1 00:00:42,760 --> 00:00:47,118 You'll let me have yourredraft on establishment levels by Thursday? 2 00:00:47,280 --> 00:00:49,555 You need it that early? 3 00:00:51,240 --> 00:00:53,356 I don't need it that early, 4 00:00:53,520 --> 00:00:56,956 but the Ministerhas to read it before facing the select committee. 5 00:00:57,120 --> 00:01:00,556 What makes it harder, he has to remember it. 6 00:01:00,720 --> 00:01:03,678 Harderstill, he has to understand it. 7 00:01:03,840 --> 00:01:07,719 Incidentally, did you write the Minister's Washington speech? 8 00:01:08,560 --> 00:01:10,152 Yes, Sir Humphrey. 9 00:01:10,320 --> 00:01:13,357 - Splendid. Well done. - Thank you, Sir Humphrey. 10 00:01:13,520 --> 00:01:15,476 The Minister's in now. 11 00:01:15,640 --> 00:01:18,393 Good. Right, thank you all. 12 00:01:18,560 --> 00:01:22,269 Have you enjoyed having your Ministeraway fora week? 13 00:01:22,440 --> 00:01:25,432 Not very much. Makes things very difficult. 14 00:01:25,600 --> 00:01:27,955 Ah, Bernard! 15 00:01:28,120 --> 00:01:31,351 A Minister's absence is a godsend! 16 00:01:31,520 --> 00:01:34,830 You can do the job properly foronce. 17 00:01:35,000 --> 00:01:39,915 No silly questions, no bright ideas, no fussing about the papers. 18 00:01:40,080 --> 00:01:43,595 I think our Minister doesn't believe he exists 19 00:01:43,760 --> 00:01:45,876 unless he's in the papers. 20 00:01:46,040 --> 00:01:48,395 I'll bet the first thing he says is, 21 00:01:48,560 --> 00:01:51,120 "Any reports on my Washington speech?" 22 00:01:51,280 --> 00:01:53,077 - Howmuch? - A pound. 23 00:01:53,240 --> 00:01:56,471 Done. He won't because he's already asked! 24 00:01:58,320 --> 00:02:01,835 In the caron the way back from Heathrow. 25 00:02:02,000 --> 00:02:04,958 You're learning, Bernard. Sit down. 26 00:02:05,120 --> 00:02:08,112 See why a Minister's absence is a good thing? 27 00:02:08,280 --> 00:02:12,239 - Yes, but so much work piles up. - There we are. 28 00:02:12,400 --> 00:02:17,190 With a couple of days' briefing before he goes and debriefing after, 29 00:02:17,360 --> 00:02:19,999 he's out of ourhairfora fortnight. 30 00:02:20,160 --> 00:02:22,993 Lfhe complains ofbeing uninformed, 31 00:02:23,160 --> 00:02:25,799 say it came up while he was away. 32 00:02:25,960 --> 00:02:28,713 Hence so many summit conferences? 33 00:02:28,880 --> 00:02:31,348 That's the only way the country works! 34 00:02:31,520 --> 00:02:35,672 Concentrate all the power at Number 10 then send the PM away 35 00:02:35,840 --> 00:02:40,470 to EEC summits, NATO summits, Commonwealth summits, anywhere! 36 00:02:40,640 --> 00:02:44,679 Then the Cabinet Secretary can run the country properly. 37 00:02:44,840 --> 00:02:47,513 We ought to see him now. 38 00:02:47,680 --> 00:02:50,638 What do you think of the Washington speech? 39 00:02:50,800 --> 00:02:55,271 "British administration as a model of loyalty and efficiency. 40 00:02:55,440 --> 00:02:59,353 A ruthless waron waste, cutting bureaucracy to the bone. 41 00:02:59,520 --> 00:03:02,432 - Britain can teach the world!" - Can we prove it? 42 00:03:02,600 --> 00:03:07,549 A good speech isn't one where we can prove he's telling the truth. 43 00:03:07,720 --> 00:03:11,429 It's one in which nobody else can prove he's lying! 44 00:03:11,600 --> 00:03:16,879 But even so, I'm sure itwas good, 45 00:03:17,040 --> 00:03:21,431 but I justwondered whether itwas boring forthe audience. 46 00:03:23,040 --> 00:03:25,873 Of course itwas boring! 47 00:03:26,800 --> 00:03:29,189 Bored the pants of them! 48 00:03:29,360 --> 00:03:32,750 Ghastly to have to sit through it, I should think! 49 00:03:32,920 --> 00:03:36,071 Ministers' speeches aren'twritten forthe audience. 50 00:03:36,240 --> 00:03:37,309 Aren't they? 51 00:03:37,480 --> 00:03:43,112 Delivering a speech is just a formality you go through to get into the papers. 52 00:03:43,280 --> 00:03:47,273 We can'tworry about entertaining. We're notwriting fora comedian. 53 00:03:47,440 --> 00:03:50,113 Well, not a professional one! 54 00:03:50,840 --> 00:03:53,832 The point is the speech said the right things. 55 00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:58,118 - But why say it in public? - It's vital. 56 00:03:58,280 --> 00:04:03,115 Once it's printed, the Ministerhas to defend us in select committees. 57 00:04:03,280 --> 00:04:08,400 - He defends us anyway. - Well... only to a point, Bernard. 58 00:04:08,560 --> 00:04:10,835 Once something goes wrong, 59 00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:16,120 the Minister's first instinct is to rat on his department. 60 00:04:16,280 --> 00:04:19,033 We must nail his trousers to the mast. 61 00:04:19,200 --> 00:04:22,988 - You mean nail his colours? - No, his trousers. 62 00:04:23,160 --> 00:04:25,833 Then he can't climb down! Come on. 63 00:04:29,680 --> 00:04:32,513 - Welcome home, Minister! - Hello, Humphrey. 64 00:04:32,680 --> 00:04:37,708 Bernard, didn't you say there were some press cuttings on my speech? 65 00:04:37,880 --> 00:04:40,917 Yes, I put them in the box, Minister. 66 00:04:51,000 --> 00:04:55,630 Minister, you do realise the importance of tomorrow's hearing? 67 00:04:55,800 --> 00:04:58,189 Indeed. The press will be there. 68 00:04:58,360 --> 00:05:01,033 It's notjust a question of the press. 69 00:05:01,200 --> 00:05:04,317 It's a scrutiny of this department's future operation. 70 00:05:04,480 --> 00:05:07,836 If it emerged thatwe were extravagant or incompetent... 71 00:05:08,000 --> 00:05:10,992 - Are we extravagant or incompetent? - Of course not. 72 00:05:11,160 --> 00:05:15,517 But there are hostile members, especially the one for Derbyshire. 73 00:05:15,680 --> 00:05:19,070 - No! Betty Oldham won't be there? - Yes, alas. 74 00:05:19,240 --> 00:05:24,189 I urge you to masterthis brief, and ask if you have any problems. 75 00:05:24,360 --> 00:05:28,512 Anotherbrief? I've only just mastered one. 76 00:05:28,680 --> 00:05:30,910 Really? Whatwas in it? 77 00:05:32,040 --> 00:05:33,951 I can't remember. 78 00:05:34,120 --> 00:05:38,910 So difficult to concentrate on a plane, all those drinks and movies. 79 00:05:39,720 --> 00:05:43,076 - And they wake you up. - Of course, Minister. 80 00:05:43,240 --> 00:05:46,755 Frightfully difficult to concentrate if you keep being woken up. 81 00:05:46,920 --> 00:05:49,514 Seriously, this is the only brief 82 00:05:49,680 --> 00:05:53,070 with possible questions from the committee 83 00:05:53,240 --> 00:05:57,028 with appropriate answers carefully presented to give ourposition. 84 00:05:57,200 --> 00:05:59,236 Is it absolutely accurate? 85 00:05:59,400 --> 00:06:02,312 They're carefully presented to give ourposition. 86 00:06:02,760 --> 00:06:07,072 These committees are important. I cannot be seen to mislead them. 87 00:06:07,240 --> 00:06:09,913 You will not be seen to mislead them. 88 00:06:10,080 --> 00:06:12,878 - The truth? - And nothing but. 89 00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:15,190 - The whole truth? - Of course not. 90 00:06:15,360 --> 00:06:18,432 - We tell them we keep secrets? - Indeed not! 91 00:06:18,600 --> 00:06:19,919 Why not? 92 00:06:20,640 --> 00:06:23,757 "He thatwould keep a secret must keep it secret, 93 00:06:23,920 --> 00:06:26,878 that he hath the secret to keep". 94 00:06:32,080 --> 00:06:33,559 Who said that? 95 00:06:34,760 --> 00:06:36,671 Itwas Sir Humphrey. 96 00:06:38,640 --> 00:06:42,838 - Who said it originally? - Francis Bacon, wasn't it? 97 00:06:43,000 --> 00:06:44,399 Oh, yes. 98 00:06:44,560 --> 00:06:47,358 Why can'twe go anywhere without briefs? 99 00:06:47,520 --> 00:06:51,035 In case they get caught with theirtrousers down. 100 00:06:51,840 --> 00:06:54,718 Trousers down! Pick them! 101 00:06:55,600 --> 00:06:57,511 Very droll, Bernard. 102 00:06:57,680 --> 00:07:01,673 - Are we going to be interrupted? - Yourdiary's empty today. 103 00:07:01,840 --> 00:07:04,513 Whatwas in that submission I read? 104 00:07:04,680 --> 00:07:07,752 More or less a rehash of last year's report. 105 00:07:07,920 --> 00:07:10,434 And the yearbefore? And the yearbefore that? 106 00:07:10,600 --> 00:07:12,795 Yes, eversince 1867. 107 00:07:12,960 --> 00:07:16,270 With appropriate alterations. Shall we go through it? 108 00:07:16,560 --> 00:07:18,710 Mustwe? I'm still jet-lagged. 109 00:07:18,880 --> 00:07:21,110 All the press will be there. 110 00:07:21,280 --> 00:07:23,316 Right, let's get down to it. 111 00:07:24,120 --> 00:07:28,352 The fact is that the Department of Administrative Affairs 112 00:07:28,520 --> 00:07:32,798 is run to a high standard of efficiency and supports and services 113 00:07:32,960 --> 00:07:36,999 the administrative work of all Government departments, 114 00:07:37,160 --> 00:07:39,230 as we've said in oursubmission. 115 00:07:39,400 --> 00:07:42,153 Thank you, Minister. Questions? 116 00:07:42,320 --> 00:07:44,629 - Mrs Oldham? - Thank you. 117 00:07:44,800 --> 00:07:47,837 Minister, have you heard of Malcolm Rhodes? 118 00:07:49,880 --> 00:07:51,233 No. 119 00:07:51,400 --> 00:07:57,669 He was assistant secretary in the DAA until he resigned last year. 120 00:07:57,840 --> 00:08:00,798 There are 23,000 people in the DAA. 121 00:08:00,960 --> 00:08:03,918 But he resigned orwas eased out. 122 00:08:04,080 --> 00:08:07,834 Became a management consultant and has justwritten a book, 123 00:08:08,000 --> 00:08:10,150 this is an advance proof, 124 00:08:10,320 --> 00:08:15,235 in which he makes astounding allegations of waste of public money, 125 00:08:15,400 --> 00:08:17,595 particularly in yourdepartment. 126 00:08:19,120 --> 00:08:22,510 Could I have a word with my officials, MrChairman? 127 00:08:22,680 --> 00:08:25,990 - Know about this? - Not about the book. 128 00:08:26,160 --> 00:08:29,436 - Who is Rhodes? - He's a trouble-maker. 129 00:08:29,600 --> 00:08:31,830 - What's in the book? - Don't know. 130 00:08:32,000 --> 00:08:34,195 - What do I do? - Stall. 131 00:08:34,360 --> 00:08:36,954 "Stall", meaning avoiding answer. 132 00:08:37,120 --> 00:08:39,680 Yes, I knowwhat stall means! 133 00:08:39,840 --> 00:08:43,116 You've sent me into a typhoon without even an umbrella! 134 00:08:43,280 --> 00:08:45,316 An umbrella's no use in wind... 135 00:08:45,480 --> 00:08:47,391 Shut up, Bernard! 136 00:08:48,280 --> 00:08:52,159 Have you had sufficient consultation with yourofficials? 137 00:08:52,320 --> 00:08:53,639 I... 138 00:08:53,800 --> 00:08:58,590 Let me read you some scandalous facts Mr Rhodes reveals, 139 00:08:58,760 --> 00:09:03,515 and I quote, "No 4 supply depot in Herefordshire, 140 00:09:03,680 --> 00:09:07,355 two formeraircraft hangars used only forstores 141 00:09:07,520 --> 00:09:11,752 but which are centrally-heated to 70 degrees day and night". 142 00:09:11,920 --> 00:09:16,835 - What do you say about that? - I can't answerwithout priornotice. 143 00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:20,515 - It might not be true. - It is. I checked. 144 00:09:20,680 --> 00:09:24,639 What reason can there be forsuch appalling extravagance? 145 00:09:24,800 --> 00:09:29,590 Some materials deteriorate at low temperatures, depending on what it is. 146 00:09:30,200 --> 00:09:31,758 Copperwire. 147 00:09:33,440 --> 00:09:36,512 Yes, well... copperwire? 148 00:09:36,680 --> 00:09:39,478 It can corrode in damp conditions. 149 00:09:39,640 --> 00:09:41,358 It's plastic-coated. 150 00:09:42,520 --> 00:09:43,999 Plastic-coated? 151 00:09:44,200 --> 00:09:45,679 I... 152 00:09:45,840 --> 00:09:49,674 Plastic-coated? I'll certainly have it looked into. 153 00:09:50,280 --> 00:09:56,230 He says you insist on ordering all pens, pencils, paperclips and so on centrally, 154 00:09:56,400 --> 00:09:59,597 then distributing them against departmental requisitions. 155 00:09:59,760 --> 00:10:03,753 That seems to be quite sensible. Savings through bulk purchase. 156 00:10:03,920 --> 00:10:08,118 He demonstrates that this is fourtimes more expensive 157 00:10:08,280 --> 00:10:13,149 than if officers bought what they want on the High Street. 158 00:10:13,320 --> 00:10:15,311 Very interesting. 159 00:10:16,080 --> 00:10:19,675 If so, we'll change the system. We're not a rigid bureaucracy. 160 00:10:19,840 --> 00:10:24,868 He said he proposed this change when he was in yourdepartment, 161 00:10:25,040 --> 00:10:29,955 and itwas turned down as people were used to the existing procedure. 162 00:10:30,120 --> 00:10:35,114 - How's that forrigid bureaucracy? - I'll have it looked into. 163 00:10:36,000 --> 00:10:38,594 - "Looked into"? - Yes! 164 00:10:38,760 --> 00:10:42,070 You said in yourWashington speech lastweek 165 00:10:42,240 --> 00:10:48,110 that you conducted a waron waste and could teach the world a lesson. 166 00:10:48,280 --> 00:10:53,308 How do you reconcile thatwith spending £75,000 on a roof garden 167 00:10:53,480 --> 00:10:57,473 on top of the supplementary benefits office in Kettering? 168 00:10:58,920 --> 00:11:00,239 I'm... I'll... 169 00:11:00,400 --> 00:11:04,075 - Have it looked into? - Yes! Yes, I will! 170 00:11:04,240 --> 00:11:09,360 The DAA's Permanent Secretary is due to appearnextweek. 171 00:11:09,520 --> 00:11:12,956 Isn't he the appropriate person to answerthe questions? 172 00:11:13,120 --> 00:11:17,716 Thank you. See that Sir Humphrey's notified. 173 00:11:17,880 --> 00:11:21,316 Perhaps you might let him see the allegations? 174 00:11:21,480 --> 00:11:25,598 "Allegations of Governmentwaste"? "Big questions to answer"? 175 00:11:25,760 --> 00:11:29,639 - You've put me in a difficult position! - What about me? 176 00:11:29,800 --> 00:11:35,158 The PM's demanding economies, and we've been wasting all this money! 177 00:11:35,320 --> 00:11:38,596 No one's been saving anything, you should know that! 178 00:11:39,160 --> 00:11:41,469 They look as though they have. 179 00:11:41,640 --> 00:11:44,598 - Couldn't you have stalled? - Stalled? 180 00:11:44,760 --> 00:11:47,354 Blurred things a bit. 181 00:11:47,520 --> 00:11:50,239 - You're good at blurring the issue. - What? 182 00:11:50,400 --> 00:11:53,472 You have a considerable talent formaking things unintelligible. 183 00:11:53,640 --> 00:11:57,872 - I beg yourpardon! - I mean that as a compliment. 184 00:11:58,040 --> 00:12:02,431 Blurring the issue is one of the basic ministerial skills. 185 00:12:02,600 --> 00:12:03,919 And the others? 186 00:12:04,080 --> 00:12:06,389 Delaying decisions, dodging questions, 187 00:12:06,560 --> 00:12:10,269 juggling figures, bending facts and concealing errors. 188 00:12:10,440 --> 00:12:12,635 Whatwas I to do? 189 00:12:12,800 --> 00:12:16,236 Make it look like you'd do something and do nothing. 190 00:12:16,400 --> 00:12:18,231 Like you usually do. 191 00:12:18,560 --> 00:12:22,633 - But if these revelations are true... - Exactly, Minister, "if". 192 00:12:22,800 --> 00:12:25,314 You could have discussed truth. 193 00:12:25,480 --> 00:12:28,552 The committee isn't interested in truth. 194 00:12:28,720 --> 00:12:30,676 They're all MPs! 195 00:12:32,320 --> 00:12:37,235 - What about a security matter? - HB pencils a security matter? 196 00:12:38,200 --> 00:12:40,270 Depends what you write with them! 197 00:12:40,440 --> 00:12:43,512 Why build roof gardens on top of offices? 198 00:12:43,680 --> 00:12:47,389 We took overthe office design from an American company, 199 00:12:47,560 --> 00:12:52,236 and it happens that nobody noticed the roof gardens on the plan. 200 00:12:52,400 --> 00:12:53,719 God! 201 00:12:55,120 --> 00:12:57,793 It's a tiny mistake anyone could make. 202 00:12:57,960 --> 00:13:02,078 Tiny mistake, £75,000? Give me an example of a big mistake? 203 00:13:02,240 --> 00:13:05,038 Letting people find out about it! 204 00:13:06,000 --> 00:13:09,072 Why are we heating sheds full of wire? 205 00:13:09,240 --> 00:13:12,232 - You want the truth? - Lf it's no trouble. 206 00:13:12,400 --> 00:13:16,188 The staff are using the sheds forgrowing mushrooms. 207 00:13:17,280 --> 00:13:18,599 Stop them! 208 00:13:19,280 --> 00:13:22,158 They've been doing it since 1945. 209 00:13:22,320 --> 00:13:25,312 It's the only perk in an extremely boring job. 210 00:13:25,480 --> 00:13:28,631 What about Rhodes's proposals forstationery? 211 00:13:28,800 --> 00:13:33,715 He was a trouble-makerand crank, unhealthily obsessed with efficiency. 212 00:13:33,880 --> 00:13:37,077 Why didn'twe adopt his proposals and save millions? 213 00:13:37,240 --> 00:13:40,994 - Yes, but a lot of work to implement. - So? 214 00:13:41,160 --> 00:13:43,879 - Taking on more staff. - Humphrey! 215 00:13:44,040 --> 00:13:46,474 - Disprove it. - I can't, obviously. 216 00:13:46,640 --> 00:13:48,710 - Exactly! - Making it up? 217 00:13:48,880 --> 00:13:51,030 - Of course. - Why? 218 00:13:51,200 --> 00:13:55,591 As an example ofhow to handle a select committee. 219 00:13:58,200 --> 00:14:01,476 Sir Humphrey, let's get down to details. 220 00:14:01,640 --> 00:14:04,791 - This heated aircraft hangar. - Indeed. 221 00:14:04,960 --> 00:14:07,030 I do understand yourconcern, 222 00:14:07,200 --> 00:14:10,636 but it gets frightfully cold in Herefordshire. 223 00:14:10,800 --> 00:14:14,190 - Even civil servants... - We aren't talking about civil servants. 224 00:14:14,360 --> 00:14:18,751 We're talking coils of wire plastic-coated to keep them warm! 225 00:14:19,640 --> 00:14:22,791 - Staff are in and out all the time. - Why? 226 00:14:22,960 --> 00:14:28,034 Taking deliveries, making withdrawals, checking records, 227 00:14:28,200 --> 00:14:29,918 fire inspections... 228 00:14:30,080 --> 00:14:35,074 - They can weargloves, can't they? - But it's a staff welfare policy. 229 00:14:35,720 --> 00:14:39,838 I suggest this policy is costing the taxpayermillions! 230 00:14:41,880 --> 00:14:43,791 Nothing to say? 231 00:14:43,960 --> 00:14:46,110 I can't comment on Government policy. 232 00:14:46,280 --> 00:14:51,991 - But you advise the Minister. - I can't disclose how I advise him. 233 00:14:52,160 --> 00:14:58,110 - The Minister's responsible forpolicy. - All right. We'll ask the Minister. 234 00:14:58,960 --> 00:15:01,428 What about stationery savings? 235 00:15:02,280 --> 00:15:07,798 Itwould've meant considerable Government patronage on juniorstaff. 236 00:15:07,960 --> 00:15:09,951 "Considerable Government patronage"? 237 00:15:10,120 --> 00:15:12,873 Buying a packet of paperclips? 238 00:15:13,040 --> 00:15:16,919 It's Government policy to exercise strict control 239 00:15:17,080 --> 00:15:19,514 overwho can spend its money. 240 00:15:19,680 --> 00:15:23,559 It's common sense to let people buy theirown paperclips. 241 00:15:23,720 --> 00:15:27,190 Government policy is nothing to do with common sense. 242 00:15:30,760 --> 00:15:34,435 Don't you think it's time the policy was changed? 243 00:15:34,600 --> 00:15:35,953 Well, Sir Humphrey? 244 00:15:36,120 --> 00:15:39,430 I can't comment on Government policy. Ask the Minister. 245 00:15:39,600 --> 00:15:41,989 The Ministeradvises us to ask you. 246 00:15:42,160 --> 00:15:44,799 I'm advising you to ask the Minister. 247 00:15:44,960 --> 00:15:47,872 - When does this end? - As soon as you like. 248 00:15:49,400 --> 00:15:51,675 Let's come to the roof garden. 249 00:15:51,840 --> 00:15:53,831 Yes, with pleasure. 250 00:15:55,240 --> 00:16:01,190 This was part of a wide variety of roof insulation schemes, 251 00:16:01,360 --> 00:16:05,638 which the Governmentwas testing in the interest of fuel economy. 252 00:16:05,800 --> 00:16:08,360 But £75,000! 253 00:16:08,520 --> 00:16:13,071 Itwas thought the sale of vegetable produce might offset the cost. 254 00:16:13,240 --> 00:16:14,832 And did it? 255 00:16:15,000 --> 00:16:18,470 - No. - Then why not abandon the garden? 256 00:16:18,640 --> 00:16:23,111 It's there now, insulating the roof, and we aren't building any more. 257 00:16:23,880 --> 00:16:26,599 But you've wasted £75,000! 258 00:16:26,760 --> 00:16:30,036 All proposals were tested forfuel saving. 259 00:16:30,520 --> 00:16:33,717 At this fantastic waste of taxpayers' money? 260 00:16:33,880 --> 00:16:35,598 You agree itwas wasted? 261 00:16:35,760 --> 00:16:39,036 I can't comment on Government policy. Ask the Minister. 262 00:16:39,200 --> 00:16:44,558 Look, whateverwe ask the Minister, he says is a question foryou. 263 00:16:44,720 --> 00:16:48,793 Whateverwe ask you, you say is a question forthe Minister! 264 00:16:48,960 --> 00:16:51,838 How do we find out what's going on? 265 00:16:52,000 --> 00:16:54,958 Yes, I see there is a dilemma here. 266 00:16:55,120 --> 00:16:59,796 While the Government regards policy as the responsibility of Ministers 267 00:16:59,960 --> 00:17:02,952 and administration as the responsibility of officials, 268 00:17:03,120 --> 00:17:05,793 questions of administrative policy cause confusion 269 00:17:05,960 --> 00:17:10,795 between the policy of administration and the administration of policy, 270 00:17:10,960 --> 00:17:15,317 especially when responsibility forthe policy of administration 271 00:17:15,480 --> 00:17:20,190 conflicts with responsibility for the policy of administration of policy. 272 00:17:24,120 --> 00:17:27,271 That's a load of meaningless drivel. 273 00:17:27,440 --> 00:17:29,158 Isn't it? 274 00:17:30,040 --> 00:17:34,238 I can't comment on Government policy. You must ask the Minister. 275 00:17:34,760 --> 00:17:37,718 - A great help! - I did my best. 276 00:17:37,880 --> 00:17:42,795 Best foryourself, perhaps! But youranswers solved nothing. 277 00:17:42,960 --> 00:17:47,875 We'll both be there, getting the third degree from that committee. 278 00:17:48,040 --> 00:17:50,873 We've got to have the same answers! 279 00:17:51,040 --> 00:17:54,271 - Let's establish ourposition. - What are the facts? 280 00:17:54,440 --> 00:17:57,034 The facts are neitherhere northere! 281 00:17:57,720 --> 00:17:59,472 I see. What's ourposition? 282 00:17:59,640 --> 00:18:03,519 We choose one of the five standard excuses 283 00:18:03,680 --> 00:18:06,558 to deal with each allegation. 284 00:18:06,720 --> 00:18:09,188 Five standard excuses? 285 00:18:09,360 --> 00:18:13,638 First, the excuse we used in the Anthony Blunt case: 286 00:18:13,800 --> 00:18:16,633 "There's an explanation foreverything, 287 00:18:16,800 --> 00:18:19,792 but security forbids its disclosure". 288 00:18:20,200 --> 00:18:23,795 Second, the excuse we used forcomprehensive schools: 289 00:18:23,960 --> 00:18:25,598 "Because ofbudget cuts, 290 00:18:25,760 --> 00:18:29,150 supervisory resources went beyond their limits". 291 00:18:29,320 --> 00:18:32,869 - That's not true, is it? - But it's a good excuse. 292 00:18:33,040 --> 00:18:35,156 Then there's the excuse forConcorde: 293 00:18:35,320 --> 00:18:37,675 "Aworthwhile experiment, now abandoned, 294 00:18:37,840 --> 00:18:42,675 but not before it had provided much valuable data and employment". 295 00:18:42,840 --> 00:18:45,798 But that is true, isn't it? 296 00:18:45,960 --> 00:18:48,076 Oh, no, of course it isn't. 297 00:18:48,760 --> 00:18:52,719 Four, there's the excuse forthe Munich Agreement: 298 00:18:52,880 --> 00:18:55,713 "It occurred before important facts were known 299 00:18:55,880 --> 00:18:57,359 and couldn't re-occur". 300 00:18:57,520 --> 00:18:59,158 What important facts? 301 00:18:59,320 --> 00:19:02,630 That Hitlerwanted to conquer Europe. 302 00:19:03,160 --> 00:19:07,039 - I thought everybody knew that! - Not the Foreign Office. 303 00:19:08,080 --> 00:19:10,071 - Five? - Five... 304 00:19:10,240 --> 00:19:12,834 The Charge of the Light Brigade excuse: 305 00:19:13,000 --> 00:19:15,275 "An unfortunate lapse by an individual, 306 00:19:15,440 --> 00:19:19,194 dealtwith under internal disciplinary procedures". 307 00:19:20,120 --> 00:19:23,635 - That covers everything? - Just about, so far. 308 00:19:24,160 --> 00:19:26,720 - Even wars? - Small wars. 309 00:19:28,120 --> 00:19:33,513 - It's real teamwork from now on. - United we stand, divided we fall! 310 00:19:33,680 --> 00:19:36,035 Minister, you're due at the House. 311 00:19:36,200 --> 00:19:41,558 The PM's adviserwants you to pop in fora drink. Sir Mark Spencer. 312 00:19:42,440 --> 00:19:44,476 - Mark Spencer? - I suggested 5.30? 313 00:19:44,640 --> 00:19:47,950 Fine, yes. Oh, dear. I knew there'd be trouble. 314 00:19:48,120 --> 00:19:52,272 The PM wants to knowwhy ourreplies have been so feeble. 315 00:19:52,440 --> 00:19:54,954 Perhaps it's just fora drink. 316 00:19:55,120 --> 00:19:59,033 They don't ask you fora drink just because you're thirsty! 317 00:19:59,520 --> 00:20:04,196 I'll meet you back here at 6.30, and we'll cook up a story. 318 00:20:05,040 --> 00:20:09,033 - Agree ourposition, Minister. - That's what I said. 319 00:20:35,480 --> 00:20:36,913 Come in! 320 00:20:38,760 --> 00:20:40,079 Hello, Jim. 321 00:20:40,640 --> 00:20:42,835 - Scotch? - Thanks. 322 00:20:43,720 --> 00:20:46,393 - How are things going? - Fine. 323 00:20:46,560 --> 00:20:51,350 That select committee was a shock, throwing the book at us, 324 00:20:51,520 --> 00:20:56,435 but everything's undercontrol and Humphrey and I can explain it. 325 00:20:56,600 --> 00:20:58,397 The PM shouldn'tworry. 326 00:20:58,560 --> 00:21:03,554 I'd like to knowwhere Malcolm Rhodes got all his information. 327 00:21:03,720 --> 00:21:06,029 And who gave the proofs to Betty Oldham? 328 00:21:06,200 --> 00:21:07,952 The PM must be livid. 329 00:21:08,120 --> 00:21:10,270 It's no fault of mine. 330 00:21:10,440 --> 00:21:14,115 - Why do you think the PM's livid? - Surely? 331 00:21:14,280 --> 00:21:18,353 Let's look at the situation logically. Sit down. 332 00:21:18,520 --> 00:21:19,953 Yes. Of course. 333 00:21:20,680 --> 00:21:23,148 Let me ask you some questions. 334 00:21:23,840 --> 00:21:27,674 What is the PM trying to achieve in public expenditure? 335 00:21:27,840 --> 00:21:31,355 - Cuts, obviously. - Why so little success? 336 00:21:31,520 --> 00:21:36,514 - Obstruction from the civil service? - Are all the Cabinet committed to it? 337 00:21:36,680 --> 00:21:41,708 - I think so. I certainly am. - But no Minister's made any cuts. 338 00:21:43,480 --> 00:21:46,711 - Rome wasn't built in a day. - No. 339 00:21:46,880 --> 00:21:49,952 It's because all the Ministers have gone native. 340 00:21:50,120 --> 00:21:53,590 - Surely? - The civil service has trained them! 341 00:21:53,760 --> 00:21:56,957 Well, maybe true... Certainly not of me! 342 00:21:57,120 --> 00:22:00,829 If a Ministerwere really trying to cut expenditure, 343 00:22:01,000 --> 00:22:05,471 howwould he react to a book exposing Governmentwaste? 344 00:22:05,640 --> 00:22:07,710 - I should think he'd... - Mmm? 345 00:22:09,320 --> 00:22:11,880 Itwould depend... 346 00:22:12,760 --> 00:22:14,910 What are you trying to say? 347 00:22:15,080 --> 00:22:19,676 Knowwhat the civil service say? You're a pleasure to work with. 348 00:22:19,840 --> 00:22:21,159 Oh! 349 00:22:22,640 --> 00:22:24,278 Oh... 350 00:22:24,440 --> 00:22:27,989 That's what Barbara Woodhouse says about herspaniels. 351 00:22:29,280 --> 00:22:32,829 Sir Humphrey said you're worth yourweight in gold. 352 00:22:33,000 --> 00:22:35,355 What does that suggest to you? 353 00:22:35,520 --> 00:22:38,318 That I've failed utterly? 354 00:22:38,480 --> 00:22:41,995 You look as if you need anotherScotch. 355 00:22:42,160 --> 00:22:43,991 The PM isn't pleased 356 00:22:44,160 --> 00:22:47,675 with my performance at the committee. 357 00:22:47,840 --> 00:22:51,913 - I failed to coverup the failure. - On the contrary. 358 00:22:52,080 --> 00:22:55,356 He's not pleased because you're covering up too well. 359 00:22:55,520 --> 00:22:59,399 Don't you see? You're protecting the civil service. 360 00:22:59,560 --> 00:23:02,358 The PM and I are doing ourbest 361 00:23:02,520 --> 00:23:07,196 to expose why cuts in expenditure are not taking place. 362 00:23:07,360 --> 00:23:11,558 And you are helping the civil service to defy the Government. 363 00:23:11,720 --> 00:23:14,029 Am I? 364 00:23:14,200 --> 00:23:17,192 You were wondering where Betty Oldham got the proofs 365 00:23:17,360 --> 00:23:20,796 and where Malcolm Rhodes got that inside information. 366 00:23:21,520 --> 00:23:23,511 Can't you guess? 367 00:23:24,280 --> 00:23:26,919 You mean... the PM? 368 00:23:27,080 --> 00:23:28,718 Of course not! 369 00:23:31,240 --> 00:23:32,559 Not directly. 370 00:23:34,160 --> 00:23:35,957 You mean... you? 371 00:23:38,800 --> 00:23:41,951 What am I to do at the select committee? 372 00:23:42,120 --> 00:23:46,113 There's only one course open to you. Absolute loyalty. 373 00:23:48,400 --> 00:23:49,719 Who to? 374 00:23:52,360 --> 00:23:54,828 That's yourdecision. 375 00:23:57,360 --> 00:24:02,275 Itwas an errorthat occurred before important facts were known. 376 00:24:02,440 --> 00:24:06,877 I assure you it is an oversight that couldn't possibly happen again. 377 00:24:07,040 --> 00:24:10,635 - Wouldn't you agree, Minister? - Perfectly correct. 378 00:24:10,800 --> 00:24:14,076 The correct official reply. 379 00:24:14,240 --> 00:24:19,268 But I've been thinking very deeply overthe last few days, 380 00:24:19,440 --> 00:24:23,797 and there's no doubt that this committee is on to something. 381 00:24:23,960 --> 00:24:26,758 Of course there's waste. 382 00:24:27,720 --> 00:24:30,996 And excuses can always be found in individual cases. 383 00:24:31,160 --> 00:24:34,357 But you have convinced me ourapproach is wrong. 384 00:24:34,520 --> 00:24:39,275 Ministers and theircivil servants so often coverup and defend 385 00:24:39,440 --> 00:24:42,512 where they should seek out and destroy. 386 00:24:46,880 --> 00:24:50,555 I've spoken to Mr Rhodes, authorof this invaluable book, 387 00:24:50,720 --> 00:24:53,518 and he'll head an independent enquiry 388 00:24:53,680 --> 00:24:58,071 into the field of administration, starting with my department. 389 00:24:58,240 --> 00:25:01,596 And how does Sir Humphrey react to this? 390 00:25:02,680 --> 00:25:06,229 Sir Humphrey is in complete agreementwith me. 391 00:25:06,400 --> 00:25:11,394 We work as a team. I must say, he's a pleasure to work with. 392 00:25:12,600 --> 00:25:15,831 But this account of what's been going on 393 00:25:16,000 --> 00:25:20,949 doesn't square with yourWashington speech about a waron waste. 394 00:25:21,120 --> 00:25:25,557 Well, I'm an old-fashioned sort of chap, Betty, 395 00:25:26,680 --> 00:25:29,478 and I believe in a thing called loyalty. 396 00:25:29,640 --> 00:25:35,590 Whateveryou say in private you defend in public, eh, Humphrey? 397 00:25:35,760 --> 00:25:38,911 In that case, aren't you being disloyal now? 398 00:25:40,280 --> 00:25:43,636 No. I believe a Minister has a higher loyalty. 399 00:25:43,800 --> 00:25:46,473 A loyalty to Parliament and the nation. 400 00:25:47,160 --> 00:25:50,675 And that loyalty must be paramount, 401 00:25:50,840 --> 00:25:53,434 howeverhard and painful that may be. 402 00:25:53,600 --> 00:25:57,115 Of course, one is loyal to one's department and officials, 403 00:25:57,280 --> 00:26:01,831 until the evidence is overwhelming, but I must say in public, 404 00:26:02,000 --> 00:26:05,072 that reforms can and will take place, 405 00:26:05,240 --> 00:26:10,439 and I know I shall find in Sir Humphrey my staunchest ally. 406 00:26:10,600 --> 00:26:12,830 Isn't that so, Humphrey? 407 00:26:13,000 --> 00:26:14,319 Yes, Minister. 408 00:26:15,080 --> 00:26:16,399 Yes, Minister. 409 00:26:17,480 --> 00:26:20,233 - A big help! - I did my best. 410 00:26:20,400 --> 00:26:24,279 The best foryourself! This is your idea of teamwork? Amusing! 411 00:26:24,440 --> 00:26:26,829 - I had to do it. - Had to do what? 412 00:26:27,840 --> 00:26:30,479 Cravenly admit everything to them? 413 00:26:30,640 --> 00:26:33,712 Don't you realise how calamitous this is forus? 414 00:26:33,880 --> 00:26:37,429 - Not both of us, I hope. - You hope in vain. 415 00:26:37,600 --> 00:26:41,070 We're up in arms, with very little confidence in you. 416 00:26:41,240 --> 00:26:44,277 As for Number 10, I shudderto think 417 00:26:44,440 --> 00:26:48,274 how the PM will react to yourpublic admission of failure. 418 00:26:48,440 --> 00:26:51,512 A personal letter from the Prime Minister. 419 00:26:53,720 --> 00:26:56,314 I did warn you, Minister. 420 00:26:56,480 --> 00:26:59,199 Bernard, you should give some thought 421 00:26:59,360 --> 00:27:03,797 to drafting a face-saving letter of resignation forthe Minister. 422 00:27:05,680 --> 00:27:07,875 "Dear Jim..." 423 00:27:08,040 --> 00:27:10,076 "Dear Jim"? 424 00:27:11,440 --> 00:27:14,750 "We haven't seen enough of each other lately. 425 00:27:14,920 --> 00:27:18,071 Are you free for lunch at Chequers on Sunday? 426 00:27:18,240 --> 00:27:23,314 We shall just be the family. I look forward to seeing you". 427 00:27:24,000 --> 00:27:25,672 I don't think I? 428 00:27:27,520 --> 00:27:29,556 It has paid off! 429 00:27:30,520 --> 00:27:33,796 A conspiracy! That drink with Mark Spencer! 430 00:27:33,960 --> 00:27:36,918 "...not seen enough... Lunch at Chequers..." 431 00:27:37,080 --> 00:27:41,392 It's hand-written! Do you realise howmuch it's worth? 432 00:27:41,560 --> 00:27:44,950 I believe the going rate is thirty pieces of silver! 433 00:27:45,960 --> 00:27:50,158 No, Humphrey. Loyalty and integrity have received theirjust rewards. 434 00:27:50,320 --> 00:27:51,469 Loyalty? 435 00:27:52,280 --> 00:27:57,195 I have backed you up the same way you have always backed me up. 436 00:27:57,360 --> 00:27:58,713 Isn't that so? 437 00:28:00,360 --> 00:28:02,920 Sorry? Did you say something? 438 00:28:04,000 --> 00:28:05,911 I think he said, "Yes, Minister".