Hey. Come on in.
-Hey. -Oh, hey.
What's going on in there?
Uh, just a little thing I started, Poster Friday's.
Social, some drinks. Put up a poster right?
So the kids can't see us having a few drinks.
I have to start doing a better job keeping track
of what's going on socially around here.
Yeah, yeah. Oh, I don't think that's a good idea Robert.
-Everybody's having fun and... -Yeah.
You're the Vice Principal though, right?
-Yeah. I get it. -Yeah.
I'm technically their boss, right? So...
-True. -Who'd want to drink with their boss?
-Exactly. -So, guess that's what I get
-for joining the administration. -Exactly.
-Excuse me Robert. -Oh hey, sir.
Hey, listen if you see Trudy, let Trudy know.
-If...what?... -Thanks.
The boss is here.
♪ I'm awesome No you're not dude, don't lie ♪
♪ I'm awesome I'm driving around in my mom's ride ♪
♪ I'm awesome A quarter of my life gone by ♪
♪ I'm awesome ♪
-Hey! Bill, check this out. -What's this?
It's Paul Dwyer, he teaches at my school and he's stripping.
-The Manaconda? -That's him!
Yeah? How can you tell? His face is all covered up.
'Cause I teach with him every day Bill. I know what he looks like.
This guy thinks he's Mr. Perfect. And he's a stripper!
I don't know if that's him. Maybe you should just ask him.
-Instead of jumping to conclusions. -Ask him?
You think he's gonna admit to it? Mr. Charity here.
How many nicknames do you have for this guy?
Mr. Perfect, Mr. Charity.
-Manaconda. -Mr. D.
No, not for long. Okay? I'm gonna go to the strip joint.
And I'm going to record him stripping.
You cannot record video at a strip club.
I'm not going to set up a tripod, Bill.
I'm going to be discreet. Come with me.
No, I don't watch men undress.
Don't tell me you've never stumbled upon gay porn.
And then accidentally watched it for a few seconds.
-Like how many seconds? -Three minutes.
-Nope. -Me neither.
Good luck with this.
More, two, two minutes, then I realized what it was.
Hello Trudy. I know you hate Secre... this particular day.
But we did want to express how much we appreciate everything
that you do around here.
-Thank you, sir. -And if I could just add...
-No, you could not. -Okay.
Happy Secretary's Day Trudy.
Did you guys plan anything for her special day?
Absolutely not.
Well that's crazy! This is Secretary's Day.
It's a very important day for a very important part of any office.
I mean, I don't know that many secretaries,
but I know you are so good at your job.
So I gonna to make your Secretary's Day the best
Secretary's Day in the history of Secretary's Days.
All right, I'll be back. Whoo!
Let's go.
Hey, Wayne, have you seen Bobbi?
Do I look like I've seen Bobbi?
What does that even mean? How would you look if you've seen Bobbi?
-Like this. -Oh, that's the "I've seen Bobbi" look?
-I've seen someone. -All right.
I need to find Bobbi because I need to get my five dollars in
-for this weeks lottery pool. -How did you find out about that?
I am always in that.
The more people that find out about that, the less money there is to win.
Wayne, there's 35 million dollars up for grabs.
There's enough money for everybody.
You guys don't want to know what I would do
-if I won that kind of money. -No.
Sorry.
You know how many panda bears I would buy Wayne?
-Fifty-three. -What?
Are you gonna tell me where Bobbi is or not?
She's with the team. The racketcock's until 7:00.
-What team? -You know the team, The racketcocks.
It's called badminton. And they're shuttlecocks.
- Yes, same thing. - No.
Okay, look, I gotta leave. I need you to do me a favor.
Okay. Sure.
I need you to give Bobbi five dollars from me.
-I give to Boobi. -You to sign my name on the lottery sheet.
- I do all the time. - Don't forget.
- I won't! - Okay.
If you are for serious about pandas...
...Malik knows a guy.
Yeah, I don't... I don't need a panda.
- Five dollars. - Yeah, yeah.
-Hey, Paul. -Gerry.
What are you up to tonight?
I got a lot of marking to do, so I'll probably just hang and do that.
Yeah? Anything else hanging tonight?
-Excuse me? -Are you hanging with anyone else tonight?
No, when I'm marking I just gotta be by myself.
Mmm, not me man. Speeds up the process
when I have other people around when I'm marking.
How's that?
Invite some friends over, have a few drinks.
Pass out some stuff to mark, it's done, quick.
-Are they teachers? -No.
So, how do they know what they're marking?
'Cause they're adults, they're not stupid.
They can mark high school stuff. It's not hard.
And plus, it frees up my time, for maybe another job if I want.
Hey, well teaching's a full time job for me.
- So I'll see you later, Gerry. - Or tonight.
Obviously a stripper.
-Hey, guys. -Hi, Gerry.
Tonight... you lose your virginity.
-Thanks Gerry, but I like women. -Not with me.
With girls. We're going to a strip joint.
Oh no, no, no, no thanks. Not really my scene.
-I'm more of a sci-fi fan. -Dwyer is a stripper.
And you know who goes to strip joints to see male strippers?
Hundreds of women, looking for their Simon.
-Dwyer's a stripper? -Yes.
I didn't know that.
Has everybody in the school been talking about this?
-They know this? -No. It's a secret life.
That I uncovered, 'cause he wears a mask, 'cause he is "The Manaconda"!
-Look at that. -Manaconda?
-That's his name. -Great name.
What? No, that's not Dwyer.
-That is Dwyer. -No, Dwyer's got a different chin.
-No, Simon. -It does look like Dwyer's lips.
That's Dwyer's little moustache for sure.
That's Dwyer. And he's stripping on the side.
And we gotta catch him in the act.
Because he's not being a very good role model, okay?
I don't know, Gerry, who cares?
We can't have a guy stripping when he's a teacher.
Now, are you in or not? Think of the girls.
Okay, I'm in. But we can't hurt Paul.
When we go, you can't be doing all this. You gotta be cool.
-Okay. -Just, act like you belong.
-What should I wear? -I don't know, wear your lab coat.
Get on stage. Wear nothing under it, that'd be fun.
Maybe they'll call you up, maybe there's an amateur night.
No, no, no, no!
Hey, Trudy. Okay.
Robert, today is Secretary's Day,
so I need you to go get me some coffee.
That's not Trudy's job today.
Okay, sir, I will do it today since it is Secretary's Day.
You guys are too much.
If I don't have to get Mr. Callaghan's coffee
then I have nothing to do today. Maybe I should just go home.
Yes you should Trudy, because today, Robert is my secretary.
Okay, sir.
Yay! Happy Secretary's Day, Trudy.
Isn't that charming.
Ms. Mason, is that what you think I do here at the school?
No, it was just a sweet thing that the kids put together.
How about you guys go back to lunch?
Okay, good job. Really good job.
I think you should leave too.
Oh, okay, I don't get it Trudy.
It was just a really sweet thing they put together.
I thought it was adorable.
You know what? I'm a little busy here.
It may surprise you to know that I have some non-coffee related work to do, okay?
Okay, I am so sorry.
Look, let's do a real celebration.
I'll get the staff together, we can all have some drinks.
We'll take you out and we'll celebrate.
They're not going to put on a play are they?
No, no play. Just drinks.
Fine, but only because I really like drinks.
Yeah, I know.
Okay.
Okay, we gotta be discreet. We'll probably be the only guys in here.
Lay low. Got it.
Hold on.
Well, looks like we weren't the only guys with this idea, Gerry.
-Oh, my God. -Got some competition for these ladies.
-Where are the ladies? -No.
I think these guys want to fight us.
They've been staring at us since we got in here.
Trust me, they don't want to fight us.
-When do the women get here? -Look, there's no women okay?
I didn't know, it's a gay strip club. I didn't know that.
-You tricked me, Gerry. -I didn't trick you.
I honestly didn't know. All right?
We're here, we'll find Dwyer, they'll think we're a couple.
It doesn't matter.
-I like that they'll think we're a couple. -Ah, of course you do.
It means they see our friendship in the way we carry ourselves.
Yes, they do. What are you doing?
Well, well. Dance?
We're dating.
Okay, well if you change your mind...
I like meat?
The nerve of that guy, talking to me right in front of you.
Okay, you don't have to fake it that much. All right?
You're just mad because he liked me more.
Agh! I'm not mad, Simon.
He came to you 'cause he's a skinny stripper.
Skinny stripper, skinny guy. He knows I'm out of his league.
- He's not going to try to get me. - -Hmmm.
Oh, get out of here. He's with me and we don't want any dances.
I'm detecting a little jealousy.
Don't worry, 'cause guess who I'm leaving here with tonight?
-Oh, boy. -You.
Simon!
The reason they're coming to you
is because they think you will pay them to dance for you.
That's why they're not coming to me, 'cause they think that's what you will do.
You will pay. If I wanted these guys coming up to me,
I would get them coming up to me.
-Okay, let's see. -I don't need to prove it to you.
Step out.
If I step out, they're going to come to me.
And they're going to think I want dances, and I don't want that.
-But I could if I wanted. -Step out.
-I could step out. -Step out.
Just gotta come out a little bit.
Get away from you. Hello.
Sir.
He didn't hear me.
All right, they've got straight-dar.
Face it, Gerry. I've got what it takes
to make men want me to pay them to dance for me.
Gettin' a drink.
I'm sorry it's just the two of us.
I guess it was too last minute to get anyone else out.
That's all right, don't worry about it.
I'm having a grand old time,
sitting at a bar, drinking with you, alone.
-Yeah.
So, the Xavier volleyball team is doing really well this year.
-Are they? -Yeah.
Maybe we should just get the bill.
- You called? - Oh, Bill.
Bill, bill. A little humor.
Good one. This is very nice, what's this all about?
I figured you guys were regulars and you gotta work with my roommate so...
- Oh. - I got you a round of drinks on me.
-That's very sweet, Bill. -Thank you, that's who I am.
Mmm.
All right, well I'll let you get back to the rest of your evening.
- Stop it. - But also, also I was wondering...
-What are you guys talking about? -Volleyball.
Volleyball, that's a weird choice.
Usually people just, like, complain about their co-workers.
Or talk about, like, who's hooked up and who's single.
And who's not single and... You guys are both single, right?
Yeah, yeah. We are.
Yeah? Okay. Worth knowing. Good to know.
Well I have a story about Callaghan.
And a certain English teacher who no longer works at Xavier.
-Nooo. -Ta-da.
I'm all ears.
See, I'm very good at starting conversations.
-Maybe I could show you sometime. -No, Bill.
That's okay, thank you. I want to hear this story.
All right, well, enjoy the free drinks.
- Thanks. - You are all ears.
I didn't want to say anything, but you kind of are.
-Anyway, Callaghan... -Hey Bobbi, it's Gerry.
Listen, I just want you to know I gave Malik my five dollars
for this week's lottery pool. Okay?
I forgot to see you,
I don't want to miss that in case we win.
So I'm officially leaving you a message and here's Simon.
He's my witness, just to confirm. Tell Bobbi I left the money with Malik.
Hi Bobbi! You'll never believe where Gerry took me.
What are you doing? Anyway, thank you Bobbi.
I just want to confirm.
I, Gerry Duncan, am officially
in this week's staff lottery pool.
I will sign the sheet when I get back okay.
I just, I don't want to miss it. All right?
Oh, God, that's a relief 'cause I never want to miss that. Right?
What happens if we win?
No, if we won and you weren't in it,
we couldn't be friends anymore.
-And why is that? -Money changes people.
-I'd be better than you. -Is Manaconda working tonight?
Yeah, he is. Not on stage tonight, he's working VIP.
Twenty bucks a song, worth every penny.
Okay, do they play the whole song? Or do they cut it off halfway?
I hate when they cut it off and you're right in the middle of it.
-Did you guys want a drink? -Okay, yeah, let's get a drink.
-Umm, do you have any coolers? -What kind?
What?! Are you serious? That's strawberry, banana, kiwi!
Light! I've never seen light.
I like this place.
Here's one. Who would you rather, Malik or Simon?
-Who would I rather what? -Oh, my God, seriously?
-Oh, you mean like...? -Yeah, uh-huh.
-Neither, they're both friends. -Come on, everybody's your friend.
You must have some heat with somebody.
No, not at work. That would just be so...
-Oh that'd be wrong. -All right, what about Gerry?
No! God, just a friend. He's just my friend.
Come on sweetie, there must be somebody that you'd like to take a run at.
- Mmm. - You guys want anything else?
Um, yes. We would like another round.
And you think about your answer while I'm gone.
- I will think. - Okay.
Sounds like you guys are having a great time.
Oh, I am so relieved, she just hated me this morning.
Well, I would like to think that my charming service
and delicious drinks helped.
Oh, yeah, you're a big hit... With Trudy.
Just Trudy? Anybody else at this table who thinks I'm great?
-You know what? I think there is. -Is there?
-Mmm-hmm. -All right.
He's picking up the drinks right now.
- Well played. - I thought so, too.
-All right. -I'm on fire.
Hey. Where'd you get that?
Oh, some guy just threw it in my pocket.
He said that's what they do here.
-Cool. Blend in. -Blending in. Nice!
Oh! Don't tap your foot in the bathroom.
-Sends the wrong message. -Noted.
Listen, Dwyer's in there, I'm going to go in, get a dance.
Take the mask off, videotape it and we got it.
Cool. And even if it's not Dwyer, still had a fun night.
-Wait here. -Okay.
Have a seat, handsome.
And get ready to experience...
The secrets of ancient Egypt.
The secrets of the pyramids.
Okay, yeah, yeah, I'm ready. Blah, blah.
Are you ready for the King Tut strut?
Yeah, I'm ready Paul.
Like, are you really continuing this? Seriously?
-I'm Manaconda. -Yeah and you know who I am, so.
-Todd? -No, what are you doing?
-Give it up, I'm onto you. -Ready for the dance?
Yeah, I'm ready for the dance.
You're really committing to this, aren't you?
Are you ready to take it to another level?
Yeah, let's take it up, Paul, let's do it down.
When are you going to stop? Okay, you're really? Okay.
You know what? That's enough, that's enough. Okay Paul.
-I get it. All right, I get it. -Excuse me?
You're...
-Lawrence! -Simon!
Where is he? He's usually pretty quick.
I know, I just saw him out there when I came in.
-The guy with the striped shirt? -Yeah. He was out front there.
It's about time man! Get this guy out of here.
You don't need to wear a mask. Look at you, you're beautiful.
-I know I'm beautiful. -Thank you.
- I knew it wasn't Dwyer. - Shut up, Simon.
Bye, Manaconda.
Did we win any money this week?
No, we didn't win anything this week. But, not all is lost.
I got this really funny message from Gerry.
Begging me to make sure I got the money for the list.
It was ridiculous, it went on for, like, five minutes.
-On and on, begging and... -Does he know that we lost?
- No, not yet. - All right, let's not tell him.
Let's pretend we won the whole thing, the jackpot.
Oh, no, that's really mean, I absolutely love it. Okay.
Ah, okay. Oh! Five...
Thirteen... 45... Oh, my God!
- Oh! -We won you guys! We won the lottery.
I can't believe it! I can't believe we won!
- We won! - Thirty-five million dollars!
-You got my message, right? -No, I didn't get any message.
I left a message, you got it! You shut up, you got my message!
- No, oh no! - -Doesn't matter, I was with Simon.
- We won!! - No way!
You've got to get your money in, you'd be a millionaire!
Yeah, you have to put your name on the list!
We won? We won?
-We won? -Oh no, wait, hold on a second.
- Finally. Yes! - Wayne, just hold on.
- Finally, I quit you savages. - No... just...
Sayonara suckers!
No more gross Bobbi's voice piercing my ears.
No more Callaghan showing up in my dreams at night.
And you! The devil.
No more weasel eyes piercing through my skull.
- Wayne, Wayne! Wayne! - Your fat this and that.
We were just playing a little joke on Gerry,
we didn't win the lottery.
We didn't...
What kind of joke is that? And you were in on this?
What are you doing?
- What an idiot. - Oh, boy.
-You think that's funny? -Well, it was.
-Well, that was funny. -Gerry.
I forgot to give Boobi your money. I owe you five dollars.
So I'm up five dollars, you're all down five dollars, so I'm the winner.
Good meeting you Wayne.
I hear there's an opening in the library.
I'd like to apply.
Hey, Trudy, got you a chai mocha latte,
nonfat, no whip with sprinkles.
Oh, thank you. What a nice way to start a Monday.
And this one is for you to bring to Callaghan.
It was a joke, this is for me.
Isn't that a hoot?
- Yeah. - Listen.
I couldn't help but notice that Bill was checking you out.
Oh, well he checks out everything with legs.
-He's kind of a hound. -Yeah, he's a smokin' hot hound.
I'm just saying, I thought it was interesting.
Well, he's just not really my type.
Well, you know, sometimes the one's that aren't your type
-turn out to be the most fun. -Yeah, I guess so.
Hey, we should all go out again soon...
To Barrels, drinking. I had a lot of fun.
Yeah, let's do that again. I'll tell you what, I'll call you.
-Really? -Keep your phone close by, turned on.
I will, okay. Enjoy your coffee.
I will. Wow.
-Gotta go to class. -See you later.
Gerry, what did you end up doing this weekend?
Uh, uh, I just got caught up on stuff. That's all.
- Ahh! - Oh.
Gotta loosen it up a bit.
-Hurt your back? -Oh, yeah.
-Okay, see you later. -This is what I was talking about.
Yeah.
That's what my students were talking about.
Let me take it easy.
You know, he did look like Manaconda from this angle.
From this angle, he looked a lot like Manaconda.
Mr. Duncan, I have never had any problems with Stephan at home.
He's really advanced, he started walking at eight months.
Well now he's 12 and everybody in the school can walk.
So, now I just have to get him to pay attention when he's in...
-Class. What are you doing? -I saw you at Woody's on Friday.
Okay, I'm talking to a parent right now, Norman.
I gotta go. We can just finish this later on.
Pretty crazy place. Huh, Gerry?
Look, I thought I had a friend there, that I knew.
So that's why... It was a mistake.
Oh, you thought you knew somebody.
-Yeah, yeah, yeah. -Yes.
That's how it starts Gerry. That's how it starts.
Bouncer, bartender, door guys.
Cowboys with six shooters. Pow, pow.
Wednesday's hump day. See you there, Gerry.
No, you won't.
Oh, sorry, George. Hey, guys.
I will.
♪ Awesome, awesome awesome, awesome ♪