shall send for you all. - How? 179 00:14:07,040 --> 00:14:10,999 - Well, by a message, a sign. - What sort of sign? 180 00:14:11,080 --> 00:14:15,198 Well, um... something black... probably. 181 00:14:15,280 --> 00:14:18,795 - Black pudding? - Not quite. 182 00:14:18,880 --> 00:14:22,953 A messenger with the black plague, perhaps? 183 00:14:23,040 --> 00:14:26,237 - That's better. - He means to kill us! 184 00:14:26,320 --> 00:14:30,598 No, I mean a messenger with black... hair. 185 00:14:30,680 --> 00:14:32,636 Ahh! 186 00:14:32,720 --> 00:14:35,188 - A black-headed messenger! - That's it. 187 00:14:35,280 --> 00:14:39,751 And when he comes to you, drop whatever you are doing, 188 00:14:39,840 --> 00:14:43,469 and speed with haste to Jasper's Tavern. 189 00:14:43,560 --> 00:14:46,552 - How is old Jasper? - Dead. 190 00:14:46,640 --> 00:14:49,074 - How? - I killed him. 191 00:14:50,200 --> 00:14:53,397 Then, I shall take you to the castle 192 00:14:53,480 --> 00:14:57,837 where we will capture the King and the Queen and the Prince. 193 00:14:57,920 --> 00:14:58,955 Hurray! 194 00:14:59,040 --> 00:15:02,350 I'll say, "The Kingdom of Albion is ours!" 195 00:15:02,440 --> 00:15:03,634 Hurray! 196 00:15:03,720 --> 00:15:07,918 "You are doomed to lives of exile. Get out!" 197 00:15:08,000 --> 00:15:10,150 Exile? 198 00:15:10,240 --> 00:15:13,710 Yes, exile! For life! 199 00:15:15,040 --> 00:15:17,998 But why don't we just kill them? 200 00:15:18,080 --> 00:15:22,517 Well... I suppose we could kill them... Yes! 201 00:15:22,600 --> 00:15:27,913 (Enthusiastic growls) Wait! Wait till I send the sign. 202 00:15:28,000 --> 00:15:31,754 By a messenger with blackheads all over his face! 203 00:15:31,840 --> 00:15:34,798 How do we know it isn't a trap? 204 00:15:36,080 --> 00:15:40,835 Because... the Black Adder gives you his word. 205 00:15:40,920 --> 00:15:45,391 We want your word, not this Black Adder fellow's! 206 00:15:45,480 --> 00:15:47,948 But... I am the Black Adder. 207 00:15:48,040 --> 00:15:50,508 - Ohh. - Oh, I see. 208 00:15:50,600 --> 00:15:53,068 And when all is done, 209 00:15:53,160 --> 00:15:55,799 the Black Seal shall rule England. 210 00:15:55,880 --> 00:15:57,154 Hurray! 211 00:15:57,240 --> 00:16:00,198 We few! We happy few! 212 00:16:00,280 --> 00:16:03,192 We band of ruthless bastards! 213 00:16:03,280 --> 00:16:04,998 Hurray! 214 00:16:05,080 --> 00:16:08,993 - All for one... ...and each man for himself! 215 00:16:11,080 --> 00:16:13,548 (Laughter) 216 00:16:14,640 --> 00:16:17,108 You're in a merry mood, My Lord! 217 00:16:17,200 --> 00:16:19,668 Oh, yes. No-one can stop me now! 218 00:16:19,760 --> 00:16:22,877 - No-one? - No, no-one! 219 00:16:22,960 --> 00:16:25,428 Except perhaps... 220 00:16:25,520 --> 00:16:28,318 No, not even him. 221 00:16:28,400 --> 00:16:30,868 And who might that be, My Lord? 222 00:16:30,960 --> 00:16:34,270 Well... there was a man. 223 00:16:34,360 --> 00:16:37,113 Philip of Burgundy... 224 00:16:37,200 --> 00:16:39,953 known to his enemies as... 225 00:16:40,040 --> 00:16:42,349 the Hawk. 226 00:16:42,440 --> 00:16:44,908 We were deadly childhood rivals. 227 00:16:45,000 --> 00:16:49,949 Although, of course, in those days he was known as the Thrush! 228 00:16:50,040 --> 00:16:52,554 No-one's heard of him for years. 229 00:16:53,920 --> 00:16:57,879 Well, come on. Let's go. We've got work to do. 230 00:16:57,960 --> 00:17:00,997 Not so fast, Edinburgh! 231 00:17:01,080 --> 00:17:05,551 This Hawk - did he look something like... this? 232 00:17:18,960 --> 00:17:22,077 Mmm... Not really, no. 233 00:17:26,120 --> 00:17:28,953 Oh, my God! Philip of Burgundy! 234 00:17:29,040 --> 00:17:31,838 Known to my enemies as... 235 00:17:33,400 --> 00:17:36,278 ...the Hawk! 236 00:17:36,360 --> 00:17:41,070 But... but your horse... used to be a huge, brown... 237 00:17:41,160 --> 00:17:44,470 Yes. Yes, that's the one. 238 00:17:45,440 --> 00:17:50,798 Well... it's been very good to see you, er... Phil! 239 00:17:50,880 --> 00:17:55,556 - This time, not fast enough! - What do you want with me? 240 00:17:55,640 --> 00:17:58,108 I'll tell you later! 241 00:18:05,360 --> 00:18:08,318 I return at last after 15 years. 242 00:18:08,400 --> 00:18:10,755 And what have you been up to? 243 00:18:10,840 --> 00:18:15,391 Waiting, nurturing my hatred and planning my revenge. 244 00:18:15,480 --> 00:18:18,233 So you've kept yourself busy? 245 00:18:18,320 --> 00:18:23,314 Yes. 15 years in France teaches a man to hate. 246 00:18:23,400 --> 00:18:25,356 15 years of wearing perfume! 247 00:18:25,440 --> 00:18:27,908 15 years of eating frogs! 248 00:18:28,000 --> 00:18:30,958 15 years of saying "par-don"! 249 00:18:31,040 --> 00:18:36,068 - And all because of you! - But surely... the scenery... 250 00:18:36,160 --> 00:18:39,072 I never went outside. The smell! 251 00:18:39,160 --> 00:18:41,435 What has this got to do with me? 252 00:18:41,520 --> 00:18:46,389 Because, Edmund, it is going to take you 15 years 253 00:18:46,480 --> 00:18:48,516 to die! 254 00:18:49,560 --> 00:18:50,879 - 15 years? - Yes! 255 00:18:50,960 --> 00:18:52,029 How? 256 00:18:52,120 --> 00:18:55,476 It'd be more amusing if you found out yourself. 257 00:18:55,560 --> 00:18:58,028 But it has something to do with... 258 00:18:59,360 --> 00:19:01,316 ...snails. 259 00:19:04,400 --> 00:19:07,073 Argh! 260 00:19:08,040 --> 00:19:10,554 Where are you going? 261 00:19:10,640 --> 00:19:12,551 To kill the royal family 262 00:19:12,640 --> 00:19:16,110 and claim the throne that isn't mine by right! 263 00:19:24,360 --> 00:19:26,828 Dear Lord, 264 00:19:26,920 --> 00:19:29,388 who made the birds and the bees, 265 00:19:29,480 --> 00:19:32,278 and the snails, presumably, 266 00:19:32,360 --> 00:19:34,828 please help me, 267 00:19:34,920 --> 00:19:37,878 a little animal, too, in my despair. 268 00:19:37,960 --> 00:19:40,428 I have been a sinner, 269 00:19:40,520 --> 00:19:44,991 but now I intend to follow the path of the saints, 270 00:19:45,080 --> 00:19:48,550 particularly the very religious ones. 271 00:19:48,640 --> 00:19:53,589 In the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost, amen. 272 00:19:53,680 --> 00:19:56,148 - Amen! - What? 273 00:19:56,240 --> 00:19:58,708 - Amen, I said! - Argh! 274 00:19:58,800 --> 00:20:03,430 Did I get it wrong? I haven't heard that word for 20 years. 275 00:20:03,520 --> 00:20:06,717 Who are you? I didn't realise I had company! 276 00:20:06,800 --> 00:20:11,237 "Company"? I haven't heard that word for 20 years either! 277 00:20:11,320 --> 00:20:13,038 Or "realise"! I'd forgotten! 278 00:20:13,120 --> 00:20:15,554 - Realise! - You're not mad, are you? 279 00:20:15,640 --> 00:20:18,598 Yes, I'm very mad, thank you. Mad! 280 00:20:18,680 --> 00:20:22,229 That's the words I know. I say them every day. 281 00:20:22,320 --> 00:20:24,834 I say, "How are you, Mad Gerald?" 282 00:20:24,920 --> 00:20:26,911 I say, "I'm completely mad, thank you." 283 00:20:27,000 --> 00:20:29,036 "Not much change, then, Gerald?" 284 00:20:29,120 --> 00:20:31,429 "No, you'd be mad to expect any." 285 00:20:31,520 --> 00:20:33,351 - Right... - I am mad! 286 00:20:33,440 --> 00:20:37,035 - I'm Mad Gerald! - Quiet! Ssh! 287 00:20:37,120 --> 00:20:40,556 Look, this may seem a stupid question... 288 00:20:40,640 --> 00:20:42,073 Question, yes. 289 00:20:42,160 --> 00:20:45,789 ...but do you know if there's a way out of here? 290 00:20:45,880 --> 00:20:47,438 A way out? 291 00:20:48,320 --> 00:20:50,993 (Manic laughter) 292 00:20:56,640 --> 00:20:58,596 (Manic laughter continues) 293 00:21:10,840 --> 00:21:13,308 A way out, you say? 294 00:21:14,360 --> 00:21:19,229 I haven't heard those words - a way out - for... ooh... 295 00:21:19,320 --> 00:21:21,788 - 20 years? - Yes! Yes, 20 years. 296 00:21:21,880 --> 00:21:24,348 Not like Mr Rat. 297 00:21:24,440 --> 00:21:28,069 - I'm always saying, "Mr Rat". - Who? 298 00:21:28,160 --> 00:21:30,435 Mr Rat! 299 00:21:30,520 --> 00:21:33,717 I tend to say, "Good morning, Mr Rat. 300 00:21:33,800 --> 00:21:36,951 "How are you today?" And he says, um... 301 00:21:37,040 --> 00:21:40,316 "Meep, meep, meep, meep!" 302 00:21:41,640 --> 00:21:44,108 (Water drips) 303 00:21:44,200 --> 00:21:46,668 (Laughs again) 304 00:21:48,720 --> 00:21:53,999 No, you mustn't be rude about Mr Rat. He's my best friend. 305 00:21:54,080 --> 00:21:55,433 Eek! 306 00:21:55,520 --> 00:21:57,988 - Yes. - Eek-eek! 307 00:21:58,080 --> 00:22:00,036 Well... 308 00:22:00,120 --> 00:22:02,588 There's him and there's Mr Key. 309 00:22:02,680 --> 00:22:04,955 - What? - Mr Key! 310 00:22:07,480 --> 00:22:10,756 I made him... out of my own teeth. 311 00:22:12,240 --> 00:22:14,708 Good morning, Mr Key. 312 00:22:18,360 --> 00:22:20,828 (Gerald) Close the bloody door! 313 00:22:24,960 --> 00:22:28,555 Stop! Stop! Where are you going? 314 00:22:28,640 --> 00:22:30,312 I'll tell you where. 315 00:22:30,400 --> 00:22:34,632 Wherever I can sell these six black homing pigeons. 316 00:22:34,720 --> 00:22:37,188 Black homing pigeons? 317 00:22:37,280 --> 00:22:38,633 Well, mostly. 318 00:22:38,720 --> 00:22:41,518 - How much are they? - Six shillings. 319 00:22:41,600 --> 00:22:43,989 Oh, damn! 320 00:22:44,080 --> 00:22:47,675 If you beat me and tied me to that tree, 321 00:22:47,760 --> 00:22:49,910 you could have 'em for less! 322 00:22:51,040 --> 00:22:52,439 Right. 323 00:23:43,960 --> 00:23:46,918 At the striking of ten bells, 324 00:23:47,000 --> 00:23:50,470 I shall claim the throne. (Pop!) 325 00:23:50,560 --> 00:23:52,516 (Bong!) 326 00:23:52,600 --> 00:23:54,511 (Bong!) 327 00:23:54,600 --> 00:23:56,511 (Bong!) 328 00:23:56,600 --> 00:23:58,556 Ssh! 329 00:23:58,640 --> 00:24:00,596 Ha-ha! 330 00:24:00,680 --> 00:24:02,398 Ha-ha! 331 00:24:04,040 --> 00:24:05,393 Ssh! 332 00:24:06,240 --> 00:24:07,355 (Hiccups) 333 00:24:11,680 --> 00:24:15,070 Gentlemen, to what do I owe this pleasure? 334 00:24:15,160 --> 00:24:17,390 (Someone is running up the stairs) 335 00:24:20,280 --> 00:24:22,999 To me, Burgundy! 336 00:24:23,080 --> 00:24:26,675 Edmund! I had not expected to see you again. 337 00:24:26,760 --> 00:24:30,355 No. Dead men don't tend to make social calls! 338 00:24:31,920 --> 00:24:34,593 - Prepare to die! - Wait! 339 00:24:34,680 --> 00:24:36,875 Let me say just one last thing. 340 00:24:36,960 --> 00:24:39,269 If these men are indeed as they seem, 341 00:24:39,360 --> 00:24:41,999 the six most evil men in the land... 342 00:24:42,080 --> 00:24:45,277 They are! Your last sentence, please? 343 00:24:45,360 --> 00:24:48,432 They've made an odd choice for their leader, 344 00:24:48,520 --> 00:24:50,829 Lord Warden of the Privy! 345 00:24:50,920 --> 00:24:55,550 What? You think they should've chosen you, Thrush? 346 00:24:55,640 --> 00:25:00,270 (All laugh) A man twisted by unbridled ambition. 347 00:25:00,360 --> 00:25:01,793 (All) Huh? 348 00:25:01,880 --> 00:25:04,110 A man tortured by insatiable greed! 349 00:25:04,200 --> 00:25:05,315 (All) Oh? 350 00:25:05,400 --> 00:25:07,994 - The most evil man in the world! - Oh! 351 00:25:08,080 --> 00:25:10,753 They should've chosen you? 352 00:25:10,840 --> 00:25:15,516 - (All) Yes! - But he's a mindless killer! 353 00:25:15,600 --> 00:25:18,558 - Hurray! - He'll destroy the kingdom! 354 00:25:18,640 --> 00:25:21,598 - Hurray! - He murdered his own family. 355 00:25:21,680 --> 00:25:24,831 - Who didn't? I killed mine. - I killed mine! 356 00:25:24,920 --> 00:25:26,911 - And I killed yours. - Did you? 357 00:25:27,000 --> 00:25:28,956 - Yes. - Good on you, Father! 358 00:25:29,040 --> 00:25:31,793 - Are you with me, then? - Yes! 359 00:25:31,880 --> 00:25:33,598 Prepare to die! 360 00:25:33,680 --> 00:25:38,515 Wait! I have a more... amusing method. 361 00:25:38,600 --> 00:25:41,831 Amusing for whom, I wonder? 362 00:25:41,920 --> 00:25:43,876 Gentlemen! 363 00:25:44,240 --> 00:25:46,390 (All gasp in wonder) 364 00:25:46,480 --> 00:25:47,879 - Bravo! - Well done! 365 00:25:47,960 --> 00:25:50,679 In precisely one minute, 366 00:25:50,760 --> 00:25:55,231 the spike will go up your nethers. (Cheering) 367 00:25:56,320 --> 00:25:59,710 The shears will cut off your ears! 368 00:26:00,600 --> 00:26:02,955 - Both of them? - Yes. 369 00:26:05,080 --> 00:26:08,550 These axes will chop off your hands. 370 00:26:08,640 --> 00:26:12,713 I do not think we need go into the attributes 371 00:26:12,800 --> 00:26:15,268 of the codling grinder! 372 00:26:16,600 --> 00:26:21,754 These feathers here will tickle you under what's left of your arms. 373 00:26:23,160 --> 00:26:26,436 And that is the amusing part! 374 00:26:26,520 --> 00:26:29,796 (Cheering) 375 00:26:29,880 --> 00:26:34,351 Gentlemen, let us slaughter the rest of the royal family. 376 00:26:34,440 --> 00:26:38,513 - God save the King! - (All) 'Cos nobody else will! 377 00:26:44,120 --> 00:26:49,240 Stop! Let us relieve these wenches of their delightful burden, 378 00:26:49,320 --> 00:26:51,788 and drink a toast to our enterprise. 379 00:26:51,880 --> 00:26:54,348 May good thrive! 380 00:26:54,440 --> 00:26:57,159 (All) Over our dead bodies! 381 00:27:01,280 --> 00:27:04,238 (All) Aaagh! 382 00:27:13,640 --> 00:27:17,599 Mmm, it's got a bit of a sting in its tail! 383 00:27:29,920 --> 00:27:31,876 (Edmund) Urrgh! 384 00:27:31,960 --> 00:27:33,359 Eeegh! 385 00:27:33,440 --> 00:27:35,954 Ha-ha-ha... 386 00:27:42,440 --> 00:27:45,000 - Oh, Edmund! - Edmund! 387 00:27:45,080 --> 00:27:46,559 Edmund! 388 00:27:47,640 --> 00:27:51,030 He lives! (Cheering) 389 00:27:52,720 --> 00:27:54,676 Father... 390 00:27:54,760 --> 00:27:58,469 You called me Edmund! 391 00:27:58,560 --> 00:28:01,518 Sorry. Edgar! How are you? 392 00:28:01,600 --> 00:28:04,194 Not so well. 393 00:28:04,280 --> 00:28:06,236 Harry... 394 00:28:07,480 --> 00:28:10,631 ...what do you think my chances are? 395 00:28:10,720 --> 00:28:14,633 - Oh, good. Good. - He will live? 396 00:28:14,720 --> 00:28:20,192 Hmm? Oh, no. I thought you meant your chances of going to heaven. 397 00:28:20,280 --> 00:28:23,431 Oh, damn... 398 00:28:23,520 --> 00:28:25,033 Never fear, my son. 399 00:28:25,120 --> 00:28:27,839 Your body may be mutilated beyond recognition, 400 00:28:27,920 --> 00:28:30,388 but your spirit will live forever! 401 00:28:30,480 --> 00:28:32,436 My Lords... 402 00:28:32,520 --> 00:28:37,640 - What did you say? - I give you Edgar! 403 00:28:38,680 --> 00:28:42,389 I told you to poison the Black Seal's goblets, 404 00:28:42,480 --> 00:28:44,550 not the whole vat! 405 00:28:44,640 --> 00:28:47,154 What is it? 406 00:28:50,880 --> 00:28:53,189 The Black Dagger! 407 00:28:53,280 --> 00:28:57,239 - (All) The Black Dagger! - (Faintly) Adder! 408 00:28:57,320 --> 00:29:01,199 May his name last as long as our dynasty! 409 00:29:13,400 --> 00:29:14,628 Good Lord! 410 00:29:16,120 --> 00:29:19,396 I wonder if it was the wine... 411 00:29:27,320 --> 00:29:31,233 No. Seems perfectly all right to me. 412 00:29:33,280 --> 00:29:35,635 And now, at last, 413 00:29:35,720 --> 00:29:38,188 I shall be King of E... 414 00:29:47,600 --> 00:29:54,711 # So now the wage of sin is paid 415 00:29:54,800 --> 00:30:02,275 # The blade has stuck The black steed grazes 416 00:30:02,360 --> 00:30:09,198 # The only sound across the glade 417 00:30:09,280 --> 00:30:16,709 # Is Edmund pushing up the daisies 418 00:30:16,800 --> 00:30:20,429 # Black Adder 419 00:30:20,520 --> 00:30:23,910 # Black Adder 420 00:30:24,000 --> 00:30:30,712 # A shame about the Plan 421 00:30:30,800 --> 00:30:34,554 # Black Adder 422 00:30:34,640 --> 00:30:38,633 # Black Adder 423 00:30:38,720 --> 00:30:42,679 # Farewell, you horrid man # 424 00:30:55,280 --> 00:30:57,555 Don't drink the wine!