1 00:00:40,567 --> 00:00:43,446 Item 7. What is item 7? 2 00:00:43,607 --> 00:00:45,916 Well, if I may just recapitulate... 3 00:00:46,687 --> 00:00:48,086 Sorry, Minister. 4 00:00:48,247 --> 00:00:52,445 You can't actually recapitulate an item if you haven't started it yet. 5 00:00:53,807 --> 00:00:58,005 Thank you. Where would we be without you? May I continue? 6 00:00:58,167 --> 00:01:01,477 Recapitulating on our last meeting and the minutes, 7 00:01:01,647 --> 00:01:05,560 - which you doubtless received... - Doubtless, yes, yes. 8 00:01:05,727 --> 00:01:08,446 Er... what minutes, Humphrey? 9 00:01:08,607 --> 00:01:12,600 Disciplinary action against the South Derbyshire local authority. 10 00:01:12,767 --> 00:01:17,761 Ah, yes... Will you remind me, Bernard? 11 00:01:17,927 --> 00:01:20,316 They failed to complete their statutory returns 12 00:01:20,487 --> 00:01:22,717 and supply us with statistical information. 13 00:01:22,887 --> 00:01:25,879 - What'll we do? - The action we can take? 14 00:01:26,047 --> 00:01:27,526 A rebuke from the minister, 15 00:01:27,687 --> 00:01:30,042 press statement about their incompetence, 16 00:01:30,207 --> 00:01:33,916 the withholding of grants or ultimately, as you are fully aware... 17 00:01:34,087 --> 00:01:36,078 Yes, of course. 18 00:01:36,247 --> 00:01:37,805 Good. 19 00:01:39,407 --> 00:01:41,398 I'm fully aware of what? 20 00:01:42,527 --> 00:01:44,995 - What? - What am I fully aware of? 21 00:01:46,127 --> 00:01:51,247 - I can't think of anything. I mean... - You said, ultimately, as I am fully... 22 00:01:51,407 --> 00:01:54,797 Ultimately, taking the local authority to court. Sorry. 23 00:01:54,967 --> 00:01:56,764 Is it that serious? 24 00:01:56,927 --> 00:01:59,487 - Serious? it’s catastrophic! - Why? 25 00:01:59,647 --> 00:02:02,639 If local authorities don't send us statistics, 26 00:02:02,807 --> 00:02:05,321 government figures will be a nonsense. 27 00:02:05,487 --> 00:02:09,844 - They'll be incomplete. - Government figures are a nonsense. 28 00:02:10,007 --> 00:02:12,521 I think Sir Humphrey wants to ensure 29 00:02:12,687 --> 00:02:14,757 they're a complete nonsense. 30 00:02:15,407 --> 00:02:17,398 I mean... er... 31 00:02:17,567 --> 00:02:20,764 Why should we make an example of South Derbyshire? 32 00:02:20,927 --> 00:02:25,284 Do you object because the council’s controlled by your party? 33 00:02:25,447 --> 00:02:26,846 Oh, no, no, no. 34 00:02:27,007 --> 00:02:31,319 No, no, no. But couldn’t we just... pick on an opposition council? 35 00:02:31,487 --> 00:02:34,797 - Oh, Minister! - Is South Derbyshire all that bad? 36 00:02:35,087 --> 00:02:40,081 Terrible! They won't return their blue forms! 37 00:02:40,247 --> 00:02:44,479 They haven't completed last year's employment trends questionnaire! 38 00:02:44,647 --> 00:02:48,640 They replied to our ethnic personnel breakdown request in longhand 39 00:02:48,807 --> 00:02:51,162 on the back of a departmental circular! 40 00:02:52,327 --> 00:02:57,117 We haven't had their social worker revised analysis for the last two quarters 41 00:02:57,287 --> 00:03:00,085 or their data-processing appropriation tables! 42 00:03:00,247 --> 00:03:02,602 They're unbelievable! Really evil! 43 00:03:02,767 --> 00:03:06,476 What, because they won't return their forms in triplicate? 44 00:03:06,647 --> 00:03:09,719 I don't see how life can go on in Derbyshire! 45 00:03:09,887 --> 00:03:10,922 Exactly, Minister. 46 00:03:11,087 --> 00:03:14,682 They really are in a class of their own for incompetence. 47 00:03:14,847 --> 00:03:18,044 - Have they no redeeming features? - It is fascinating... 48 00:03:18,207 --> 00:03:21,802 If that's all right, we can take coercive action. 49 00:03:21,967 --> 00:03:25,164 - The minister might like to know... - You approve? 50 00:03:26,367 --> 00:03:28,927 Yes, it’s a difficult one. They're friends. 51 00:03:29,087 --> 00:03:31,760 They are no friends of good administration. 52 00:03:31,927 --> 00:03:33,155 Well, give me 24 hours. 53 00:03:33,327 --> 00:03:35,716 I'll have to square the party organisation. 54 00:03:35,887 --> 00:03:37,639 Get the chairman invited 55 00:03:37,807 --> 00:03:40,879 to one of those drinky-do's at Number 10. 56 00:03:41,047 --> 00:03:43,607 Soften the blow. Right, anything else? 57 00:03:43,767 --> 00:03:46,076 No, I think that seems to be all. 58 00:03:51,767 --> 00:03:55,601 Richard, I need your advice, if you can spare a moment. 59 00:03:58,047 --> 00:04:00,402 Bernard, I'm not happy about... 60 00:04:00,567 --> 00:04:02,478 disciplining South Derbyshire. 61 00:04:02,647 --> 00:04:05,002 - Why not, Minister? - Instinct. 62 00:04:05,407 --> 00:04:09,036 Dr Cartwright seemed to be trying to tell me something. 63 00:04:09,207 --> 00:04:10,720 I think I'll drop in on him. 64 00:04:10,887 --> 00:04:12,843 - I wouldn't do that. - Why not? 65 00:04:13,007 --> 00:04:17,000 If ministers want to know anything, It will be brought to their notice. 66 00:04:17,167 --> 00:04:20,716 If they go out looking for information, they might... 67 00:04:20,887 --> 00:04:23,196 - Find it? - Yes. 68 00:04:24,487 --> 00:04:28,480 Sir Humphrey does not take kindly to ministers dropping in on people. 69 00:04:28,647 --> 00:04:32,401 - Gong walkabout, he calls it. - The Queen does it. 70 00:04:32,807 --> 00:04:35,082 She doesn't drop in on Under-Secretaries, 71 00:04:35,247 --> 00:04:37,602 not in Sir Humphrey's department. 72 00:04:37,767 --> 00:04:40,964 - What's his room number? - I must advise you against this. 73 00:04:41,127 --> 00:04:43,721 - Advice noted. - Room 4017. 74 00:04:45,007 --> 00:04:47,885 Down one flight, second corridor on the left. 75 00:04:48,047 --> 00:04:52,006 If I'm not back in 48 hours, send out a search party! 76 00:04:55,127 --> 00:04:56,640 Hello, Graham, it’s Bernard. 77 00:04:56,807 --> 00:05:00,117 Tell Sir Humphrey that the Minister’s just gone walkabout. 78 00:05:00,287 --> 00:05:02,482 Yes, yes, AWOL. 79 00:05:04,087 --> 00:05:06,476 Well, of course I told him, yes. 80 00:05:06,647 --> 00:05:10,640 I know. I think you'd better let him know right away. 81 00:05:12,887 --> 00:05:18,883 One... two... three... four... five... 82 00:05:19,047 --> 00:05:24,041 six... seven... eight... nine... ten. 83 00:05:24,207 --> 00:05:26,198 What's all this about? 84 00:05:27,687 --> 00:05:30,679 The minister’s just left the office, that's all. 85 00:05:30,847 --> 00:05:34,237 That's all? Do you mean he's loose in the building? 86 00:05:35,247 --> 00:05:36,646 Why didn’t you warn me? 87 00:05:36,807 --> 00:05:39,446 I did advise him, but he is the minister. 88 00:05:39,607 --> 00:05:43,077 There's no prohibition against ministers talking to their staff. 89 00:05:43,247 --> 00:05:46,717 - Who's he talking to? - Perhaps he was just restless. 90 00:05:46,887 --> 00:05:48,366 If the minister’s restless, 91 00:05:48,527 --> 00:05:50,836 he can feed the ducks in St James's Park! 92 00:05:51,647 --> 00:05:52,796 Yes, Sir Humphrey. 93 00:05:52,967 --> 00:05:55,561 Tell me who the minister’s talking to. 94 00:05:56,687 --> 00:06:00,077 Well, surely the minister can talk to anyone. 95 00:06:00,247 --> 00:06:06,083 Bernard... I'm in the middle of writing your annual report. 96 00:06:08,887 --> 00:06:10,764 Now, it is not a responsibility 97 00:06:10,927 --> 00:06:13,680 that either of us would wish me to discharge 98 00:06:13,847 --> 00:06:16,156 whilst I am in a bad temper. 99 00:06:17,047 --> 00:06:19,117 Who's the minister talking to? 100 00:06:20,167 --> 00:06:21,759 Perhaps you could help me. 101 00:06:21,927 --> 00:06:25,636 I can see that you should know if he calls on an outsider. 102 00:06:25,807 --> 00:06:28,480 I fall to see why you should be informed 103 00:06:28,647 --> 00:06:32,196 if he just wants to, to take a hypothetical example, 104 00:06:32,367 --> 00:06:35,803 to... check a point with... Dr Cartwright... 105 00:06:35,967 --> 00:06:38,686 Thank you, Bernard. Must fly. 106 00:06:38,847 --> 00:06:40,963 - Room 4017. - I know. 107 00:06:43,287 --> 00:06:46,836 Are those things about South Derbyshire true? 108 00:06:47,007 --> 00:06:49,567 - They may be. - What are you saying? 109 00:06:49,727 --> 00:06:51,638 I'm saying that South Derbyshire is 110 00:06:51,807 --> 00:06:54,367 the most efficient local authority in the UK. 111 00:06:54,527 --> 00:06:57,519 I'm meant to tick them off for being the least. 112 00:06:57,687 --> 00:06:59,006 Look at the figures. 113 00:06:59,167 --> 00:07:03,160 - I thought they didn’t send us any. - No. 114 00:07:03,327 --> 00:07:07,525 But they keep their own records perfectly well. I'm gong on those. 115 00:07:09,887 --> 00:07:13,675 They've got the lowest truancy record in the Midlands. 116 00:07:13,847 --> 00:07:16,281 The lowest admin cost per council house. 117 00:07:16,447 --> 00:07:19,644 The lowest ratio of council workers to rate income. 118 00:07:19,807 --> 00:07:23,197 The lowest number of environmental health officers. 119 00:07:23,367 --> 00:07:26,564 - What are those officers? - Rat-catchers. 120 00:07:28,367 --> 00:07:30,676 Virtually all children can read and write, 121 00:07:30,847 --> 00:07:33,566 even though they've had a progressive education. 122 00:07:33,727 --> 00:07:35,763 They've got the smallest establishment 123 00:07:35,927 --> 00:07:37,440 of social workers in the UK. 124 00:07:37,607 --> 00:07:41,998 - Is that supposed to be a good thing? - Oh, yes. Sign of efficiency. 125 00:07:42,167 --> 00:07:44,965 Parkinson’s Law of Social Work, you see. 126 00:07:45,127 --> 00:07:47,038 Social problems increase to occupy 127 00:07:47,207 --> 00:07:50,517 the number of social workers available to deal with them. 128 00:07:51,847 --> 00:07:55,556 - And all these figures are Ok? - Yes, I assure you. 129 00:07:55,727 --> 00:07:57,718 Richard, I wonder if I... 130 00:07:58,767 --> 00:08:00,758 Good heavens, Minister. 131 00:08:00,927 --> 00:08:04,966 - Humphrey, what a coincidence. - Yes, indeed, what a surprise! 132 00:08:05,127 --> 00:08:07,322 - Yes. - Yes. 133 00:08:07,487 --> 00:08:09,557 I was just... passing. 134 00:08:10,967 --> 00:08:13,765 - Passing? - Yes, passing. 135 00:08:13,927 --> 00:08:16,919 Oh, passing. And where were you gong? 136 00:08:17,087 --> 00:08:19,123 I was just gong... past. 137 00:08:21,047 --> 00:08:24,483 Past the door. Cartwright’s... Richard’s door. 138 00:08:24,647 --> 00:08:27,957 And I thought..."Hello..." 139 00:08:28,847 --> 00:08:30,997 Did you think anything further? 140 00:08:32,047 --> 00:08:36,438 Yes, I thought, "Why should I pass the door? Why not open it?" 141 00:08:37,367 --> 00:08:39,881 Good thinking, that's what doors are for. 142 00:08:40,047 --> 00:08:41,082 Right. 143 00:08:41,247 --> 00:08:43,966 There were some points I wanted to clear up. 144 00:08:44,127 --> 00:08:45,924 Oh, good, good. What points? 145 00:08:46,087 --> 00:08:49,762 - Just a couple of odd points. - Couple of odd points. 146 00:08:51,527 --> 00:08:55,725 - How odd? - Oh... not all that odd. 147 00:08:55,887 --> 00:08:59,675 - We just had a meeting. - Could I have a word with you? 148 00:08:59,847 --> 00:09:03,044 - Yes, of course, as soon as... - No, I mean now. 149 00:09:03,207 --> 00:09:06,643 - All right, carry on. - No, upstairs in your office. 150 00:09:06,807 --> 00:09:09,605 - I'm sure Richard doesn't mind. - No, upstairs. 151 00:09:09,767 --> 00:09:13,601 I'm sure that Dr Cartwright can spare you for a few moments. 152 00:09:13,767 --> 00:09:15,758 Thank you, Richard. Minister. 153 00:09:43,407 --> 00:09:45,398 You may go, Bernard. 154 00:09:46,447 --> 00:09:49,325 Minister, what was all that in aid of? 155 00:09:49,487 --> 00:09:51,762 I have learnt some interesting facts. 156 00:09:51,927 --> 00:09:55,317 - I hope it does not happen again. - I beg your pardon? 157 00:09:55,487 --> 00:09:59,036 You cannot speak to people in the department. 158 00:09:59,207 --> 00:10:00,242 Why not? 159 00:10:00,407 --> 00:10:03,558 How can I advise you if I don't know what’s said? 160 00:10:03,727 --> 00:10:05,718 I must know what is gong on. 161 00:10:05,887 --> 00:10:08,526 You cannot have private conversations! 162 00:10:08,687 --> 00:10:11,042 You may be told things that are not true! 163 00:10:11,207 --> 00:10:14,597 - You can put me right. - But they may be true! 164 00:10:16,047 --> 00:10:20,245 Not entirely false, but misleading, open to misinterpretation. 165 00:10:20,407 --> 00:10:24,605 - You're trying to keep things from me. - Absolutely not, Minister. 166 00:10:24,767 --> 00:10:28,203 Minutes must be taken, records must be kept. 167 00:10:28,367 --> 00:10:31,518 You won't be here forever, Nor will we. 168 00:10:31,687 --> 00:10:33,120 in years to come... 169 00:10:33,287 --> 00:10:35,926 If Cartwright were moved tomorrow, 170 00:10:36,087 --> 00:10:38,647 how could we check information? 171 00:10:38,807 --> 00:10:41,799 - Cartwright won't be moved tomorrow. - Oh, really? 172 00:10:43,727 --> 00:10:46,116 Alex Andrews from the Mall to see you. 173 00:10:46,287 --> 00:10:48,926 Ah, hang on. I'd like you to minute this. 174 00:10:49,087 --> 00:10:51,647 Everything must be minuted, you know. 175 00:10:51,807 --> 00:10:53,877 Sit down, won't you, Humphrey? 176 00:10:54,047 --> 00:10:57,517 - Now South Derbyshire Council... - Just a minute. 177 00:10:57,687 --> 00:11:00,759 Yes, that's what I said. South Derbyshire. 178 00:11:00,927 --> 00:11:04,920 Dr Cartwright said it is the most efficient council in Britain. 179 00:11:05,087 --> 00:11:07,885 - Inefficient, I think he means. - Efficient, Humphrey. 180 00:11:08,047 --> 00:11:09,321 Economical, effective. 181 00:11:09,487 --> 00:11:13,036 Just not interested in sending bits of blue paper to Whitehall. 182 00:11:13,207 --> 00:11:15,596 - But they have to send them. - Why? 183 00:11:15,767 --> 00:11:21,160 - It is a statutory requirement. - And if they don't, Britain carries on. 184 00:11:21,327 --> 00:11:22,965 South Derbyshire carries on. 185 00:11:23,127 --> 00:11:25,721 But if they don't send us the information, 186 00:11:25,887 --> 00:11:28,685 the plans and the requests for permission, 187 00:11:28,887 --> 00:11:30,445 what are we here for? 188 00:11:30,847 --> 00:11:35,045 Good question. What are we here for? 189 00:11:35,207 --> 00:11:39,803 To collect information, inspect plans, and withhold or grant permission. 190 00:11:39,967 --> 00:11:44,085 - And if we didn’t? - I'm sorry, Minister, I don't understand. 191 00:11:44,247 --> 00:11:47,796 If we weren't here and we didn’t do it, what then? 192 00:11:47,967 --> 00:11:50,003 I'm sorry, you've lost me. 193 00:11:50,167 --> 00:11:53,682 You're concerned more with means than ends. 194 00:11:53,847 --> 00:11:58,284 There are no ends in administration, Minister, except loose ends. 195 00:11:58,447 --> 00:12:00,278 Administration is eternal! 196 00:12:00,447 --> 00:12:03,200 - Forever and ever. - Amen! 197 00:12:04,127 --> 00:12:07,119 Because there are no ends, they talk about government circles. 198 00:12:07,287 --> 00:12:10,677 Exactly, Bernard, which is what we’re gong round in! 199 00:12:10,847 --> 00:12:14,476 I won't discipline South Derbyshire. I'd look a complete idiot. 200 00:12:14,647 --> 00:12:17,445 I'm sorry, Minister, but it’s your job. 201 00:12:19,447 --> 00:12:22,280 To discipline South Derbyshire. You have no alternative. 202 00:12:22,447 --> 00:12:25,519 The Treasury and the Cabinet Office insist. 203 00:12:25,687 --> 00:12:28,679 I cannot agree to this. Not today, anyhow. 204 00:12:28,847 --> 00:12:30,644 - Tomorrow, then. - No! 205 00:12:30,807 --> 00:12:33,116 I'm sorry, you don't seem to understand. 206 00:12:33,287 --> 00:12:36,723 It is not up to you or to me. It is the law. 207 00:12:37,447 --> 00:12:41,281 - I think you ought to talk to the Mall. - Very well. 208 00:12:42,447 --> 00:12:45,644 - Thank you, Humphrey. - Thank you, Minister. 209 00:12:47,887 --> 00:12:51,038 - Bernard. Bernard. - Yes, Minister? 210 00:12:53,967 --> 00:12:57,357 How did Sir Humphrey know I was with Dr Cartwright? 211 00:12:58,767 --> 00:13:00,803 God moves in a mysterious way. 212 00:13:03,087 --> 00:13:07,683 Let me make one thing perfectly clear. Humphrey is not God, Ok? 213 00:13:09,967 --> 00:13:12,276 Will you tell him or shall I? 214 00:13:15,967 --> 00:13:19,562 Now, tell me how he knew where I was. 215 00:13:19,727 --> 00:13:23,515 Confidentially, everything you tell me Is in complete confidence 216 00:13:23,687 --> 00:13:26,485 so equally, and I'm sure you appreciate this, 217 00:13:26,647 --> 00:13:29,400 and, by appreciate, I don't mean appreciate, 218 00:13:29,567 --> 00:13:32,445 I mean understand, that everything Sir Humphrey tells me 219 00:13:32,607 --> 00:13:33,756 Is also in confidence, 220 00:13:33,927 --> 00:13:38,000 as indeed everything I tell you and everything I tell Sir Humphrey 221 00:13:38,167 --> 00:13:39,839 Is in complete confidence. 222 00:13:43,047 --> 00:13:45,038 So? 223 00:13:45,887 --> 00:13:48,879 So, in confidence, I am confident you understand 224 00:13:49,047 --> 00:13:51,561 that for me to keep Sir Humphrey's confidence, 225 00:13:51,727 --> 00:13:53,479 conversations between him and me 226 00:13:53,647 --> 00:13:58,277 must be confidential, as confidential as conversations between you and me 227 00:13:58,447 --> 00:14:00,642 are completely confidential. 228 00:14:04,407 --> 00:14:07,763 - Mr Andrews, Minister. - Thank you, Bernard. 229 00:14:07,927 --> 00:14:10,760 - Ah, Alex. - Hello, Jim. 230 00:14:10,927 --> 00:14:13,122 - Sit down. - Thank you. 231 00:14:13,287 --> 00:14:16,279 - What can I do for you? - I need your help. 232 00:14:16,447 --> 00:14:18,483 I've come across a fascinating story. 233 00:14:18,847 --> 00:14:21,042 Do you realise that your government 234 00:14:21,207 --> 00:14:24,005 Is about to hand over 40 million-worth 235 00:14:24,167 --> 00:14:27,682 of housing, building, harbour Installations and an airstrip 236 00:14:27,847 --> 00:14:30,042 to a private developer for nothing? 237 00:14:30,207 --> 00:14:34,246 - 40 million? You're having me on! - No, Scout's honour. 238 00:14:36,047 --> 00:14:39,039 - Why tell me? I didn’t do it, did I? - No. 239 00:14:41,127 --> 00:14:43,118 It goes back a long way. 240 00:14:43,287 --> 00:14:47,758 30 years ago, the Ministry of Defence took out a lease on a Scottish Island. 241 00:14:47,927 --> 00:14:51,920 They put up billets, marled quarters, HQ block, the harbour, the airstrip. 242 00:14:52,087 --> 00:14:55,682 And now the lease has expired, It reverts to the original owner. 243 00:14:55,847 --> 00:14:57,644 He's opening up a holiday camp. 244 00:14:57,807 --> 00:15:00,002 Yachting marinas, chalets, staff quarters. 245 00:15:00,167 --> 00:15:02,123 It's all there. He'll make a fortune. 246 00:15:02,287 --> 00:15:05,677 - He can't do that. The law... - No, that's English law. 247 00:15:05,847 --> 00:15:08,042 This contract was made under Scottish law. 248 00:15:08,207 --> 00:15:11,643 Some idiot didn’t realise the difference. 249 00:15:11,807 --> 00:15:14,799 - We're in the clear. - Ah, yes. 250 00:15:14,967 --> 00:15:19,165 Even the Mall can't blame you For a cock-up in the early'50s. 251 00:15:19,327 --> 00:15:21,363 Makes a change. 252 00:15:21,527 --> 00:15:24,519 What do you want from me? You've got your story. 253 00:15:24,687 --> 00:15:27,645 30 years late. As quick with the news as ever! 254 00:15:27,807 --> 00:15:29,957 Still, not bad for Fleet Street! 255 00:15:30,127 --> 00:15:31,845 We're running it tomorrow, 256 00:15:32,007 --> 00:15:34,680 but my editor wants me to do a feature, 257 00:15:34,847 --> 00:15:37,839 find out how it happened, go through the files. 258 00:15:38,007 --> 00:15:40,567 - Why? - There could be lessons for today. 259 00:15:40,727 --> 00:15:43,844 We might find out who is responsible. 260 00:15:44,007 --> 00:15:48,080 Does it matter? It would’ve been handled by quite a junior official. 261 00:15:48,247 --> 00:15:51,842 30 years ago. Today he could be in an important position. 262 00:15:52,007 --> 00:15:55,795 He could be a Permanent Secretary running a great department, 263 00:15:55,967 --> 00:15:59,516 responsible for spending billons of pounds of public money. 264 00:15:59,687 --> 00:16:04,078 - Pretty unlikely. - Yes. But can I see the papers? 265 00:16:04,247 --> 00:16:06,966 Of course, I can't just hand files over. 266 00:16:07,127 --> 00:16:09,721 Didn’t you say It was a 30-year lease? 267 00:16:09,887 --> 00:16:12,526 You can get them from the Public Records Office 268 00:16:12,687 --> 00:16:14,040 under the 30-yearrule. 269 00:16:14,207 --> 00:16:16,198 Yes, I thought you'd say that, 270 00:16:16,367 --> 00:16:19,882 but I want a guarantee that I will get all of them. 271 00:16:20,047 --> 00:16:24,199 - Well, Defence papers... - Come on, this is not top security. 272 00:16:24,367 --> 00:16:26,278 You made a manifesto commitment 273 00:16:26,447 --> 00:16:30,360 saying you'd tell voters the facts. This is a test case. 274 00:16:31,367 --> 00:16:32,800 I want your guarantee 275 00:16:32,967 --> 00:16:36,562 that no papers will be removed from the file before it’s opened. 276 00:16:36,727 --> 00:16:39,719 I don't see why not. No skin off my nose. 277 00:16:39,887 --> 00:16:41,559 Is that a promise? 278 00:16:41,727 --> 00:16:45,322 A real promise, not the sort you put in your manifesto! 279 00:16:45,487 --> 00:16:49,241 The problem with you is you won't take yes for an answer! 280 00:16:50,247 --> 00:16:54,923 Otherwise we do the feature about ministers ratting on manifestos. 281 00:17:26,767 --> 00:17:28,758 Is that the lot, Humphrey? 282 00:17:31,967 --> 00:17:35,721 Oh, I'm sorry. That seems to be all, Minister, thank you. 283 00:17:35,887 --> 00:17:40,085 Incidentally, Humphrey, did you see that story in the Mall this morning? 284 00:17:40,247 --> 00:17:44,035 - About the Scottish Island scandal. - I'm not sure. 285 00:17:44,207 --> 00:17:46,277 About some cock-up somebody made 286 00:17:46,447 --> 00:17:49,200 30 years ago about the terms of the lease. 287 00:17:49,367 --> 00:17:51,597 I believe I did glance at it. 288 00:17:51,767 --> 00:17:55,680 40 million down the tube! Somebody really boobed there! 289 00:17:57,807 --> 00:18:01,004 - It didn’t happen in your department? - Absolutely not. 290 00:18:01,167 --> 00:18:05,558 - I wonder who it was. - That is something we shall never know. 291 00:18:05,727 --> 00:18:08,036 It'll be on the files. 292 00:18:08,207 --> 00:18:10,846 Everything must be put in writing, as you always say. 293 00:18:12,127 --> 00:18:16,643 Well... somewhere, no doubt, but it would take ages to search. 294 00:18:16,807 --> 00:18:18,399 Not worth anyone's time. 295 00:18:18,567 --> 00:18:22,162 You may be wrong. The Mall want to do a big feature. 296 00:18:22,327 --> 00:18:27,162 As soon as the papers are released under the 30-yearrule in a few weeks. 297 00:18:27,327 --> 00:18:30,319 I promised them a free run of all the files. 298 00:18:33,087 --> 00:18:35,965 - Minister! - it’s all right, isn’t it? 299 00:18:36,127 --> 00:18:39,676 All right? It most certainly is not all right! 300 00:18:39,847 --> 00:18:43,044 - Why on earth not? - it’s impossible, it’s unthinkable! 301 00:18:43,207 --> 00:18:45,163 - Why? - it’s top security! 302 00:18:46,047 --> 00:18:49,244 - A few barracks? - Secret naval installations! 303 00:18:49,407 --> 00:18:52,604 Anti-submarine systems! Low-level radar towers! 304 00:18:52,767 --> 00:18:54,086 You don't know that. 305 00:18:54,247 --> 00:18:57,205 That's the sort of thing those bases have. 306 00:18:57,367 --> 00:19:00,962 - But they'd have been dismantled. - The papers will have references! 307 00:19:01,127 --> 00:19:04,483 - Ancient history. - We need to get clearances. 308 00:19:04,647 --> 00:19:06,285 Who from? 309 00:19:06,447 --> 00:19:10,235 Security implications! MI5! MI6! 310 00:19:11,647 --> 00:19:14,241 Foreign powers! National interests! 311 00:19:14,407 --> 00:19:19,720 Consult our allies! Top brass! CIA, NATO, SEATO, Moscow! 312 00:19:21,447 --> 00:19:24,405 Moscow Are you all right, Humphrey? 313 00:19:24,567 --> 00:19:28,037 Er, no, not Moscow. I didn’t mean Moscow. 314 00:19:28,207 --> 00:19:32,359 But this information could seriously damage people still alive. 315 00:19:32,527 --> 00:19:36,520 The people who drew up this contract ought to be damaged! 316 00:19:36,687 --> 00:19:40,521 Oh, absolutely! No question of protecting officials! Of course not! 317 00:19:40,687 --> 00:19:42,917 But... responsible ministers... 318 00:19:43,087 --> 00:19:47,877 It's 30 years ago. in any case, weren't the other lot in office then? 319 00:19:48,047 --> 00:19:51,084 - Well, yes... - Why are you so concerned? 320 00:19:53,367 --> 00:19:55,676 Oh, I'm not, no, no. Not me, personally, 321 00:19:55,847 --> 00:19:58,884 but it’s the principle, the precedent, the policy... 322 00:19:59,047 --> 00:20:03,518 The policy is up to me, Humphrey, and I've said yes, so it’s done. Ok? 323 00:20:14,047 --> 00:20:15,924 What's the matter with Humphrey? 324 00:20:16,647 --> 00:20:19,161 I haven't done anything wrong, have I? 325 00:20:19,847 --> 00:20:23,283 There aren't any security Implications, are there? 326 00:20:23,447 --> 00:20:24,846 What's the problem? 327 00:20:26,767 --> 00:20:29,964 - Am I talking to myself? - No, I'm listening. 328 00:20:30,127 --> 00:20:31,480 Why don't you answer? 329 00:20:31,647 --> 00:20:34,605 I thought your questions were purely rhetorical. 330 00:20:34,767 --> 00:20:37,327 I see no reason for him to be so anxious. 331 00:20:37,487 --> 00:20:38,761 Unless... 332 00:20:40,767 --> 00:20:44,965 - Are you thinking what I'm thinking? - I don't think so, Minister. 333 00:20:46,607 --> 00:20:48,598 I'm not thinking anything, really. 334 00:20:49,487 --> 00:20:51,398 I begin to smell a rat. 335 00:20:51,567 --> 00:20:54,161 Shall I get an environmental health officer? 336 00:20:58,047 --> 00:21:01,244 How long has Sir Humphrey been here at Administrative Affairs? 337 00:21:01,407 --> 00:21:04,001 - Since it was founded. - When was that? 338 00:21:04,167 --> 00:21:08,240 1964. The same time they started the Department for Economic... 339 00:21:10,527 --> 00:21:13,087 Now I think I'm thinking what you're thinking. 340 00:21:13,247 --> 00:21:14,600 And what are you thinking? 341 00:21:14,767 --> 00:21:17,600 You're thinking, where was he before 1964? 342 00:21:17,767 --> 00:21:19,564 It'll be in "Who's Who". 343 00:21:19,727 --> 00:21:23,925 He must've been in another department and trawled for the DAA. 344 00:21:24,087 --> 00:21:27,682 - What? - Trawled. Fished, caught in the net. 345 00:21:28,687 --> 00:21:31,679 - Ah, here we are. Oh, my God! - What? 346 00:21:33,007 --> 00:21:38,240 From 1950 to 1956, he was Assistant Principal at the Scottish Office. 347 00:21:39,927 --> 00:21:42,646 On secondment from the War Office. 348 00:21:45,487 --> 00:21:48,479 Regional Contracts Officer. 349 00:21:48,647 --> 00:21:50,763 30 years ago. 350 00:21:52,967 --> 00:21:55,162 So the official... 351 00:21:55,327 --> 00:21:58,558 who chucked away 40 million... 352 00:21:58,727 --> 00:22:01,525 of taxpayers' money was... 353 00:22:03,367 --> 00:22:05,562 How frightful! 354 00:22:07,367 --> 00:22:10,564 - it’s awful, Minister. - Dreadful. 355 00:22:11,927 --> 00:22:15,966 And all the papers due for release in a few weeks' time. 356 00:22:17,927 --> 00:22:20,760 Get Humphrey to come back here at once. 357 00:22:20,927 --> 00:22:22,121 Yes, Minister. 358 00:22:24,407 --> 00:22:27,319 The Minister wonders if Sir Humphrey could spare time 359 00:22:27,487 --> 00:22:30,001 for a meeting sometime in the next few days. 360 00:22:30,167 --> 00:22:33,364 - At once. - In fact, sometime today is really... 361 00:22:33,527 --> 00:22:37,520 - At once! - Sometime during the next 60 seconds. 362 00:22:42,327 --> 00:22:45,922 - He's coming round now. - Why? Did he faint? 363 00:22:49,247 --> 00:22:52,523 - No, he's just, you know... - This is serious, Bernard. 364 00:22:52,687 --> 00:22:54,166 Yes, I know. 365 00:22:57,207 --> 00:23:00,597 - This is no laughing matter. - No, certainly not. 366 00:23:09,287 --> 00:23:10,959 The question is... 367 00:23:12,607 --> 00:23:14,996 how am I gong to deal with it? 368 00:23:15,167 --> 00:23:18,398 - In my opinion... - The question was rhetorical. 369 00:23:21,967 --> 00:23:26,518 - You wanted a word, Minister? - Humphrey, come in, come in. 370 00:23:29,447 --> 00:23:31,244 Sorry, Bernard. 371 00:23:39,047 --> 00:23:42,437 I've been thinking about this Scottish Island scandal. 372 00:23:43,927 --> 00:23:46,680 - Very worrying. - Well, I don't know... 373 00:23:46,847 --> 00:23:48,565 You probably don't realise this, 374 00:23:48,727 --> 00:23:52,163 but that official could still be in the Civil Servlce. 375 00:23:53,247 --> 00:23:55,238 - Very unlikely. - But why? 376 00:23:55,407 --> 00:24:00,003 He could've been in his mld-20s then, he'd be in his mld-50s now. 377 00:24:00,167 --> 00:24:02,965 Might even be a Permanent Secretary! 378 00:24:04,087 --> 00:24:07,124 - I hardly think... - No, of course, you're right. 379 00:24:07,287 --> 00:24:11,678 Nobody who made a blunder like that could become a Permanent Secretary. 380 00:24:11,847 --> 00:24:17,160 - Anyway, I want a full investigation. - We can't find out that sort of thing. 381 00:24:17,327 --> 00:24:18,555 Surely we can. 382 00:24:18,727 --> 00:24:22,606 You said yourself that minutes are always made, records kept 383 00:24:22,767 --> 00:24:24,564 in the Civil Servlce. 384 00:24:24,727 --> 00:24:27,605 And legal documents concerning a current contract 385 00:24:27,767 --> 00:24:30,122 wouldn't have been thrown away. 386 00:24:31,127 --> 00:24:36,326 Minister... aren’t we making a little too much of this? 387 00:24:36,487 --> 00:24:40,560 Possibly blighting a brilliant career because of a... 388 00:24:40,727 --> 00:24:42,604 tiny slip 30 years ago? 389 00:24:42,767 --> 00:24:45,725 After all, it’s not such a lot of money wasted. 390 00:24:45,887 --> 00:24:47,286 40 million? 391 00:24:49,047 --> 00:24:51,845 Well, not compared with Blue Streak, 392 00:24:52,007 --> 00:24:55,477 TSR.2, Trident, Concorde, 393 00:24:55,647 --> 00:24:58,081 high-rise council flats, 394 00:24:58,247 --> 00:25:00,841 British Rail, 395 00:25:01,007 --> 00:25:03,077 British Leyland, British Steel, 396 00:25:03,807 --> 00:25:05,798 Upper Clyde Shipbuilders, 397 00:25:06,847 --> 00:25:10,681 the atomic PowerStation programme, comprehensive schools, 398 00:25:10,847 --> 00:25:13,236 the University of Essex. 399 00:25:15,007 --> 00:25:19,205 I take your point, but it’s still more, a hundred times more, 400 00:25:19,367 --> 00:25:22,757 than this official could ever have earned in his entire career. 401 00:25:22,927 --> 00:25:27,842 So I want you to look into it and find out who it was. 402 00:25:29,087 --> 00:25:30,406 Ok? 403 00:25:39,407 --> 00:25:42,956 - Yes, Humphrey? - There is something you ought to know. 404 00:25:44,087 --> 00:25:45,679 Yes, Humphrey? 405 00:25:47,247 --> 00:25:50,125 The identity of the official whose alleged responsibility 406 00:25:50,287 --> 00:25:51,959 for this hypothetical oversight, 407 00:25:52,127 --> 00:25:54,595 as being the subject of recent discussion, 408 00:25:54,767 --> 00:25:58,601 Is not shrouded in quite such impenetrable obscurity 409 00:25:58,767 --> 00:26:01,804 as previous disclosures led you to assume. 410 00:26:01,967 --> 00:26:04,561 But not to put too fine a point on it... 411 00:26:05,567 --> 00:26:09,162 the individual in question is, It may surprise you to learn, 412 00:26:09,327 --> 00:26:12,524 one whom your present interlocutor... 413 00:26:14,447 --> 00:26:16,642 Is in the habit of defining... 414 00:26:17,927 --> 00:26:20,725 by means of the perpendicular pronoun. 415 00:26:26,287 --> 00:26:28,278 I beg your pardon? 416 00:26:31,087 --> 00:26:33,681 It was... I. 417 00:26:35,127 --> 00:26:36,924 Humphrey! 418 00:26:39,127 --> 00:26:42,164 - No? - I was under pressure! 419 00:26:44,647 --> 00:26:46,797 We were overworked, there was panic! 420 00:26:46,967 --> 00:26:49,242 Parliamentary questions tabled. 421 00:26:49,407 --> 00:26:51,398 Obviously I'm not a trained lawyer 422 00:26:51,567 --> 00:26:56,083 or I wouldn't have been in charge of the Legal Unit! 423 00:26:57,527 --> 00:27:00,246 30 years ago! Everybody makes mistakes! 424 00:27:00,407 --> 00:27:03,319 Well, Humphrey... I forgive you. 425 00:27:07,207 --> 00:27:09,198 Oh, thank you, Minister. 426 00:27:09,367 --> 00:27:12,564 Why didn’t you tell me about this before? 427 00:27:12,727 --> 00:27:15,366 We have no secrets from each other, have we? 428 00:27:17,247 --> 00:27:21,206 - That is for you to say, Minister. - Well, not entirely. 429 00:27:21,367 --> 00:27:24,086 Anyhow, what are we gong to do? 430 00:27:24,247 --> 00:27:25,646 I'm gong to be roasted 431 00:27:25,807 --> 00:27:29,083 If I don't release all those papers to the Mall. 432 00:27:29,767 --> 00:27:32,679 I might be able to do something about it... 433 00:27:32,847 --> 00:27:35,077 If I hadn't got this other worry on my plate. 434 00:27:35,247 --> 00:27:37,238 What other worry 435 00:27:38,447 --> 00:27:40,278 Being roasted by the press 436 00:27:40,447 --> 00:27:44,645 for disciplining the most efficient council in Great Britain. 437 00:27:47,487 --> 00:27:50,206 I've been thinking about South Derbyshire. 438 00:27:52,607 --> 00:27:55,599 - Oh, good. - Obviously we can't change the law. 439 00:27:55,767 --> 00:27:57,678 Perhaps we might show them leniency, 440 00:27:57,847 --> 00:28:00,042 a private word with the Chief Executive. 441 00:28:00,207 --> 00:28:03,005 Give them a chance to mend their ways. 442 00:28:03,167 --> 00:28:05,362 That might help considerably. 443 00:28:05,527 --> 00:28:09,122 How will I explain the missing documents to the Mall? 444 00:28:09,287 --> 00:28:12,324 Well, this is what we normally do in... 445 00:28:14,007 --> 00:28:15,998 circumstances like these. 446 00:28:17,847 --> 00:28:20,441 "This file contains the complete set of papers, 447 00:28:20,607 --> 00:28:22,837 except for a number of secret documents, 448 00:28:23,007 --> 00:28:25,999 a few others which are part of still-active files, 449 00:28:26,167 --> 00:28:30,001 some correspondence lost in the floods of 1967..." 450 00:28:32,127 --> 00:28:34,516 Was 1967 a particularly bad winter? 451 00:28:35,527 --> 00:28:37,040 No, a marvellous winter. 452 00:28:37,207 --> 00:28:40,085 We lost no end of embarrassing files. 453 00:28:41,767 --> 00:28:44,406 "Records lost in the move to London, 454 00:28:44,567 --> 00:28:47,764 or when the War Office joined the Ministry of Defence, 455 00:28:47,927 --> 00:28:51,522 and the withdrawal of papers that could give grounds for an action 456 00:28:51,687 --> 00:28:53,643 for libel or breach of confidence 457 00:28:53,807 --> 00:28:56,685 or cause embarrassment to friendly governments." 458 00:28:57,727 --> 00:28:59,638 Well, that's pretty comprehensive. 459 00:28:59,807 --> 00:29:02,924 How many does that normally leave for them to look at? 460 00:29:03,927 --> 00:29:07,522 How many does it actually leave? 461 00:29:07,687 --> 00:29:10,281 About a hundred? Fifty? 462 00:29:11,967 --> 00:29:14,276 Ten? Five? 463 00:29:15,367 --> 00:29:17,164 Four? 464 00:29:17,327 --> 00:29:19,158 Three? Two? 465 00:29:20,607 --> 00:29:21,756 One? 466 00:29:25,207 --> 00:29:26,435 Zero? 467 00:29:27,967 --> 00:29:29,286 Yes, Minister.