1 00:01:06,567 --> 00:01:10,083 - Coming for a drink in the board room? - Thanks. 2 00:01:15,887 --> 00:01:19,163 Ah, well, better enjoy it while the club's still here. 3 00:01:20,367 --> 00:01:23,325 - We've always survived. - it’s different this time. 4 00:01:23,487 --> 00:01:24,761 Tell him, Brian. 5 00:01:24,927 --> 00:01:28,522 We've had a meeting of the finance committee. 6 00:01:28,727 --> 00:01:31,605 Aston Wanderers will have to call in the Receiver! 7 00:01:31,807 --> 00:01:35,243 - You mean bankrupt? - The final whistle. 8 00:01:35,447 --> 00:01:38,041 We need one-and-a-half million quid, Jim. 9 00:01:38,207 --> 00:01:40,960 The government waste that every 30 seconds! 10 00:01:41,127 --> 00:01:44,517 - Oh, I say! - You know what people are saying? 11 00:01:44,727 --> 00:01:47,446 It's no good having a Cabinet Minister for an MP. 12 00:01:47,607 --> 00:01:50,405 Better a local lad with time for his constituency. 13 00:01:50,607 --> 00:01:52,086 - That's absurd! - Why? 14 00:01:52,247 --> 00:01:54,841 There are advantages if an MP's in the Cabinet. 15 00:01:55,007 --> 00:01:57,202 We haven't noticed them, have we, Harry 16 00:01:57,407 --> 00:02:00,922 - Such as? - It reflects well on the constituency. 17 00:02:01,127 --> 00:02:03,322 It's good to have powerful friends, 18 00:02:03,487 --> 00:02:06,399 Influence in high places, a friend in need... 19 00:02:06,567 --> 00:02:09,877 Listen, friend, what we need Is one-and-a-half million quid! 20 00:02:12,407 --> 00:02:14,716 So will you use that influence to help us? 21 00:02:14,927 --> 00:02:18,966 Well, when I said influence, I meant the indefinable sort, 22 00:02:19,167 --> 00:02:23,365 the intangible, subtle benefit 23 00:02:23,527 --> 00:02:27,236 of an input into broad general policy at its early stages 24 00:02:27,447 --> 00:02:30,166 while keeping constituency interests in mind. 25 00:02:31,167 --> 00:02:33,283 Do you mean no? 26 00:02:34,087 --> 00:02:35,839 Well, anything I can do in a broad, 27 00:02:36,007 --> 00:02:38,885 general sense to further the cause, I will certainly... 28 00:02:39,087 --> 00:02:40,486 er, do. 29 00:02:41,287 --> 00:02:44,597 If I can. But for a minister to pump one-and-a-half million 30 00:02:44,767 --> 00:02:46,485 into his local football club! 31 00:02:46,687 --> 00:02:48,245 He means no. 32 00:02:48,447 --> 00:02:52,884 But there'd be lots of votes in it. You'd be the hero of the constituency. 33 00:02:53,087 --> 00:02:57,285 "Jim Hacker, the man who saved Aston Wanderers!" Safe seat for life! 34 00:02:57,447 --> 00:03:01,201 That might occur to the press. And the opposition. And the judge! 35 00:03:01,407 --> 00:03:04,001 If this club goes to the wall It'll be a disaster. 36 00:03:04,167 --> 00:03:05,441 Look at our history! 37 00:03:05,647 --> 00:03:09,196 FA Cup winners, League Champions, first team into Europe. 38 00:03:09,407 --> 00:03:11,284 I know all that, but be fair. 39 00:03:11,447 --> 00:03:14,280 It's a local matter, not a ministerial one. 40 00:03:14,487 --> 00:03:17,445 As chair of the Arts and Leisure Committee, can you help? 41 00:03:17,647 --> 00:03:18,762 Me? You're joking. 42 00:03:18,927 --> 00:03:22,237 I spent half of yesterday trying to raise 711 quid 43 00:03:22,447 --> 00:03:25,086 to repoint the chimney on the art gallery. 44 00:03:25,287 --> 00:03:28,484 That miserable place? Why not let it fall down? 45 00:03:28,687 --> 00:03:31,724 I'd love to, but if it fell on somebody, the Council’s liable. 46 00:03:31,887 --> 00:03:33,400 We own the bloody place! 47 00:03:33,607 --> 00:03:36,246 And we keep getting offers for the site. 48 00:03:36,407 --> 00:03:39,399 Save fair Supermarkets were after it last month. 49 00:03:39,607 --> 00:03:42,246 Hold on, how much were they offering? 50 00:03:43,167 --> 00:03:45,556 About two million quid, I think. 51 00:03:45,767 --> 00:03:49,646 If you sold the art gallery, you could save the football club. 52 00:03:49,807 --> 00:03:53,356 - There'd have to be a planning enquiry. - Can we see it? 53 00:03:53,567 --> 00:03:56,365 We'll have to be quick. They close at five. 54 00:04:14,087 --> 00:04:17,602 - Hideous, isn't it? - it’s a Grade II listed building. 55 00:04:23,407 --> 00:04:26,638 Bernard, what is our political master up to 56 00:04:26,807 --> 00:04:29,446 with the Corn Exchange Art Gallery 57 00:04:29,647 --> 00:04:34,675 - Oh, how did you find out about that? - Not from you, Bernard. 58 00:04:34,887 --> 00:04:37,447 An omission you may care to explain. 59 00:04:38,687 --> 00:04:42,077 - Surely it’s just a constituency matter? - Surely not. 60 00:04:42,287 --> 00:04:45,279 Selling the gallery to Save fair Supermarkets 61 00:04:45,487 --> 00:04:48,718 and giving an interest-free loan to Aston Wanderers, 62 00:04:48,887 --> 00:04:51,242 he's acting as an MP not a minister. 63 00:04:51,447 --> 00:04:53,403 It is the principle, Bernard. 64 00:04:53,607 --> 00:04:56,997 Have you thought what the effect would be if this happens? 65 00:04:57,207 --> 00:04:59,482 - He'd be very popular. - Exactly! 66 00:05:01,567 --> 00:05:04,718 Distressingly popular. Hideously popular. And then? 67 00:05:04,927 --> 00:05:10,797 - The minister would be re-elected. - And that is not our top priority. 68 00:05:11,567 --> 00:05:15,606 in this department, it makes little difference who the minister is. 69 00:05:15,807 --> 00:05:20,562 But the point is, suppose other football clubs got into difficulties? 70 00:05:20,767 --> 00:05:22,644 And what about greyhound racing? 71 00:05:22,807 --> 00:05:26,322 Should dog tracks be subsidised as well as football clubs? 72 00:05:26,527 --> 00:05:30,486 - Why not, if that's what the people want? - Bernard... 73 00:05:31,327 --> 00:05:32,726 subsidy... 74 00:05:33,767 --> 00:05:37,362 Is for art, for culture. 75 00:05:39,007 --> 00:05:41,965 It is not to be given to what the people want! 76 00:05:43,807 --> 00:05:47,117 It is for what the people don’t want but ought to have! 77 00:05:48,367 --> 00:05:51,723 If they want something they'll pay for it themselves! 78 00:05:51,927 --> 00:05:58,036 No, we subsidise education, enlightenment, spiritual uplift. 79 00:05:58,247 --> 00:06:00,886 Not the vulgar pastimes of ordinary people. 80 00:06:01,047 --> 00:06:04,676 It's the thin end of the wedge. It must be stopped! 81 00:06:05,407 --> 00:06:10,242 - Ah, Minister. - Humphrey. What's the matter now 82 00:06:10,447 --> 00:06:13,041 Minister, I thought you'd like early warning 83 00:06:13,207 --> 00:06:15,562 that there's a reshuffle in the offing. 84 00:06:18,247 --> 00:06:22,525 - You don't mean... You're not suggesting... - No, no, no, Minister. 85 00:06:22,727 --> 00:06:26,197 There is to be a departmental reorganisation. 86 00:06:26,407 --> 00:06:28,637 A real reshuffle. 87 00:06:28,847 --> 00:06:31,725 - We may get extra responsibilities. - Do we want them? 88 00:06:31,927 --> 00:06:34,122 We want all responsibilities, Minister, 89 00:06:34,287 --> 00:06:36,801 If they mean extra staff and bigger budgets. 90 00:06:37,007 --> 00:06:39,567 It's the breadth of our responsibilities 91 00:06:39,727 --> 00:06:42,639 that makes us important, makes you important. 92 00:06:42,847 --> 00:06:45,361 When you see vast buildings, huge staff 93 00:06:45,527 --> 00:06:48,280 and massive budgets, what do you conclude? 94 00:06:48,927 --> 00:06:50,121 Bureaucracy? 95 00:06:52,207 --> 00:06:56,086 No, Minister, you conclude that at the summit 96 00:06:56,287 --> 00:06:59,404 there are men of great stature and dignity 97 00:06:59,567 --> 00:07:02,001 who hold the world in their hands 98 00:07:02,207 --> 00:07:04,482 and tread the earth like princes. 99 00:07:06,527 --> 00:07:08,006 Yes, I see. 100 00:07:08,607 --> 00:07:11,838 So each new responsibility must be seized eagerly 101 00:07:12,047 --> 00:07:14,481 and each old one guarded jealously. 102 00:07:14,687 --> 00:07:17,406 Entirely in your interests, of course, Minister. 103 00:07:17,567 --> 00:07:19,523 Thank you for warning me, Humphrey. 104 00:07:19,727 --> 00:07:21,797 Thank you, Minister. 105 00:07:23,127 --> 00:07:26,085 Oh! By the way... 106 00:07:27,007 --> 00:07:30,363 About the Corn Exchange Art Gallery proposal. 107 00:07:30,527 --> 00:07:31,596 What about it? 108 00:07:31,807 --> 00:07:35,004 It's the most imaginative scheme, novel idea, 109 00:07:35,207 --> 00:07:38,165 but I wonder if it might not be a little unwise? 110 00:07:38,327 --> 00:07:39,316 Why? 111 00:07:39,527 --> 00:07:42,405 - A valuable civic amenity. - A monstrosity! 112 00:07:43,647 --> 00:07:46,115 A valuable civic monstrosity. 113 00:07:47,767 --> 00:07:49,997 An important collection of British paintings. 114 00:07:50,167 --> 00:07:51,566 Utterly unimportant. 115 00:07:51,767 --> 00:07:55,396 Second-rate 18th-century portraits, third-rate 19th-century landscapes, 116 00:07:55,607 --> 00:07:58,565 modern paintings the Tate wouldn't even store. 117 00:07:58,767 --> 00:08:02,646 But an important representative collection of unimportant paintings. 118 00:08:02,847 --> 00:08:06,726 And a source of great spiritual uplift to passing citizenry. 119 00:08:06,927 --> 00:08:09,919 - They never go in! - But they know it’s there. 120 00:08:10,127 --> 00:08:13,676 The curator says they average 11 visitors a day! 121 00:08:13,887 --> 00:08:18,005 It's a constituency matter. Nothing to do with Whitehall. What's your interest? 122 00:08:18,207 --> 00:08:20,596 - A question of principle. - Principle? 123 00:08:20,807 --> 00:08:23,765 What you used to tell me politics was about. 124 00:08:23,967 --> 00:08:25,400 What principle? 125 00:08:25,567 --> 00:08:28,240 The principle of taking money away from the arts 126 00:08:28,447 --> 00:08:30,278 and putting it into football. 127 00:08:30,487 --> 00:08:32,921 A football club Is a commercial operation. 128 00:08:33,087 --> 00:08:36,204 There's no cause for subsidy if it runs out of money. 129 00:08:36,407 --> 00:08:37,806 - Why not? - Why not? 130 00:08:38,007 --> 00:08:41,602 Yes. There's no difference between subsidising football and art. 131 00:08:41,807 --> 00:08:44,605 Except more people are interested in football. 132 00:08:44,807 --> 00:08:47,367 Our cultural heritage has to be preserved. 133 00:08:47,527 --> 00:08:48,596 For whom? 134 00:08:48,807 --> 00:08:53,085 For people like you, you mean, the educated middle classes. 135 00:08:53,247 --> 00:08:57,035 Why should others subsidise the pleasures of the middle-class few 136 00:08:57,247 --> 00:08:59,715 Theatre, opera, ballet! 137 00:08:59,927 --> 00:09:03,283 Subsidising art Is a middle-class rip-off. 138 00:09:03,447 --> 00:09:06,245 Oh, Minister, how can you say such a thing? 139 00:09:06,447 --> 00:09:08,005 Subsidy is about education, 140 00:09:08,167 --> 00:09:10,886 preserving the pinnacles of our civilisation. 141 00:09:11,087 --> 00:09:12,361 Or hadn’t you noticed? 142 00:09:12,527 --> 00:09:15,121 Don't patronise me. I believe in education. 143 00:09:15,287 --> 00:09:19,678 I'm a graduate of the London School of Economics, remember. 144 00:09:19,887 --> 00:09:24,756 I'm glad to learn that even the LSE Is not totally opposed to education. 145 00:09:25,727 --> 00:09:29,083 Nothing wrong with subsidising sport. Sport is educational. 146 00:09:29,287 --> 00:09:32,563 We have sex education too. Should we subsidise sex? 147 00:09:32,767 --> 00:09:34,086 Could we? 148 00:09:37,007 --> 00:09:41,478 Let us choose what we subsidise by the extent of popular demand. 149 00:09:41,687 --> 00:09:45,646 - Nothing wrong with that. it’s democratic. - it’s the thin end of the wedge! 150 00:09:45,847 --> 00:09:48,315 What would happen to the Royal Opera House, 151 00:09:48,487 --> 00:09:51,047 the very summit of our cultural achievement? 152 00:09:51,247 --> 00:09:54,205 Very good case in point. What do they do? 153 00:09:54,367 --> 00:09:56,597 Mozart, Wagner, Verdi, Puccini. 154 00:09:56,767 --> 00:10:00,077 Germans and Italians, not our culture. 155 00:10:01,007 --> 00:10:05,125 Why should we subsidise the culture of the Axis powers? 156 00:10:05,287 --> 00:10:08,006 Our European partners, Minister! 157 00:10:08,207 --> 00:10:11,119 The Royal Opera House gets 9.5 million pounds 158 00:10:11,287 --> 00:10:13,084 of public money every year. 159 00:10:13,287 --> 00:10:16,199 And for what? The public can't afford 30 seats 160 00:10:16,367 --> 00:10:19,120 and if it could there aren't enough of them. 161 00:10:19,327 --> 00:10:23,445 The vast majority of the audience consists of big business executives 162 00:10:23,607 --> 00:10:25,996 block-booked by the banks and oil companies 163 00:10:26,167 --> 00:10:28,362 and multinationals and people like you. 164 00:10:28,847 --> 00:10:31,839 The Royal Opera House Is the establishment at play. 165 00:10:32,047 --> 00:10:34,766 Why should the working man pay for the gentry 166 00:10:34,927 --> 00:10:37,725 who can perfectly well afford their own seats? 167 00:10:37,927 --> 00:10:42,205 Minister, I'm quite frankly appalled. This is savagery, barbarism. 168 00:10:43,127 --> 00:10:46,119 That a Minister of the Crown should say such things, 169 00:10:46,287 --> 00:10:48,881 It's the end of civilisation as we know it, 170 00:10:51,007 --> 00:10:53,362 as well as being a gross distortion of the truth. 171 00:10:53,527 --> 00:10:54,642 Distortion? 172 00:10:54,847 --> 00:10:57,122 Art cannot survive without public subsidy. 173 00:10:57,287 --> 00:10:58,879 Did Shakespeare get a subsidy? 174 00:10:59,047 --> 00:11:01,561 And films? Films are art and educational. 175 00:11:01,727 --> 00:11:04,764 Why does the establishment Ignore their subsidy? 176 00:11:04,967 --> 00:11:07,435 Because people like you prefer opera. 177 00:11:07,647 --> 00:11:09,399 We should subsidise relevant art 178 00:11:09,567 --> 00:11:12,320 like films that the man in the street can enjoy. 179 00:11:12,527 --> 00:11:14,916 Precisely! They are commercial. 180 00:11:16,407 --> 00:11:18,443 Now, excuse me, I have to go early. 181 00:11:18,607 --> 00:11:21,519 I cannot continue with this appalling discussion. 182 00:11:21,727 --> 00:11:24,002 - Where are you gong? - Nowhere. 183 00:11:24,207 --> 00:11:27,563 Well, I'm sorry. We must talk this through. 184 00:11:27,767 --> 00:11:29,997 I can't. I have to dress. 185 00:11:31,287 --> 00:11:34,006 Dress? Where are you gong? 186 00:11:37,887 --> 00:11:41,596 Since you insist, I am gong to the Royal Opera House. 187 00:11:43,367 --> 00:11:45,358 Are you really? 188 00:11:47,007 --> 00:11:49,043 Gala night, is it? 189 00:11:49,887 --> 00:11:54,244 - Yes, it is, since you ask. - Lots of Permanent Secretaries gong? 190 00:11:55,047 --> 00:11:56,560 Some, no doubt. 191 00:11:57,287 --> 00:11:59,960 - Off you go, then. - Thank you. 192 00:12:00,167 --> 00:12:03,523 I don’t want to make you late for your works' outing! 193 00:12:05,087 --> 00:12:07,885 That's what it is, isn’t it? What's on tonight? 194 00:12:08,047 --> 00:12:10,322 The Flying Dutchman. 195 00:12:10,527 --> 00:12:13,405 Another of our European partners! 196 00:12:19,287 --> 00:12:21,403 - G&T, Ian? - Thanks. 197 00:12:21,607 --> 00:12:24,485 Two G&Ts, please, large ones. 198 00:12:24,647 --> 00:12:28,276 And some of those smoked salmon sandwiches you have. 199 00:12:28,447 --> 00:12:29,926 Thank you very much. 200 00:12:30,687 --> 00:12:34,202 - So, how's the environment? - Bit smoky, isn’t it? 201 00:12:35,447 --> 00:12:38,996 Oh, you mean my department? Chaos, as usual. 202 00:12:39,207 --> 00:12:41,846 What, the Secretary of State Is trying to run it? 203 00:12:42,007 --> 00:12:43,520 I could cope with that. 204 00:12:43,727 --> 00:12:46,685 One of the junior ministers Is trying to help him. 205 00:12:46,847 --> 00:12:48,917 Oh, Lord. Who? 206 00:12:49,127 --> 00:12:53,405 - Giles Freeman, the Paril Sec. - Oh, Lord, him? 207 00:12:53,567 --> 00:12:56,161 Anyhow, what do you want to talk about? 208 00:12:56,327 --> 00:12:57,760 A planning enquiry. 209 00:12:57,927 --> 00:13:00,202 Important we get the right result. 210 00:13:00,407 --> 00:13:03,524 My planning inspectors are absolutely independent. 211 00:13:03,727 --> 00:13:06,036 - Absolutely. - No undue influence. 212 00:13:06,247 --> 00:13:07,839 No, I wouldn't suggest it. 213 00:13:08,007 --> 00:13:11,522 But if it’s a question of giving certain informal guidelines... 214 00:13:11,687 --> 00:13:15,396 - Putting the enquiry into perspective. - Yes, indeed. 215 00:13:15,607 --> 00:13:17,643 Explaining the background to facilitate 216 00:13:17,807 --> 00:13:20,321 an appreciation of the issues and implications. 217 00:13:20,527 --> 00:13:23,087 - That would be quite proper. - Splendid. 218 00:13:23,287 --> 00:13:25,596 - Ah. - Thank you very much. 219 00:13:27,727 --> 00:13:30,685 Er, right. Thank you very much. 220 00:13:31,407 --> 00:13:32,726 Cheers. 221 00:13:32,887 --> 00:13:35,845 So what do you want me to fix? 222 00:13:37,567 --> 00:13:39,842 It's an art gallery in the West Midlands. 223 00:13:40,007 --> 00:13:42,840 Proposed demolition of a Grade II listed building. 224 00:13:43,007 --> 00:13:46,443 I'm sure we can arrange that. Only too happy. 225 00:13:46,607 --> 00:13:47,642 Splendid. 226 00:13:47,847 --> 00:13:50,805 We're knocking them down all over the place. 227 00:13:51,007 --> 00:13:53,965 No, no, the proposal has to be rejected. 228 00:13:55,607 --> 00:13:58,167 Really? Why? 229 00:13:58,367 --> 00:14:01,086 If it goes through, they'll use the proceeds 230 00:14:01,247 --> 00:14:04,284 to save the local football club from bankruptcy. 231 00:14:04,487 --> 00:14:07,126 - Humphrey... - I know. 232 00:14:07,967 --> 00:14:10,322 If once you allow the principle of money 233 00:14:10,487 --> 00:14:13,877 being taken from the arts and given to ordinary people... 234 00:14:16,047 --> 00:14:18,356 to enjoy themselves! 235 00:14:20,167 --> 00:14:22,044 - I agree. - Where will it end? 236 00:14:22,247 --> 00:14:23,566 Exactly. 237 00:14:24,167 --> 00:14:27,637 - Where did this appalling idea come from? - My lord and master. 238 00:14:27,847 --> 00:14:31,078 He's getting very het up over the sweaty masses. 239 00:14:31,287 --> 00:14:34,324 Didn’t you stop him? What were you thinking of? 240 00:14:34,487 --> 00:14:36,717 It's not me. It's his constituency. 241 00:14:36,887 --> 00:14:40,436 Apparently he put it to a group of councillors last Saturday 242 00:14:40,607 --> 00:14:42,165 and they jumped at it. 243 00:14:42,367 --> 00:14:45,677 I've always said we shouldn't let him out at weekends! 244 00:14:46,127 --> 00:14:49,676 He only causes trouble. You realise where this could lead? 245 00:14:49,887 --> 00:14:54,642 Today a Midlands art gallery goes to support the local football club, 246 00:14:54,847 --> 00:14:59,045 tomorrow the Royal Opera House grant goes to modernise Wembley Stadium. 247 00:14:59,207 --> 00:15:03,803 My point exactly. So I can trust you to keep an eye on the planning enquiry 248 00:15:04,007 --> 00:15:07,204 - Well, I can't influence the inspector... - 'Course not. 249 00:15:07,407 --> 00:15:10,877 But I'll put someone on it who's overdue for promotion. 250 00:15:11,087 --> 00:15:14,397 Good. You'll give him a thorough briefing, won't you? 251 00:15:14,607 --> 00:15:17,599 Oh, I'm sure he will see the real issue. 252 00:15:18,207 --> 00:15:20,641 Civilisation versus barbarism. 253 00:15:21,287 --> 00:15:24,199 We can't have arts money gong to popular sport. 254 00:15:24,367 --> 00:15:26,961 It's simply subsidising self-Indulgence. 255 00:15:27,167 --> 00:15:28,646 Exactly. 256 00:15:30,287 --> 00:15:32,721 Minister, before we go over today's diary, 257 00:15:32,887 --> 00:15:36,402 there's something I'd like to suggest, if I may be so bold. 258 00:15:36,607 --> 00:15:40,805 - Be as bold as you like. - Well, I feel, and I say this with respect, 259 00:15:40,967 --> 00:15:44,596 you shouldn't get too involved with this football club affair. 260 00:15:44,807 --> 00:15:48,516 That is bold, isn’t it? It's a constituency matter. 261 00:15:48,727 --> 00:15:52,845 Better for me to be "bold" than you to be stumped, Minister! 262 00:15:54,047 --> 00:15:55,605 Very droll. 263 00:15:55,767 --> 00:15:59,646 It's axiomatic in Whitehall that even an MP, let alone a minister, 264 00:15:59,807 --> 00:16:03,686 should never take part in a planning enquiry in his own constituency. 265 00:16:03,887 --> 00:16:06,765 - Why not? - Because of finely-balanced local issues. 266 00:16:06,967 --> 00:16:10,277 You'll offend as many constituents as you'll please. 267 00:16:10,487 --> 00:16:13,923 It's especially dangerous if there's a quango in the wings. 268 00:16:14,127 --> 00:16:18,006 No. Issues aren't finely-balanced. Everyone's on the same side, 269 00:16:18,167 --> 00:16:20,886 except a few wet, long-haired scruffy art lovers! 270 00:16:23,047 --> 00:16:25,925 We'll take a look at your diary for this morning. 271 00:16:26,127 --> 00:16:27,765 Oh, fine. 272 00:16:27,927 --> 00:16:32,523 10.15, Secretary General of the Arts Council, the biggest quango of all. 273 00:16:32,727 --> 00:16:36,686 10.45, Historic Monuments Association, 11.00, The National Trust. 274 00:16:36,847 --> 00:16:38,758 11.15, Country Landowners Association, 275 00:16:38,927 --> 00:16:41,487 11.30, Council for Protection of Rural England... 276 00:16:41,687 --> 00:16:45,566 - Rural England? - There's quite a lot of it out there! 277 00:16:45,767 --> 00:16:48,440 Why are all these people coming to see me? 278 00:16:48,607 --> 00:16:50,279 The art gallery, Minister. 279 00:16:50,487 --> 00:16:53,206 It's the arts and architecture mafia. 280 00:16:54,127 --> 00:16:57,563 11.45, the Country Crafts and Folklore Council. 281 00:16:57,727 --> 00:16:58,876 Who are they? 282 00:16:59,087 --> 00:17:01,362 The raffia mafia. 283 00:17:05,327 --> 00:17:08,046 Influential people coming out of the woodwork. 284 00:17:08,247 --> 00:17:09,919 There'll be letters in The Times, 285 00:17:10,087 --> 00:17:13,204 hostile articles in the Sundays, you'll be called a vandal. 286 00:17:13,407 --> 00:17:16,558 They'll orchestrate opposition in your constituency. 287 00:17:16,767 --> 00:17:18,485 Why did you put them in my diary 288 00:17:18,647 --> 00:17:20,956 I didn’t ask you to. What were you thinking? 289 00:17:21,127 --> 00:17:24,517 I was thinking of Sir Humphrey. He asked me to. 290 00:17:24,727 --> 00:17:28,117 I'm gong to support this excellent scheme, come what may. 291 00:17:29,287 --> 00:17:33,166 As you will. May I just have your approval for 292 00:17:33,327 --> 00:17:36,285 this local government allowances amendment? 293 00:17:36,967 --> 00:17:39,765 It's a statutory instrument to go before the House. 294 00:17:39,927 --> 00:17:41,645 As Minister for Local Government, 295 00:17:41,807 --> 00:17:44,321 you need to authorise that revised paragraph 5, 296 00:17:44,527 --> 00:17:48,645 Number 2 regulation 1971 shall come into operation on March 18th, 297 00:17:48,847 --> 00:17:51,884 revoking regulation 7 of the local government 298 00:17:52,047 --> 00:17:54,720 allowances amendment regulations 1954b. 299 00:17:55,967 --> 00:17:58,037 What the hell's all that mean? 300 00:17:58,247 --> 00:18:00,442 There is an explanatory note. 301 00:18:00,647 --> 00:18:02,638 "These regulations make provision 302 00:18:02,847 --> 00:18:07,602 for prescribing allowances payable to members of local authorities. 303 00:18:07,807 --> 00:18:10,002 Explanatory note, regulation 3 304 00:18:10,167 --> 00:18:13,842 of the local government allowances amendment 1971, 305 00:18:14,047 --> 00:18:16,197 the 1971 regulations, 306 00:18:16,407 --> 00:18:20,446 substituted a new regulation for regulation 3 of the 1954 regulations. 307 00:18:20,607 --> 00:18:24,919 Regulation 3 of the local government allowances amendment regulations 1972, 308 00:18:25,127 --> 00:18:27,083 the 1972 regulations, further made 309 00:18:27,247 --> 00:18:29,966 amends regulation 3 of the 1954 regulations 310 00:18:30,167 --> 00:18:32,522 by increasing the maximum rates of attendance 311 00:18:32,687 --> 00:18:34,279 and financial loss allowances." 312 00:18:35,607 --> 00:18:38,121 - I haven't the faintest... - "Regulation 7, 1982, 313 00:18:38,327 --> 00:18:42,525 revoked both regulations 3 and 5 of the 1971 regulations, 314 00:18:42,727 --> 00:18:47,847 regulation 5 being a regulation revoking earlier spent regulations, 315 00:18:48,047 --> 00:18:50,356 with effect from 1st April next. 316 00:18:51,407 --> 00:18:56,276 These regulations preserve regulations 3 and 5 of the 1971 regulations 317 00:18:56,487 --> 00:18:59,718 by revoking regulation 7 of the 1972 regulations." 318 00:19:03,167 --> 00:19:05,476 That's an explanatory note? 319 00:19:06,287 --> 00:19:08,596 Yes, I think that's all quite clear. 320 00:19:09,807 --> 00:19:12,685 Why must I listen to this piddling gobbledegook? 321 00:19:14,407 --> 00:19:18,286 I thought it would be an opportune moment for you to ensure 322 00:19:18,487 --> 00:19:20,842 that as a result of your ministerial efforts, 323 00:19:21,007 --> 00:19:23,919 local councillors will get more for attending meetings. 324 00:19:24,127 --> 00:19:27,005 - Oh, is that what it means? - Yes. 325 00:19:27,167 --> 00:19:30,239 Excellent. It is, as you say, opportune. 326 00:19:31,207 --> 00:19:34,995 And may I make one further small suggestion? 327 00:19:35,167 --> 00:19:36,395 Be my guest. 328 00:19:36,847 --> 00:19:40,886 Sir Humphrey had a word with Sir Ian Whitworth last night. 329 00:19:41,087 --> 00:19:44,284 - Ian Whitworth! - The Corn Exchange is a listed building, 330 00:19:44,487 --> 00:19:47,877 so one of his planning inspectors will conduct the enquiry. 331 00:19:48,087 --> 00:19:52,046 Sir Humphrey and Sir Ian will give him some informal guidelines. 332 00:19:52,207 --> 00:19:54,846 How do you mean, "Informal guidelines"? 333 00:19:55,007 --> 00:19:59,319 Guidelines are perfectly proper. Everyone has guidelines for their work. 334 00:20:00,007 --> 00:20:03,044 I thought planning inspectors were impartial? 335 00:20:03,247 --> 00:20:05,078 Oh, really, Minister! 336 00:20:05,287 --> 00:20:08,245 So they are. Railway trains are impartial too. 337 00:20:08,447 --> 00:20:12,838 But if you lay down the lines for them, that's the way they go! 338 00:20:13,487 --> 00:20:16,638 - But that's not fair! - it’s politics, Minister. 339 00:20:16,847 --> 00:20:19,486 What has Sir Humphrey got to do with politics? 340 00:20:19,647 --> 00:20:22,286 He's a civil servant. I'm the one in politics! 341 00:20:22,447 --> 00:20:24,483 Yes, Minister, indeed you are! 342 00:20:25,807 --> 00:20:29,766 How do they intend to put pressure on this planning inspector? 343 00:20:29,967 --> 00:20:33,118 Planning inspectors have an independent hierarchy. 344 00:20:33,327 --> 00:20:36,399 A vulnerable one Is one anxious for promotion. 345 00:20:37,367 --> 00:20:40,723 How are planning inspectors chosen for an enquiry 346 00:20:40,887 --> 00:20:42,798 Could a minister interfere? 347 00:20:42,967 --> 00:20:46,642 - Ministers are our lords and masters. - Good. 348 00:20:47,247 --> 00:20:50,045 The Paril Sec at the Department of the Environment 349 00:20:50,207 --> 00:20:52,084 Is an old friend, Giles Freeman. 350 00:20:52,287 --> 00:20:55,006 Well, if Mr Freeman could arrange for an inspector 351 00:20:55,167 --> 00:20:56,998 who didn’t care about promotion, 352 00:20:57,207 --> 00:20:59,675 lf, for instance, he's about to retire, 353 00:20:59,887 --> 00:21:02,082 he'll probably reach a verdict favouring 354 00:21:02,247 --> 00:21:04,556 the community rather than the department. 355 00:21:05,247 --> 00:21:08,125 Good! Get me Giles on the phone, would you? 356 00:21:08,327 --> 00:21:10,283 His Private Secretary says he can meet you 357 00:21:10,447 --> 00:21:12,961 in the lobby after the vote this evening. 358 00:21:16,687 --> 00:21:19,997 Bernard, have you ever thought of gong into politics? 359 00:21:22,087 --> 00:21:24,237 - Oh, no, Minister. - Why not? 360 00:21:24,447 --> 00:21:27,883 - I once looked it up in my thesaurus. - What did it say? 361 00:21:28,087 --> 00:21:32,126 Manipulation, intrigue, wire-pulling, evasion, graft, rabble-rousing... 362 00:21:32,327 --> 00:21:35,285 I'd prefer to leave that to our lords and masters. 363 00:21:35,487 --> 00:21:38,047 I don't think I have the necessary qualities. 364 00:21:40,047 --> 00:21:43,198 Don't underestimate yourself, Bernard! 365 00:21:43,407 --> 00:21:46,240 Now it seems Hacker has got at Giles Freeman, 366 00:21:46,407 --> 00:21:48,363 the Parli Sec in my department, 367 00:21:48,567 --> 00:21:52,765 who insisted on appointing a different planning inspector to the one I chose! 368 00:21:52,927 --> 00:21:55,885 One who'd be sympathetic to Hacker's scheme. 369 00:21:56,087 --> 00:21:59,284 - This is rather worrying. - Worrying? it’s desperate! 370 00:21:59,487 --> 00:22:02,320 There's now every danger that the planning inspector 371 00:22:02,487 --> 00:22:04,364 could make up his own mind! 372 00:22:06,367 --> 00:22:09,757 There's likely to be huge local support for the scheme. 373 00:22:10,327 --> 00:22:11,919 But how can I help? 374 00:22:12,087 --> 00:22:15,079 I hoped you'd have some ideas, Arnold. 375 00:22:16,687 --> 00:22:19,645 Walt a minute! I've thought of something. 376 00:22:20,847 --> 00:22:24,965 When the departmental reorganisation occurs next week... 377 00:22:27,247 --> 00:22:31,604 you could make Hacker Cabinet Minister responsible for the arts! 378 00:22:32,447 --> 00:22:35,723 - But isn’t he a complete philistine? - Yes. 379 00:22:36,607 --> 00:22:40,566 But then the industry Secretary Is the idlest man in town. 380 00:22:45,207 --> 00:22:47,767 The Education Secretary is illiterate! 381 00:22:50,247 --> 00:22:53,125 The Employment Secretary Is unemployable! 382 00:22:54,127 --> 00:22:57,085 Quite. That's good thinking, Humphrey. 383 00:22:57,287 --> 00:23:01,041 Hacker can hardly start out as Cabinet Minister for the arts 384 00:23:01,207 --> 00:23:03,243 by closing down an art gallery. 385 00:23:03,447 --> 00:23:06,166 - Exactly. - But it’s not a reshuffle, is it? 386 00:23:06,327 --> 00:23:08,477 No, I simply meant reorganise. 387 00:23:08,647 --> 00:23:11,286 Move the arts and telecommunications 388 00:23:11,487 --> 00:23:14,479 into the purview of the DAA. 389 00:23:14,647 --> 00:23:17,445 Arts and television together? 390 00:23:17,607 --> 00:23:20,121 What have they got to do with each other? 391 00:23:21,287 --> 00:23:23,517 They're complete opposites. 392 00:23:23,727 --> 00:23:26,400 Wouldn’t we be creating a monster department? 393 00:23:26,567 --> 00:23:29,240 You've already got local government as well. 394 00:23:29,407 --> 00:23:32,240 Arts and local government go well together. 395 00:23:32,407 --> 00:23:33,442 How so? 396 00:23:34,367 --> 00:23:37,086 Well, the art of jiggery-pokery! 397 00:23:39,327 --> 00:23:42,683 You only just thought of this here and now, did you? 398 00:23:43,927 --> 00:23:48,364 - Yes, why? - Bit of an artist yourself, aren't you? 399 00:23:49,087 --> 00:23:50,839 Oh, Arnold! 400 00:23:52,607 --> 00:23:56,236 - Anything more, Bernard? - Sir Humphrey wants a word 401 00:23:56,407 --> 00:23:59,126 before your meeting about Aston Wanderers. 402 00:23:59,327 --> 00:24:01,682 But I'm unshakeable on that! 403 00:24:01,887 --> 00:24:04,117 It's no good, Humphrey, my mind is made up. 404 00:24:04,327 --> 00:24:08,366 You might be interested in a new development, the government reshuffle. 405 00:24:08,527 --> 00:24:12,998 - You said it was just a reorganisation. - Not just a reorganisation. 406 00:24:13,407 --> 00:24:15,238 A reorganisation. 407 00:24:17,127 --> 00:24:19,960 I'm delighted to tell you that it has brought us, 408 00:24:20,127 --> 00:24:22,402 brought you, new honour and importance. 409 00:24:22,607 --> 00:24:25,565 In addition to existing responsibilities, 410 00:24:25,727 --> 00:24:29,640 you will be Cabinet Minister responsible for the arts. 411 00:24:35,487 --> 00:24:37,682 I say, that's rathergood, isn’t it! 412 00:24:37,847 --> 00:24:40,122 Hold on, how do you know before I do? 413 00:24:40,327 --> 00:24:42,887 I just happened to be with the Cabinet Secretary 414 00:24:43,047 --> 00:24:45,277 shortly after the decision was taken. 415 00:24:45,487 --> 00:24:46,886 I see. 416 00:24:47,047 --> 00:24:50,005 Cabinet Minister with responsibility for the arts! 417 00:24:50,207 --> 00:24:52,641 - Well, well, well! - Yes, indeed. 418 00:24:52,847 --> 00:24:55,486 Anything more? I'm about to start a meeting. 419 00:24:55,687 --> 00:24:57,166 Oh, the meeting, yes. 420 00:24:57,327 --> 00:25:00,160 I do hope you've considered the implications 421 00:25:00,327 --> 00:25:02,887 of your new appointment on the subject. 422 00:25:03,367 --> 00:25:06,165 - Rescuing a football club? - No, no. 423 00:25:06,367 --> 00:25:08,278 I was wondering how it would look 424 00:25:08,447 --> 00:25:10,802 If as Minister responsible for the arts, 425 00:25:11,007 --> 00:25:13,646 your first act was to knock down an art gallery. 426 00:25:29,767 --> 00:25:32,076 It's quite a decent little art gallery... 427 00:25:34,047 --> 00:25:35,844 - Exactly. - Interesting building. 428 00:25:36,047 --> 00:25:39,005 - Grade II listed. - Minister, your meeting... 429 00:25:40,607 --> 00:25:43,724 Oh, my God! What am I gong to say? 430 00:25:44,927 --> 00:25:49,205 - Councillors Wilkinson, Noble and Green. - Brian, good to see you. 431 00:25:49,407 --> 00:25:51,682 Pete... Doug. 432 00:25:51,887 --> 00:25:54,845 Sir Humphrey Appleby, my Permanent Secretary. 433 00:25:55,047 --> 00:25:57,686 You mean he's only a temp! 434 00:26:00,367 --> 00:26:03,564 It's gong great. We've got all the political parties with us 435 00:26:03,727 --> 00:26:05,240 and the County Council. 436 00:26:05,447 --> 00:26:07,756 All we need is your approval for using 437 00:26:07,927 --> 00:26:11,078 the sale of the art gallery as a loan to the club. 438 00:26:12,887 --> 00:26:15,879 Well, I'm afraid there's a snag. 439 00:26:16,047 --> 00:26:18,481 - You said there weren't any! - Well, there is. 440 00:26:19,967 --> 00:26:22,401 Well, it’s just that... Well... 441 00:26:22,607 --> 00:26:24,916 It appears... Well, it seems... 442 00:26:26,167 --> 00:26:28,965 Well, I should say it has emerged... 443 00:26:30,527 --> 00:26:33,246 Sir Humphrey can explain better than me. 444 00:26:37,567 --> 00:26:43,085 It can't be done, gentlemen. Er, the art gallery is... it’s a trust. 445 00:26:43,247 --> 00:26:46,956 - Terms of the original bequest. - Yes, it’s a trust. 446 00:26:47,167 --> 00:26:50,045 We shall have to knock something else down! 447 00:26:50,207 --> 00:26:54,405 School, church, hospital... There's bound to be something! 448 00:26:54,567 --> 00:26:58,082 I can't believe this. So I have to tell people back home 449 00:26:58,247 --> 00:27:00,238 you've gone back on your word? 450 00:27:00,447 --> 00:27:03,245 - It was your own idea! - it’s not me, it’s the law. 451 00:27:03,447 --> 00:27:06,245 Why didn’t you find out till now 452 00:27:07,407 --> 00:27:09,204 Well... 453 00:27:19,047 --> 00:27:22,005 Let me be absolutely frank with you. 454 00:27:22,527 --> 00:27:28,079 The truth is, it would be possible to push this through, just possible, 455 00:27:28,287 --> 00:27:32,246 - but it would take an awful long time. - Ok, we've spent enough. 456 00:27:32,407 --> 00:27:36,798 Trouble is, something else would have to go by the board. 457 00:27:37,007 --> 00:27:39,475 The thing that's taking my time at the moment 458 00:27:39,647 --> 00:27:42,445 Is forcing through councillors' expenses 459 00:27:42,607 --> 00:27:45,167 and attendance allowances. 460 00:27:46,167 --> 00:27:49,876 I can't put my personal weight behind both schemes. 461 00:27:52,047 --> 00:27:56,962 I suppose I could forget about the increased allowances for councillors 462 00:27:57,167 --> 00:28:01,285 and concentrate on the legal obstacles, the sale of the art gallery. 463 00:28:01,447 --> 00:28:06,965 - Tricky things, legal obstacles. - This is a particularly tricky one. 464 00:28:07,127 --> 00:28:09,687 At the end of the day, you might still fall. 465 00:28:11,487 --> 00:28:15,196 - Every possibility. - If that's the way it is... 466 00:28:15,407 --> 00:28:17,841 there's a chance we might want to close 467 00:28:18,007 --> 00:28:20,680 Edgehill primary at the end of the year... 468 00:28:20,887 --> 00:28:24,243 That site would fetch a couple of million, give or take. 469 00:28:24,447 --> 00:28:28,201 Well, there it is, then. No ill feelings to you. 470 00:28:28,407 --> 00:28:30,238 Good. And you'll explain locally 471 00:28:30,407 --> 00:28:32,967 that we can't overcome the legal obstacles? 472 00:28:33,167 --> 00:28:36,477 'Course we will. Carry on with the good work! 473 00:28:41,967 --> 00:28:45,516 Oh, Minister, a work of art. 474 00:28:48,447 --> 00:28:53,202 - If you'll excuse me, I have to dress. - Another works' outing? 475 00:28:57,007 --> 00:28:59,646 - Er, Humphrey... - Minister? 476 00:28:59,807 --> 00:29:03,846 As Cabinet Minister responsible for the arts... 477 00:29:06,767 --> 00:29:08,200 could I come too? 478 00:29:10,127 --> 00:29:11,606 Yes, Minister!