1
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- Corrected by darthfrede -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
2
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What's going on?
Who are you?
3
00:01:11,135 --> 00:01:15,055
Oh, for God's sake, you scared
the living crap out of me then! Jesus!
4
00:01:15,090 --> 00:01:19,255
- Are you all right?
- I just need to sit down for a second.
5
00:01:19,290 --> 00:01:21,020
Oh, shit!
6
00:01:21,055 --> 00:01:23,100
Sorry,
I didn't mean to startle you.
7
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That's all right.
You haven't got a towel, have you?
8
00:01:25,650 --> 00:01:27,180
Yes.
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Thanks. It's wetter than
a nun's cucumber out there tonight.
10
00:01:32,170 --> 00:01:36,095
Thanks. Can you...
Can you put the gun down, please?
11
00:01:36,130 --> 00:01:38,220
Of course.
It's not loaded,
12
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it was just a prop from a
student production of The Seagull.
13
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Can I ask what you're
doing in my rooms?
14
00:01:44,427 --> 00:01:46,780
I presume you didn't
break in for a towel.
15
00:01:46,815 --> 00:01:49,940
Well, I... I didn't break in.
Well, not technically.
16
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My boyfriend told me all professors
keep a key above their glory hole,
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so I sort of just let myself in.
18
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It was a stupid thing to do.
I'm... I'm so sorry.
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And you are?
20
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Nina.
Nina... Noonah.
21
00:02:03,050 --> 00:02:05,500
Nina Noonah.
22
00:02:05,535 --> 00:02:08,975
Well, not really, obviously,
but I don't want to get in any trouble.
23
00:02:09,010 --> 00:02:11,980
You're... You're not going to
call the police, are you?
24
00:02:12,015 --> 00:02:15,415
It's all right, Miss Noonah,
my bark is worse than my bite.
25
00:02:15,450 --> 00:02:17,820
Just tell me why you're here.
26
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It's just Simon, my boyfriend,
he studies at King's College
27
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and he's properly clever.
28
00:02:23,615 --> 00:02:28,095
He's got a bike and scarf
and all the Harry Potter shit.
29
00:02:28,130 --> 00:02:30,415
And he's sort of obsessed
with doing the crossword.
30
00:02:30,450 --> 00:02:32,020
And I don't mean the
quick ones you get
31
00:02:32,055 --> 00:02:34,815
with a picture of Vanessa Feltz
in the middle in Chat magazine,
32
00:02:34,850 --> 00:02:36,895
I mean, the cryptic.
33
00:02:36,930 --> 00:02:38,420
I see.
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00:02:38,455 --> 00:02:40,100
And I try to help him sometimes
35
00:02:40,135 --> 00:02:42,215
and I... I look at the clues
and I feel like such a div
36
00:02:42,250 --> 00:02:44,292
because I can't
make head nor tail of them.
37
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They may as well be
written in Chinese!
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00:02:46,335 --> 00:02:49,695
In Mandarin, yes.
And you're a student also?
39
00:02:49,730 --> 00:02:53,860
Oh, God, no! No.
I... I work at Greggs.
40
00:02:53,895 --> 00:02:56,700
I'm what you call...
emotionally intelligent.
41
00:02:56,735 --> 00:02:59,855
Well, sadly,
that won't help you with the cryptic.
42
00:02:59,890 --> 00:03:01,540
Sorry.
43
00:03:01,575 --> 00:03:03,420
Yeah, tell me about it.
44
00:03:03,455 --> 00:03:05,900
Anyway, Simon reckons you're
the Sphinx, or something.
45
00:03:05,935 --> 00:03:09,255
- Do you write the crossword in the student paper?
- That's correct.
46
00:03:09,290 --> 00:03:12,975
Crossword-setters traditionally
use a pseudonym, a made-up name.
47
00:03:13,010 --> 00:03:15,175
- What, like Nina Noonah?
- Yes.
48
00:03:15,210 --> 00:03:18,655
And I am know as the Sphinx.
49
00:03:20,935 --> 00:03:23,900
It's not exactly a secret,
especially here on campus.
50
00:03:23,935 --> 00:03:27,935
Anyway, I just thought that if I could maybe
see the answers to this week's crossword,
51
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then I could sit with
Simon and be, like,
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00:03:30,627 --> 00:03:33,180
"18-down, do you think
that's Parachute?"
53
00:03:33,215 --> 00:03:37,335
And he'd be like,
"Yeah! Wow, you're so clever, and..."
54
00:03:37,370 --> 00:03:39,815
It was only meant to be a joke.
I'm really sorry.
55
00:03:39,850 --> 00:03:42,100
No, no, no, I quite understand.
56
00:03:42,135 --> 00:03:44,815
We all crave approbation
on some level.
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00:03:46,335 --> 00:03:49,175
Tell me, what does your
boyfriend study, Miss Noonah?
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- Architecture.
- Architecture?
59
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Well, I teach.
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Yeah, I know.
I didn't think you were a student.
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00:03:56,770 --> 00:03:58,180
Simon says you teach Classics.
62
00:03:58,215 --> 00:04:01,415
Is that, like, Gone With The Wind
and Pretty Woman and that?
63
00:04:01,450 --> 00:04:03,775
I teach wild creature
without hospital building.
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00:04:06,855 --> 00:04:09,975
- Sorry, what?
- I teach...
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wild creature...
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without hospital building.
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- 12 letters.
- It's a clue!
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00:04:20,855 --> 00:04:25,335
Yes. Not a very good one, I admit,
since you put me on the spot.
69
00:04:25,370 --> 00:04:30,455
So... A cryptic clue
always offers up two means of solution.
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00:04:30,490 --> 00:04:32,692
The beginning or the
end of the sentence
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gives you the
definition of the word.
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Much as you might get
in a standard vanilla crossword.
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And the rest of the clue
is the wordplay, if you like,
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- which is a kind of riddle.
- Like on Catchphrase?
75
00:04:43,410 --> 00:04:45,140
Yes, in a manner of speaking.
76
00:04:45,175 --> 00:04:50,535
So, here we have a 12-letter word,
meaning "I teach", or "building".
77
00:04:50,570 --> 00:04:52,620
Now, here we have
the word "wild",
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which is what we refer to
as an anagram-indicator.
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00:04:56,175 --> 00:04:58,895
It suggests the letters
can be jumbled up and rearranged.
80
00:04:58,930 --> 00:05:02,735
So anything such as
"upset", "excited", "insane".
81
00:05:02,770 --> 00:05:05,112
- Mashed up!
- Yes, if you like.
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00:05:05,147 --> 00:05:07,501
- Wankered!
- That type of thing.
83
00:05:07,536 --> 00:05:09,820
It's telling us to
mix up the letters.
84
00:05:09,855 --> 00:05:12,860
So if we take the words
"I teach" and "creature"
85
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and make them "wild",
we might come up with a solution.
86
00:05:17,010 --> 00:05:18,700
OK, but that's too many letters.
87
00:05:18,735 --> 00:05:21,635
Yes, very good.
We're two letters over.
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So we look here,
"without hospital".
89
00:05:24,535 --> 00:05:27,915
Now, in terms of letters,
what could "hospital" be?
90
00:05:27,950 --> 00:05:31,260
- H?
- Yeah, but we need two letters, remember.
91
00:05:31,295 --> 00:05:35,055
If you were to have an accident,
if I'd shot you here in the dark...
92
00:05:35,090 --> 00:05:36,500
What, with an empty gun?
Good luck.
93
00:05:36,535 --> 00:05:40,215
But if I had, you'd head
straight for which department?
94
00:05:40,250 --> 00:05:42,300
- A&E?
- Excellent!
95
00:05:42,335 --> 00:05:44,855
So if we remove "A"
and "E" from "creature"
96
00:05:44,890 --> 00:05:47,220
ie "creature without hospital",
97
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and mix it up with "I teach",
then we get an anagram of 12 letters
98
00:05:51,530 --> 00:05:55,295
- meaning "building", which is...?
- Sorry, what?
99
00:05:55,330 --> 00:05:58,140
Architecture!
100
00:05:58,175 --> 00:06:00,300
See?
Not so hard, was it?
101
00:06:00,335 --> 00:06:02,380
Is that in this
week's crossword, then?
102
00:06:02,415 --> 00:06:04,980
No, no, no, no.
I haven't parsed it properly.
103
00:06:05,015 --> 00:06:08,095
I buried the anagram-indicator
in the fodder, but...
104
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it was simply an illustration.
105
00:06:09,855 --> 00:06:12,215
What, in Pictionary,
you can draw it?
106
00:06:12,250 --> 00:06:13,980
No.
107
00:06:14,015 --> 00:06:15,375
No, I was...
108
00:06:16,415 --> 00:06:17,735
I was just showing off.
109
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Trying to give you some insight.
110
00:06:20,650 --> 00:06:22,175
I'm sorry.
111
00:06:25,135 --> 00:06:26,375
OK, then, Professor.
112
00:06:27,735 --> 00:06:29,495
Sorry I woke you.
113
00:06:29,530 --> 00:06:30,895
It's Nigel.
114
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Nina.
115
00:06:35,415 --> 00:06:36,975
Bye.
116
00:06:41,295 --> 00:06:44,655
If you like, I can show you
the clues to tomorrow's crossword,
117
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see if any of them make sense.
118
00:06:46,490 --> 00:06:48,912
- You'd teach me?
- Yes.
119
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I teach wild creature?
120
00:06:51,335 --> 00:06:55,895
It's not quite Pygmalion, but...
I can give you some pointers.
121
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Here.
122
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Have a look.
123
00:07:01,015 --> 00:07:03,415
The answers all go in this grid.
124
00:07:05,615 --> 00:07:08,535
Have a look at one-across
and I'll make us some tea.
125
00:07:11,735 --> 00:07:16,335
"To wound and wander
destitute (4, 3, 3)"
126
00:07:16,370 --> 00:07:18,580
So, is this another nanagram?
127
00:07:18,615 --> 00:07:23,055
Possibly. Look for a verb or an adjective
that suggests movement.
128
00:07:23,090 --> 00:07:24,855
- Wander?
- Bingo!
129
00:07:35,775 --> 00:07:37,835
So, how many of
these have you done?
130
00:07:37,870 --> 00:07:39,860
Crosswords?
Four or five hundred.
131
00:07:39,895 --> 00:07:43,295
You must have a
very devious mind.
132
00:07:43,330 --> 00:07:45,260
It has been said.
133
00:07:45,295 --> 00:07:48,775
The Sphinx is a mythical creature
of Greek legend.
134
00:07:50,415 --> 00:07:52,660
A woman's head on a lion's body.
135
00:07:52,695 --> 00:07:55,980
She guarded the gates
of the ancient city of Thebes.
136
00:07:56,015 --> 00:07:59,735
Any traveller wishing to pass through
had first to solve her riddle.
137
00:07:59,770 --> 00:08:01,820
If they failed the test,
she would kill them
138
00:08:01,855 --> 00:08:06,495
by means of asphyxiation and then...
eat the remains.
139
00:08:08,295 --> 00:08:10,580
No pressure, then.
140
00:08:10,615 --> 00:08:12,740
She was devious and deadly.
141
00:08:12,775 --> 00:08:15,940
Perfect for a
cryptic crossword-setter.
142
00:08:15,975 --> 00:08:19,215
- "Down-and-out, meaning destitute."
- Excellent!
143
00:08:19,250 --> 00:08:21,300
By Jove, she's got it!
144
00:08:21,335 --> 00:08:22,575
Well, put it up on the grid.
145
00:08:30,895 --> 00:08:32,575
Is that what all
the cups are for?
146
00:08:32,610 --> 00:08:34,060
- Sorry?
- In the cabinet.
147
00:08:34,095 --> 00:08:37,915
Yes.
The Cambridge Cruciverbalist Club, the CCC.
148
00:08:37,950 --> 00:08:41,735
Much like the KKK,
only slightly less benevolent.
149
00:08:41,770 --> 00:08:44,255
Is this...
Is this your wife?
150
00:08:44,290 --> 00:08:45,980
Monica, yes.
151
00:08:46,015 --> 00:08:47,815
Does she do the crossword?
152
00:08:47,850 --> 00:08:50,232
She did.
She died last year.
153
00:08:50,267 --> 00:08:52,615
Sorry.
Did you have kids?
154
00:08:52,650 --> 00:08:54,260
No, no.
155
00:08:54,295 --> 00:08:58,015
There is no more sombre enemy of
good art than the pram in the hall.
156
00:08:58,050 --> 00:09:00,740
Well, you've
certainly won a lot.
157
00:09:00,775 --> 00:09:03,695
It's not exactly the
boat race, though, is it?
158
00:09:03,730 --> 00:09:06,060
How do you mean?
159
00:09:06,095 --> 00:09:09,500
Well, you can't beat someone
at a crossword, can you?
160
00:09:09,535 --> 00:09:13,535
I don't know, competitive solving
can be quite combative, believe me.
161
00:09:13,570 --> 00:09:15,660
Blood has been spilt.
162
00:09:15,695 --> 00:09:17,780
Metaphorically, of course.
163
00:09:17,815 --> 00:09:20,115
What's black and
white and red all over?
164
00:09:20,150 --> 00:09:22,415
The Cambridge
crossword competition.
165
00:09:22,450 --> 00:09:24,412
Or a nun chewing a razorblade.
166
00:09:24,447 --> 00:09:26,340
Or a penguin with sunburn.
167
00:09:26,375 --> 00:09:29,015
I've got one, but it's
quite rude, though.
168
00:09:29,050 --> 00:09:31,620
I teach Catullus, dear,
I'm hardly a prude.
169
00:09:31,655 --> 00:09:35,975
What's long and hard and full of seamen?
A submarine.
170
00:09:36,010 --> 00:09:38,300
Very good.
171
00:09:38,335 --> 00:09:41,615
- And what's pink and hard in the mornings? The...
- A cock?
172
00:09:42,855 --> 00:09:44,735
...Financial Times' crossword.
173
00:09:47,255 --> 00:09:49,460
Have a look at...
two-down.
174
00:09:49,495 --> 00:09:52,975
"This cover sounds
like a 50 Cent song."
175
00:09:53,010 --> 00:09:54,900
Is that, like, a cover version?
176
00:09:54,935 --> 00:09:56,695
"Sounds like"
indicates a homophone.
177
00:09:56,730 --> 00:09:58,892
Do you know what a homophone is?
178
00:09:58,927 --> 00:10:01,491
Is it an app for gays,
like Grinder?
179
00:10:01,526 --> 00:10:04,020
No.
It's two words which sound the same,
180
00:10:04,055 --> 00:10:07,315
but which are spelt differently,
like "their" and "there".
181
00:10:07,350 --> 00:10:10,575
- Where?
- Think of a four-letter word meaning "to cover",
182
00:10:10,610 --> 00:10:14,695
which sounds like a type of song.
Beginning with W?
183
00:10:16,455 --> 00:10:19,555
- Wrap!
- Correct! That's two in two minutes!
184
00:10:19,590 --> 00:10:22,655
You'll be challenging
for the Cup before long.
185
00:10:24,015 --> 00:10:26,140
And, of course, one-down,
186
00:10:26,175 --> 00:10:28,895
"Indian national product of
French-Italian agreement",
187
00:10:28,930 --> 00:10:30,900
is simply "of" in French,
188
00:10:30,935 --> 00:10:33,335
followed by an Italian
form of agreement,
189
00:10:33,370 --> 00:10:36,272
making "Desi" a
person from India.
190
00:10:36,307 --> 00:10:39,140
Why do you use such
difficult words?
191
00:10:39,175 --> 00:10:43,215
Every word is chosen
for its letters, Nina.
192
00:10:43,250 --> 00:10:46,575
For example, have
a look at 18-across.
193
00:10:49,175 --> 00:10:52,855
18-across:
"Tory leader on board for English flower."
194
00:10:52,890 --> 00:10:56,535
- So that's a five-letter word for Tory leader.
- Or...?
195
00:10:58,735 --> 00:11:01,375
English flower?
Poppy!
196
00:11:01,410 --> 00:11:03,100
- No.
- Daisy?
197
00:11:03,135 --> 00:11:06,615
Don't guess, Nina, dear.
Deduct!
198
00:11:07,855 --> 00:11:09,975
And don't take
anything for granted.
199
00:11:13,935 --> 00:11:17,415
Now...
What could "Tory leader" be?
200
00:11:17,450 --> 00:11:20,895
- Boris?
- No. Look at the word!
201
00:11:25,295 --> 00:11:27,375
- T.
- That's right!
202
00:11:27,410 --> 00:11:29,420
The leader of Tory is T.
203
00:11:29,455 --> 00:11:32,135
So put T on to a four-letter
word for "board"...
204
00:11:33,815 --> 00:11:36,515
- Plank! - Four letters.
- Wood. T-wood!
205
00:11:36,550 --> 00:11:39,215
A board has more than
one meaning, remember.
206
00:11:39,250 --> 00:11:40,940
- Fed up?
- No.
207
00:11:40,975 --> 00:11:43,575
- Cardboard? Snowboard?
- What kind of board do you pay?
208
00:11:43,610 --> 00:11:45,260
The exam board!
209
00:11:45,295 --> 00:11:48,940
No. Rent!
You pay to board somewhere.
210
00:11:48,975 --> 00:11:51,935
So put Tory leader "T" onto "rent",
it gives you...
211
00:11:51,970 --> 00:11:54,992
Trent!
But that... that's not a flower.
212
00:11:55,027 --> 00:11:58,015
- Who said it was a flower?
- You did!
213
00:11:58,050 --> 00:11:59,780
No, you said flower.
214
00:11:59,815 --> 00:12:03,455
What I actually
wrote was "flow-er".
215
00:12:03,490 --> 00:12:05,020
Something that flows.
216
00:12:05,055 --> 00:12:09,095
In this instance, an English
river called the Trent.
217
00:12:09,130 --> 00:12:12,455
Oh, my God, that is...
That's so clever!
218
00:12:12,490 --> 00:12:15,375
I knew you were devious!
219
00:12:20,015 --> 00:12:22,695
- It's very satisfying, isn't it?
- It is.
220
00:12:25,615 --> 00:12:30,015
So... Your boyfriend is reading architecture
at King's, is that correct?
221
00:12:30,050 --> 00:12:33,575
- Yeah.
- Is he studying under Pugh or Fairbrother?
222
00:12:33,610 --> 00:12:35,220
The first one.
223
00:12:35,255 --> 00:12:38,135
And how's he getting
on with old Pugh?
224
00:12:38,170 --> 00:12:39,972
He likes him.
225
00:12:40,007 --> 00:12:41,831
Gladys Pugh.
226
00:12:41,866 --> 00:12:43,620
He likes her.
227
00:12:43,655 --> 00:12:45,900
You do realise that
Pugh and Fairbrother
228
00:12:45,935 --> 00:12:48,735
are characters from the
comedy series Hi-de-Hi?
229
00:12:50,375 --> 00:12:52,655
I've...
I've not seen it.
230
00:12:52,690 --> 00:12:54,820
Well, lucky you.
231
00:12:54,855 --> 00:12:59,455
So, Simon, if that's his real
name, isn't a student at all.
232
00:12:59,490 --> 00:13:01,575
He's a muggle, just like you.
233
00:13:04,055 --> 00:13:06,180
Why did you lie?
234
00:13:06,215 --> 00:13:09,335
Because I didn't think you'd
take me seriously otherwise.
235
00:13:09,370 --> 00:13:12,340
Does he work in Greggs also?
236
00:13:12,375 --> 00:13:15,895
Don't patronise me, Professor, I...
I only want to learn.
237
00:13:17,095 --> 00:13:19,075
Of course.
238
00:13:19,110 --> 00:13:21,055
Nine-across!
239
00:13:22,655 --> 00:13:27,615
"Degas evacuated and bathed
before putting big picture in bog."
240
00:13:27,650 --> 00:13:31,295
- Oh, for fuck's sake!
- Patience, Nina, dear.
241
00:13:31,330 --> 00:13:32,700
Now, "Degas evacuated".
242
00:13:32,735 --> 00:13:34,660
If you evacuate something,
you clear it out.
243
00:13:34,695 --> 00:13:38,975
So we remove the middle letters to leave "DS".
With me?
244
00:13:39,010 --> 00:13:40,540
"Bathed" is another
word for "swam",
245
00:13:40,575 --> 00:13:46,375
so "bathed before" means we
put "swam" in front of "DS".
246
00:13:46,410 --> 00:13:48,540
And "putting big picture in".
247
00:13:48,575 --> 00:13:51,815
We need to insert another word
for a big picture, a grand scheme, a...
248
00:13:51,850 --> 00:13:54,420
- Plan.
- Plan! Precisely!
249
00:13:54,455 --> 00:13:57,255
So we put "plan"
between "swam" and "DS"
250
00:13:57,290 --> 00:13:59,572
to make "swamplands",
meaning "bog"! Yes?
251
00:13:59,607 --> 00:14:01,820
- Yes?
- Well, shouldn't it be "bogs"?
252
00:14:01,855 --> 00:14:04,815
- Not necessarily.
- You said it has to be precise.
253
00:14:04,850 --> 00:14:07,140
Yes, it is precise.
Not a word wasted.
254
00:14:07,175 --> 00:14:10,215
- Otherwise you'd be cheating, wouldn't you?
- I never cheat. Never!
255
00:14:18,015 --> 00:14:19,935
Have...
Have something to drink.
256
00:14:22,015 --> 00:14:25,095
Let's...
Let's have a bash at three-down, shall we?
257
00:14:25,130 --> 00:14:26,740
That should be easy.
258
00:14:26,775 --> 00:14:29,655
"A disturbed setter
concealed a tiny amount.
259
00:14:29,690 --> 00:14:32,535
"Why, it's enough to
take one's breath away."
260
00:14:33,695 --> 00:14:36,900
Well, the
crossword-setter is you,
261
00:14:36,935 --> 00:14:41,935
so, have you concealed
a tiny amount, Mr Sphinx? Maybe.
262
00:14:41,970 --> 00:14:49,015
So it's "A",
followed by an anagram of "Sphinx"
263
00:14:49,050 --> 00:14:53,780
and "tiny amount" is "iota",
264
00:14:53,815 --> 00:14:56,935
which is also the ninth letter
of the Greek alphabet,
265
00:14:56,970 --> 00:15:00,392
which I'm sure you know,
Professor Squires.
266
00:15:00,427 --> 00:15:03,815
And "why" is a homophone
of the letter "Y".
267
00:15:03,850 --> 00:15:08,375
Meaning:
To take one's breath away.
268
00:15:10,215 --> 00:15:12,755
It's rather prescient,
don't you think?
269
00:15:12,790 --> 00:15:15,322
I spotted it as soon
as I saw the clues.
270
00:15:15,357 --> 00:15:17,820
Some fairly easy ones
this week, I thought.
271
00:15:17,855 --> 00:15:21,895
A little bit vanilla for the King
of the Cambridge Cruciverbalists.
272
00:15:21,930 --> 00:15:24,872
"Dickens character undertakes
to be a cabinet maker."
273
00:15:24,907 --> 00:15:27,815
Well, that's obviously
Sowerberry from Oliver Twist.
274
00:15:27,850 --> 00:15:30,455
You'll be needing his
services before long.
275
00:15:30,490 --> 00:15:33,735
"Some smart aleck,
no wit, allegedly."
276
00:15:33,770 --> 00:15:36,015
Know-it-all.
277
00:15:37,655 --> 00:15:40,140
But you don't know
it all, do you, Prof?
278
00:15:40,175 --> 00:15:43,535
You didn't know, for example,
that I study Marine Biology.
279
00:15:43,570 --> 00:15:46,420
And what's the porpoise
of that, you might ask?
280
00:15:46,455 --> 00:15:49,335
Well, for one, I could get
my hands on some tetrodotoxin
281
00:15:49,370 --> 00:15:51,180
from the liver of a puffer fish.
282
00:15:51,215 --> 00:15:53,855
Highly toxic, as all the
best sushi chefs know.
283
00:15:53,890 --> 00:15:57,700
And, if consumed in,
say, a cup of tea,
284
00:15:57,735 --> 00:16:01,655
could lead to the gradual
paralysis of the internal organs,
285
00:16:01,690 --> 00:16:03,500
starting with the diaphragm.
286
00:16:03,535 --> 00:16:07,415
Resulting in respiratory
failure and death by three-down,
287
00:16:07,450 --> 00:16:09,935
the asphyxiation of the Sphinx.
288
00:16:13,135 --> 00:16:15,420
Simon was my brother.
289
00:16:15,455 --> 00:16:19,215
He got to the final of the
crossword competition six years ago.
290
00:16:19,250 --> 00:16:24,220
And he won!
He beat you fair and square!
291
00:16:24,255 --> 00:16:27,235
But you challenged him on a word.
Do you remember?
292
00:16:27,270 --> 00:16:30,215
"Auteur" saying the first
U looked more like a V.
293
00:16:30,250 --> 00:16:31,940
And the committee
found in your favour.
294
00:16:31,975 --> 00:16:34,495
The old boys' network
looking after their own.
295
00:16:34,530 --> 00:16:36,852
And Simon was disqualified.
296
00:16:36,887 --> 00:16:39,140
Do you know what he did?
297
00:16:39,175 --> 00:16:41,455
Do you, you pathetic old man?
298
00:16:43,375 --> 00:16:47,655
He went to his room and took
off his belt and hung himself.
299
00:16:49,015 --> 00:16:50,995
I'm afraid that's
incorrect, Miss Noonah.
300
00:16:51,030 --> 00:16:52,940
Pictures can be hung,
people are hanged.
301
00:16:52,975 --> 00:16:55,195
"He hanged himself", is
the correct conjugation,
302
00:16:55,230 --> 00:16:57,415
for which, of course, you
have my deepest sympathy.
303
00:16:57,450 --> 00:16:59,495
What the fuck?!
You're supposed to be dead!
304
00:16:59,530 --> 00:17:02,695
On the contrary.
I am very much alive.
305
00:17:04,895 --> 00:17:06,415
It's you who are dead.
306
00:17:07,775 --> 00:17:10,020
Will you permit me?
307
00:17:10,055 --> 00:17:14,255
22-down: "What is a frankfurter's
number-one bun? Don't start."
308
00:17:14,290 --> 00:17:17,712
Well, if we don't start "one" or "bun"
we get "neun",
309
00:17:17,747 --> 00:17:21,100
which is a number,
if you happen to come from Frankfurt.
310
00:17:21,135 --> 00:17:26,455
And 23-down: "The origins of a species
popularised savage serpents".
311
00:17:26,490 --> 00:17:28,940
"Origins" telling us
to take the first letters of,
312
00:17:28,975 --> 00:17:33,135
"a species popularised savage",
giving us the serpents.
313
00:17:33,170 --> 00:17:34,700
So?
314
00:17:34,735 --> 00:17:37,895
So there it is,
hiding in plain sight.
315
00:17:39,335 --> 00:17:46,095
I... swapped... cups.
316
00:17:48,695 --> 00:17:50,340
Very prescient, as you say,
317
00:17:50,375 --> 00:17:53,495
but the individual's urge for
self-preservation is a strong one.
318
00:17:53,530 --> 00:17:55,012
You bastard!
319
00:17:55,047 --> 00:17:56,460
Oh, please!
320
00:17:56,495 --> 00:17:58,375
No unnecessary violence.
321
00:18:07,855 --> 00:18:09,335
It's me.
322
00:18:09,370 --> 00:18:10,780
Yes, she is.
323
00:18:10,815 --> 00:18:13,015
Your services will
soon be required.
324
00:18:15,295 --> 00:18:19,655
That was Dr Tyler, your
personal tutor and confidant.
325
00:18:19,690 --> 00:18:22,335
He's on his way over
now with the vaccine.
326
00:18:22,370 --> 00:18:24,095
- He told you?
- Yes.
327
00:18:25,175 --> 00:18:27,060
He...
He wouldn't do that.
328
00:18:27,095 --> 00:18:29,695
Well, I'm afraid he
felt it was his duty.
329
00:18:31,055 --> 00:18:34,815
A brilliant student midway through
a master's degree in Marine Biology,
330
00:18:34,850 --> 00:18:37,980
but driven by a dark
desire for revenge.
331
00:18:38,015 --> 00:18:42,295
You needed his expertise to
extract the poison from the poisson,
332
00:18:42,330 --> 00:18:45,095
and he came straight
around to tell me.
333
00:18:46,215 --> 00:18:48,135
We go back a long
way, Tyler and I.
334
00:18:52,175 --> 00:18:54,855
Here!
Let me help you.
335
00:18:59,535 --> 00:19:01,255
Why...
Why don't you call the police?
336
00:19:01,290 --> 00:19:02,700
Sorry, what was that?
337
00:19:02,735 --> 00:19:05,180
Why...
don't you call the police?
338
00:19:05,215 --> 00:19:09,455
Well, why call the police when we can have
a little bit of fun with the crossword?
339
00:19:09,490 --> 00:19:13,615
It's these kind of challenges
that keep one's mind active.
340
00:19:13,650 --> 00:19:16,015
Let's have a
crack at five-down.
341
00:19:18,335 --> 00:19:22,935
"Knocked back beer and wine, then
put on one French undergarment."
342
00:19:22,970 --> 00:19:25,780
Any thoughts?
343
00:19:25,815 --> 00:19:29,975
Well, "knocked back" is telling us
to write something in reverse.
344
00:19:30,010 --> 00:19:34,335
In this instance,
a type of beer, "pils",
345
00:19:34,370 --> 00:19:37,220
and a type of wine, "red".
346
00:19:37,255 --> 00:19:40,935
Then, if we put on "one" in French,
which is "un",
347
00:19:40,970 --> 00:19:44,175
we get our undergarment.
See?
348
00:19:44,210 --> 00:19:47,015
"Un-der-slip."
349
00:19:48,575 --> 00:19:51,295
Do young women still wear underslips,
I wonder?
350
00:19:53,615 --> 00:19:57,175
I always found it quite sexy,
having an extra layer to tackle.
351
00:19:59,535 --> 00:20:02,455
Made the game rather
more interesting.
352
00:20:12,855 --> 00:20:15,815
Now, if you'll excuse me,
nature calls.
353
00:20:43,215 --> 00:20:45,420
Charlotte?
354
00:20:45,455 --> 00:20:47,815
You hang on in there, OK?
355
00:20:49,575 --> 00:20:51,055
Won't be long now.
356
00:20:52,255 --> 00:20:54,095
Crossword.
357
00:20:58,295 --> 00:21:02,775
"I hear American poet solved
the riddle of the pseudo-hotel patron."
358
00:21:02,810 --> 00:21:06,215
The American poet is Edgar Guest.
Mr E Guest.
359
00:21:06,250 --> 00:21:09,172
"A riddle solved"
is a mystery guessed
360
00:21:09,207 --> 00:21:12,095
and a "pseudo-hotel
patron" is a...?
361
00:21:12,130 --> 00:21:15,300
Mystery guest.
Very clever.
362
00:21:15,335 --> 00:21:18,575
Where have you been?
You said you'd be waiting outside.
363
00:21:18,610 --> 00:21:21,895
I had to go via my office
to pick up some things.
364
00:21:23,655 --> 00:21:26,815
A bit bloody dangerous, leaving me
alone with a girl in this condition.
365
00:21:28,295 --> 00:21:30,340
It was all I could do
not to slip her one.
366
00:21:30,375 --> 00:21:32,535
Oh, no, I don't think
that would be appropriate.
367
00:21:32,570 --> 00:21:34,140
I'm a red-blooded
mammal, Tyler,
368
00:21:34,175 --> 00:21:37,335
not like those bloody molluscs
you spend half your time with.
369
00:21:37,370 --> 00:21:39,900
She's still breathing,
I take it?
370
00:21:39,935 --> 00:21:44,655
Yes. The body can survive
in this state for up to six hours.
371
00:21:44,690 --> 00:21:47,495
She can still see
and feel and hear everything,
372
00:21:47,530 --> 00:21:49,775
she just...
can't move.
373
00:21:49,810 --> 00:21:51,540
It's horrible.
374
00:21:51,575 --> 00:21:53,695
Yes.
Well, let's not feel too sorry for her,
375
00:21:53,730 --> 00:21:55,815
that's what she wanted
to do to me, remember?
376
00:21:57,175 --> 00:21:59,015
- Well, go on, then.
- Sorry?
377
00:21:59,050 --> 00:22:00,812
Give her the antidote.
378
00:22:00,847 --> 00:22:02,575
There is no antidote.
379
00:22:04,535 --> 00:22:07,295
- What?
- For tetrodotoxin poisoning. She needs her stomach pumped.
380
00:22:07,330 --> 00:22:09,020
Some aggressive
airway management
381
00:22:09,055 --> 00:22:11,375
and an intravenous drip
as soon as possible,
382
00:22:11,410 --> 00:22:13,695
otherwise she'll be
dead within half an hour.
383
00:22:13,730 --> 00:22:15,592
But...
But you said six hours!
384
00:22:15,627 --> 00:22:17,420
Only with hospital treatment.
385
00:22:17,455 --> 00:22:20,255
Shit!
Right, well, let's do it, then.
386
00:22:21,735 --> 00:22:23,620
No.
387
00:22:23,655 --> 00:22:26,220
There's something I
want you to do first.
388
00:22:26,255 --> 00:22:29,215
- Is that going in this week's Varsity?
- What?!
389
00:22:29,250 --> 00:22:31,340
- The crossword.
- Yes.
390
00:22:31,375 --> 00:22:34,935
W... W... W... What's going on?
What are you doing?!
391
00:22:36,695 --> 00:22:38,175
I want you to eat her.
392
00:22:39,255 --> 00:22:41,940
Not all of her, of
course, just a sliver.
393
00:22:41,975 --> 00:22:45,375
Just enough that you can
say you devoured your victim.
394
00:22:47,295 --> 00:22:50,535
Jacob, what...?
Have you lost your mind?!
395
00:22:52,775 --> 00:22:55,100
When the Sphinx posed
her riddle to the Thebans,
396
00:22:55,135 --> 00:22:58,495
she strangled and ate anyone
who failed to answer correctly.
397
00:22:58,530 --> 00:23:01,255
That's right, isn't it?
I haven't misremembered it?
398
00:23:01,290 --> 00:23:02,780
Yes.
399
00:23:02,815 --> 00:23:04,335
What was the riddle again?
400
00:23:06,455 --> 00:23:07,780
I won't do this, Jacob.
401
00:23:07,815 --> 00:23:10,375
"What creature walks on
four legs in the morning,
402
00:23:10,410 --> 00:23:13,340
"two at noon and
three in the evening?"
403
00:23:13,375 --> 00:23:17,015
It's like something out of a Christmas
cracker rather than a Greek tragedy, isn't it?
404
00:23:17,050 --> 00:23:20,415
And it was Oedipus who gave the correct answer
- man.
405
00:23:20,450 --> 00:23:22,292
He crawls as a baby,
406
00:23:22,327 --> 00:23:24,100
then walks on two legs,
407
00:23:24,135 --> 00:23:26,735
before needing a
stick in his old age.
408
00:23:28,415 --> 00:23:30,415
A bit like you, Nigel.
409
00:23:31,775 --> 00:23:34,855
So...
Do you prefer leg or breast?
410
00:23:34,890 --> 00:23:37,252
That's it,
I'm calling the police.
411
00:23:37,287 --> 00:23:39,580
And tell them what exactly?
412
00:23:39,615 --> 00:23:41,780
That you're the victim
of a student prank?
413
00:23:41,815 --> 00:23:44,175
In 25 minutes, you'll have
a dead girl in your rooms
414
00:23:44,210 --> 00:23:45,820
in the middle of the night.
415
00:23:45,855 --> 00:23:49,075
You found out who she was, she
threatened you, so you killed her.
416
00:23:49,110 --> 00:23:52,295
No! I'll tell them the truth...
I'll say it was an accident.
417
00:23:52,330 --> 00:23:54,340
Well, then,
how do you explain this?
418
00:23:54,375 --> 00:23:57,375
You compiled this crossword
two days ago.
419
00:23:57,410 --> 00:23:59,340
It proves premeditation.
420
00:23:59,375 --> 00:24:04,415
The know-it-all received
a mystery guest at number neun
421
00:24:04,450 --> 00:24:08,015
and before long,
there's an asphyxiation.
422
00:24:08,050 --> 00:24:09,300
What's seven-down?
423
00:24:09,335 --> 00:24:11,140
"Catch a train before
a poisonous bite."
424
00:24:11,175 --> 00:24:15,015
Well, "catch" usually stands for "fish",
I know that much.
425
00:24:15,050 --> 00:24:17,815
"A train before" could be "puffer".
426
00:24:17,850 --> 00:24:23,015
So, yeah, "puffer fish".
427
00:24:24,975 --> 00:24:27,295
You even
concealed the murder weapon.
428
00:24:27,330 --> 00:24:29,580
I knew you
wouldn't be able to resist.
429
00:24:29,615 --> 00:24:32,100
This was just a bit of fun,
I was trying to teach the girl!
430
00:24:32,135 --> 00:24:35,415
You're publishing this in the
student paper for everyone to see.
431
00:24:35,450 --> 00:24:37,380
It's classic psychopathic behaviour.
432
00:24:37,415 --> 00:24:40,255
Tomorrow morning,
it'll be in every cubbyhole in Cambridge.
433
00:24:40,290 --> 00:24:43,735
And on the inside back
page is your confession.
434
00:24:44,815 --> 00:24:47,420
And when a "down-and-out"
finds the girl
435
00:24:47,455 --> 00:24:52,180
"wrapped" in her "underslip"
floating in the "swamplands",
436
00:24:52,215 --> 00:24:55,055
well, the police won't have to look
very far for the culprit, will they?
437
00:24:55,090 --> 00:24:57,220
- That isn't what happened!
- No, but it could do.
438
00:24:57,255 --> 00:25:00,175
A little drive out to the Fens,
acquaint our brilliant student
439
00:25:00,210 --> 00:25:03,112
with some of the marine
life she loves so much.
440
00:25:03,147 --> 00:25:06,321
You see, you're not
in charge of this situation.
441
00:25:06,356 --> 00:25:09,705
You can't fit it all neatly
into a 15-squared grid.
442
00:25:09,740 --> 00:25:13,055
This is messy and illogical
and out of control.
443
00:25:13,090 --> 00:25:14,740
This is my revenge, Nigel.
444
00:25:14,775 --> 00:25:17,935
So sit down whilst
I prepare your food!
445
00:25:19,695 --> 00:25:22,015
But she's your student,
for God's sake!
446
00:25:22,050 --> 00:25:23,735
No!
447
00:25:28,575 --> 00:25:30,575
I think I'll take
a bit off the rump.
448
00:26:02,415 --> 00:26:05,295
Why don't you
tell Nina the story?
449
00:26:05,330 --> 00:26:06,780
I bet she'd like to hear it.
450
00:26:06,815 --> 00:26:09,695
Keep her mind active
as her body seizes up.
451
00:26:12,255 --> 00:26:17,495
Jacob and I were...
students here almost 30 years ago.
452
00:26:18,535 --> 00:26:21,220
We roomed together for a while,
453
00:26:21,255 --> 00:26:25,055
then he met Monica, a
physicist from Keeble.
454
00:26:25,090 --> 00:26:26,820
They were madly in love.
455
00:26:26,855 --> 00:26:29,455
They were madly in love, they...
married,
456
00:26:29,490 --> 00:26:31,655
they even had two
children, twins.
457
00:26:33,175 --> 00:26:36,135
But Monica and I...
We began an affair.
458
00:26:38,015 --> 00:26:40,575
I didn't mean for it to
end up the way it did!
459
00:26:40,610 --> 00:26:42,540
I was about to
begin my doctorate,
460
00:26:42,575 --> 00:26:45,455
which probably would have
led to a teaching post,
461
00:26:45,490 --> 00:26:48,295
a room of my own, very
much like this one.
462
00:26:48,330 --> 00:26:51,935
But instead, I divorced my wife,
463
00:26:51,970 --> 00:26:53,980
took my babies away,
464
00:26:54,015 --> 00:26:56,935
to bring them up by myself,
in the Brecon Beacons.
465
00:26:58,975 --> 00:27:01,140
Here.
I haven't seasoned it,
466
00:27:01,175 --> 00:27:05,695
I didn't want to take away from the...
natural flavour.
467
00:27:07,015 --> 00:27:08,855
Jacob, this is...
468
00:27:10,335 --> 00:27:12,540
...this is preposterous!
469
00:27:12,575 --> 00:27:17,415
Eat it, or else I let the girl die
and you rot in prison.
470
00:27:30,855 --> 00:27:32,695
It tastes like
chicken, apparently.
471
00:27:34,255 --> 00:27:36,135
But, then, doesn't everything?
472
00:27:52,815 --> 00:27:55,860
And so, the mighty Sphinx
473
00:27:55,895 --> 00:27:58,815
consumes the flesh
of his conquest.
474
00:28:02,895 --> 00:28:05,255
I always hated
cryptic crosswords.
475
00:28:06,415 --> 00:28:09,815
Why can't people just say what they mean,
rather than trying to trick you all the time?
476
00:28:09,850 --> 00:28:12,780
It's when my son started
getting into them I wasn't happy.
477
00:28:12,815 --> 00:28:16,495
Became obsessed with entering
the stupid Cambridge crossword competition.
478
00:28:18,615 --> 00:28:20,975
Perhaps he thought he could
re-earn his mother's love
479
00:28:21,010 --> 00:28:24,015
by beating her new husband,
I don't know.
480
00:28:24,050 --> 00:28:26,060
Simon was your son?
481
00:28:26,095 --> 00:28:28,935
He entered the competition
under a pseudonym.
482
00:28:28,970 --> 00:28:30,900
You knew him as Rex.
483
00:28:30,935 --> 00:28:33,155
After Oedipus Rex,
the play by Sophocles.
484
00:28:33,190 --> 00:28:35,375
But you cheated him
out of his victory.
485
00:28:35,410 --> 00:28:37,180
But that means...
486
00:28:37,215 --> 00:28:40,795
Charlotte and I, we hatched
our revenge plan, didn't we?
487
00:28:40,830 --> 00:28:44,375
We said we would bring down
that cheating Professor Squires
488
00:28:44,410 --> 00:28:46,815
if it was the last thing we did.
489
00:28:46,850 --> 00:28:48,135
And it may well be.
490
00:28:49,575 --> 00:28:51,275
At least for her.
491
00:28:51,310 --> 00:28:52,975
She's your daughter?
492
00:28:54,495 --> 00:28:57,575
It's crazy, isn't it,
what the unhinged mind is capable of?
493
00:28:57,610 --> 00:29:00,975
But she came here tonight to kill me,
to poison me!
494
00:29:01,010 --> 00:29:02,860
That was the plan.
495
00:29:02,895 --> 00:29:04,855
So, why did you
tell me about it?
496
00:29:06,055 --> 00:29:08,020
Just so I'd do the crossword?
497
00:29:08,055 --> 00:29:09,975
Pretty much, yes.
I needed leverage.
498
00:29:12,455 --> 00:29:15,215
You sacrificed your only
daughter just to get at me?
499
00:29:15,250 --> 00:29:18,940
Well, that's the thing, you see.
500
00:29:18,975 --> 00:29:22,095
When Simon died,
there was an autopsy.
501
00:29:22,130 --> 00:29:24,212
Quite a thorough investigation.
502
00:29:24,247 --> 00:29:26,295
It turns out they're not my kids.
503
00:29:28,175 --> 00:29:29,615
They're yours.
504
00:29:30,975 --> 00:29:34,015
I always suspected that affair
started before you said it did.
505
00:29:34,050 --> 00:29:35,780
Oh, God!
506
00:29:35,815 --> 00:29:37,655
So there I was.
507
00:29:39,255 --> 00:29:41,015
I'd given up everything.
508
00:29:41,050 --> 00:29:42,415
My wife...
509
00:29:43,975 --> 00:29:45,795
...my home, my job.
510
00:29:45,830 --> 00:29:47,562
My entire life.
511
00:29:47,597 --> 00:29:49,260
All for a lie.
512
00:29:49,295 --> 00:29:53,695
So I'm sure you understand, Nigel,
why I had to seek my revenge.
513
00:29:53,730 --> 00:29:55,775
Help me get her
to a hospital, please!
514
00:29:55,810 --> 00:29:57,575
I think we're past that now.
515
00:29:58,655 --> 00:30:01,135
Just enjoy the time
you have left together.
516
00:30:02,775 --> 00:30:05,135
A little present for you there, Nigel.
517
00:30:06,455 --> 00:30:08,595
You know what Anton said.
518
00:30:08,630 --> 00:30:10,700
Never show a gun in Act One
519
00:30:10,735 --> 00:30:13,095
if you're not going
to fire it by Act Five.
520
00:30:14,535 --> 00:30:16,415
Otherwise people feel cheated.
521
00:30:23,375 --> 00:30:25,775
Isn't your middle name Hector,
by the way?
522
00:30:25,810 --> 00:30:27,180
Yes.
523
00:30:27,215 --> 00:30:28,775
How funny.
524
00:31:27,008 --> 00:31:29,008
- Corrected by darthfrede -
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