-Ha.
- Really, Connie?
Do you think I'm blind
-No. -Staring right at it.
Right out in the open, not... What is going on here?
You do not cheat in this class.
Wow! You people have a lot of courage...
To just cheat right out in the open like that.
Not even trying to hide it. Who else has one of these?
Hold it up. Oh great!
The group cheat. Blatant! Blatant disrespect.
What have I said about cheating? Cheaters never profit!
You heard that saying before? One honest person, right here!
Thank you Jordan. The only person not cheating.
I will trust you forever! Do you understand how that works?
This is what I think of cheaters, right here.
There's a cheater. There's another cheater.
Cheater, cheater, cheater. All of you.
-Sir, you said we could have a cheat sheet.
-Let me just double check that. Did I say you could have a...
I did say you could have a... Okay, okay. Alright.
Pft. Ahh. Sometimes.
Well you're not a good listener Jordan.
That's what I got out of this conversation.
Jordan doesn't listen.
- So, I guess when I'm up here talking everyday
You're just like, "whoa, wow... Look at me... Nothing."
Have fun writing that.
-Yeah, sorry about that.
There ya go, I just sort of divided it up into sections.
Yeah, go get those. Go ahead.
Yeah, great. Grab your cheat sheets.
Good. You're allowed those.
Let's go, hurry up people. We don't have all day here.
Back to cheating, keep your eyes on your own cheat sheet please.
♪ I'm awesome, no you're not dude, don't lie ♪
♪ I'm awesome, I'm driving around in my mom's ride ♪
♪ I'm awesome, a quarter of my life gone by ♪
♪ I'm awesome ♪
-Hey Mr. Duncan. Guess what!
-I'd love to guess, Hayden, but ah...
-My baseball team's playing tonight and I'd love it if you came.
I can save you a seat in the bleachers!
- -Awww. -And what have I said about this before?
-That if you go to my after school events,
you have to go to every other kid's after school event.
-That's what I keep saying. And I don't want to do that.
I don't want to go to your events, any of them. Ever.
I don't want to do stuff after school with you.
I don't know how to make that sink in.
So please stop asking me to do stuff with you.
Please Thank you, bye.
- Oh my God, that kid does not get it.
- -You know, normally I love watching you crush their little spirits.
But you should go easier on Hayden right now.
-His dad's on his death bed. -His dad's on his...?
Why didn't you say that? -I didn't want to cut in.
Anyway, yeah it's supposed to be happening soon.
Like a matter of days or minutes. Could be happening now.
Or now. -That's awful!
-Yeah. -But I'm sorry, he's annoying!
He's always asking me to do stuff. Do I want to play catch?
I don't want to play catch with you after school.
-That sounds sweet. -It's not sweet. It's needy!
- -Yeah. -And it's annoying and it's everyday.
Well more money for the rest of us, I guess.
What do you mean by that?
-Rumour has it that Hayden's favourite faculty members are
gonna get a little sumpin-sumpin when his dad dies.
-Oh my gosh! They're loaded! His dad's loaded!
-I thought you said you've been blowing him off for years.
-I know, but for some reason he keeps boomeranging back!
-Well, money changes a lot of things.
-He's not a bad kid, either. Like, if you... If you...
That was a bad example.
- But if you've really like, get a chance to know him like I have a little bit.
- -Yeah. -I've gotta go to a game. - I should go to a game.
-Oh, I love going to little league games.
Wear a hat, some sunglasses, slap on a moustache.
It's like going undercover.
- -I don't think you should do that. - -Yeah...
I've been escorted off a couple of fields in my day.
Yeah, I'm going to go find Hayden. Okay.
Yup, I'm gonna...
Stand.
-So, I have a little news update.
-What's going on? - As of today...
Robert and I...
Are co-principals.
- Yeah, right.
-Pandora's box, she is opened.
- Seriously, you know it's for the best.
You know? With the school expansion...
The board probably thought it was too big a job, even for me.
-Or, perhaps they lost confidence in you.
After you almost burned down the school,
- got involved in a racially charged mishap with the chairman.
And then married one of your staff.
I guess we'll never know.
How..? God help us...
Is Robert taking this?
-Oh, you know Robert.
- Hayden!
You left without telling me what time your game starts tonight.
-Ah, but you said never to ask you again.
-That's so us, that's what we do.
- You ask me to do something,
I usually say no, get lost, I don't want to get outta my face.
And that's the Duncan/Hayden banter. That's how it works.
-We have Duncan/Hayden banter -That's us!
- -Well, the game starts at six, but if you're early we can have a catch.
-Won't be early, won't be playing catch but I'll be there.
-Okay, I'll see you tonight.
Tell your dad I'm gonna to be there. See ya!
Okay, alright thanks! Hey!
What position are you?
- -No, I don't play, I'm just there in case someone doesn't show up.
-Okay. Do you still want me to come? -Yeah.
Okay, I'll come watch you sit on the bench.
Alright, deal!
-Okay!
- Life is like double dutch.
Problems just looking to hit you in the ankles.
You don't take it.
You just bob and weave, that's it. Good.
-Good, good, good. -Good job!
-Oh my God, I love double dutch!
-Well get in there ya saucy elf! -Okay!
- Okay... Ahh.
Way to go!
Look at this, I'm...
- Ow! Whoa. Are you okay?
-Oh, totally! NBD! Let's get going.
I think your head is bleeding? - No, it's just a scratch.
Okay, so let's keep these fun ropes swinging.
-Ha! What a champ! Go Nisha! -Thanks! Let's do this.
-Nice!
-You know, this is amazing! It's like reminding me...
- Ohhh, oh yeah.
You're sure you're okay? -Yeah, yeah I'm fine.
Look at me. Spin the ropes.
See? I'm doin' it!
Never give up on your...
-Sweet mother of Pete.
-Again. -Miss, maybe you should...
-Shhh! Can it. -Oooh.
- Ms Galka told me to go to the principal's office.
- Again? You know where it is.
Trudy, so just to be clear.
When a student is sent to the "principal's office".
You send half of them to me.
- -They're not playing favourite, Robert. They can't stand either one of you.
- They're just used to turning left to go into the principals office.
- -Of course we're all very sorry to hear about the passing of Hayden's dad.
He was a wonderful and giving man.
- And a real looker if I may say so. - -Sit down.
-Oh shut up! -Yeah.
- Seriously?
- -Mr. Gilmour's estate lawyer is here and he
has some information he'd like to share with us.
- Thank you.
- Since the death of Hayden's mother Mr. Gilmour
has been very grateful to all of you,
- Hayden's favourite staff members, for the support system that you provided.
And he just wanted to give you a little something to
show his appreciation.
- Trudy Walsh. -Hello.
-For your kindness and support, Mr. Gilmour bequeathed you...
-Five thousand dollars. -He what now?
What?! - Has he?
-Didn't even know he knew you. -Five thousand dollars.
-"May you take the adult cruise
you always talked about."
-Oh, I will. -Is that the hedonism?
- The one with all the single people? - -Just stay away from it.
That's all I ask. -Sorry.
-Bobbi Galka. -Yup.
-For encouraging Hayden to keep fit, while having fun.
-He's a good kid. -Five thousand dollars.
- That's very... That's very generous.
-I accept. -For being a bad role model.
-"May you buy that Harley and ride into the sunset
with your Dykes on Bikes club that I understand you so revere."
- Oh, I don't, I don't unders... - But I don't care.
-Mr. Hunt. -Mmm hmm.
- For turning Hayden onto science... - -Literally my job.
-Ten thousand dollars. -Ten thousand dollars!
- -It's goin' up, it's goin' up. - Holy smoke, I might join that club.
-It's science. - And lastly...
Number's goin' up. Oh my God, fifty.
-Gerry Duncan.
-Just say fifty, just say it.
- -Every day, Hayden would come home and rave about the amazing Mr. Duncan.
- Every day. He didn't do that for these three.
- -A man who is so committed
to educating his students that... - - Committed.
-He didn't have time to attend Hayden's events.
-Busy.
- Come in. - Praised, committed.
Those are some expensive words. You hear this?
- And that is why, Mr. Duncan... -Hey, thanks buddy.
-That Mr. Gilmour bequeathed you his most valued possession.
Lamborghini. Your dad had a Lamborghini.
Legal guardianship of Hayden.
-Awwwww.
-It's pass, it's a hard pass.
Out. I'm out.
-To ensure that Hayden's needs will be met...
You'll be given a monthly allowance of five thousand dollars.
Gotcha! Gotcha! Didn't I?
You... Shut up!
- You all thought I was serious.
The classic Duncan/Hayden banter?
The five thousand dollar a month classic Hayden/Duncan banter?
Welcome to my family. - It's a happy ending.
Just like you might find on... - The Oprah Show.
- Can you send me the payments in cash?
Because my bank puts a hold on all my cheques.
It's gotta be cash.
-Get in here.
Good morning, co-principal Mason!
What did you do with all my stuff?
-Oh! I made the co-executive decision to just swap offices.
Well... Why...? You know what?
I don't even care.
Do you want to know why I did it?
- The kids were getting confused about which office was the principals office.
So I thought I'd do this to help them wrap their zombie little brains around it.
That's great.
-Whatever you say. -Great.
- I was told to see the principal.
- Go on in.
- Hi. Have a seat.
-And that leaves Gerry...
$4905 a month to babysit.
Hi Mr. Duncan. - Hey tiger, how are ya?
I just wanted to thank you for looking after me.
I bet it's tough and it's my pleasure. Anything else?
Well, it's Tuesday.
My dad always too me to the movies on Tuesday.
Do you think you and I could go?
You're dad took you every Tuesday?
That's gotta come off my side, I guess.
Alright... four times twenty.
Okay. -Thanks.
Could I also get some money for my eye exam?
An eye exam? Your eyes look great!
- -I've just been getting these blinding headaches whenever I look at the board.
- I'm pretty sure I need glasses.
- Stop looking at the board then. Okay.
It's a one time thing, though.
One time, 'cause like, I'm running out of money here.
One time! Look after them.
-I think it will cost more than that.
- -No, they have them at the gas station. There's different colours and sizes.
Get a strong prescription, so you can grow into it.
What time are we going to the movie?
We? I'm not going.
What do you think, I'm made of money? I can't...
You go. You be a movie critic.
-Okay. -Alright pal.
Let me know how the movie is, alright?
Oh my gosh!
Mr. Siskel and Ebert has to go to the movies every week.
- Excuse me.
You know the rules. Cell phones away please.
Why no double dutching?
-Because they banned it after you lost two pints of blood.
Really? Okay, well I'm really sorry.
But hey, there's lots of other great games you guys could play.
There's um... Freeze tag, um hopscotch...
Um... There's red rover...
-All banned by teachers for being to dangerous or violent.
Really?
Hmmm...
-Skipping was the only thing we had left, and you ruined it.
-Oh...
-You suck. Let's go ladies.
-Watch your language.
Hey... Don't...
Listen, you better be taking care of that kid.
He's been through enough already.
-I am treating him well. Very well.
Tonight I'm treating him to a movie actually to celebrate.
What? His father's death? -No!
Our new relationship. Our new situation.
- While I've got you here,
next year's tuition is due really soon.
How much is it?
Thirteen and a half thousand. -Thirteen and a half thousand dollars?!
What about a discount for teachers?
-That is with the discount. -Ah come on!
He shouldn't be at a private school anyway.
With all these entitled divas that run around this place.
Public school's fine for... Look at her! Snob.
Wow, lucky kid.
Thank you.
- You're an idiot.
-Just a friendly reminder that Vice Principal Cheeley
will be collecting permission slips.
So if you would please stop by the office that would...
-Hello, Xavier. Just wanted to clarify a tiny error.
I believe Ms. Walsh meant to say Co-Principal Cheeley
will be collecting the slips because Co-Principal Mason
now shares the title. We're equals.
Although, technically she was demoted and I was...
And, and my office is now on the left and my door is always open.
Thank you, bye.
-Good night little buddy.
-Mr. D, do you think I'll ever get my own bedroom?
Or blanket? - You're in a fort!
How much better is that? And I've got a towel for you!
A thick towel. Don't be a complainer.
-It just really hurts my back. - Well, those are growing pains.
- Besides, out here you're going to have a ton of fun with Mr. Hunt!
-I'm having a great time so far.
This guy's killing me at flashlight tag.
- So have a good sleep. I gotta go.
- I usually have a bath before bed.
- What are you, three months old?
- You can't have a bath every night. - -Pfft bath before bed.
- It's wasteful. One bath, once a week.
Clean yourself really well.
Yeah, that's a good point.
You've gotta clean it well.
I also have a hole in my pants.
-You can't fall in the playground.
- He's got a lot to learn.
-I gotta get some sleep.
See ya buddy. See ya Mr. Hunt.
-You gotta pick and choose where ya run.
- - You're it! -Can you please not do that, Mr. Hunt?
- Ahhh. Oh!
If I have the nightmare tonight wake me up, okay?
- You'll know I'm having it if I'm like,
really screaming the word mother.
If I'm saying "Mother, no!", really, really loud.
If I'm going "Mother, no!"
But if I'm having the good dream where I'm like "Thanks mother."
Do not wake me.
-Don't wake me there... Gotcha again!
-Girls! Amazing news!
I found a game that no one can get hurt playing.
And it is fun! And a classic!
Drumroll...!
-Cool! Okay! -It's Stella Ella Ola!
Do you guys know it? Yeeeees...
-Well get in a circle.
Okay! Let's play.
So, do the hands.
You guys know it... - And it goes...
Mmm... Like... ♪ Stella Ella Ola ♪
♪ Clack clack clack... Es ♪
♪ Chico chico, chico chico, chak ♪
♪ Say yes chico chico ♪
♪ Velova is Spanish for lova, lova, love ♪
♪ So one, two three... ♪
I think it's going to rain.
- Who cares, we're having fun.
- And no one's getting their face smashed in, Amanda Susan.
- Whoa!!
One more time!
And ♪ Stella Ella... ♪
What happened?
-Well, congratulations Amanda Susan.
It looks like Stella Ella Ola just got banned now too.
-You suck, Amanda Susan!
- Oh man.
- Let's go ladies!
- You're ruining this for everyone Amanda Susan.
-Hey, Robert.
-Do you have a minute? -Not really, no.
-Um, look.
- I heard that you were having a hard time getting people to take you seriously.
-Pft! Lisa!
To you, this might be small potatoes.
But I have waited my entire life...
For this desk.
You might have to get a gag order...
But I am not going to stop spreading the word
until every single one of those zombie-brained kids
gets it through their thick skulls that I am one of the principals!
And along with that comes the responsibility of that title!
-Okay, ahhh...
- I was just coming in to see if you wanted to help me with some principal work.
But you're clearly going through something so...
-That's what I want. Really?
It has to be done by tomorrow though. I'll do it tonight!
Are you sure?
-Gimme! Come on. -You can have it.
- There you go.
- Also, there's a couple of students waiting outside to see the principals.
-I want those kids so bad.
-Okay, I will send them in to see Co-Principal Cheeley.
-Co-Principal Mason. - Mmm hmm.
-Thank you. -Yeah, okay.
-Thank you, Hayden.
How's the music getting... They're not even connected.
How is...? There's nothing connecting my phone.
- Hey buddy.
No, Hayden, you can't come in here, buddy.
It's the staff room.
-I finished my pack of ramen and I'm still starving.
I gave you the large pack.
- Did you put the powder on top? That's where all the nutrients...
- It gives you the energy. -Please sir, can I have some more?
Moooore?
- That's from ah... Um...
More...
You can finish my lunch.
I will do without. There was ham on it, but...
Now get outta here, you can't be in the staff room.
- There he is.
- Yup, and there's Gerry.
-Hayden, I'm from Child Services.
I hear you've had quite a week.
Would you like to come with me?
And we'll find a more suitable home.
-Goodbye, Mr. Duncan.
- - I just really, really thought the two of them could make it.
- Look at him, he doesn't even care.
-I hope he never procreates. -Oof, thanks for the image.
Gerry. I heard Child Services took Hayden.
When did that happen?
Seriously?! Just now.
-No one tells me anything.
You know what? It's probably for the best.
That kid was costing me a fortune.
Now I can focus on my finances.
-You don't get to keep the money because that's child support.
No Hayden, no cash.
-Stupid law that is.
Any other kids in the school that are orphans?
I need an orphan, I can't...
I can't afford this lifestyle without an orphan.
Find me any orphan in the school and I will take them.
-Great parenting, Gerry. Great job!
-Oh and there goes "Absentee Mom of the Year"
It's amazing. - Nice!
-I remember day Malik was stripped from parents.
- Screams.
Gunshots.
How does this all... is come back to me about you?
Man! -He makes a fair point.
Malik can digress.