1 00:00:44,520 --> 00:00:46,398 It's absolutely intolerable. 2 00:00:46,560 --> 00:00:48,596 - Yes, Minister. - Quite so, Minister. 3 00:00:48,840 --> 00:00:51,912 Each separate department about to order 4 00:00:52,080 --> 00:00:54,719 different word-processing equipment, 5 00:00:54,880 --> 00:01:01,228 and I persuaded them to place one big central order for everyone, 6 00:01:01,400 --> 00:01:05,757 big enough for UK manufacturers to invest in systems development. 7 00:01:05,920 --> 00:01:08,309 - Yes, Minister. - I don't have to tell you. 8 00:01:08,480 --> 00:01:09,913 No, Minister. 9 00:01:10,480 --> 00:01:14,996 Months of negotiation and we were on the eve of a press announcement: 10 00:01:15,160 --> 00:01:18,357 "Hacker's massive investment in modern technology". 11 00:01:18,520 --> 00:01:21,398 "Jim's vote of confidence in British industry". 12 00:01:21,560 --> 00:01:24,028 "'Britain can make it,' says Jim". 13 00:01:24,200 --> 00:01:25,553 Quite so. 14 00:01:25,960 --> 00:01:30,875 And now this directive from Brussels saying all EEC members 15 00:01:31,040 --> 00:01:34,919 must conform to some niggling European word-processing standards; 16 00:01:35,080 --> 00:01:38,993 thatwe have to agree to the plans of committees 17 00:01:39,160 --> 00:01:41,958 at the forthcoming European Word-Processing Conference 18 00:01:42,120 --> 00:01:43,348 in Brussels. 19 00:01:45,080 --> 00:01:46,433 Well, say something! 20 00:01:49,640 --> 00:01:51,517 - Yes, Minister. - Quite so. 21 00:01:53,000 --> 00:01:54,035 Is that all? 22 00:01:54,480 --> 00:01:59,600 I'm afraid that's the penalty we pay for pretending we're Europeans. 23 00:01:59,760 --> 00:02:02,228 I fully understand your hostility to Europe. 24 00:02:02,400 --> 00:02:06,359 I'm not like you, Humphrey. I'm pro-Europe, just anti- Brussels. 25 00:02:07,120 --> 00:02:09,918 I sometimes think you're anti- Europe and pro-Brussels. 26 00:02:10,080 --> 00:02:12,674 I'm neither pro-noranti-anything. 27 00:02:12,840 --> 00:02:17,550 I'm merely a humble vessel forthe fruits of your deliberations. 28 00:02:17,720 --> 00:02:21,952 It could be argued that given the absurdity of the European idea, 29 00:02:22,120 --> 00:02:25,669 that Brussels does its best to defend the indefensible 30 00:02:25,840 --> 00:02:29,753 - and make the unworkable work. - That's not true, Humphrey! 31 00:02:29,920 --> 00:02:34,835 Without sounding pompous, we must avoid narrow national self- interest. 32 00:02:35,000 --> 00:02:37,070 - It doesn't sound pompous... - Good. 33 00:02:37,240 --> 00:02:38,719 Merely inaccurate. 34 00:02:40,320 --> 00:02:42,595 Listen, humble vessel, 35 00:02:42,760 --> 00:02:46,594 Europe is a community of nations dedicated towards one goal. 36 00:02:48,440 --> 00:02:50,351 May we share the joke? 37 00:02:50,520 --> 00:02:52,829 Minister, let's look at this objectively. 38 00:02:53,000 --> 00:02:55,958 It's a game played fornational interests. 39 00:02:56,240 --> 00:02:57,878 Why did we go into it? 40 00:02:58,040 --> 00:03:00,952 To strengthen the free Western nations. 41 00:03:01,120 --> 00:03:05,432 We went in to screw the French by splitting them from the Germans. 42 00:03:06,000 --> 00:03:07,877 Why did the French go in? 43 00:03:08,040 --> 00:03:11,589 To protect their farmers from competition. 44 00:03:11,760 --> 00:03:15,514 - And the Germans? - To cleanse themselves of genocide 45 00:03:15,680 --> 00:03:18,558 and applyforre-admission to the human race. 46 00:03:18,720 --> 00:03:20,915 I've neverheard such cynicism! 47 00:03:21,080 --> 00:03:23,753 The small nations didn't join forselfish reasons. 48 00:03:23,920 --> 00:03:26,912 Really? Luxembourg is in it for the perks. 49 00:03:27,080 --> 00:03:30,868 The EEC capital, all that foreign money pouring in. 50 00:03:31,040 --> 00:03:32,632 A sensible central location. 51 00:03:32,800 --> 00:03:36,429 With the administration in Brussels and the Parliament in Strasbourg? 52 00:03:36,600 --> 00:03:39,672 Minister! It's like having the Commons in Swindon 53 00:03:39,840 --> 00:03:41,831 and the Civil Service in Kettering! 54 00:03:42,640 --> 00:03:47,430 Why do other nations try to get in? Take the Greeks... 55 00:03:47,600 --> 00:03:50,034 I find it difficult to take the Greeks, 56 00:03:50,720 --> 00:03:53,712 open-minded as I am about foreigners. 57 00:03:54,520 --> 00:03:58,149 They'll want an olive mountain and a retsina lake. 58 00:03:58,320 --> 00:04:00,117 I don't accept this! 59 00:04:00,280 --> 00:04:04,159 I'm sorry. I suppose some of yourbest friends are Greeks? 60 00:04:04,680 --> 00:04:06,159 Very droll. 61 00:04:06,880 --> 00:04:10,350 The problem isn't internationalism but too much bureaucracy. 62 00:04:10,520 --> 00:04:13,876 The bureaucracy is a consequence of the internationalism. 63 00:04:14,040 --> 00:04:16,600 Why else is there an English Commissioner, 64 00:04:16,760 --> 00:04:19,354 a French Director-General below him, 65 00:04:19,520 --> 00:04:22,592 an Italian Chef-du-Division and so on? 66 00:04:22,760 --> 00:04:25,832 - It's like the Towerof Babel. - I agree. 67 00:04:26,000 --> 00:04:28,275 - Like the United Nations. - I agree. 68 00:04:28,440 --> 00:04:31,591 If I may interject? You are in fact in agreement. 69 00:04:31,760 --> 00:04:33,193 No, we're not. 70 00:04:34,120 --> 00:04:36,839 They say the average Common Market official 71 00:04:37,000 --> 00:04:39,878 has the organising ability of the Italians, 72 00:04:40,040 --> 00:04:43,316 the flexibility of the Germans, the modesty of the French, 73 00:04:43,480 --> 00:04:46,790 the imagination of the Belgians, the generosity of the Dutch 74 00:04:46,960 --> 00:04:49,190 and the intelligence of the Irish! 75 00:04:49,840 --> 00:04:52,798 - It's all a gravy train! - How do you mean? 76 00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:55,315 They live on champagne and caviar. 77 00:04:55,480 --> 00:04:58,995 Chauffer-driven Mercedes, private aeroplanes. 78 00:04:59,160 --> 00:05:02,072 Every official has his snout in the trough, 79 00:05:02,240 --> 00:05:04,470 and most of them their trotters as well! 80 00:05:04,640 --> 00:05:10,590 Oh, I beg to differ. Brussels is full ofhard-working public servants 81 00:05:10,760 --> 00:05:13,911 enduring exhausting travel and tedious entertainment. 82 00:05:14,080 --> 00:05:16,958 Working their way through smoked salmon, 83 00:05:17,120 --> 00:05:18,792 forcing back all that champagne! 84 00:05:19,560 --> 00:05:24,793 - You're blaming the wrong people. - What do you mean? 85 00:05:24,960 --> 00:05:27,349 One of your Cabinet colleagues 86 00:05:27,520 --> 00:05:31,149 warned Brussels of your plan forbulk buying. 87 00:05:31,320 --> 00:05:34,153 Which is why the directive appeared so quickly. 88 00:05:34,480 --> 00:05:39,634 Cabinet colleagues? Don't tell me! Bloody Corbett again! 89 00:05:41,480 --> 00:05:44,631 When I think of Corbett, I warm to Judas Iscariot! 90 00:05:45,640 --> 00:05:50,111 Yes, it was the Secretary of State for Trade and Industry. 91 00:05:50,280 --> 00:05:54,558 Treacherous, disloyal, arrogant, self-opinionated, 92 00:05:54,720 --> 00:05:56,472 publicity-seeking creep! 93 00:05:57,560 --> 00:05:59,391 I'm sorry if that sounds harsh. 94 00:06:00,120 --> 00:06:03,271 Compared to what his Permanent Secretary says, 95 00:06:03,440 --> 00:06:05,351 that's a generous tribute. 96 00:06:06,080 --> 00:06:08,719 - How did he do it? - Who knows? 97 00:06:08,880 --> 00:06:10,598 The evening paper, Minister. 98 00:06:10,760 --> 00:06:14,673 Whe never Corbett comes nearme, I feel stabbing pains in the back. 99 00:06:15,440 --> 00:06:17,317 Why did you give me this, Bernard? 100 00:06:17,480 --> 00:06:19,550 - Just there. - Oh, yes. 101 00:06:19,720 --> 00:06:22,951 Good God! Cabinet reshuffle! 102 00:06:23,880 --> 00:06:27,793 "It's rumoured that the PM will announce important Cabinet changes 103 00:06:27,960 --> 00:06:30,428 before the end of the present session". 104 00:06:31,120 --> 00:06:35,079 Why didn't I know about this? How do they know? Is this true? 105 00:06:35,240 --> 00:06:39,756 I'm only a humble civil servant, I do not move in such exalted circles 106 00:06:39,920 --> 00:06:42,070 as Cabinet Ministers and journalists. 107 00:06:42,240 --> 00:06:43,798 - But is it true? - Yes. 108 00:06:46,280 --> 00:06:48,316 How do you know? 109 00:06:48,480 --> 00:06:50,710 I mean, it's true that it's rumoured. 110 00:06:51,760 --> 00:06:54,149 A Cabinet reshuffle! I've hardly started 111 00:06:54,320 --> 00:06:56,356 to do the things that I... we... 112 00:06:56,520 --> 00:06:59,353 Perhaps you won't be moved, Minister. 113 00:06:59,520 --> 00:07:03,957 Ah... If I'm not, it means my career isn't moving forward as it should. 114 00:07:04,120 --> 00:07:06,554 At least it's not moving backwards. 115 00:07:06,800 --> 00:07:11,078 Backwards? You don't mean...? Good God! But I... 116 00:07:11,760 --> 00:07:17,039 It's not... I mean, it's... I've been doing all right, haven't I? 117 00:07:17,200 --> 00:07:19,839 - We've done all right? - You've done all right. 118 00:07:20,160 --> 00:07:22,674 - We've done all right? - Yes, Minister. 119 00:07:22,840 --> 00:07:25,991 I may not be the outstanding success of this administration, 120 00:07:26,160 --> 00:07:27,991 but I'm not a failure. 121 00:07:28,160 --> 00:07:32,870 - You've done all right. - I've been quite successful. 122 00:07:33,600 --> 00:07:38,720 If Martin were moved to the Treasury, I could get the Foreign Office! 123 00:07:43,560 --> 00:07:44,993 Perhaps you might. 124 00:07:45,560 --> 00:07:47,755 - You don't sound very certain. - I'm not. 125 00:07:47,920 --> 00:07:51,515 - What have you heard? - Nothing, it's why I'm not certain. 126 00:07:51,680 --> 00:07:55,798 - Why does Bob Carverknow? - Perhaps he has the PM's ear. 127 00:07:55,960 --> 00:08:00,078 - He's in the PM's pocket. - Then the PM must have a large ear. 128 00:08:02,840 --> 00:08:06,469 Right, well... Let's not worry about it any more. 129 00:08:06,640 --> 00:08:07,868 No, Minister. 130 00:08:11,680 --> 00:08:15,389 - We'll say no more about it. - Yes, Minister. I mean, no, Minister. 131 00:08:16,200 --> 00:08:18,475 There's no point worrying about it, is there? 132 00:08:21,800 --> 00:08:24,439 - Nothing to worry about, is there? - No, Minister. 133 00:08:24,600 --> 00:08:28,309 Shall we attend the Brussels conference? We should. 134 00:08:28,480 --> 00:08:30,675 But if the PM should move Fred? 135 00:08:30,840 --> 00:08:33,354 Shall we attend the conference in Brussels? 136 00:08:33,520 --> 00:08:37,069 - What? - Word-processing. 137 00:08:37,240 --> 00:08:41,597 Ah! Well, does it take place before or after the reshuffle? 138 00:08:41,760 --> 00:08:46,550 - Who can say? - Well, no. I've known this happen before. 139 00:08:46,720 --> 00:08:49,871 One day you're out of your office, the next you're out of office. 140 00:08:50,040 --> 00:08:52,918 This is no time for an idiotic foreign junket! 141 00:08:53,080 --> 00:08:56,993 Minister, you mustn't allow the reshuffle to prey on your mind. 142 00:08:57,160 --> 00:08:59,549 It's not preying on my mind. 143 00:09:00,160 --> 00:09:02,879 - I'm not thinking any more about it. - Splendid. 144 00:09:03,040 --> 00:09:07,511 Meet me at 6 o'clock in the House of shuffles... cards... Commons. 145 00:09:14,520 --> 00:09:17,830 - Good evening, Sir Humphrey. - Good evening, Major. 146 00:09:19,320 --> 00:09:23,108 Arnold, when will we know about the reshuffle? 147 00:09:23,280 --> 00:09:24,918 A little while yet. 148 00:09:25,520 --> 00:09:27,476 Any news yet about my department? 149 00:09:27,640 --> 00:09:29,756 I'm only Cabinet Secretary, 150 00:09:29,920 --> 00:09:33,356 not political correspondent of the New Standard. 151 00:09:34,120 --> 00:09:36,873 But how does my Ministerstand? 152 00:09:37,120 --> 00:09:40,237 I think the PM feels he's done all right. 153 00:09:40,400 --> 00:09:43,358 But there's been an interesting development. 154 00:09:51,640 --> 00:09:52,914 What? 155 00:09:54,520 --> 00:09:56,556 Brussels have asked if he'd be available 156 00:09:56,720 --> 00:09:59,518 for the next commissionership, ifhe wanted it. 157 00:09:59,680 --> 00:10:02,114 After all, he's a good European. 158 00:10:02,280 --> 00:10:04,510 In strict confidence, of course. 159 00:10:04,680 --> 00:10:06,989 Is he being gently eased out? 160 00:10:07,560 --> 00:10:09,118 Sir Humphrey, SirArnold. 161 00:10:09,280 --> 00:10:11,555 There you are, Bernard. 162 00:10:12,160 --> 00:10:14,515 Right. Would you like a coffee, Bernard? 163 00:10:14,680 --> 00:10:17,148 - Thank you. - Pull up a chair. 164 00:10:21,240 --> 00:10:24,949 Well, Bernard, how do you feel about having a new Minister? 165 00:10:25,120 --> 00:10:28,317 - You mean, he's... - No, Sir Humphrey is conjecturing. 166 00:10:28,480 --> 00:10:31,392 Ah, of course, I'd be very sorry. 167 00:10:33,920 --> 00:10:36,957 Er... Why? Wouldn't you? 168 00:10:38,000 --> 00:10:39,399 Of course not! 169 00:10:39,560 --> 00:10:42,154 - But he's getting a grip on the job. - Exactly! 170 00:10:42,320 --> 00:10:45,357 Ministers with a grip on the job are a nuisance. 171 00:10:45,520 --> 00:10:48,239 - They argue. - All Ministers argue. 172 00:10:48,400 --> 00:10:53,679 If they have a grip on the job, there's a real dangerthey'll be right. 173 00:10:55,120 --> 00:10:59,352 One tells them something is impossible and they dig out an old paper 174 00:10:59,520 --> 00:11:02,751 in which one had said it was easy, very tedious. 175 00:11:02,920 --> 00:11:05,150 Once they've gone, one can wipe the slate clean 176 00:11:05,320 --> 00:11:07,117 and startwith a newboy. 177 00:11:07,480 --> 00:11:11,917 Wonderful things, reshuffles. And Prime Ministers like them too. 178 00:11:12,080 --> 00:11:14,958 Fresh, decisive, keeps everyone on the hop. 179 00:11:15,120 --> 00:11:17,031 Only Ministers panic about them. 180 00:11:17,920 --> 00:11:20,070 Wouldn't it be interesting if Ministers were fixed 181 00:11:20,240 --> 00:11:22,913 and Permanent Secretaries were shuffled around. 182 00:11:29,200 --> 00:11:33,591 That, Bernard, would strike at the very heart of the system 183 00:11:33,760 --> 00:11:36,752 that has made Britain what she is today. 184 00:11:36,920 --> 00:11:38,831 Powergoes with permanence. 185 00:11:39,000 --> 00:11:42,993 - Impermanence is impotence. - Rotation is castration. 186 00:11:43,160 --> 00:11:44,957 It's time they all had a little spin. 187 00:11:45,920 --> 00:11:48,434 Yes, but surely in a democracy... 188 00:11:48,600 --> 00:11:51,068 Thank you, Bernard, that'll be all. 189 00:11:51,240 --> 00:11:54,152 - Yes, but I've only... - Thank you, Bernard. 190 00:11:54,320 --> 00:11:56,515 Yes, thank you, Sir Humphrey. 191 00:11:56,680 --> 00:11:59,148 Good night, SirArnold. 192 00:12:04,680 --> 00:12:06,796 If your Minister does take Brussels, 193 00:12:06,960 --> 00:12:09,269 I wouldn't get out the champagne too soon. 194 00:12:10,640 --> 00:12:14,872 - What do you mean? - There is talk ofhis possible successor. 195 00:12:17,200 --> 00:12:18,235 Who? 196 00:12:18,680 --> 00:12:21,638 I don't know how to put this, but, well... 197 00:12:21,800 --> 00:12:23,631 ...Basil Corbett. 198 00:12:30,440 --> 00:12:33,079 What's the matter, darling? Jim? 199 00:12:34,800 --> 00:12:36,472 - Jim! - I'm sorry. 200 00:12:36,640 --> 00:12:40,189 - Something wrong? - No, nothing, really. 201 00:12:40,360 --> 00:12:41,713 Something is. 202 00:12:42,320 --> 00:12:44,595 The papers are full of a reshuffle. 203 00:12:44,760 --> 00:12:46,830 - Are they true? - I don't know. 204 00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:50,629 - You're in the Cabinet. - We're the last to find out. 205 00:12:50,800 --> 00:12:53,189 - Can't you ask the PM? - Of course not. 206 00:12:53,360 --> 00:12:56,796 - Why not? - Well... I just can't. 207 00:12:57,000 --> 00:13:01,596 - It would look as if I were insecure. - I see. 208 00:13:01,760 --> 00:13:06,117 I don't know whether it's good or bad news, whether I'm up or down. 209 00:13:06,280 --> 00:13:07,918 Or round and round. 210 00:13:08,080 --> 00:13:11,231 I don't know whether I'm a success or failure. 211 00:13:11,400 --> 00:13:15,029 - What do you think? - I think you've done all right. 212 00:13:16,360 --> 00:13:18,669 - Is that good enough? - I don't know. 213 00:13:19,200 --> 00:13:21,953 - I don't know, is it? - I don't know. 214 00:13:22,120 --> 00:13:26,511 It's difficult to tell. The PM might think I've been too successful. 215 00:13:26,680 --> 00:13:29,114 You know, a challenge to the leadership. 216 00:13:29,280 --> 00:13:30,395 You? 217 00:13:32,760 --> 00:13:36,435 No, not me, but Martin with my support. 218 00:13:36,600 --> 00:13:39,956 If the PM is standing by to repel boarders, 219 00:13:40,120 --> 00:13:42,634 and Martin can't be got rid of safely, 220 00:13:42,800 --> 00:13:46,793 which he can't as Foreign Secretary, I'm the obvious one for demotion. 221 00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:49,838 - Isolate Martin. - Where would you be sent? 222 00:13:50,000 --> 00:13:52,753 There's no shortage of useless non- jobs. 223 00:13:52,920 --> 00:13:56,799 Lord President, Lord Privy Seal... Minister of Sport... 224 00:13:58,600 --> 00:14:02,115 ...with special responsibility for droughts and floods. 225 00:14:02,920 --> 00:14:05,070 Maybe you'll get promotion, darling. 226 00:14:05,240 --> 00:14:08,198 Maybe... Don't forget there's Basil Corbett. 227 00:14:08,880 --> 00:14:11,440 - He's out to get me. - To get everyone. 228 00:14:11,600 --> 00:14:15,559 He's a smooth-tongued, hard-nosed, cold-eyed, two-faced creep. 229 00:14:15,800 --> 00:14:17,552 Why's he so successful? 230 00:14:17,920 --> 00:14:20,115 Because he's a smooth-tongued, hard-nosed, 231 00:14:20,440 --> 00:14:21,998 cold-eyed, two-faced creep. 232 00:14:22,160 --> 00:14:25,152 - Apart from that? - He looks OK on TV. 233 00:14:25,320 --> 00:14:27,629 - So do you! - Do I? 234 00:14:27,800 --> 00:14:29,791 - Yes! - Really mean that? 235 00:14:29,960 --> 00:14:32,713 - Yes. - What a nice thing to say! 236 00:14:34,280 --> 00:14:37,238 I've got to elbow Corbett or he'll elbowme. 237 00:14:37,400 --> 00:14:40,358 Elbows, the most important weapon in a politician's armoury. 238 00:14:40,520 --> 00:14:44,115 - Other than integrity. - Integrity? 239 00:14:52,280 --> 00:14:53,349 Yes? 240 00:14:53,520 --> 00:14:57,115 Who's speaking? Hold on. It's Gaston Larousse from Brussels. 241 00:14:57,840 --> 00:14:59,319 From Brussels? 242 00:15:01,880 --> 00:15:04,917 Bonsoir, Commissionaire... Commissar... 243 00:15:07,520 --> 00:15:08,839 Si... 244 00:15:10,400 --> 00:15:12,436 That's very interesting. 245 00:15:12,600 --> 00:15:15,831 I shall need a little time to think about it. 246 00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:18,150 I'm very honoured. 247 00:15:18,320 --> 00:15:23,474 Does Numero Dixknow you're talking to me about this? 248 00:15:25,520 --> 00:15:26,919 Number 10. 249 00:15:29,840 --> 00:15:31,558 Downing Street. 250 00:15:33,120 --> 00:15:38,274 I see... Tell you what, give me your home telephone number. 251 00:15:39,160 --> 00:15:40,798 Yes... 252 00:15:42,480 --> 00:15:47,952 I'll give you a ring very soon. Thank you very much, goodbye. 253 00:15:49,040 --> 00:15:50,473 What was that? 254 00:15:51,240 --> 00:15:53,595 - I don't know. - What do you mean? 255 00:15:55,440 --> 00:15:57,431 They want my name put forward 256 00:15:57,600 --> 00:16:00,831 as one of Britain's commissioners for the EEC. 257 00:16:04,120 --> 00:16:07,396 - What does it mean? - Living in Brussels. 258 00:16:07,920 --> 00:16:10,673 No, I mean, what does it mean? 259 00:16:10,840 --> 00:16:15,072 Number 10 knows, so is it a plot to ease me out? 260 00:16:15,240 --> 00:16:19,438 Is it just a coincidence? What does it mean? Is it a hint? 261 00:16:19,600 --> 00:16:22,558 Is the PM giving me a face-saving exit? 262 00:16:22,720 --> 00:16:25,075 Or was the post coming up any way? 263 00:16:26,480 --> 00:16:28,948 It's a great honour... in a way. 264 00:16:29,640 --> 00:16:31,870 - Is it a good job? - Terrible. 265 00:16:33,440 --> 00:16:36,637 It's curtains as faras British politics is concerned. 266 00:16:37,760 --> 00:16:41,992 It's worse than a peerage. Absolute failure, total failure. 267 00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:46,919 You're reduced to forming a newparty if everyou want to get back. 268 00:16:47,400 --> 00:16:49,152 What does the job involve? 269 00:16:49,520 --> 00:16:54,548 You're at the heart of that ghastly Brussels bureaucracy, the gravy train. 270 00:16:54,720 --> 00:16:58,633 50,000 a yearsalary, 20,000 a yearexpenses. 271 00:16:59,360 --> 00:17:03,319 Champagne, lobsters, foreign travel, luxury hotel... 272 00:17:04,240 --> 00:17:06,276 ...private limousines, private aircraft... 273 00:17:08,000 --> 00:17:10,355 ... siestas in the afternoon... 274 00:17:11,080 --> 00:17:13,913 ... long weekends at Knokke-le-Zoute... 275 00:17:14,880 --> 00:17:18,873 - We should go overand have a look. - Why not? 276 00:17:19,040 --> 00:17:22,237 Sometimes we deserve a bit of failure. 277 00:17:26,120 --> 00:17:27,951 Going to be a reshuffle, sir? 278 00:17:28,600 --> 00:17:31,478 Yes, I suppose you saw that in the Standard. 279 00:17:31,640 --> 00:17:34,518 - Yes, sir. - So did I, actually. 280 00:17:34,680 --> 00:17:37,319 I first heard it a couple of weeks ago, sir. 281 00:17:37,480 --> 00:17:39,072 - Did you? - Yes, sir. 282 00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:42,990 So did I, really. Where did you hear it? 283 00:17:43,480 --> 00:17:45,755 - All the drivers knew. - How? 284 00:17:46,400 --> 00:17:48,231 From the PM's driver. 285 00:17:48,400 --> 00:17:51,039 - The Cabinet Secretary's driver. - Oh, yes. 286 00:17:52,360 --> 00:17:55,591 - What else did they hear? - Just the usual. 287 00:17:56,120 --> 00:18:00,352 Corbett's in line for promotion, PM can't overlook him. 288 00:18:00,520 --> 00:18:02,078 Apparently, old Fred, 289 00:18:02,640 --> 00:18:05,154 the Employment Secretary, sorry, sir, 290 00:18:05,320 --> 00:18:07,436 he's going to get kicked upstairs. 291 00:18:07,920 --> 00:18:11,595 - How do they know? - His driver's been re-assigned. 292 00:18:13,120 --> 00:18:16,237 What's the gossip about me? 293 00:18:16,600 --> 00:18:18,955 Well, nothing really, sir. 294 00:18:19,120 --> 00:18:20,599 - Nothing? - No. 295 00:18:20,760 --> 00:18:22,990 We don't know what to make of that. 296 00:18:23,160 --> 00:18:26,914 - You'll know, won't you, sir? - Yes, of course. 297 00:18:28,160 --> 00:18:30,993 Sometimes it's difficult to know about oneself. 298 00:18:31,160 --> 00:18:34,550 You know, just how successful... 299 00:18:36,600 --> 00:18:39,717 What do your mates say... about...? 300 00:18:40,800 --> 00:18:43,519 They all think you've done all right, sir. 301 00:18:46,320 --> 00:18:50,438 - I'm in a bit of a quandary. - Can I help, Minister? 302 00:18:51,080 --> 00:18:53,594 It's this reshuffle that's on the cards. 303 00:18:55,160 --> 00:18:57,116 That's very witty, Minister! 304 00:19:00,360 --> 00:19:03,113 I'm sorry, I thought you were making a... 305 00:19:03,280 --> 00:19:04,633 Do please carry on. 306 00:19:06,240 --> 00:19:10,552 To complicate matters, I've been asked to be an EEC Commissioner. 307 00:19:10,720 --> 00:19:13,837 - Very nice. - Is it nice, Bernard? 308 00:19:14,000 --> 00:19:17,879 Bernard, tell me, quite frankly... 309 00:19:19,160 --> 00:19:24,029 ... as Ministerhere, do you think I've done all right? 310 00:19:25,040 --> 00:19:26,871 You've done all right. 311 00:19:27,840 --> 00:19:30,638 Humphrey's blocked me on so many issues. 312 00:19:31,160 --> 00:19:33,151 He's never really been on my side. 313 00:19:33,320 --> 00:19:37,677 To be honest, "all right" isn't really good enough, is it? 314 00:19:38,400 --> 00:19:41,073 Well, it's... all right. 315 00:19:43,680 --> 00:19:49,630 Have you... er... heard anything... on the grapevine? 316 00:19:50,160 --> 00:19:51,718 About you? 317 00:19:51,880 --> 00:19:53,996 Nothing really, Minister, no. 318 00:19:54,160 --> 00:19:57,038 Only that the British Commissioner in Europe sent a telegram 319 00:19:57,200 --> 00:19:59,589 to the FCO and the Cabinet Committee on Europe. 320 00:19:59,760 --> 00:20:03,275 The idea for you to be a Commissioner came from Brussels, 321 00:20:03,440 --> 00:20:06,159 but it is a Prime Ministerial appointment. 322 00:20:06,320 --> 00:20:09,869 The PM discussed it with the Foreign Secretary 323 00:20:10,040 --> 00:20:11,632 and the Cabinet Secretary 324 00:20:11,800 --> 00:20:14,553 and cleared the way for you to be sounded out. 325 00:20:14,720 --> 00:20:18,998 As it's believed at Number 10 and Number 11 that you might accept, 326 00:20:19,160 --> 00:20:23,153 a colleague has been sounded out about becoming Minister here. 327 00:20:23,320 --> 00:20:25,117 I'm afraid that's all I know. 328 00:20:28,000 --> 00:20:29,592 No more than that? 329 00:20:32,120 --> 00:20:35,669 Which colleague has been sounded out to take my place? 330 00:20:38,480 --> 00:20:42,109 Bernard, if I were not to go to Europe... 331 00:20:42,280 --> 00:20:46,956 No, if I did go... No, if I were not to go to Europe, 332 00:20:47,760 --> 00:20:50,638 would I go up ordown? 333 00:20:55,040 --> 00:20:57,713 Time for your meeting with Sir Humphrey, Minister. 334 00:20:58,640 --> 00:21:01,029 - Yes, fine. - What's it about? 335 00:21:01,200 --> 00:21:04,636 The visit to the word-processing conference. 336 00:21:04,800 --> 00:21:06,950 The word-processing conference? 337 00:21:07,560 --> 00:21:11,109 Humphrey, you'll be pleased to hearthat I've changed my mind, 338 00:21:11,280 --> 00:21:13,555 I shall be going to Brussels afterall. 339 00:21:15,080 --> 00:21:18,231 You're resigning from the Department? 340 00:21:18,520 --> 00:21:21,830 No, I'm talking about this word-processing conference. 341 00:21:22,000 --> 00:21:25,834 - I see. - I would like to see Brussels. 342 00:21:26,000 --> 00:21:27,752 - Why? - Why not? 343 00:21:27,920 --> 00:21:29,672 Why not, indeed, but why? 344 00:21:30,400 --> 00:21:33,039 - I'm a curious person. - You certainly are. 345 00:21:34,040 --> 00:21:35,951 I've been a little hasty. 346 00:21:36,120 --> 00:21:39,510 Your arguments on behalf of Brussels were thoroughly convincing. 347 00:21:39,680 --> 00:21:42,433 Minister, I've been reflecting on your views, 348 00:21:42,600 --> 00:21:46,149 and I find wisdom in your criticism of Brussels. 349 00:21:46,320 --> 00:21:50,711 - You implied it is corrupt and... - No, no, no. 350 00:21:50,880 --> 00:21:53,075 - Minister, please... - No, Humphrey. 351 00:21:53,240 --> 00:21:55,674 It is you who have convinced me. 352 00:21:55,840 --> 00:21:59,992 I'm now convinced that Brussels is full of dedicated men, 353 00:22:00,160 --> 00:22:04,233 all bearing a heavy burden of travel and entertainment. 354 00:22:04,800 --> 00:22:06,631 They need all that luxury. 355 00:22:07,160 --> 00:22:08,513 The odd drinky! 356 00:22:09,600 --> 00:22:12,797 Caviar and champagne, private planes, air-conditioned Mercedes? 357 00:22:12,960 --> 00:22:14,951 It oils the diplomatic wheels. 358 00:22:15,920 --> 00:22:17,558 Snouts in the trough. 359 00:22:18,120 --> 00:22:19,997 That's not an attractive phrase. 360 00:22:20,160 --> 00:22:23,197 I'm sorry. I can't think where I picked it up! 361 00:22:23,360 --> 00:22:26,750 We'll all go to this conference, agreed? 362 00:22:26,920 --> 00:22:30,879 Is your change of heart due to my arguments? 363 00:22:31,040 --> 00:22:34,032 - Of course. - It's nothing to do with the rumour 364 00:22:34,200 --> 00:22:36,714 of you being offered a post in Brussels? 365 00:22:37,840 --> 00:22:40,195 That thought is notworthy of you. 366 00:22:40,360 --> 00:22:43,477 There is such a thing as integrity. 367 00:22:47,480 --> 00:22:49,436 Oh, yes, thank you. 368 00:22:53,040 --> 00:22:56,669 Corbett! You can't let someone like Corbett... 369 00:23:00,040 --> 00:23:03,476 You simply can't let Corbett loose on the department. 370 00:23:03,640 --> 00:23:06,916 It'd be disastrous. Everything one says to Corbett 371 00:23:07,080 --> 00:23:09,594 appears in the Sun the next morning. 372 00:23:10,960 --> 00:23:12,871 Glad to know you read the Sun. 373 00:23:14,520 --> 00:23:17,478 You must stop it, Arnold, I implore you. 374 00:23:17,640 --> 00:23:19,312 I'm not the Prime Minister. 375 00:23:19,480 --> 00:23:22,756 It is really you who arranges the reshuffles. 376 00:23:22,920 --> 00:23:26,151 No, if there's an appointment the PM is set on, 377 00:23:26,320 --> 00:23:28,880 the Cabinet Secretary must reluctantly acquiesce. 378 00:23:29,720 --> 00:23:32,359 You do keep your hand on the tiller. 379 00:23:33,520 --> 00:23:35,829 If Hacker decides to turn down Brussels, 380 00:23:36,000 --> 00:23:39,834 it would be easier to keep Corbett away from your department. 381 00:23:40,000 --> 00:23:43,117 This is the trouble, he'll take Brussels. 382 00:23:44,320 --> 00:23:46,276 - Oh. - Yes, I know. 383 00:23:46,440 --> 00:23:49,238 He says he believes in the European ideal. 384 00:23:50,240 --> 00:23:52,117 Yes, I know, I know. 385 00:23:53,200 --> 00:23:56,875 Politicians get taken in by their own speeches. 386 00:23:58,320 --> 00:24:00,231 This is partly your fault. 387 00:24:00,400 --> 00:24:03,233 You've blocked Hackertime and again. 388 00:24:03,720 --> 00:24:07,633 Only in the interests of good government, Arnold. 389 00:24:07,800 --> 00:24:11,713 Quite. But what you need is for Hacker to have a big success 390 00:24:11,880 --> 00:24:13,154 in the next few days. 391 00:24:13,320 --> 00:24:15,151 - A big success? - Yes. 392 00:24:15,760 --> 00:24:17,478 The next few days? 393 00:24:19,040 --> 00:24:23,875 That would give me, give the PM, a good case forkeeping him here. 394 00:24:24,040 --> 00:24:27,794 Then, we might be able to move Corbett to Employment. 395 00:24:28,320 --> 00:24:30,117 Is Fred definitely going? 396 00:24:30,280 --> 00:24:32,840 Yes, he keeps falling asleep in Cabinet. 397 00:24:34,600 --> 00:24:36,352 I thought they all did. 398 00:24:36,880 --> 00:24:39,633 Yes, but not while they're actually talking. 399 00:24:51,640 --> 00:24:54,393 - Ah, Humphrey! Any news? - Of what, Minister? 400 00:24:54,560 --> 00:24:56,994 - The Cabinet reshuffle. - No. 401 00:24:57,160 --> 00:24:59,754 Didn't you have lunch with the Cabinet Secretary? 402 00:24:59,920 --> 00:25:02,434 - What came up? - Nothing as yet! 403 00:25:04,200 --> 00:25:07,749 All I know is the reshuffle will be announced on Monday. 404 00:25:07,920 --> 00:25:10,480 - Have you any news? - Of what? 405 00:25:11,000 --> 00:25:13,275 The Commissionship. Are you going to Brussels? 406 00:25:14,640 --> 00:25:15,993 Well... 407 00:25:16,160 --> 00:25:20,711 Speaking with my Parliamentary hat on, I don't think itwould be a good idea. 408 00:25:20,880 --> 00:25:24,475 With my Cabinet hat on, itwould be a good idea. 409 00:25:25,880 --> 00:25:27,677 Again, with my partyhat on, 410 00:25:27,840 --> 00:25:30,434 there could be arguments on both sides. 411 00:25:30,600 --> 00:25:33,433 Which hat are you talking through now? 412 00:25:34,400 --> 00:25:37,312 Have you decided about going to Brussels? 413 00:25:37,640 --> 00:25:39,835 Yes and no. 414 00:25:40,400 --> 00:25:42,789 What are the pros and cons, Minister? 415 00:25:44,320 --> 00:25:45,639 I don't know. 416 00:25:48,440 --> 00:25:50,556 I haven't said this before, 417 00:25:50,720 --> 00:25:54,030 but it depends on whether I've done all right. 418 00:25:55,160 --> 00:25:57,958 - What do you think? - You've done all right. 419 00:25:58,200 --> 00:26:00,270 If I've done all right, that's all right, 420 00:26:00,440 --> 00:26:02,715 I shall stay because I'll be all right. 421 00:26:02,880 --> 00:26:07,237 But if I've only done all right, to stay would be wrong, right? 422 00:26:07,840 --> 00:26:12,630 Minister, to be on the safe side, you need a big success. 423 00:26:12,800 --> 00:26:14,916 - Yes. - A triumph, in fact. 424 00:26:15,080 --> 00:26:19,392 You need some personal publicity for some great political achievement. 425 00:26:19,560 --> 00:26:23,269 - What have you in mind? - I'm trying to think of something. 426 00:26:23,440 --> 00:26:26,955 Thank you, that's a great help. What's the purpose? 427 00:26:27,120 --> 00:26:29,076 Something did come up at lunch. 428 00:26:29,240 --> 00:26:31,515 SirArnold feels that with this triumph, 429 00:26:31,680 --> 00:26:33,796 the PM couldn't move you down wards, 430 00:26:33,960 --> 00:26:38,078 and Bernard and I might have the good fortune of you staying on with us. 431 00:26:38,240 --> 00:26:40,310 So there's no chance of moving up? 432 00:26:43,280 --> 00:26:44,998 Sadly, Minister, alas. 433 00:26:45,720 --> 00:26:48,154 - One must be a realist. - Oh, well. 434 00:26:49,160 --> 00:26:51,993 That's it, it's got to be Brussels. 435 00:26:52,480 --> 00:26:55,950 No, wait a minute. I've got an idea. 436 00:26:56,320 --> 00:26:58,709 Supposing you ignore the EEC. 437 00:26:58,880 --> 00:27:02,190 Publish your own plans forword-processing machines... 438 00:27:02,840 --> 00:27:05,912 with big orders for British manufacturers... 439 00:27:07,040 --> 00:27:09,349 starting immediately. Tomorrow. 440 00:27:09,520 --> 00:27:11,556 Certainly before Monday. 441 00:27:11,720 --> 00:27:14,871 Involving more jobs, more investment. 442 00:27:15,040 --> 00:27:16,951 - More export orders. - More votes. 443 00:27:17,120 --> 00:27:18,758 Yes, when the time comes. 444 00:27:18,920 --> 00:27:22,799 - We can't defy an EEC directive. - It isn't a directive. 445 00:27:22,960 --> 00:27:25,872 It hasn't been ratified, it's merely a request. 446 00:27:26,040 --> 00:27:29,112 We can't stab our partners in the back and spit in their face. 447 00:27:29,280 --> 00:27:32,670 You can't stab anyone in the back while spitting in their face. 448 00:27:34,360 --> 00:27:36,954 On the otherhand, defying Brussels would be... 449 00:27:37,120 --> 00:27:38,633 Very popular! 450 00:27:38,800 --> 00:27:41,030 And prove I had elbows. 451 00:27:41,680 --> 00:27:42,874 What? 452 00:27:43,080 --> 00:27:44,991 Elbows, elbows! 453 00:27:45,880 --> 00:27:47,438 - But... - But what? 454 00:27:47,600 --> 00:27:50,034 I'd have to give up all that... 455 00:27:50,200 --> 00:27:52,873 - Trough. - Right. 456 00:27:53,040 --> 00:27:57,352 When it comes down to it, one's own country must come first. 457 00:27:58,520 --> 00:27:59,669 How true. 458 00:28:00,200 --> 00:28:03,636 And, although, strictly, this isn't a Government matter, 459 00:28:03,800 --> 00:28:06,917 I, personally, would be deeply sorry to lose you. 460 00:28:07,720 --> 00:28:09,631 Really, Humphrey, is that true? 461 00:28:10,240 --> 00:28:13,152 Yes, I mean that, Minister, most sincerely. 462 00:28:13,320 --> 00:28:16,198 I suppose we have got fond of one another. 463 00:28:16,600 --> 00:28:18,670 - In a way. - In a way, yes. 464 00:28:18,920 --> 00:28:21,150 Like a terrorist and his hostage. 465 00:28:24,680 --> 00:28:26,159 Which is the terrorist? 466 00:28:26,320 --> 00:28:27,799 He is! 467 00:28:29,760 --> 00:28:33,116 Right, OK, Bernard, that's the decision. 468 00:28:33,280 --> 00:28:34,872 Inform the press! 469 00:28:35,040 --> 00:28:39,033 Tell me, Humphrey, who would have got my position 470 00:28:39,200 --> 00:28:41,031 if I'd gone to Brussels? 471 00:28:41,440 --> 00:28:43,237 I don't know... 472 00:28:43,400 --> 00:28:45,960 Didn't you tell me itwas Basil Corbett? 473 00:28:47,760 --> 00:28:49,159 Basil Corbett? 474 00:28:50,760 --> 00:28:53,115 I see, Basil Corbett. 475 00:28:58,360 --> 00:28:59,713 Yes, Minister.