1 00:01:08,527 --> 00:01:10,484 Bernard. Minister not in yet? 2 00:01:10,647 --> 00:01:12,558 He's in his office, having a meeting. 3 00:01:12,727 --> 00:01:13,955 What about? 4 00:01:14,127 --> 00:01:15,799 Nothing very important. 5 00:01:15,967 --> 00:01:17,161 I see. 6 00:01:17,327 --> 00:01:20,125 And whatwas that meeting in there yesterday? 7 00:01:20,327 --> 00:01:22,966 He was just reviewing procedures for briefing him 8 00:01:23,127 --> 00:01:25,436 on answers to Parliamentary questions. 9 00:01:26,087 --> 00:01:30,478 But there were Principals present and other assorted underlings. 10 00:01:30,767 --> 00:01:34,806 Just the ones who supply him with the information, actually. 11 00:01:34,967 --> 00:01:37,686 Bernard, this has to be stopped at once. 12 00:01:37,847 --> 00:01:38,847 Why? 13 00:01:39,007 --> 00:01:42,602 Lfhe talks to the underlings, he may learn things we don't know. 14 00:01:44,007 --> 00:01:47,920 - Ourposition could be undermined. - If it increases ourknowledge... 15 00:01:48,087 --> 00:01:51,397 It is folly if it's at the expense of your authority. 16 00:01:51,567 --> 00:01:52,567 Why? 17 00:01:53,367 --> 00:01:55,483 Bernard, please stop saying why. 18 00:01:55,727 --> 00:01:56,727 Why? 19 00:01:58,447 --> 00:02:01,007 I mean, could you develop that point please? 20 00:02:02,807 --> 00:02:05,958 Would you say that the Minister is starting to run the Department? 21 00:02:06,367 --> 00:02:09,040 Yes, things are going pretty well, actually. 22 00:02:09,207 --> 00:02:12,563 No, when a Ministeractually starts to run his Department 23 00:02:12,727 --> 00:02:14,683 things are not going pretty well. 24 00:02:14,847 --> 00:02:16,724 They are actually going prettybadly. 25 00:02:16,887 --> 00:02:19,765 But actually... er... I mean, in fact, 26 00:02:19,927 --> 00:02:22,521 isn't it the Minister's job to run the Department? 27 00:02:22,687 --> 00:02:24,325 No, Bernard, it is ourjob. 28 00:02:24,647 --> 00:02:26,444 Orto be more precise, it is my job, 29 00:02:26,607 --> 00:02:29,565 forwhich I've had 25 years experience and training. 30 00:02:29,727 --> 00:02:33,242 Don't you realise whatwould happen if the Ministerruns it? 31 00:02:33,407 --> 00:02:34,407 No, what? 32 00:02:34,567 --> 00:02:36,797 First, there would be chaos, naturally. 33 00:02:36,967 --> 00:02:39,527 And second, which is much more serious, 34 00:02:39,687 --> 00:02:41,518 there would be innovations. 35 00:02:41,687 --> 00:02:42,961 Changes, Bernard. 36 00:02:43,127 --> 00:02:45,004 Public debate. Outside scrutiny. 37 00:02:45,247 --> 00:02:46,680 Is that what you want? 38 00:02:48,247 --> 00:02:51,319 Good heavens, no. But what should he do then? 39 00:02:51,767 --> 00:02:53,997 A Ministerhas three functions. 40 00:02:54,167 --> 00:02:55,805 First, as an advocate, 41 00:02:55,967 --> 00:02:58,640 making the Department's actions seem plausible 42 00:02:58,807 --> 00:03:02,004 to Parliament and public, he is ourpublic relations man. 43 00:03:02,247 --> 00:03:04,681 Second, he is ourman in Westminster, 44 00:03:04,847 --> 00:03:07,884 steering our legislation through Parliament. 45 00:03:08,047 --> 00:03:10,481 And third, he is ourbreadwinner. 46 00:03:11,047 --> 00:03:13,720 He has to fight in Cabinet forthe money we need 47 00:03:13,887 --> 00:03:15,525 to run our Department. 48 00:03:16,207 --> 00:03:19,165 But, he is not here to review departmental procedures 49 00:03:19,327 --> 00:03:21,397 with Principals and Assistant Secretaries. 50 00:03:21,567 --> 00:03:24,035 - But ifhe's go the time. - Why has he got the time? 51 00:03:24,207 --> 00:03:26,880 He shouldn't. That's yourfault, Bernard! 52 00:03:27,127 --> 00:03:29,516 You must ensure he hasn't got the time. 53 00:03:30,167 --> 00:03:31,885 Create activity, Bernard! 54 00:03:32,087 --> 00:03:34,555 He should be making speeches, visits. 55 00:03:34,727 --> 00:03:36,763 We need deputations, junkets abroad, 56 00:03:36,927 --> 00:03:40,806 mountains of red boxes, we need crises, emergencies, panics! 57 00:03:41,207 --> 00:03:43,721 - Pull yourself together, Bernard. - Yes, but... 58 00:03:43,887 --> 00:03:46,560 - You leave spaces in his diary? - No, he makes those. 59 00:03:46,727 --> 00:03:48,479 - Fill them up. - He won't let me. 60 00:03:48,647 --> 00:03:50,319 Don't ask him. Do it. 61 00:03:50,927 --> 00:03:54,556 Make sure he spends more time where he can't do any damage. 62 00:03:54,727 --> 00:03:58,356 - But where? - The House of Commons, for instance. 63 00:03:59,327 --> 00:04:02,319 I really do try my best. There's a deputation in there. 64 00:04:02,487 --> 00:04:04,637 What is it about, Bernard? 65 00:04:04,807 --> 00:04:09,198 Something completely trivial, preserving badgers in Warwickshire. 66 00:04:10,567 --> 00:04:12,398 Well done, Bernard. 67 00:04:13,447 --> 00:04:16,678 Why didn't you tell me this when I asked you before? 68 00:04:17,047 --> 00:04:19,800 Actually, I thought itwas rathertrivial. 69 00:04:19,967 --> 00:04:22,879 I didn't think you would approve, actually. 70 00:04:23,047 --> 00:04:24,799 Bernard. 71 00:04:25,967 --> 00:04:29,721 I'll try and find some more threatened species then, shall I? 72 00:04:29,887 --> 00:04:32,196 You may not have to look veryfar. 73 00:04:32,407 --> 00:04:36,241 Secretaries who can't occupy their Ministers are a threatened species, 74 00:04:39,127 --> 00:04:40,321 actually. 75 00:04:42,527 --> 00:04:46,486 We have a sacred trust to preserve ournatural heritage. 76 00:04:46,647 --> 00:04:49,923 That's what this new legislation is designed to ensure. 77 00:04:50,087 --> 00:04:53,477 As I said in the House, the system simply isn'tworking. 78 00:04:53,647 --> 00:04:55,160 It's a hotch- potch. 79 00:04:55,367 --> 00:04:57,597 Local authorities, tourist authorities, 80 00:04:57,767 --> 00:05:01,043 national parks, countryside commision, C.P.R.E. 81 00:05:01,207 --> 00:05:03,516 Nobody knows where they are, nothing gets done. 82 00:05:03,687 --> 00:05:05,757 They're all back biting and buck passing. 83 00:05:05,927 --> 00:05:07,599 You know what committees are like. 84 00:05:07,767 --> 00:05:09,200 We are a committee. 85 00:05:09,407 --> 00:05:13,446 Yes. I didn't mean yoursort of committee. 86 00:05:13,607 --> 00:05:17,600 But this new legislation is designed to create clearauthority, 87 00:05:17,767 --> 00:05:20,235 and save a great deal of public money. 88 00:05:20,407 --> 00:05:24,195 - You ought to welcome it. - But what about Hayward's Spinney? 89 00:05:24,367 --> 00:05:28,280 Afew very small areas will lose theirspecially protected status, 90 00:05:28,447 --> 00:05:30,961 because it isn't economical any longer, 91 00:05:31,127 --> 00:05:33,197 to maintain them as they ought to. 92 00:05:33,367 --> 00:05:36,165 Hayward's Spinney is a vital part of ourheritage. 93 00:05:36,327 --> 00:05:38,716 The badgers have dwelt there forgenerations. 94 00:05:38,887 --> 00:05:42,243 - Can you be sure of that? - It said so in The Guardian. 95 00:05:42,407 --> 00:05:43,556 Ah, well... 96 00:05:45,527 --> 00:05:49,236 Actually it says that the badgers have dwelt there forgenerations! 97 00:05:51,727 --> 00:05:53,319 Howwould you feel if you had 98 00:05:53,487 --> 00:05:55,921 a lot of office blocks built overyourgarden 99 00:05:56,087 --> 00:05:57,679 by a lot of giant badgers? 100 00:05:57,847 --> 00:06:00,407 But a lot of office blocks... giant badgers? 101 00:06:01,487 --> 00:06:04,081 There's nothing special about man, Mr. Hacker. 102 00:06:04,247 --> 00:06:07,159 We're not above nature. We're all a part of it. 103 00:06:07,327 --> 00:06:09,204 Men are animals too, you know. 104 00:06:09,367 --> 00:06:12,279 Yes, I've just come from the House of Commons. 105 00:06:13,007 --> 00:06:16,283 Sorry, Minister, you are due foryournext appoinment. 106 00:06:16,447 --> 00:06:17,721 Oh, what a pity. 107 00:06:17,887 --> 00:06:20,924 Thank you forputting yourcase so persuasively. 108 00:06:21,087 --> 00:06:22,520 It's been a pleasure. 109 00:06:22,687 --> 00:06:24,962 Left at the corridor and down the stairs. 110 00:06:25,927 --> 00:06:27,997 But whatwill you do about it? 111 00:06:28,167 --> 00:06:31,284 All views will be taken into consideration. 112 00:06:31,487 --> 00:06:33,637 Now if you'll excuse me... 113 00:06:37,727 --> 00:06:40,036 Very polished performance. Gracious. 114 00:06:40,207 --> 00:06:41,925 And said nothing. Very professional. 115 00:06:42,087 --> 00:06:44,396 - Why wasn't I warned? - About what? 116 00:06:44,567 --> 00:06:46,444 That unifying the administration 117 00:06:46,607 --> 00:06:49,917 would remove protected status from this beaverwhatsit? 118 00:06:50,087 --> 00:06:53,318 Badgercolony. Hayward's Spinney, East Warwickshire. 119 00:06:53,487 --> 00:06:55,284 Somebody must have know about it. 120 00:06:55,447 --> 00:06:57,199 If somebody did happen to know, 121 00:06:57,367 --> 00:07:00,723 they wouldn't necessarily know that you wanted to know 122 00:07:00,887 --> 00:07:03,526 what they happened to know, in case... 123 00:07:03,767 --> 00:07:06,486 - Ah! Sir Humphrey! - Humphrey! 124 00:07:06,807 --> 00:07:08,126 Good morning, Minister. 125 00:07:08,287 --> 00:07:11,597 Is it yourjob to help Ministers make fools of themselves? 126 00:07:11,767 --> 00:07:13,883 I have nevermet one that needed any help. 127 00:07:15,847 --> 00:07:17,405 No, it is the last thing... 128 00:07:17,567 --> 00:07:21,606 Why did you encourage me to say that unifying the administration 129 00:07:21,767 --> 00:07:25,203 meant no loss of amenity, when I've signed a death warrant 130 00:07:25,367 --> 00:07:27,005 fora whole army ofbeavers? 131 00:07:27,167 --> 00:07:28,725 - Badgers, Minister. - What? 132 00:07:28,887 --> 00:07:30,559 Beavers would have a navy. 133 00:07:33,127 --> 00:07:36,358 - Why did you let me do it? - I did not encourage you to say that. 134 00:07:36,527 --> 00:07:38,677 You did! The Department prepared this. 135 00:07:38,887 --> 00:07:41,401 - "No loss of amenity", it says. - No. 136 00:07:41,567 --> 00:07:44,639 - "No significant loss of amenity". - Same thing. 137 00:07:44,807 --> 00:07:46,877 There's all the difference in the world. 138 00:07:47,047 --> 00:07:50,039 Almost anything can be attacked as a "loss of amenity", 139 00:07:50,207 --> 00:07:53,643 and be defended as "not a significant loss of amenity". 140 00:07:53,807 --> 00:07:57,038 One should appreciate the significance of"significant". 141 00:07:57,327 --> 00:07:58,965 Well, be that as it may, 142 00:07:59,127 --> 00:08:01,243 any publicity would be very damaging. 143 00:08:01,407 --> 00:08:02,840 Oh, I think not. 144 00:08:03,007 --> 00:08:05,567 But if there is a loss of amenity... 145 00:08:05,727 --> 00:08:08,116 If you'd approve this release, you would see 146 00:08:08,287 --> 00:08:10,596 that it does counter all theirarguments. 147 00:08:10,767 --> 00:08:14,521 It points out that the spinney is deregistered, not threatened. 148 00:08:14,687 --> 00:08:17,804 Badgers are very plentiful all overWarwickshire. 149 00:08:17,967 --> 00:08:19,923 And it points out the connection 150 00:08:20,087 --> 00:08:22,396 between Badgers and brucellosis. 151 00:08:22,727 --> 00:08:26,356 "Cannot be regarded as a significant loss of amenity". 152 00:08:26,967 --> 00:08:29,322 So this might not get into the National Press? 153 00:08:29,487 --> 00:08:33,196 Afew lines on The Guardian. Nothing to worry about. 154 00:08:33,887 --> 00:08:36,196 Only the urban middle class worry about 155 00:08:36,367 --> 00:08:40,804 the preservation of the countryside, because they don't live in it. 156 00:08:41,727 --> 00:08:43,922 - Would that be all, Minister? - Yes! 157 00:08:44,087 --> 00:08:45,759 No, this may well blow over, 158 00:08:45,927 --> 00:08:48,361 but it doesn't answer my basic question. 159 00:08:48,527 --> 00:08:51,724 - Which was? - Why wasn't I told about it? 160 00:08:51,887 --> 00:08:56,199 There are those who have argued and indeed cogently 161 00:08:56,367 --> 00:08:59,040 that on occasion there are some things 162 00:08:59,207 --> 00:09:01,641 it is betterfora Minister not to know. 163 00:09:01,807 --> 00:09:03,365 What are you talking about? 164 00:09:03,527 --> 00:09:05,836 Minister, youranswers in the House 165 00:09:06,007 --> 00:09:08,237 and at the Press Conference were superb. 166 00:09:08,407 --> 00:09:11,080 You were convincing. The critics were silenced. 167 00:09:11,247 --> 00:09:14,045 But could you have spoken with the same authority 168 00:09:14,207 --> 00:09:17,961 if the ecological pressure group had been badgering you? 169 00:09:18,727 --> 00:09:22,083 But I have a right to know! I am the people's representative! 170 00:09:22,247 --> 00:09:25,319 What right have you got to withhold this information? 171 00:09:25,487 --> 00:09:29,116 - It's in yourown best interests. - What do you mean? 172 00:09:29,287 --> 00:09:32,006 It's outrageous! It must not occuragain. 173 00:09:32,327 --> 00:09:35,125 I've a plan forthe reorganising of this Department 174 00:09:35,287 --> 00:09:37,243 which would ensure that it doesn't. 175 00:09:37,567 --> 00:09:39,159 - Indeed? - Yes, indeed. 176 00:09:39,327 --> 00:09:40,885 If I had one UnderSecretary 177 00:09:41,047 --> 00:09:43,800 and two Assistant Secretaries reporting to me... 178 00:09:43,967 --> 00:09:46,800 - Minister. Please! - Let me tell you my plan. 179 00:09:46,967 --> 00:09:48,525 The plan is immaterial. 180 00:09:48,687 --> 00:09:51,565 Minister, I have something to say to you 181 00:09:51,727 --> 00:09:53,524 which you may not like to hear. 182 00:09:53,967 --> 00:09:56,401 Why should today be any different? 183 00:09:57,807 --> 00:10:03,006 Minister, the traditional allocation of executive responsabilities 184 00:10:03,167 --> 00:10:05,886 has always been so determined as to liberate 185 00:10:06,047 --> 00:10:09,722 the ministerial incumbent from the administrative minutiae 186 00:10:09,887 --> 00:10:12,924 by devolving the managerial functions 187 00:10:13,087 --> 00:10:16,557 to those whose qualifications have betterformed them 188 00:10:16,727 --> 00:10:20,686 forthe performance of such humble offices, thereby releasing 189 00:10:20,847 --> 00:10:24,157 theirpolitical overlords forthe more onerous duties 190 00:10:24,327 --> 00:10:27,444 and deliberations which are the inevitable concomitant 191 00:10:27,607 --> 00:10:29,757 of theirexalted position. 192 00:10:35,287 --> 00:10:37,960 What made you think I wouldn'twant to hearthat? 193 00:10:38,607 --> 00:10:40,359 I thought it might upset you. 194 00:10:40,647 --> 00:10:43,559 How could it? I didn't understand a single word. 195 00:10:44,767 --> 00:10:47,839 Foronce in your life, put it into plain English. 196 00:10:48,007 --> 00:10:49,281 If you insist. 197 00:10:49,487 --> 00:10:52,479 You are not here to run this Department. 198 00:10:52,967 --> 00:10:54,286 I beg yourpardon? 199 00:10:54,447 --> 00:10:56,881 You are not here to run this Department. 200 00:10:57,047 --> 00:10:59,356 I think I am. The people think I am, too. 201 00:10:59,527 --> 00:11:03,042 With respect Minister, you are... they are wrong. 202 00:11:03,287 --> 00:11:05,198 And who does run this Department? 203 00:11:05,487 --> 00:11:06,522 I do. 204 00:11:06,687 --> 00:11:08,484 Oh, I see... 205 00:11:08,767 --> 00:11:11,440 - What am I supposed to do? - We've been through all this. 206 00:11:11,607 --> 00:11:13,086 Make policy. 207 00:11:13,247 --> 00:11:14,885 Get legislation enacted. 208 00:11:15,047 --> 00:11:18,323 And above all secure the Department's budget in Cabinet. 209 00:11:18,487 --> 00:11:20,796 It seems the budget is all you care about. 210 00:11:20,967 --> 00:11:22,639 It is rather important. 211 00:11:23,287 --> 00:11:25,926 We might end up with a department so small 212 00:11:26,087 --> 00:11:28,282 that even a Ministercould run it. 213 00:11:30,327 --> 00:11:33,444 Are we to have a disagreement about the nature of democracy? 214 00:11:33,607 --> 00:11:36,599 No, Minister, merely a demarcation dispute. 215 00:11:36,887 --> 00:11:39,765 What I mean is that the menial chore 216 00:11:39,927 --> 00:11:42,487 of running a department is beneath you. 217 00:11:42,887 --> 00:11:45,162 You're fashioned fora noblercalling. 218 00:11:45,407 --> 00:11:48,319 Well, I leave the routine paperwork to you 219 00:11:48,487 --> 00:11:51,445 but I must insist on direct access to all information. 220 00:11:51,607 --> 00:11:53,643 Neveragain "There are some things 221 00:11:53,807 --> 00:11:56,401 it is betterfora Minister not to know". 222 00:11:56,567 --> 00:11:59,400 - Well, Minister... - That is an order, Humphrey! 223 00:11:59,607 --> 00:12:03,520 As you say, Minister. If that is what you really want. 224 00:12:03,687 --> 00:12:07,362 It's treating Cabinet Ministers as if they were ten yearolds. 225 00:12:16,527 --> 00:12:17,527 Afternoon. 226 00:12:17,687 --> 00:12:19,439 - Finished with The Guardian? - Yes. 227 00:12:20,807 --> 00:12:23,162 I haven't got the Socialist Workerforyou. 228 00:12:24,047 --> 00:12:26,800 Daddy's pleased to see you down forbreakfast? 229 00:12:26,967 --> 00:12:29,879 - He hasn't seen you fora while... - I was having a lie-in. 230 00:12:30,407 --> 00:12:32,363 Betterthan a sit-in, I suppose. 231 00:12:33,527 --> 00:12:35,358 Why were you so late last night? 232 00:12:35,607 --> 00:12:38,963 There are some things it's better fora fathernot to know. 233 00:12:39,367 --> 00:12:40,720 Don't you start! 234 00:12:40,927 --> 00:12:43,316 - What? - Nothing, nothing. 235 00:12:43,487 --> 00:12:45,318 I was outwith the Trots. 236 00:12:45,847 --> 00:12:47,200 Gosh... 237 00:12:49,527 --> 00:12:51,438 Are you going to see a doctor? 238 00:12:52,487 --> 00:12:54,000 The Trotskyites! 239 00:12:54,567 --> 00:12:56,523 Oh, a Trotskyite now are you? 240 00:12:56,687 --> 00:12:57,836 No. Peter is. 241 00:12:58,007 --> 00:12:59,076 Peter? 242 00:12:59,287 --> 00:13:00,561 Yes, Peter. 243 00:13:01,647 --> 00:13:03,797 You've only met him about 15 times. 244 00:13:03,967 --> 00:13:06,276 Oh, is he the one with the... and the... 245 00:13:06,567 --> 00:13:07,567 Yes. 246 00:13:07,767 --> 00:13:09,803 - Jim, I need yourhelp today. - Whatwith? 247 00:13:09,967 --> 00:13:14,040 Shopping, the kitchen plughole's blocked, the lawn needs mowing. 248 00:13:14,207 --> 00:13:17,597 - I've got all these boxes to do. - They can wait. 249 00:13:17,807 --> 00:13:19,559 Annie, I am a Cabinet Minister. 250 00:13:19,727 --> 00:13:21,877 A member of Her Majesty's Government. 251 00:13:22,047 --> 00:13:23,765 It's a fairly important job. 252 00:13:23,927 --> 00:13:27,363 But you have 23.000 civil servants to help you, I haven't. 253 00:13:27,967 --> 00:13:31,642 Play with yourmemos later, the drains need fixing now. 254 00:13:31,927 --> 00:13:33,121 Oh, Lucy! 255 00:13:33,647 --> 00:13:36,320 You've got marmalade all overmy cabinet papers. 256 00:13:36,967 --> 00:13:37,967 Oh, God. 257 00:13:39,567 --> 00:13:42,127 Now I've got butteron them. Get a cloth. 258 00:13:42,287 --> 00:13:43,845 - Get it yourself. - Lucy. 259 00:13:45,647 --> 00:13:47,319 You're not in Whitehall now. 260 00:13:47,887 --> 00:13:50,765 "Yes, Minister", "Certainly", "Just as you say". 261 00:13:50,927 --> 00:13:52,918 "May I lick yourboots, Minister?" 262 00:13:53,087 --> 00:13:54,202 That's not fair. 263 00:13:54,367 --> 00:13:57,598 Those Civil Servants may be always kowtowing to Daddy, 264 00:13:57,767 --> 00:14:00,156 but they nevertake any notice ofhim. 265 00:14:03,127 --> 00:14:05,766 I've justwon a victory in my Department. 266 00:14:05,927 --> 00:14:07,485 Look at all those boxes. 267 00:14:08,527 --> 00:14:09,960 That's what I mean. 268 00:14:10,247 --> 00:14:14,126 You were better, now they've done a snow job on you again. 269 00:14:14,287 --> 00:14:17,085 - Not at all, I asked forall this. - Why? 270 00:14:17,767 --> 00:14:19,917 Humphrey said, "There are some things 271 00:14:20,087 --> 00:14:22,521 it's betterfora Minister not to know". 272 00:14:22,807 --> 00:14:26,197 He's witholding things forme, probably important things. 273 00:14:26,367 --> 00:14:29,996 So I have insisted that I am told everything that goes on. 274 00:14:31,127 --> 00:14:33,766 How did you get to be a Cabinet Minister? 275 00:14:33,927 --> 00:14:35,406 You're such a clot. 276 00:14:36,647 --> 00:14:38,319 - What? - Don't you see? 277 00:14:38,487 --> 00:14:41,524 You've played right into Humphrey's hands. 278 00:14:41,847 --> 00:14:45,601 An open invitation to swamp you with useless information. 279 00:14:45,767 --> 00:14:47,041 I don't think so. 280 00:14:47,207 --> 00:14:49,084 What's in that box, for instance? 281 00:14:49,247 --> 00:14:51,886 Technical reports, feasibility studies, 282 00:14:52,047 --> 00:14:54,003 past papers of assorted committees, 283 00:14:54,727 --> 00:14:56,558 stationery requisitions... 284 00:14:58,567 --> 00:15:00,558 Oh, damnation. 285 00:15:01,327 --> 00:15:03,477 You can'twin. It's Catch 22, isn't it? 286 00:15:04,207 --> 00:15:06,801 So little information you don't know the facts, 287 00:15:06,967 --> 00:15:08,764 orso much you can't find them. 288 00:15:09,087 --> 00:15:11,123 They've got you going and coming. 289 00:15:11,287 --> 00:15:13,847 - There's a story about you here. - I've read it. 290 00:15:14,007 --> 00:15:16,919 - "Hacker, The Badger Butcher". - Daddy's read it. 291 00:15:17,327 --> 00:15:19,557 - What's all this then? - Lot of rubbish. 292 00:15:20,407 --> 00:15:23,240 "Hackeradmitted that removing protected status 293 00:15:23,407 --> 00:15:26,683 from Hayward's Spinney mean the end of the badgercolony". 294 00:15:27,287 --> 00:15:30,757 "A spokesman forthe Preservation of British Wildlife said: 295 00:15:31,127 --> 00:15:33,846 "Hackerhas signed the badger's death warrant". 296 00:15:34,007 --> 00:15:36,965 One: I am not a babgerb... badgerbutcher... 297 00:15:37,767 --> 00:15:39,359 Whatever it is. 298 00:15:39,727 --> 00:15:42,116 Two: Badgers are not an endangered species. 299 00:15:42,567 --> 00:15:44,637 Three: The removal of protected status 300 00:15:44,807 --> 00:15:47,241 does not mean all the badgers will be shot. 301 00:15:47,567 --> 00:15:50,001 And four: If a fewbadgers die forthe sake 302 00:15:50,167 --> 00:15:53,842 of a masterplan thatwill save Britain's natural heritage, tough. 303 00:15:54,007 --> 00:15:55,804 A masterplan, mein Führer. 304 00:15:55,967 --> 00:15:58,356 - The end justifies the means? - Lucy... 305 00:15:58,527 --> 00:16:00,643 It's because badgers can't vote. 306 00:16:00,807 --> 00:16:04,163 Lfbadgers had votes, you wouldn't be exterminating them. 307 00:16:04,327 --> 00:16:08,081 You'd be at Hayward's Spinney, shaking paws, and kissing cubs... 308 00:16:08,247 --> 00:16:11,000 Ingratiating yourself the way you always do. 309 00:16:11,247 --> 00:16:14,444 - Not a nice thing to say. - It's true, isn't it? 310 00:16:14,607 --> 00:16:18,236 Yes, but Daddy's in politics. He has to be ingratiating. 311 00:16:18,407 --> 00:16:20,841 - Thank you very much. - It's got to be stopped. 312 00:16:21,007 --> 00:16:24,283 - The decision has been taken. - I'm going to stop it. 313 00:16:24,687 --> 00:16:27,804 Quite simple, get yourself adopted as a candidate, 314 00:16:27,967 --> 00:16:31,118 win a general election, serve on the back benches, 315 00:16:31,967 --> 00:16:34,845 become a Minister and repeal the act. 316 00:16:35,527 --> 00:16:38,246 The badgers might be getting on a bit by then. 317 00:16:39,767 --> 00:16:42,406 Assistant Secretaries reporting to the Minister! 318 00:16:42,567 --> 00:16:43,567 I know. 319 00:16:43,727 --> 00:16:46,161 Does he think he is a civil servant? 320 00:16:47,007 --> 00:16:49,077 The arrogance of these politicians! 321 00:16:49,287 --> 00:16:50,481 Ah, Bernard. 322 00:16:53,127 --> 00:16:54,127 Thank you. 323 00:16:55,447 --> 00:16:56,800 Yes. 324 00:16:58,167 --> 00:16:59,282 Yes. 325 00:16:59,967 --> 00:17:01,082 Yes. 326 00:17:02,407 --> 00:17:03,635 Yes. 327 00:17:04,527 --> 00:17:05,926 Yes. 328 00:17:06,447 --> 00:17:07,562 Fine. 329 00:17:08,207 --> 00:17:11,005 You can show that last one to the Minister. 330 00:17:11,167 --> 00:17:13,044 He'll be quiet fora bit. 331 00:17:15,287 --> 00:17:16,925 Is something the matter? 332 00:17:17,127 --> 00:17:18,719 Well, it's just that... 333 00:17:19,287 --> 00:17:21,437 I've been increasingly worried about 334 00:17:21,607 --> 00:17:23,598 keeping things back from the Minister. 335 00:17:23,767 --> 00:17:25,758 - Shall I... - No, no, no. 336 00:17:25,927 --> 00:17:27,326 What do you mean? 337 00:17:27,487 --> 00:17:31,241 Why shouldn't he be allowed to know things ifhe wants to? 338 00:17:31,407 --> 00:17:32,840 Silly Boy! 339 00:17:33,927 --> 00:17:38,603 Bernard, this country is governed by Ministers making decisions 340 00:17:38,767 --> 00:17:40,962 from the various alternative proposals 341 00:17:41,127 --> 00:17:43,516 - thatwe offerthem, is it not? - Oh, yes. 342 00:17:43,767 --> 00:17:44,802 Well... 343 00:17:46,007 --> 00:17:48,237 If they had all the facts, 344 00:17:48,407 --> 00:17:51,319 they'd see all sorts of otherpossibilities. 345 00:17:51,527 --> 00:17:53,677 They might even formulate theirown plans 346 00:17:53,847 --> 00:17:56,680 instead of choosing between the ones thatwe put up. 347 00:17:56,847 --> 00:17:58,803 - Would that matter? - Would it matter! 348 00:17:58,967 --> 00:17:59,967 But why? 349 00:18:00,127 --> 00:18:03,676 As long as we can formulate ourown proposals, we can 350 00:18:04,407 --> 00:18:06,716 guide them to the correct decision. 351 00:18:06,887 --> 00:18:08,718 Can we? How? 352 00:18:10,447 --> 00:18:12,756 It's like a conjuror. 353 00:18:13,447 --> 00:18:14,960 The Three Card Trick. 354 00:18:15,127 --> 00:18:18,517 "Take any card", they pick the one that you intend. 355 00:18:19,007 --> 00:18:21,475 Ours is the fourword trick. 356 00:18:21,847 --> 00:18:26,159 There are fourwords if you want a Ministerto accept a proposal. 357 00:18:26,327 --> 00:18:29,603 Quick. Simple. Popular. Cheap. 358 00:18:30,567 --> 00:18:32,876 And there are fourwords fora proposal 359 00:18:33,047 --> 00:18:34,799 if you want it thrown out. 360 00:18:35,327 --> 00:18:38,558 Complicated. Lengthy. Expensive. Controversial. 361 00:18:39,527 --> 00:18:42,803 And to be really sure the Ministerdoesn't accept it, 362 00:18:42,967 --> 00:18:45,117 you say the decision is courageous. 363 00:18:45,287 --> 00:18:46,959 Worse than "controversial". 364 00:18:49,207 --> 00:18:51,641 "Controversial" means "this'll lose yourvotes". 365 00:18:51,807 --> 00:18:54,879 "Courageous" means "this will lose you the election". 366 00:18:55,407 --> 00:19:00,356 You see, if they have all the facts instead of just the options 367 00:19:00,647 --> 00:19:02,877 they might start thinking forthemselves! 368 00:19:03,407 --> 00:19:06,046 - And the system works? - Works? 369 00:19:06,607 --> 00:19:08,962 It's made Britain what she is today. 370 00:19:10,767 --> 00:19:11,961 Oh, yes. I see. Yes. 371 00:19:12,127 --> 00:19:15,676 - What about yourman? - I'm giving him plenty to read. 372 00:19:15,847 --> 00:19:17,439 Shouldn't you showhim 373 00:19:17,607 --> 00:19:20,326 the positive virtues ofbeing kept ignorant? 374 00:19:20,487 --> 00:19:23,877 Lfhe doesn't know that after 20 years as a politician... 375 00:19:44,047 --> 00:19:48,086 - You look worried, Bernard. - I've just found this letter. 376 00:19:48,247 --> 00:19:50,124 I don't know if I should open it. 377 00:19:50,287 --> 00:19:51,686 You know the rules. 378 00:19:51,847 --> 00:19:55,920 Private secretaries shall open all classifications up to Top Secret. 379 00:19:56,087 --> 00:19:59,045 Only letters marked "personal" shall remain unopened, 380 00:19:59,207 --> 00:20:01,516 unless the Minister orders otherwise. 381 00:20:01,727 --> 00:20:03,001 What about Daddy? 382 00:20:05,047 --> 00:20:07,561 Where does yourfather come into this? 383 00:20:08,167 --> 00:20:09,885 No. To "Daddy". "Urgent". 384 00:20:10,047 --> 00:20:11,526 - Does it say"Personal"? - No. 385 00:20:11,687 --> 00:20:13,598 Well then, it must be opened. 386 00:20:19,967 --> 00:20:23,562 - It's from the Minister's daughter. - You astound me. 387 00:20:27,607 --> 00:20:29,086 Trouble at the mill. 388 00:20:30,247 --> 00:20:32,761 Miss Hackerwill join the badgerprotest. 389 00:20:32,927 --> 00:20:35,202 - I thought itwas over. - She and herboyfriend. 390 00:20:35,367 --> 00:20:38,279 A 24 hour"Save the badgers" vigil in Hayward's Spinney 391 00:20:38,447 --> 00:20:40,199 unless protection is restored. 392 00:20:40,367 --> 00:20:43,564 And they announcing it to the press at 5.00 p.m. 393 00:20:43,727 --> 00:20:46,878 "Minister's daughter in badgerprotest vigil". 394 00:20:47,927 --> 00:20:50,566 A little embarrassing, but not too serious. 395 00:20:50,727 --> 00:20:54,276 The Ministerwill be more than a little embarrassed. 396 00:20:54,447 --> 00:20:57,723 "Minister's daughter in nude badgerprotest vigil". 397 00:20:58,287 --> 00:20:59,322 What! 398 00:20:59,487 --> 00:21:01,762 Miss Hacker and herboyfriend will be... 399 00:21:02,087 --> 00:21:04,078 that is, will not not be... I mean... 400 00:21:04,247 --> 00:21:07,444 - Do you mean starkers, Bernard? - Yes, Sir Humphrey. 401 00:21:07,607 --> 00:21:11,839 - A different complexion on it. - Especially in this weather. 402 00:21:14,487 --> 00:21:18,765 Put in crude journalistic terms, this makes it a big story. 403 00:21:18,927 --> 00:21:20,804 Front page: with photograph. 404 00:21:23,087 --> 00:21:24,281 Hello, Humphrey. 405 00:21:26,847 --> 00:21:28,360 Something the matter? 406 00:21:29,887 --> 00:21:30,887 Well? 407 00:21:31,727 --> 00:21:34,241 Shall we say a slight embarrassment, Minister? 408 00:21:34,527 --> 00:21:35,527 How slight? 409 00:21:36,127 --> 00:21:39,802 Withoutwishing in any sense to overstate the case 410 00:21:40,807 --> 00:21:44,277 orcause undue alarm, nevertheless, the fact remains... 411 00:21:44,447 --> 00:21:45,960 Come on! Outwith it. 412 00:21:46,807 --> 00:21:49,526 - I have a confession to make. - That's a change. 413 00:21:50,207 --> 00:21:53,836 Well, come on, Humphrey, make a clean breast of it. 414 00:21:54,247 --> 00:21:57,319 Not the happiest of phrases underthe circumstances. 415 00:21:57,927 --> 00:21:58,996 How do you mean? 416 00:21:59,167 --> 00:22:01,476 I have to confess that the badgers 417 00:22:01,647 --> 00:22:05,003 may be a somewhat biggerstory than we thought. 418 00:22:05,167 --> 00:22:08,762 Don't tell me they're going to have kittens. 419 00:22:08,967 --> 00:22:12,084 It is not the badgers who are going to have kittens. 420 00:22:12,247 --> 00:22:16,035 There'll be a 24 hourprotest vigil in Hayward's Spinney. 421 00:22:16,207 --> 00:22:19,404 - Thatwouldn't be newsworthy. - This is slightly different. 422 00:22:19,567 --> 00:22:21,478 It's to be conducted... 423 00:22:22,207 --> 00:22:26,166 by a girl student and herboyfriend. 424 00:22:27,087 --> 00:22:28,759 - Just the two of them? - Yes. 425 00:22:28,927 --> 00:22:31,282 They don't matter. A pairof layabouts. 426 00:22:31,447 --> 00:22:34,120 - They might matterto some people. - Nonsense. 427 00:22:34,287 --> 00:22:37,359 These students are just exhibitionists. 428 00:22:37,527 --> 00:22:40,360 In this case they have something to exhibit. 429 00:22:40,727 --> 00:22:43,560 - How do you mean? - It's to be a nude protest vigil. 430 00:22:43,807 --> 00:22:44,876 I see. 431 00:22:45,127 --> 00:22:47,960 - Thatwould make the front pages! - Yes, quite so. 432 00:22:48,407 --> 00:22:50,637 The press just mustn't find out. 433 00:22:50,807 --> 00:22:53,879 I don't know what gets into these students. 434 00:22:54,047 --> 00:22:57,005 - It's appalling. They're shameless. - Indeed, Minister. 435 00:22:57,167 --> 00:22:58,759 It's theirparents. 436 00:23:00,207 --> 00:23:02,084 They don't bring them up properly. 437 00:23:02,247 --> 00:23:04,283 Just let them run wild and feed them 438 00:23:04,447 --> 00:23:06,517 all this antiestablishment nonsense. 439 00:23:06,687 --> 00:23:09,485 Perhaps it isn't entirely the parents fault. 440 00:23:09,647 --> 00:23:11,046 Of course it is! 441 00:23:11,847 --> 00:23:13,200 Authority, Humphrey. 442 00:23:13,367 --> 00:23:15,085 All this is an indictment 443 00:23:15,247 --> 00:23:17,522 of theirparent's lack of discipline. 444 00:23:18,007 --> 00:23:22,285 So they just take it out on innocent people like me. 445 00:23:23,607 --> 00:23:26,519 - Who are they? - We know the young lady's name. 446 00:23:26,687 --> 00:23:28,484 Lady! Who is she? 447 00:23:29,047 --> 00:23:31,083 It seems she's a Miss Hacker. 448 00:23:31,607 --> 00:23:33,279 Hacker... oh, that's my name. 449 00:23:35,047 --> 00:23:36,560 That's a coincidence. 450 00:23:37,447 --> 00:23:39,358 Not a complete coincidence. 451 00:23:41,887 --> 00:23:43,798 Not... not Lucy? 452 00:23:45,927 --> 00:23:46,962 Oh, my God! 453 00:23:48,287 --> 00:23:49,720 Oh, my God! 454 00:23:50,247 --> 00:23:53,045 She will be telephoning in ten minutes time. 455 00:23:54,527 --> 00:23:58,839 Perhaps the press won't be all that interested? No, no... 456 00:23:59,887 --> 00:24:02,799 Butwill they go all the way up to Warwickshire? 457 00:24:03,287 --> 00:24:04,766 Fora story like this, 458 00:24:04,927 --> 00:24:07,725 they'll go all the way to the South Pole. 459 00:24:07,887 --> 00:24:10,879 This story must be killed. Advise me, Humphrey. 460 00:24:11,167 --> 00:24:14,239 What about a little parental discipline? 461 00:24:14,407 --> 00:24:15,476 Don't be silly. 462 00:24:15,647 --> 00:24:19,606 - Make her listen to reason. - She's a sociology student. 463 00:24:22,167 --> 00:24:25,125 Perhaps Mrs. Hacker could lock her in herroom? 464 00:24:25,287 --> 00:24:27,960 Annie's out atwork. What about the police? 465 00:24:28,127 --> 00:24:30,960 "Ministersets police on nude daughter". 466 00:24:31,127 --> 00:24:33,687 I'm not sure that completely kills the story. 467 00:24:33,847 --> 00:24:37,760 - There must be something. - Perhaps if I look at the files... 468 00:24:37,927 --> 00:24:40,680 My daughter's about to get page one of the Sun, 469 00:24:40,847 --> 00:24:44,123 and probably page three, and you just think of the files. 470 00:24:44,287 --> 00:24:46,721 - Nevertheless... - They're all out there. 471 00:24:48,087 --> 00:24:50,601 - What angle they'll take? - Wide angle. 472 00:24:52,967 --> 00:24:55,481 Opposition will have fun with this. 473 00:24:55,807 --> 00:24:58,082 "Does the proud father wish to make a statement?". 474 00:24:58,247 --> 00:25:00,807 "Is the Hackerfamily getting too much exposure?". 475 00:25:01,047 --> 00:25:03,277 "Is the Ministertrying to conduct a coverup?". 476 00:25:03,447 --> 00:25:06,325 "Does he run his Department betterthan his family?". 477 00:25:06,767 --> 00:25:09,156 You'd like me to tell them that Humphrey runs it? 478 00:25:09,327 --> 00:25:12,046 No, of course not. I am your Private Secretary. 479 00:25:12,207 --> 00:25:14,846 Do you mean that when the chips are down, 480 00:25:15,007 --> 00:25:16,884 you're on my side, not Humphrey's? 481 00:25:17,047 --> 00:25:19,845 Minister, it's my job to see the chips stay up. 482 00:25:26,767 --> 00:25:27,767 Hello? 483 00:25:27,927 --> 00:25:30,282 Can I speak to Mr. Hacker? It's his daughter. 484 00:25:30,447 --> 00:25:32,005 It's foryou, Minister. 485 00:25:33,007 --> 00:25:34,440 Lucy. Hello, darling. 486 00:25:34,767 --> 00:25:36,200 - Hello, Daddy. - I got yournote. 487 00:25:36,367 --> 00:25:38,358 Fora moment I thought itwas serious. 488 00:25:38,687 --> 00:25:41,281 It is serious. It's deadly serious. 489 00:25:41,447 --> 00:25:44,245 Pete and I are just going to ring the press, 490 00:25:44,407 --> 00:25:46,318 then we're off to the Spinney. 491 00:25:46,487 --> 00:25:48,762 Don't do that! Think of the damage. 492 00:25:48,927 --> 00:25:50,155 What damage? 493 00:25:50,327 --> 00:25:51,840 Well... to me. 494 00:25:52,007 --> 00:25:53,759 To you? Isn't that typical? 495 00:25:53,927 --> 00:25:55,519 What about damage to badgers? 496 00:25:55,687 --> 00:25:57,723 You're not going to be exterminated. 497 00:25:57,887 --> 00:25:59,878 Well, in a sense, yes. 498 00:26:00,047 --> 00:26:02,038 Then you knowwhat to do. 499 00:26:02,647 --> 00:26:04,638 - Ten... - Look... Look... 500 00:26:04,807 --> 00:26:05,956 - Nine... - Lucy, don't... 501 00:26:06,127 --> 00:26:07,480 - Eight... - Lucy! 502 00:26:07,647 --> 00:26:09,956 If I could have a word with the young lady. 503 00:26:10,127 --> 00:26:12,687 Sir Humphrey Appleby wants a word with you. 504 00:26:12,847 --> 00:26:15,964 - A new development. - Six... five... 505 00:26:16,767 --> 00:26:19,839 Miss Hacker... Ah, how do you do? 506 00:26:20,127 --> 00:26:21,879 Humphrey Appleby here. 507 00:26:22,367 --> 00:26:25,518 - Mr. Hacker's Permanent Secretary. - Five and holding. 508 00:26:25,687 --> 00:26:27,484 If I could just have a word. 509 00:26:27,647 --> 00:26:31,481 I have just seen the latest report from the Government's inspectors, 510 00:26:31,647 --> 00:26:34,366 which throws new light on the issue. 511 00:26:34,727 --> 00:26:35,727 Why? 512 00:26:35,887 --> 00:26:39,118 Apparently there is no badgercolony in Spinney. 513 00:26:39,287 --> 00:26:40,686 Now, it says here 514 00:26:41,367 --> 00:26:45,155 "Last evidence ofbadger droppings, freshly turned earth 515 00:26:45,327 --> 00:26:47,283 was recorded eleven years ago". 516 00:26:47,447 --> 00:26:48,516 But the papers... 517 00:26:48,687 --> 00:26:52,885 Apparently the story was fed to them by a property developer. 518 00:26:53,687 --> 00:26:56,599 - Property developer? - Yes. The Council has plans 519 00:26:56,767 --> 00:27:00,077 to use the spinneyfora new College of Further Education, 520 00:27:00,247 --> 00:27:03,683 and the developerwants it foroffices and luxuryflats. 521 00:27:03,847 --> 00:27:07,123 Well, if it's protected he won't be able to. 522 00:27:07,287 --> 00:27:09,278 And, norwill the Council. 523 00:27:09,607 --> 00:27:12,679 And he knows they'll use the moneyforsomething else, 524 00:27:12,927 --> 00:27:16,397 then he can establish that there's no badgercolony, 525 00:27:16,567 --> 00:27:20,037 get the protection orderremoved and build his offices. 526 00:27:20,207 --> 00:27:21,560 It's common practice. 527 00:27:22,487 --> 00:27:25,877 So there isn't any wildlife in the spinney at all? 528 00:27:26,047 --> 00:27:29,403 Well, there is some. It's been used as a rubbish dump 529 00:27:29,567 --> 00:27:34,118 by people from Wootton Wawen, so there're lots of rats. 530 00:27:34,967 --> 00:27:38,004 - Rats? - Yes. Several thousand, actually. 531 00:27:39,047 --> 00:27:42,517 They are wildlife too, in theirway, aren't they? 532 00:27:42,727 --> 00:27:45,525 Itwould be a pity to play into the developer's hands. 533 00:27:45,927 --> 00:27:47,724 Yes, I suppose itwould. 534 00:27:47,887 --> 00:27:51,277 Yes, I very much respect yourviews and yourcommitment. 535 00:27:51,447 --> 00:27:53,324 Would you like to speak to the Minister? 536 00:27:53,487 --> 00:27:57,162 No, that's all right. Oh, well. Forget it then. 537 00:28:00,607 --> 00:28:03,121 Humphrey! I take it all back! 538 00:28:04,207 --> 00:28:07,165 Itwas nothing, Minister. Itwas all in the files. 539 00:28:07,327 --> 00:28:08,806 A property developer! 540 00:28:08,967 --> 00:28:11,879 The cunning devils... Let me look at the file! 541 00:28:12,527 --> 00:28:15,724 I don't think you'd find them interesting. 542 00:28:16,727 --> 00:28:19,958 - Let me have a look. - No, I don't think you'd... 543 00:28:20,127 --> 00:28:21,401 Humphrey! 544 00:28:22,527 --> 00:28:24,358 Itwas true, wasn't it? 545 00:28:25,887 --> 00:28:29,323 Was there one word of truth in that whole story 546 00:28:29,487 --> 00:28:30,920 you told to Lucy? 547 00:28:31,167 --> 00:28:34,239 Do you really want me to answerthat question? 548 00:28:36,287 --> 00:28:37,481 No. 549 00:28:38,767 --> 00:28:40,723 - I don't think I do. - Quite so. 550 00:28:41,127 --> 00:28:44,676 Perhaps there are some things it is betterfora Ministernot to know.