1 00:00:45,742 --> 00:00:48,257 I am still not happy with this report, Humphrey. 2 00:00:48,422 --> 00:00:50,982 Then we shall be happy to redraft it for you. 3 00:00:51,142 --> 00:00:54,498 - You have redrafted it three times. - That's not absolutely correct. 4 00:00:54,662 --> 00:00:57,734 Yes, it is, I can count. This is the third draft report. 5 00:00:57,902 --> 00:00:59,733 Therefore it has been drafted once 6 00:00:59,902 --> 00:01:01,779 and subsequently redrafted twice. 7 00:01:01,942 --> 00:01:03,341 Don't quibble, Bernard. 8 00:01:04,182 --> 00:01:06,173 We shall be happy to redraft a third time. 9 00:01:06,342 --> 00:01:08,651 And a fourth and fifth. And a sixth, no doubt. 10 00:01:08,822 --> 00:01:11,336 And it still say what you want it to say. 11 00:01:11,502 --> 00:01:14,300 - Not what I want it to say. - What do you want it to say? 12 00:01:14,462 --> 00:01:16,259 We want it to say what you want to. 13 00:01:16,422 --> 00:01:18,731 Not anything you don'twant to. 14 00:01:18,902 --> 00:01:20,494 Stop wittering! 15 00:01:22,622 --> 00:01:24,101 The Think Tank asked us 16 00:01:24,262 --> 00:01:26,901 forourevidence on Civil Service overmanning. 17 00:01:27,062 --> 00:01:30,691 I have briefed a group of civil servants in words of one syllable 18 00:01:30,862 --> 00:01:33,501 and they've sent back an unintelligible report, 19 00:01:33,662 --> 00:01:36,540 saying the exact opposite of what I asked them to say. 20 00:01:36,702 --> 00:01:39,580 With respect, how do you know it says the opposite 21 00:01:39,742 --> 00:01:41,539 if it's totally unintelligible? 22 00:01:42,262 --> 00:01:44,457 All I am saying is that the Civil Service 23 00:01:44,622 --> 00:01:47,182 is grossly overmanned and must be slimmed down. 24 00:01:47,342 --> 00:01:49,378 Quite so. That is what the report says. 25 00:01:49,542 --> 00:01:51,373 - No, it doesn't. - Yes, it does. 26 00:01:51,542 --> 00:01:55,376 No, it... Look, what I'm talking about is a phased reduction 27 00:01:55,542 --> 00:01:58,181 in the Civil Service of about 200,000 people. 28 00:01:58,342 --> 00:02:00,219 Are you going to put that in this report? 29 00:02:00,582 --> 00:02:03,221 If you were to take that draft home and study it, 30 00:02:03,382 --> 00:02:06,692 you might find that it says what you want it to say. 31 00:02:06,902 --> 00:02:09,735 - And if it doesn't? - Then we can redraft it. 32 00:02:10,622 --> 00:02:12,340 Humphrey, sit down. 33 00:02:13,422 --> 00:02:16,414 Will you give me a straight answerto a straight question? 34 00:02:17,382 --> 00:02:21,421 Oh, well, Minister, as long as you are not asking me to resort 35 00:02:21,582 --> 00:02:24,938 to crude generalisations and vulgaroversimplifications, 36 00:02:25,102 --> 00:02:28,253 such as a simple yes orno I shall do my utmost to oblige. 37 00:02:29,462 --> 00:02:30,656 Is that "yes"? 38 00:02:36,182 --> 00:02:37,410 - Yes. - Right. 39 00:02:37,582 --> 00:02:40,654 - Here is the straight question. - I thought thatwas it. 40 00:02:42,262 --> 00:02:45,891 When you give yourevidence, are you going to support my view 41 00:02:46,062 --> 00:02:48,974 that the Civil Service is overmanned ornot? 42 00:02:49,262 --> 00:02:50,297 Yes orno! 43 00:02:50,742 --> 00:02:52,141 Straight answer! 44 00:02:52,702 --> 00:02:55,262 If you ask me fora straight answer 45 00:02:55,422 --> 00:02:58,494 then I shall say that, as faras we can see, 46 00:02:58,662 --> 00:03:02,257 looking at it by an large, taking one time with another, 47 00:03:02,422 --> 00:03:04,492 in terms of the average of departments, 48 00:03:04,662 --> 00:03:07,654 then in the final analysis it is probably true to say 49 00:03:07,822 --> 00:03:10,655 that at the end of the day, in general terms, 50 00:03:10,822 --> 00:03:12,540 you would probablyfind that 51 00:03:12,702 --> 00:03:14,738 not to put too fine a point on it, 52 00:03:14,902 --> 00:03:18,053 there probably wasn't very much in it one way orthe other. 53 00:03:19,782 --> 00:03:22,615 As faras one can see... at this stage. 54 00:03:23,902 --> 00:03:25,779 Is that "yes"? Or"no"? 55 00:03:27,942 --> 00:03:29,421 Yes and no. 56 00:03:30,222 --> 00:03:32,690 Suppose you weren't asked fora straight answer? 57 00:03:33,062 --> 00:03:35,132 Then I should playfortime. 58 00:03:40,102 --> 00:03:41,217 Sir Humphrey. 59 00:03:41,382 --> 00:03:44,613 - Ah, Bernard, do sit down. - Thank you. 60 00:03:45,982 --> 00:03:48,257 - Good of you to pop in. - It's my pleasure. 61 00:03:48,542 --> 00:03:51,818 Bernard, you know the Department's report 62 00:03:51,982 --> 00:03:54,291 on the Central Policy Review staff? 63 00:03:54,502 --> 00:03:55,901 Er, yes, Sir Humphrey. 64 00:03:56,062 --> 00:03:58,098 We haven't had it back from the Ministeryet. 65 00:03:58,262 --> 00:04:00,492 - Er, no, Sir Humphrey. - Why not? 66 00:04:00,662 --> 00:04:04,450 Er... perhaps you should ask the Minister. 67 00:04:04,782 --> 00:04:07,854 - No, I'm asking you, Bernard. - Yes, Sir Humphrey. 68 00:04:09,062 --> 00:04:11,178 You don't seem to be replying. 69 00:04:12,342 --> 00:04:14,333 Yes and no, Sir Humphrey. 70 00:04:16,022 --> 00:04:18,900 - Are you trying to be impertinent? - Oh no. 71 00:04:19,062 --> 00:04:20,939 I would succeed if I tried. 72 00:04:23,142 --> 00:04:26,452 - Scotch on the rocks, please. - Yes, sir. One, sir? 73 00:04:26,622 --> 00:04:28,101 Yes, just one. 74 00:04:29,782 --> 00:04:32,615 Has the Ministerbeen doing his boxes properly? 75 00:04:32,782 --> 00:04:35,421 - Yes, he's very conscientious. - Then what's going on? 76 00:04:36,222 --> 00:04:38,861 - You should ask the Minister. - I'm asking you. 77 00:04:39,022 --> 00:04:42,219 But as the Minister's Secretary, I'm responsible to him. 78 00:04:42,382 --> 00:04:44,293 But you are also a public servant. 79 00:04:44,902 --> 00:04:48,531 The average Minister's tenure is less than eleven months, 80 00:04:48,702 --> 00:04:51,774 but yourcareerwill last until you're 65, won't it? 81 00:04:51,942 --> 00:04:54,331 - I hope so. Yes. - So do I, Bernard. 82 00:04:56,182 --> 00:04:59,618 However, the choice is yours. 83 00:05:01,982 --> 00:05:03,859 Er, Sir Humphrey... 84 00:05:05,302 --> 00:05:08,214 Can I ask you a hypothetical question? 85 00:05:09,582 --> 00:05:11,493 That's always a good idea. 86 00:05:12,222 --> 00:05:15,851 Well, suppose a Minister, a purely hypothetical Minister, 87 00:05:16,022 --> 00:05:18,582 were to be unhappy with a department draft 88 00:05:18,742 --> 00:05:20,414 of evidence to a committee. 89 00:05:21,222 --> 00:05:25,340 And suppose that Minister were planning to replace it 90 00:05:25,502 --> 00:05:29,131 with his own draftworked out with his political adviser 91 00:05:29,302 --> 00:05:31,497 - and his party... - I can't believe it. 92 00:05:31,662 --> 00:05:34,381 Oh, no, no. It's purely hypothetical. 93 00:05:34,582 --> 00:05:38,336 And suppose that Minister were planning to bring in 94 00:05:38,502 --> 00:05:42,541 his own draft so close to the final date that there won't be any... 95 00:05:42,942 --> 00:05:44,216 - Wouldn't... - Wouldn't 96 00:05:44,382 --> 00:05:47,533 be any time forthe Department to redraft it forhim. 97 00:05:47,982 --> 00:05:49,051 Well? 98 00:05:49,222 --> 00:05:53,852 Suppose this hypothetical Minister's Principal Private Secretary 99 00:05:54,022 --> 00:05:55,899 were to be aware of this 100 00:05:56,062 --> 00:05:59,179 hypothetical draft, in confidence of course, 101 00:05:59,342 --> 00:06:02,891 should he pass on this information to the Permanent Secretary 102 00:06:03,062 --> 00:06:05,257 of this hypothetical department? 103 00:06:05,462 --> 00:06:06,975 Certainly not, Bernard. 104 00:06:07,262 --> 00:06:10,174 Not if this Principal Private Secretary had been given 105 00:06:10,342 --> 00:06:12,253 the information in confidence. 106 00:06:12,422 --> 00:06:14,538 That's what I thought, Sir Humphrey. 107 00:06:16,622 --> 00:06:18,453 Have a drink, Bernard. 108 00:06:20,102 --> 00:06:21,581 One more thing, Minister. 109 00:06:21,742 --> 00:06:23,937 The evidence to the Central Policy Review Staff. 110 00:06:24,102 --> 00:06:26,138 - You mean the Think Tank? - Yes, Minister. 111 00:06:26,302 --> 00:06:29,214 Have you redrafted the redraft of yourdraft? 112 00:06:29,382 --> 00:06:31,373 - You don'twant it yet, do you? - Yes. 113 00:06:31,542 --> 00:06:33,419 - Why? - So thatwe can redraft it. 114 00:06:33,582 --> 00:06:35,698 - Thatwon't be necessary. - I think itwill. 115 00:06:36,102 --> 00:06:38,980 Drafting is not a Civil Service monopoly, you know? 116 00:06:39,142 --> 00:06:40,734 No, it's a highly specialised skill 117 00:06:40,902 --> 00:06:43,052 which few outside the Service can master. 118 00:06:43,222 --> 00:06:44,940 Nonsense. Drafts is easy. 119 00:06:45,102 --> 00:06:46,694 It's a game anyone can play. 120 00:06:49,422 --> 00:06:51,458 Notwithout getting huffed. 121 00:06:52,622 --> 00:06:56,251 So could I have the draft proposal, please? 122 00:06:56,422 --> 00:06:57,855 Certainly, Humphrey. 123 00:06:58,302 --> 00:07:00,816 - When, Minister? - Later, Humphrey. 124 00:07:00,982 --> 00:07:02,256 Yes, but when? 125 00:07:02,422 --> 00:07:04,333 You always say we musn't rush things. 126 00:07:04,502 --> 00:07:06,732 I must ask you fora straight answer. 127 00:07:06,902 --> 00:07:09,257 On what day? Tomorrow? Monday? Tuesday? 128 00:07:09,742 --> 00:07:11,494 In due course, Humphrey. 129 00:07:11,822 --> 00:07:13,574 At the appropriate juncture. 130 00:07:13,742 --> 00:07:15,733 In the fullness of time. 131 00:07:16,782 --> 00:07:18,852 When the moment is ripe. 132 00:07:19,182 --> 00:07:21,696 When the necessary procedures have been completed. 133 00:07:21,862 --> 00:07:23,693 Nothing precipitate, of course. 134 00:07:23,862 --> 00:07:25,773 Minister, this is getting urgent. 135 00:07:25,942 --> 00:07:28,661 Urgent, Humphrey? What a lot ot newwords! 136 00:07:31,142 --> 00:07:32,894 You'll forgive me if I say this, 137 00:07:33,062 --> 00:07:34,734 but I am beginning to suspect 138 00:07:34,902 --> 00:07:37,052 that you are concealing something from me. 139 00:07:37,222 --> 00:07:40,658 You and I have no secrets from each other, have we? 140 00:07:40,822 --> 00:07:43,655 I'm sorry, but sometimes one is forced to consider 141 00:07:43,822 --> 00:07:47,178 the possibility that affairs are being conducted in a way 142 00:07:47,342 --> 00:07:51,733 which, all things being considered, and making all possible allowances, 143 00:07:51,902 --> 00:07:54,462 is, not to put too fine a point on it, 144 00:07:54,622 --> 00:07:57,534 perhaps not entirely straightforward. 145 00:07:57,702 --> 00:07:59,852 You're the expert on straightforwardness. 146 00:08:00,062 --> 00:08:03,179 So what about the draft evidence? 147 00:08:03,342 --> 00:08:08,052 Well, since you ask, Humphrey, and to be perfectly straightforward, 148 00:08:08,342 --> 00:08:10,617 I have redrafted it myself. 149 00:08:10,942 --> 00:08:12,819 I don'twant you to redraft it. 150 00:08:13,062 --> 00:08:15,895 I'm perfectly happy with it as it is. 151 00:08:17,462 --> 00:08:20,613 May I be bold enough to ask what you have said? 152 00:08:20,982 --> 00:08:24,691 What I wanted: Phased reductions in the Civil Service. 153 00:08:24,862 --> 00:08:27,012 You have frustrated me overopen government, 154 00:08:27,182 --> 00:08:30,572 and the economy drive, this time I'm going to have my way. 155 00:08:30,742 --> 00:08:32,892 The party wants it, the public wants it. 156 00:08:33,062 --> 00:08:37,453 And all we get from the Civil Service is delaying tactics. 157 00:08:37,742 --> 00:08:40,893 I wouldn't call Civil Service delays "tactics", Minister, 158 00:08:41,062 --> 00:08:43,496 thatwould be to mistake lethargyforstrategy. 159 00:08:43,662 --> 00:08:44,731 Very droll. 160 00:08:44,902 --> 00:08:48,690 But there is a real desire forradical reform in the air. 161 00:08:48,862 --> 00:08:51,615 The Select Committee on Administrative Affairs, 162 00:08:51,782 --> 00:08:54,296 which I founded, it's a great success. 163 00:08:54,462 --> 00:08:57,181 Oh, indeed, what has it achieved? 164 00:08:59,182 --> 00:09:02,060 Nothing yet. But the party's very pleased with it. 165 00:09:03,342 --> 00:09:04,377 Why? 166 00:09:04,542 --> 00:09:07,181 Ten column inches in last Monday's Daily Mail. 167 00:09:07,342 --> 00:09:10,175 The government measures its success in column inches? 168 00:09:10,342 --> 00:09:12,253 Yes... no... 169 00:09:13,502 --> 00:09:15,299 Yes and no! 170 00:09:16,742 --> 00:09:20,417 Minister, the evidence that you are proposing to submit 171 00:09:20,582 --> 00:09:24,621 is not only untrue, it is also, which is much more serious, unwise. 172 00:09:24,942 --> 00:09:26,853 Now, we have been through all this before. 173 00:09:27,022 --> 00:09:28,660 The expansion of the Civil Service 174 00:09:28,822 --> 00:09:30,938 is the result of parliamentary legislation, 175 00:09:31,102 --> 00:09:33,093 not bureaucratic empire building. 176 00:09:33,262 --> 00:09:36,572 So you want me to tell Parliament that it's theirfault 177 00:09:36,742 --> 00:09:38,812 that the Civil Service is too big? 178 00:09:38,982 --> 00:09:41,416 - But it's the truth. - I don'twant the truth. 179 00:09:41,582 --> 00:09:43,618 I want something I can tell Parliament. 180 00:09:44,702 --> 00:09:47,421 Humphrey, you are supposed to enact my policies. 181 00:09:47,582 --> 00:09:50,699 Yet, you seem implacably opposed to them. 182 00:09:50,862 --> 00:09:52,853 I must knowwhere you stand on all this. 183 00:09:53,022 --> 00:09:56,332 Where one stands, Minister, depends upon where one sits. 184 00:09:56,702 --> 00:09:58,897 Am I to infer that you will not support me? 185 00:09:59,062 --> 00:10:00,620 We will always support you, 186 00:10:00,782 --> 00:10:03,342 but as yourstandardbearer not as you pall bearer. 187 00:10:03,502 --> 00:10:04,855 What are you saying? 188 00:10:05,022 --> 00:10:07,582 I should have thought is crystal clear. 189 00:10:07,742 --> 00:10:09,778 Do not send this report to a body 190 00:10:09,942 --> 00:10:12,137 whose recommendations are to be published! 191 00:10:12,302 --> 00:10:14,213 That is exactly why I'm sending it. 192 00:10:14,382 --> 00:10:15,895 I don'twant to hearany more. 193 00:10:16,062 --> 00:10:19,020 - May I say just one more thing? - Lf it's in plain English. 194 00:10:19,182 --> 00:10:20,535 Very well, Minister. 195 00:10:21,222 --> 00:10:23,452 If you are going to do this damn silly thing, 196 00:10:23,622 --> 00:10:25,658 don't do it in this damn silly way. 197 00:10:26,822 --> 00:10:29,655 Minister, you'll be late forCabinet. 198 00:10:30,382 --> 00:10:31,974 Oh, yes. Cabinet. 199 00:10:32,262 --> 00:10:34,059 What are we talking about? 200 00:10:34,222 --> 00:10:37,373 Yourproposals to close down the Land Registry. 201 00:10:37,542 --> 00:10:38,611 My proposal...? 202 00:10:38,782 --> 00:10:41,740 Reducing the autonomous Government Departments. 203 00:10:41,902 --> 00:10:43,893 - Itwas yourproposal. - You have initialled it. 204 00:10:44,062 --> 00:10:47,259 - Oh, have I? What's in it? - It'll all go through on the nod. 205 00:10:47,422 --> 00:10:49,014 - Got all the stuff? - Yes. 206 00:10:49,182 --> 00:10:51,173 Come on then, mustn't be late. 207 00:10:51,502 --> 00:10:52,981 Humpy... 208 00:10:54,342 --> 00:10:57,698 Have you written yourevidence to the Think Tank yet? 209 00:10:58,022 --> 00:11:00,331 - More or less. - What do you mean? 210 00:11:00,502 --> 00:11:02,493 - The Minister's written it. - Humpy! 211 00:11:02,662 --> 00:11:05,017 Yes, I know. All very unwise. But he insisted. 212 00:11:05,182 --> 00:11:08,254 He's been working at nothing else formore than a week now. 213 00:11:08,742 --> 00:11:11,654 You should never let Ministers get so deeply involved. 214 00:11:12,182 --> 00:11:15,538 The next thing you know they'll be dictating policy. 215 00:11:15,702 --> 00:11:16,737 Yes, I know. 216 00:11:16,902 --> 00:11:19,575 - Is this a lengthy Cabinet? - I don't think so. 217 00:11:19,862 --> 00:11:21,454 Ghastly waste of time. 218 00:11:21,622 --> 00:11:24,455 Yes, but if we're not here to hold theirhands, 219 00:11:24,622 --> 00:11:27,341 God knows what they might not get up to? 220 00:11:28,622 --> 00:11:30,340 Excuse me, Jumbo. Yes, Minister? 221 00:11:30,502 --> 00:11:33,619 I'm recommending to Cabinet to close down the Land Registry. 222 00:11:33,782 --> 00:11:34,851 - Why? - Why? 223 00:11:35,022 --> 00:11:37,582 Why are we closing it orbringing it to Cabinet? 224 00:11:37,742 --> 00:11:38,857 - What? - What? 225 00:11:39,022 --> 00:11:40,501 Why am I recommending it? 226 00:11:40,662 --> 00:11:42,732 - Surely you know. - No, that's why I'm asking. 227 00:11:42,902 --> 00:11:44,938 You said itwould go through on the nod, 228 00:11:45,102 --> 00:11:47,696 now the PM's started asking questions. 229 00:11:47,862 --> 00:11:49,773 And I haven't read my proposal. 230 00:11:50,422 --> 00:11:54,415 There was a 9.75 rise in autonomous Government Departments. 231 00:11:54,582 --> 00:11:56,459 Yes, of course. Thank you. 232 00:12:02,542 --> 00:12:03,861 I'm sorry, Jumbo... 233 00:12:04,022 --> 00:12:07,458 Helping to restrict the autonomous departments? 234 00:12:07,622 --> 00:12:10,420 That should find favour with the PM policy-wise. 235 00:12:10,582 --> 00:12:11,582 Oh? Why? 236 00:12:11,742 --> 00:12:14,461 Veryfashionable simplifying the Civil Service 237 00:12:14,622 --> 00:12:17,500 especially with this Think Tank recommendation. 238 00:12:17,662 --> 00:12:20,938 - But they haven't reported. - Yes, they have, unofficially... 239 00:12:21,102 --> 00:12:23,093 They haven't taken all the evidence yet. 240 00:12:23,262 --> 00:12:26,857 The Central Policy Review Staff don't sully theirelevated minds 241 00:12:27,022 --> 00:12:29,456 with anything as sordid as evidence. 242 00:12:29,622 --> 00:12:32,056 You may take it that they'll be advising the PM 243 00:12:32,222 --> 00:12:34,531 to simplify the administration of government. 244 00:12:34,702 --> 00:12:37,660 Well, that'll keep me busy. Ah, well. 245 00:12:38,662 --> 00:12:40,220 I shouldn't count on it. 246 00:12:41,422 --> 00:12:45,335 You surely don't expect me, the PM's Senior Policy Adviser, 247 00:12:45,502 --> 00:12:47,015 to betray confidences. 248 00:12:47,182 --> 00:12:49,457 Not to yourcolleagues, certainly. 249 00:12:49,622 --> 00:12:52,614 No doubt the grapevine would inform you by lunchtime. 250 00:12:52,782 --> 00:12:54,454 Inform? Inform us of what? 251 00:12:55,422 --> 00:12:57,219 Your Minister is seeking 252 00:12:57,382 --> 00:13:00,180 to reduce overmanning in the Civil Service. 253 00:13:00,342 --> 00:13:02,173 Well, he's going to get his way. 254 00:13:02,342 --> 00:13:04,572 Treasury, the Home Office and the Civil Service 255 00:13:04,742 --> 00:13:09,054 have all proposed to abolish your Department of Administrative Affairs 256 00:13:09,902 --> 00:13:11,779 and the PM is smiling on the plan. 257 00:13:11,942 --> 00:13:14,410 - That's absurd. - Clean. Dramatic. 258 00:13:14,582 --> 00:13:17,733 Very popularpolitically. No real inconvenience. 259 00:13:17,902 --> 00:13:21,656 All yourfunctions could be subsumed by otherdepartments. 260 00:13:21,822 --> 00:13:26,179 Jim Hackerwill win through with a self sacrificing policy. 261 00:13:26,342 --> 00:13:28,651 The PM will probably kick him upstairs. 262 00:13:28,862 --> 00:13:30,978 Lord Hackerof Kamikaze. 263 00:13:33,062 --> 00:13:36,452 I hardly think that's funny, Daniel or likely. 264 00:13:36,622 --> 00:13:40,900 Why not? He ran the leadership campaign against the PM. 265 00:13:41,062 --> 00:13:45,214 This could be the PM's masterstroke in one fell swoop. 266 00:13:45,382 --> 00:13:48,374 Approbation, elevation and castration. 267 00:13:49,422 --> 00:13:51,094 You know the PM's motto 268 00:13:51,262 --> 00:13:54,140 "In Defeat, malice. In Victory, revenge". 269 00:13:55,902 --> 00:13:57,813 Abolish my Department. 270 00:13:58,822 --> 00:14:00,335 Out of the question. 271 00:14:00,702 --> 00:14:02,499 Simply can't be done. 272 00:14:02,822 --> 00:14:04,619 I'm sure you knowbest. 273 00:14:04,782 --> 00:14:08,491 By the way, there's a job centre in the Horseferry Road. 274 00:14:09,102 --> 00:14:11,662 The No. 19 Bus stops right outside. 275 00:14:14,662 --> 00:14:17,017 - I'm appalled. - You're appalled? 276 00:14:17,182 --> 00:14:18,456 I'm appalled. 277 00:14:18,662 --> 00:14:22,211 I just can't believe it. I'm... I'm appalled. 278 00:14:23,502 --> 00:14:27,097 - What do you make of it? - I'm appalled, Minister. 279 00:14:28,662 --> 00:14:30,698 So am I. Appalled! 280 00:14:34,702 --> 00:14:36,499 It's appalling. 281 00:14:38,182 --> 00:14:39,456 Appalling. 282 00:14:39,702 --> 00:14:42,011 I just don't know how to describe it. 283 00:14:42,182 --> 00:14:43,376 Appalling? 284 00:14:43,622 --> 00:14:45,578 Appalling. But I mean is it true? 285 00:14:45,742 --> 00:14:47,460 Sure he wasn't having you on? 286 00:14:47,622 --> 00:14:49,738 They can't abolish this entire department. 287 00:14:49,902 --> 00:14:51,540 It rings true, doesn't it? 288 00:14:51,702 --> 00:14:53,932 I've just see the joint departmental proposal. 289 00:14:54,102 --> 00:14:55,979 Whitehall's full of proposals. 290 00:14:56,142 --> 00:14:58,417 Daniel Hughes is very close to the PM. 291 00:14:58,582 --> 00:15:01,221 What's going to happen? Where will I go? 292 00:15:01,382 --> 00:15:03,896 Well, there is a rumour, Minister... 293 00:15:04,302 --> 00:15:05,815 Rumour? What rumour? 294 00:15:06,462 --> 00:15:09,499 Ministerwith responsibility forlndustrial Harmony. 295 00:15:09,662 --> 00:15:11,459 Industrial harmony? 296 00:15:12,262 --> 00:15:14,856 You knowwhat that means. That means strikes! 297 00:15:16,262 --> 00:15:19,220 Every strike in Great Britain will be myfault. 298 00:15:19,782 --> 00:15:21,010 Oh, marvellous. 299 00:15:21,182 --> 00:15:23,218 Have you considered what might happen to me? 300 00:15:23,462 --> 00:15:26,898 - No. What? - I shall be sent to Ag and Fish. 301 00:15:27,262 --> 00:15:31,460 The rest of my careerdedicated to arguing about the cod quota. 302 00:15:31,822 --> 00:15:33,335 And as foryou, Bernard, 303 00:15:33,502 --> 00:15:37,495 if your Ministerbites the dust yourreputation as a high flyer 304 00:15:37,662 --> 00:15:39,254 will be hit forsix. 305 00:15:40,182 --> 00:15:41,615 You'll spend yourcareer 306 00:15:41,782 --> 00:15:44,137 in the Vehicle Licensing Centre in Swansea. 307 00:15:46,862 --> 00:15:48,932 - It's yourfault. - Myfault? 308 00:15:49,102 --> 00:15:52,174 Itwas yourproposal to reduce the autonomous departments. 309 00:15:52,342 --> 00:15:55,414 You proposed phased reductions of the Civil Service. 310 00:15:55,582 --> 00:15:58,892 Don't let's argue about that. What are we going to do? 311 00:16:00,342 --> 00:16:01,900 We could put a paperup. 312 00:16:02,822 --> 00:16:04,016 Up what? 313 00:16:07,022 --> 00:16:09,695 - Brilliant! - Have you any suggestions? 314 00:16:13,342 --> 00:16:15,810 - I don't know, I'm... - Appalled? 315 00:16:17,622 --> 00:16:20,659 I do think thatwe should work togetheron this. 316 00:16:20,822 --> 00:16:22,892 - I've heard that before. - What do you mean? 317 00:16:23,062 --> 00:16:25,735 You telling me what to do, me doing it. 318 00:16:25,902 --> 00:16:28,097 - That isn't true. - You've no suggestions? 319 00:16:28,262 --> 00:16:30,617 Bernard could fetch your Political Adviser. 320 00:16:30,782 --> 00:16:34,218 - You want me to consult Frank? - Yes, Minister. 321 00:16:34,742 --> 00:16:36,698 And Minister, with respect... 322 00:16:36,862 --> 00:16:39,660 Don't use that language to me, Humphrey. 323 00:16:39,822 --> 00:16:42,416 - What language? - I knowwhat "with respect" means. 324 00:16:42,582 --> 00:16:45,540 That anything I suggest is beneath contempt. 325 00:16:45,782 --> 00:16:47,340 Ah, Minister. 326 00:16:47,502 --> 00:16:49,857 I really do mean thatwe should work together. 327 00:16:50,622 --> 00:16:53,056 - I need you. - Do you mean that? 328 00:16:54,702 --> 00:16:58,331 - Yes, Minister. - Humphrey, how very nice of you. 329 00:16:59,542 --> 00:17:02,773 Minister, if the Prime Minister is behind a scheme, 330 00:17:02,942 --> 00:17:05,058 Whitehall on its own cannot block it. 331 00:17:05,542 --> 00:17:10,093 Cabinet Ministers' schemes are easily blocked... redrafted, 332 00:17:10,302 --> 00:17:12,372 but the Prime Minister is anothermatter. 333 00:17:12,542 --> 00:17:15,295 We need to fight this in Westminsterand in Whitehall. 334 00:17:15,462 --> 00:17:18,420 And Weisel might be able to mobilise the backbenchers. 335 00:17:18,582 --> 00:17:22,177 Yes. And he might be able to mobilise the Press. 336 00:17:22,702 --> 00:17:24,897 - You've heard the news? - Bernard just told me. 337 00:17:25,062 --> 00:17:26,620 What do you suggest? 338 00:17:27,342 --> 00:17:30,300 I can't think of anything... I'm appalled. 339 00:17:32,462 --> 00:17:34,737 Mustn't all flap around like a lot of wet hens. 340 00:17:34,902 --> 00:17:37,132 We've got to save this Department. 341 00:17:37,302 --> 00:17:39,452 I want you to get to the backbenchers 342 00:17:39,622 --> 00:17:42,420 to put a stop to this thing before it starts. 343 00:17:42,582 --> 00:17:46,621 I'm sorry, but you can't stop something before it starts. 344 00:17:46,862 --> 00:17:48,500 Thank you. Frank... 345 00:17:49,822 --> 00:17:53,781 Itwon't be that easy. Itwill be a very popularmove. 346 00:17:53,942 --> 00:17:55,819 A publicity campaign? You know: 347 00:17:55,982 --> 00:17:58,542 "Administration Saves the Nation" "Red Tape is Fun". 348 00:17:58,702 --> 00:18:00,818 Full page ads in... 349 00:18:02,462 --> 00:18:03,815 Itwas just an idea. 350 00:18:03,982 --> 00:18:05,620 "Red Tape is fun"? 351 00:18:06,822 --> 00:18:09,814 What about "Red Tape holds the Nation together"? 352 00:18:13,182 --> 00:18:17,334 Well, there's no doubt about it, the writing's on the wall. 353 00:18:17,782 --> 00:18:21,218 The public should think kindly towards Administration, 354 00:18:21,382 --> 00:18:23,771 - because of the Europass. - Quite. 355 00:18:23,942 --> 00:18:26,376 - Europass? - European Identity Card. 356 00:18:27,182 --> 00:18:29,059 You've informed the Minister? 357 00:18:29,222 --> 00:18:30,814 Didn't you do yourboxes? 358 00:18:30,982 --> 00:18:33,576 No, I was redrafting the redraft of the draft. 359 00:18:34,022 --> 00:18:36,172 Well, Brussels is about to decree 360 00:18:36,342 --> 00:18:38,902 that there is to be a new European Identity Card 361 00:18:39,062 --> 00:18:42,213 to be carried by all citizens of the E.E.C. 362 00:18:42,382 --> 00:18:44,816 The Foreign Office is ready to go along with it 363 00:18:44,982 --> 00:18:47,940 as a quid pro quo fora deal overthe buttermountain, 364 00:18:48,102 --> 00:18:50,411 the wine lake, and the milk ocean, 365 00:18:52,422 --> 00:18:54,617 the lamb war, and the cod stink. 366 00:18:55,702 --> 00:18:59,251 And the Prime Ministerwants you to introduce the legislation. 367 00:18:59,422 --> 00:19:00,650 - Me? - Yes. 368 00:19:00,822 --> 00:19:02,733 You're pro Europe, you see. 369 00:19:03,182 --> 00:19:05,571 And itwould simplify ouradministration. 370 00:19:05,742 --> 00:19:08,017 - So it's a good idea. - Good idea? 371 00:19:08,182 --> 00:19:10,059 - Good idea? - Good idea? 372 00:19:10,422 --> 00:19:12,811 - Not a good idea? - Political suicide! 373 00:19:12,982 --> 00:19:16,691 Trying to make British people carry Identification Papers? 374 00:19:16,862 --> 00:19:18,614 They'll call it a Police State. 375 00:19:18,782 --> 00:19:21,535 Is this whatwe fought two world wars for? 376 00:19:21,702 --> 00:19:24,535 It's little more than a sort of driving licence. 377 00:19:24,702 --> 00:19:26,658 It's the last nail in my coffin. 378 00:19:26,822 --> 00:19:29,416 You might get away with calling it "Euroclub Express". 379 00:19:29,582 --> 00:19:31,652 Bernard, eithershut up orget out! 380 00:19:33,502 --> 00:19:36,494 Can't the Foreign Office introduce it? 381 00:19:36,662 --> 00:19:39,130 Thatwas the Prime Minister's suggestion, 382 00:19:39,302 --> 00:19:42,453 but forthe Foreign Secretary itwas a Home Office matter 383 00:19:42,622 --> 00:19:45,090 and forthe Home Office itwas essentially 384 00:19:45,262 --> 00:19:47,457 and administrative matter, and the PM agreed. 385 00:19:47,622 --> 00:19:49,021 Pass the parcel. 386 00:19:49,182 --> 00:19:51,776 Can you blame them when you can hear it ticking? 387 00:19:53,102 --> 00:19:55,900 The identity card bill is planned to be 388 00:19:56,062 --> 00:19:58,656 the last action of this Department. 389 00:19:58,822 --> 00:20:00,972 Wonderful ammunition forthe anti Europeans. 390 00:20:01,142 --> 00:20:04,771 Don't the Foreign Office realise the damage to the European idea? 391 00:20:04,942 --> 00:20:07,058 That's why they support it. 392 00:20:07,862 --> 00:20:10,422 The Foreign Office is pro Europe, isn't it? 393 00:20:10,902 --> 00:20:14,338 Yes and no... if you'll forgive the expression. 394 00:20:14,862 --> 00:20:18,775 The Foreign Office is pro Europe because it is really anti Europe. 395 00:20:19,502 --> 00:20:22,574 The Civil Service was united in its desire to make sure 396 00:20:22,742 --> 00:20:24,892 that the Common Market didn'twork. 397 00:20:25,622 --> 00:20:28,534 - That's why we went into it. - What are you talking about? 398 00:20:28,702 --> 00:20:32,661 Minister, Britain has had the same foreign policy objective 399 00:20:32,822 --> 00:20:35,177 forat least the last 500 years: 400 00:20:35,942 --> 00:20:37,978 To create a disunited Europe. 401 00:20:39,062 --> 00:20:41,781 We have foughtwith the Dutch against the Spanish, 402 00:20:41,942 --> 00:20:44,502 with the Germans against the French 403 00:20:44,662 --> 00:20:47,699 and with the French against the Germans and the Italians. 404 00:20:47,862 --> 00:20:49,693 Divide and rule, you see. 405 00:20:49,862 --> 00:20:53,377 Why should we change now, when it's worked so well? 406 00:20:53,542 --> 00:20:55,817 That's all ancient history surely? 407 00:20:55,982 --> 00:20:57,938 Yes, and current policy. 408 00:20:58,582 --> 00:21:02,461 We had to break the whole thing up, so we had to get inside. 409 00:21:02,622 --> 00:21:05,500 We tried from the outside, but itwouldn'twork. 410 00:21:05,702 --> 00:21:10,173 Now, we can make a complete pig's breakfast of the whole thing. 411 00:21:10,862 --> 00:21:13,137 Set the Germans against the French, 412 00:21:13,302 --> 00:21:15,577 the Italians against the Dutch... 413 00:21:15,742 --> 00:21:19,894 The Foreign Office is terribly pleased, it's just like old times. 414 00:21:20,782 --> 00:21:23,694 Butwe're all committed to the European ideal. 415 00:21:23,862 --> 00:21:25,898 Really, Minister. 416 00:21:27,022 --> 00:21:29,661 Why are we pressing foran increase in the membership? 417 00:21:29,822 --> 00:21:33,258 Forthe same reason. It's just like the United Nations. 418 00:21:33,422 --> 00:21:36,573 The more members it has, the more arguments it can stirup, 419 00:21:36,742 --> 00:21:39,097 the more futile and impotent it becomes. 420 00:21:39,502 --> 00:21:41,891 - What appalling cynicism. - Yes. 421 00:21:42,662 --> 00:21:44,618 We call it diplomacy, Minister. 422 00:21:45,422 --> 00:21:48,698 Howwill the othercountries feel about identity papers? 423 00:21:48,862 --> 00:21:50,215 Won't they resist too? 424 00:21:50,382 --> 00:21:53,340 The Germans will love it, the French will ignore it, 425 00:21:53,502 --> 00:21:57,051 and the Italians and the Irish will be too chaotic to enforce it. 426 00:21:57,462 --> 00:21:59,657 Only the British will resent it. 427 00:21:59,982 --> 00:22:03,975 - It's a plot to get rid of me. - They'll abolish your Department. 428 00:22:04,142 --> 00:22:06,656 Perhaps the PM wants to make absolutely certain. 429 00:22:06,822 --> 00:22:10,451 - Don't be so paranoid. - Everyone is plotting against me. 430 00:22:10,622 --> 00:22:13,853 - We're on yourside, Minister. - Yes, Minister. 431 00:22:14,382 --> 00:22:17,931 - Martin will be on ourside. - Yes, where is Martin? 432 00:22:18,102 --> 00:22:21,856 I think he's in the House, Minister, where you ought to be. 433 00:22:22,102 --> 00:22:23,660 Let's go and see him. 434 00:22:26,022 --> 00:22:27,819 This is appalling, Jim. 435 00:22:27,982 --> 00:22:30,371 - You've done a Samson act. - Samson? 436 00:22:30,542 --> 00:22:33,978 You've reduced the Civil Service bureaucracy. 437 00:22:34,142 --> 00:22:37,498 You've pulled the superstructure down and buried yourself. 438 00:22:37,702 --> 00:22:40,262 - A Pyrrhic victory. - No ideas? 439 00:22:40,422 --> 00:22:43,619 - I'd help if I could, but... - But the Europass... 440 00:22:43,782 --> 00:22:45,420 It doesn't make sense. 441 00:22:45,582 --> 00:22:48,540 Why can't the PM see the damage? 442 00:22:48,702 --> 00:22:52,092 Yes, this Europass issue is the biggest disaster 443 00:22:52,262 --> 00:22:54,696 since I asked to join the Cabinet. 444 00:22:54,862 --> 00:22:57,501 I don't think you quite mean that. 445 00:22:57,662 --> 00:23:00,495 Everybody knows this Europass thing won't happen. 446 00:23:00,662 --> 00:23:04,496 The PM's got to play along with it because of the Napoleon Prize. 447 00:23:04,662 --> 00:23:05,662 Napoleon Prize? 448 00:23:05,822 --> 00:23:08,734 A NATO Award given once everyfive years. 449 00:23:08,902 --> 00:23:11,211 Gold medal, big ceremony in Brussels. 450 00:23:11,382 --> 00:23:13,532 The PM's the front runnerthis time. 451 00:23:13,702 --> 00:23:17,820 It's forthe statesman who has contributed most to European unity. 452 00:23:17,982 --> 00:23:21,054 Since Napoleon. That is if you don't count Hitler. 453 00:23:22,742 --> 00:23:23,857 So? What...? 454 00:23:24,022 --> 00:23:26,695 The awards committee sits in six weeks. 455 00:23:26,862 --> 00:23:29,774 The PM isn't going to rock the boat until it's in the bag. 456 00:23:29,942 --> 00:23:31,898 You don't put boats in bags. 457 00:23:32,222 --> 00:23:34,178 - What's that Bernard? - Nothing, Minister. 458 00:23:34,702 --> 00:23:38,456 Once the prize is awarded, the PM will dump the Europasses. 459 00:23:38,622 --> 00:23:43,412 Howmany people know about the winnerof the Napoleon Prize? 460 00:23:43,582 --> 00:23:45,379 - It's top secret. - You mean everyone. 461 00:23:45,542 --> 00:23:48,659 - No, top secret top secret. - That's it then. 462 00:23:48,822 --> 00:23:50,653 - Humphrey, don't you see? - See what? 463 00:23:50,822 --> 00:23:54,098 - Backbenchers. Leaks. - The Welsh Nationalist party? 464 00:23:54,262 --> 00:23:55,411 No. No. No. 465 00:23:58,102 --> 00:23:59,820 Oh, I'll come back later. 466 00:23:59,982 --> 00:24:02,542 No. No. Don't go, the very man. 467 00:24:02,702 --> 00:24:04,260 Come on in, Daniel. 468 00:24:04,462 --> 00:24:08,216 - I want to ask youradvice. - I'll give any help I can. 469 00:24:08,382 --> 00:24:12,091 But if it's about shutting stable doors afterhorses have bolted, 470 00:24:12,262 --> 00:24:14,218 even I am powerless to help. 471 00:24:14,382 --> 00:24:16,816 You won't be powerless in this case. 472 00:24:16,982 --> 00:24:19,894 It's really a sort of moral dilemma. 473 00:24:20,142 --> 00:24:22,451 Supposing a backbencher were to put down 474 00:24:22,622 --> 00:24:26,376 a question forthe Prime Minister, asking whetherthe Europass... 475 00:24:26,542 --> 00:24:29,261 Which backbencher? Europass is top secret. 476 00:24:29,422 --> 00:24:32,937 You mean like the winner of the Napoleon Prize is top secret? 477 00:24:33,102 --> 00:24:35,775 The Ministermeant a hypothetical backbencher. 478 00:24:35,942 --> 00:24:37,773 Quite so, Bernard. Thank you. 479 00:24:37,942 --> 00:24:39,933 A hypothetical backbencher. 480 00:24:40,102 --> 00:24:41,820 And a hypothetical question 481 00:24:41,982 --> 00:24:45,577 asking whetherornot Britain was going to adopt the Europass. 482 00:24:45,942 --> 00:24:49,537 - Highly improbable. - Oh, I agree. Highly improbable. 483 00:24:49,702 --> 00:24:52,216 But suppose the PM were to answeryes, 484 00:24:52,422 --> 00:24:55,061 itwould be very damaging in the country? 485 00:24:55,942 --> 00:24:56,977 Yes. 486 00:24:57,182 --> 00:24:58,979 And if the PM were to answerno 487 00:24:59,142 --> 00:25:01,531 itwould be very damaging in Europe? 488 00:25:02,142 --> 00:25:04,098 To the PM personally. 489 00:25:04,982 --> 00:25:07,291 Napoleon prize- wise. 490 00:25:08,862 --> 00:25:11,934 Now, if a hypothetical Minister were to get to hear 491 00:25:12,102 --> 00:25:15,890 of this hypothetical question in advance, what should he do? 492 00:25:16,982 --> 00:25:19,177 The only course would be to ensure 493 00:25:19,342 --> 00:25:21,537 that the question was not tabled. 494 00:25:21,702 --> 00:25:24,535 Serious business, suppressing an MP's question. 495 00:25:24,702 --> 00:25:26,340 There is no othercourse. 496 00:25:26,942 --> 00:25:30,218 The only way to stop him might be to get him 497 00:25:30,382 --> 00:25:33,579 to put down a question asking the Prime Minister 498 00:25:33,782 --> 00:25:36,615 to squash the rumours about the closure 499 00:25:36,902 --> 00:25:39,735 of the Department forAdministrative Affairs. 500 00:25:40,182 --> 00:25:43,254 Oh, but I'm sure... whatevermade you think... 501 00:25:44,582 --> 00:25:46,732 anything but the fullest support... 502 00:25:46,902 --> 00:25:51,134 You said that a plan to abolish the Department had been put up, 503 00:25:51,302 --> 00:25:53,293 and the PM was smiling on it. 504 00:25:53,462 --> 00:25:56,022 No, smiling at it! Smiling at it, not on it. 505 00:25:57,662 --> 00:25:59,937 The whole idea was ridiculous. 506 00:26:00,102 --> 00:26:02,536 Laughable. Out of the question. 507 00:26:02,862 --> 00:26:04,136 Ajoke. 508 00:26:04,422 --> 00:26:05,571 Ajoke? 509 00:26:05,982 --> 00:26:07,461 You didn't imagine... 510 00:26:07,622 --> 00:26:12,218 So that a minute from the Prime Minister's office confirming this, 511 00:26:12,382 --> 00:26:16,375 and squashing the rumour, will be circulated to all departments 512 00:26:16,542 --> 00:26:18,134 within 24 hours. 513 00:26:18,622 --> 00:26:22,535 So thatwe can all share it, joke- wise I mean! 514 00:26:25,102 --> 00:26:27,377 Do you really think it's necessary? 515 00:26:27,662 --> 00:26:28,856 Yes. 516 00:26:29,502 --> 00:26:32,175 Well, I'm sure something can be arranged. 517 00:26:32,342 --> 00:26:33,821 If you'll excuse me. 518 00:26:34,222 --> 00:26:35,621 Checkmate, I think. 519 00:26:36,302 --> 00:26:38,179 Game, set and match. 520 00:26:38,342 --> 00:26:40,014 Can Daniel Hughes fix this? 521 00:26:40,182 --> 00:26:42,457 Don't Prime Ministers have minds of theirown? 522 00:26:42,702 --> 00:26:43,817 Certainly. 523 00:26:43,982 --> 00:26:46,974 But as President Nixon's henchmen once said: 524 00:26:47,142 --> 00:26:52,296 "When you've got them by the balls, theirhearts and minds will follow". 525 00:26:53,622 --> 00:26:55,260 Isn't that right? 526 00:26:55,422 --> 00:26:56,775 Yes, Minister.